Patriarchy and Quiverful = Disaster?

[Hisey]

If you look at the families we follow, so many of them are having miserable, stress-filled lives. Their beliefs are failing them. Here are a few I am thinking of:

 

1. The Jeubs: They have 16 kids they have to feed, 365 days a year, for the next 20 years (at least). Because of the be-your-own-boss rule (and Chris' laziness), they have no stability. They have no backup plan. When two Jeubs got sick last fall, they ended up with $70,000 in debt--and they were struggling before that happened. They seem to love their kids, yet they can't afford to meet their basic needs--how heartbreaking that must be. I get pleasure and satisfaction from knowing my kids are well-cared for.

 

Now Chris may have heart disease. Imagine worrying that you are going to leave your wife with 14 kids.

 

Since Chris has no job, they have to grovel and beg people to buy their books. They have to sell themselves as "happy"--and the 16 kids is their marketing niche. They have to make that into something, when it really isn't very marketable.

 

They have to hide and pretend that everything is fine with the two oldest girls. They have to hide Alissa's conversion to Muslim. They can't be real.

 

Since Wendy has to be submissive, she can't say, "Go out and get a job, you bum." Even thinking that means she is not being respectful enough to her man of vision.

 

2. Zsuzsuanna-- Trapped in a tiny house in a sweltering climate with six kids all day. A husband who does nothing to help and is rarely home (and it's not even clear how he earns a living). Being unable to complain about said hubby. When things fall apart with her health, during her pregnancies, absolutely nothing gets done. She also seems to love her kids, and it must hurt her that she can't do much with them. Even when she's healthy, it's hard to, say, play soccer with your 10 year old when you have a baby and toddlers squawking on the sidelines. It's hard to make pretty dresses for your daughters when you have mountains of laundry and homeschool to do. It's hard to have fun with your kids, period.

 

3. Arrowsprings--anyone read this blog? 12 kids and they are about to be evicted because their house is in foreclosure. They have about a week left in their house, and no place to go. No need to explain why they might be unhappy.

 

4. Olivia at Her Noble Character--About 21, she got married six months ago, and is expecting her first baby very shortly. They have no plans on using birth control. She seemed very disappointed she got pregnant so quickly (though of course she wouldn't say so, since God's timing is perfect). She faces another twenty years of pregnancy and baby care, with no chance to be alone with the husband she just married. No chance to be childless and footloose and fancy-free. No chance to divorce if it doesn't work out, since this young-know-it-all says it's wrong to divorce even in the case of abuse (I'd like to see her live with abuse for a singe day--she'd change her tune fast enough).

 

5. Kelly at GC--The birth control rule is what messed these guys up. 9 kids and a husband who seems pretty incompetent? So when disaster struck last April, they also had no backup plan. And since Bria must be a SAHD, and Kelly must continue to conceive, there's no way they can help out financially. Their own rules trip them up at every turn. Imagine having 9 kids and living in a tiny, tiny lake cabin and trying to homeschool your kids and pretending you love it all.

 

I won't go on, but my point is, that so many of these fundies live lives of horrible desperation.

[finleeport]

This just shows that Patriarchy, or trying to relive the past, is not the answer. These people are going backwards, we need to go forwards.

[emmiedahl]

And they think their kids will be future leaders with no education and no job skills. That's the real crayzee. Seriously, the world always needs dishwashers and janitors, but quiverfull spawn will certainly not be leading anyone.

[Marian the Librarian]

Agreed.

And after the = sign, I'd add Fake Smiles Plastered On + Abuse of Power + Emotional and Physical Violence + Depression + Mental Illness + Adult Children Being Infantilized.

[koolmom]

All of the above, and worse, boys and girls, is what people like Rick Santorum wants us ALL to endure. Brace yourselves!

[uber frau]

Oh ye of little faith. This is just God testing them to see if they will be faithful.

[valsa]

I'm pretty sure "Patriarchy + Anything = Disaster"

[MamaJunebug]

I watched the season finale of "All-American Muslim" this week - my first episode ever. I was favorably impressed by how the hijabbed women had their own opinions and weren't afraid to express them, and how many of them had careers that presupposed education.

