Overcoming Her Sexual Past

[Maul the Koala]

If any future boyfriend/husband of mine cries over my sexual history prior to meeting him is welcome to put on his big boy pants and deal with it. Or he can trot on house/his mommy's house with his tail inbetween his legs.

[portinari]

The man is describing the process that he went through in forgiving his wife. But why should he forgive his wife for something that wasn't done to him? And I doubt that most people in happy marriages sit around obsessing about who their spouse slept with years before.

I'm single, BUT: I wouldn't obsess over who my partner slept with LAST MONTH, to say nothing of years before. The past is the past. This purity bullshit and is one of the myriad reasons I detest religious extremism in all its forms.

[Deleted07]

He would be the type of guy that if his wife were raped, would say she did something to cause it, or didn't do enough to stop it from happening :-|

[Peas n carrots]

Whoa this guy has issues. I tend to wonder why the wife married this guy. I hope he's not guilting her about his own insecurities

[notsocommon]

For the people who don't know what is going on and since I can't describe this impartially, I give you LINKS:

http://www.freejinger.org/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=4917

http://www.freejinger.org/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=6161

To bring this back on topic: I have nothing constructive or articulate to say except, people are stupid. Sigh.

Thanks! I have been so busy lately that I missed it!

[AnnoDomini]

If any future boyfriend/husband of mine cries over my sexual history prior to meeting him is welcome to put on his big boy pants and deal with it. Or he can trot on house/his mommy's house with his tail inbetween his legs.

This is making me want to go out and have premarital sex just to piss off the fundies.

[Sola]

This is making me want to go out and have premarital sex just to piss off the fundies.

Buy yourself a vibrator. That way you wont get the clap.

[Miss M]

This is making me want to go out and have premarital sex just to piss off the fundies.

I thought you already had!

[ChunkyBarbie]

Buy yourself a vibrator. That way you wont get the clap.

A B.O.B. can be a girl's best friend.

[AnnoDomini]

I thought you already had!

Nope, never have. But if/when I do, I'll make darn sure there's a condom.

[Sinister Rouge]

Nope, never have. But if/when I do, I'll make darn sure there's a condom.

Hope he does too. God knows there are enough crazies on this planet without them reproducing :roll:

[violeta]

Link to the video? I am wondering what that is all about. I don't have time to wade through all 65 pages of that monster thread.

[Maul the Koala]

This is making me want to go out and have premarital sex just to piss off the fundies.

Because perfectly sane, rational people do that sort of thing... huh.

[keeperrox]

Because perfectly sane, rational people do that sort of thing... huh.

And all the fundies in the world absolutely care what AD does. Speshul snowflake and all.

[Witsec7]

This thread got me to thinking about making the 'Big List' for new years, before I forget anymore of them :roll:

[freejoytoo]

What the fuck is with fundy's obsession with virginity? There's more to what makes a person pure than whether they've had sex or not, and of course they only care about the girls staying pure. They say they mean it for everyone but I don't see any purity balls for boys. What is wrong with having sex?!

[Gizmola]

What the fuck is with fundy's obsession with virginity? There's more to what makes a person pure than whether they've had sex or not, and of course they only care about the girls staying pure. They say they mean it for everyone but I don't see any purity balls for boys. What is wrong with having sex?!

It's all about controlling women's sexuality and reproductive freedom in order to control their lives, thoughts, and ability to make choices independent of a man's "headship."

Most fundamentalism movements are quite patriarchal. In order to keep their power, they need to make sure to keep their biggest rivals (women) under lock & key. The easiest way to eliminate a woman's ability to leave is to keep her pregnant, unskilled, uneducated, and develop their sense of self-esteem so that it rests on only one aspect of her person - her virginity. After that one element is gone, she must then depend on the man to whom she gave it to supply her with all of her self-worth. Hence, all the women who live lives of emotional abuse (and worse) under fundamentalism - they lack the practical ability to leave, they lack the ability to see themselves as worthy of another man's attention and they lack the knowledge that what they've been fed is bullshit.

That's my $0.02

[kb2]

From the article:

I sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with me. You might think that a decade would be enough time to leave hurt far in the distant past.

The whole thing really should have ended there.

