When Your Daughter is Grown but Unmarried

[Frumpalicious]

Does she have toenails?? Well then, there's your answer.

Attempt at humor aside, my sympathies on the loss of your husband; how terribly sad.

Are people allowed to cut other people's toenails in a professional setting without some sort of license/professional training? I've been in the foot doctor's office where disabled adults were brought in to have their toenails cut. It led me to believe that the caretakers of the disabled adults were not allowed to perform this task themselves, or they would.

I know that Mary Kay ladies have said they are not allowed to apply makeup, so I assume toenail clipping could be more dangerous in unskilled hands than application of makeup.

Former CNA here: We were not allowed to touch toenails because of how (hate to say this word) delicate older folks become as they age. As people age, nails become more susceptible to fungal infection. That makes them thicker, which makes it more difficult to cut them with ordinary nail clippers. Combined with limited mobility (aged joints, back, or hips) and decreased sense, it can turn very nasty, very quickly. With poor blood circulation, older folks may not be able to feel a nick or cut in the nail bed, which will become infected. If the infection isn't caught in time, flesh can rot and the infection may go into the bone or into the bloodstream. Bad things can happen.

So yeah.

Back to lurking now.

[jenny_islander]

Remember, in the fundamentalist mindset, if the paterfamilias thought it up, it's automatically a good idea. No need to check the facts. And if somebody does get an infection from a clumsy pedicure, it won't be the man's fault.

[LucySnowe]

The subtext is saying quite a lot here.

1) What if our daughter never marries? Having no husband and family, what else is there for her to do than to join the work force in a career? Won't she need college or vocational training so she can get a better job and enjoy a higher standard of living?

2) What if our daughter becomes a widow? Wouldn't it be wise for her to have had college training in a career so she can more easily support herself?

3) What if, heaven forbid, our daughter is divorced by her husband and she is left to support herself along with some number of children?

So basically, the way this is phrased, 'never marries' and 'becomes a widow' are bad things, but only divorce is labeled as 'heaven forbid'. And of course the daughter is the passive victim ('is divorced by').

And only divorced women, not widows, have to worry about supporting children as well as themselves.

The binary in #1 is jaw-dropping. She can only either have a husband/family, or join the work force; she can't do both (even sequentially), or have an unmarried relationship with a man - or a woman! - or run off to another country, etc.

[Justme]

The subtext is saying quite a lot here.

So basically, the way this is phrased, 'never marries' and 'becomes a widow' are bad things, but only divorce is labeled as 'heaven forbid'. And of course the daughter is the passive victim ('is divorced by').

And only divorced women, not widows, have to worry about supporting children as well as themselves.

The binary in #1 is jaw-dropping. She can only either have a husband/family, or join the work force; she can't do both (even sequentially), or have an unmarried relationship with a man - or a woman! - or run off to another country, etc.

Her husband may also be injured in a accident and not able to work. Or he could battle an illness. A co-worker's husband has been battling cancer for over a year an unable to work. (He's going to be ok as it's now in remission.)

[Jenesis Jexodus]

I have to help this guy out. When your daughter is grown but unmarried.

First off, consider yourself a crummy father for putting the entire emphasis on your daughter's worth on whether or not she is married. Next, correct your lousy and obnoxious behavior by giving the 'authority' over your daughter where it belongs - to herself! A grown woman should NOT be under the 'authority' of her father. Any father who insists on maintaining authority over his grown daughter is abusing her with his attitude and putting her soul in desperate danger. If you want your daughter to be happily married you need to let her make her own decisions, which by the way is HER God given right! Essentially, what you are saying to your daughter is that you have replaced God's authority and have taken away her right to make her own decisions. You are attempting to over rule God - that's the heart of the problem, not your daughter's marital status.