The bunch of them reminded me of the Jewish families I read and heard about - and interacted with in a very fringe way - back in the early 1960s. The attitudes of some of the older fathers and mothers prompted memories of my own folks during my growing-up years.

My point, in regard to this FJ topic, is that a general patriarchal understanding may not be all that harmful when patriarchy is defined as respect for the pater- and materfamilias, a hearing-out of their opinoins and directions, after which the grown child makes his/her own decisions and carries them out while still treating their parents with respect.

It's when patriarchy is defined a la Pearl, Phillips, et.al. that the concept begins to bomb -- and really stinkily bomb.

As i mentioned before, I should have had a second cup of coffee by now. Must get on that, because coherence is a valuable thing. ;)

[valsa]

My point, in regard to this FJ topic, is that a general patriarchal understanding may not be all that harmful when patriarchy is defined as respect for the pater- and materfamilias, a hearing-out of their opinoins and directions, after which the grown child makes his/her own decisions and carries them out while still treating their parents with respect.

[Crackedeggs]

Much like fundamentalist Muslims blow up buildings and kill people, our patriarchal weirdos are going to do things that are destructive to society. They just haven't done anything huge yet.

[TinyDancer87]

Many families in the U.S. are going through financial struggle, emotional abuse, and are dealing with health problems. And most of those families are not Quiverfull. Just because a belief system comes across some problems doesn't mean that the belief system is faulted. It's like saying "Our Muslim neighbor's house is foreclosing... they should have been Christian".

The patriarchy and quiverful movements may be just factors in their problems, but I wouldn't say that they are the root of the problems, since most of America who go through the same issues also have working wives and less than 4 kids.

[tropaka]

Well, I'd say that financial issues in families with 3 or 4 kids and with parents who are both free to work outside the home are much easier to solve than in families with 5 plus kids and a mother not allowed to work outside the home or refuse to have more children. Patriarchy and quiverfull are HUGE factors if not the root of the problem with these families.

[liltwinstar]

Many families in the U.S. are going through financial struggle, emotional abuse, and are dealing with health problems. And most of those families are not Quiverfull. Just because a belief system comes across some problems doesn't mean that the belief system is faulted. It's like saying "Our Muslim neighbor's house is foreclosing... they should have been Christian".

[margiebargie]

What liltwinstar said. The belief system makes these families very vulnerable. They are precluded from taking obvious, rational steps to solve problems.

[roddma]

What liltwinstar said. The belief system makes these families very vulnerable. They are precluded from taking obvious, rational steps to solve problems.

Ditto. They are prisoners of their beliefs. I would rather it be just hubby and me evicted and not involving 12 kids or at least just 2. These people still not stop having kids. There are non QF like that too but they are open to other options.

[notsocommon]

And they think their kids will be future leaders with no education and no job skills. That's the real crayzee. Seriously, the world always needs dishwashers and janitors, but quiverfull spawn will certainly not be leading anyone.

The rank and file are only there to be stupid and brainwashed enough to vote in the fundy elite.

[Sister Mary Savage]

Yup, the entire belief system is a recipe for disaster. Imagine having a husband that was naturally inclined to be a major douche and then combining that with Quiverfull. :snooty:

[Rosa]

Patrio/QF families don't have that option. Because of their beliefs, the wives *cannot* work, so if the husband can't find a job, they're screwed.

That's the kind of fuckery that's obvious to the rest of us. But I was visiting a friend with multiple small children yesterday, a friend who had totally planned on being a SAHM and having many children close together...and she's going back to work. Because she's unhappy at home. Seeing that the number she has makes her life chaotic and difficult (as opposed to having one, which made her really happy), she and her husband are changing their plans. In a few years, she may quit and stay home again - I was home 2 years, then worked for 4, now I'm home again. Because we hit a point in our family where working and parenting had crowded out everything else, and it was making me unhappy.

That flexibility is what the patrios lose - they can't change their situation until (or past) the point where they are so miserable they're about to kill someone.

(Not everyone, obviously. I think a LOT of families drop out when it's not as good as they were promised, and a lot more keep the talk and just change their behavior without considering the conflict between beliefs and actions. Which is better than keeping with actions that don't work)