[AnnoDomini]

What the fuck is with fundy's obsession with virginity? There's more to what makes a person pure than whether they've had sex or not, and of course they only care about the girls staying pure. They say they mean it for everyone but I don't see any purity balls for boys. What is wrong with having sex?!

If it makes you feel better, in my teen years I was slightly obsessed with male virginity--I thought it was the hottest thing ever, and wanted to marry a virgin.

[portinari]

If it makes you feel better, in my teen years I was slightly obsessed with male virginity--I thought it was the hottest thing ever, and wanted to marry a virgin.

Trust me, AD, it is the antithesis of hot. There is nothing less sexy than a male virgin that has absolutely no clue what he's doing in bed. I've slept with three virgins, and that was three too many. The first time I had sex, he was a virgin too, but lied and said he wasn't, because he was afraid I wouldn't want to sleep with him if he told me the truth. He was probably right - I desperately wanted to believe that one of us knew what we were doing. We were in a fantastic relationship for two years, and it was probably good I believed the lie at the time. I know better now, but when I was 18 I didn't!

I valued knowledge and experience more. To me innocence can equal ignorance. I just wanted my first time to be safe and with someone who would treat me well once I was ready. I didn't care if there was a relationship attached or not. Love is love; sex is sex. I think fundies forget that and those that don't desperately just want control.

What I really want to know is if the wife of the author of the article knows that her husband feels this way. His anger and refusal to let go of this issue suggest deeper problems that require professional help.

[fundifugee]

He would be the type of guy that if his wife were raped, would say she did something to cause it, or didn't do enough to stop it from happening :-|

Or he'd chop her up into bits and mail her out to the 12 tribes of Israel, like the Bible says.

[AnnoDomini]

Trust me, AD, it is the antithesis of hot. There is nothing less sexy than a male virgin that has absolutely no clue what he's doing in bed. I've slept with three virgins, and that was three too many. The first time I had sex, he was a virgin too, but lied and said he wasn't, because he was afraid I wouldn't want to sleep with him if he told me the truth. He was probably right - I desperately wanted to believe that one of us knew what we were doing. We were in a fantastic relationship for two years, and it was probably good I believed the lie at the time. I know better now, but when I was 18 I didn't!

I valued knowledge and experience more. To me innocence can equal ignorance. I just wanted my first time to be safe and with someone who would treat me well once I was ready. I didn't care if there was a relationship attached or not. Love is love; sex is sex. I think fundies forget that and those that don't desperately just want control.

What I really want to know is if the wife of the author of the article knows that her husband feels this way. His anger and refusal to let go of this issue suggest deeper problems that require professional help.

Yes, in recent years I've realized that yeah, virgin boys are almost certainly going to be terrible in bed for a while.

[Deleted07]

Reminds me of the 5 reasons a Vibrator is better than a man:

rest here: http://izismile.com/2009/08/14/which_on ... _pics.html

Dont be drinking any liquids on the last one... learn't that the hard way! lol!

[dairyfreelife]

Sweetie, you will be told to do things differently. That doesn't mean you are doing things wrong, it just means that everybody likes different things and at different times. When I am having sex with someone, well my husband for me, it is my right to tell them or guide them to what I like. I don't want or need to wait for them to figure it out. When you are in a relationship you should be learning from each other and evolving. Sex should not be stagnate. It doesn't matter who has more or less experience. BTW, it is never too late.

Er, maybe I should have worded it differently. I don't mean not being told anything during the act. I mean that I would feel uncomfortable the first time and I think I would feel better if my partner has equal experience and we learn together. I know myself enough to know that if he'd done it before and I haven't, I would feel not equal and very uncomfortable. Nothing to do with virginity because that does not belong to me or mine to him-I just want a level playing field the first time, that's all. It's just a personal preference for me. Not everyone has to agree or care. And I'm not sure what you mean by too late. I was talking about about finding someone who had not been with someone before at my age. Possible, but I do feel like I am asking for a lot there.

[ChunkyBarbie]

Er, maybe I should have worded it differently. I don't mean not being told anything during the act. I mean that I would feel uncomfortable the first time and I think I would feel better if my partner has equal experience and we learn together. I know myself enough to know that if he'd done it before and I haven't, I would feel not equal and very uncomfortable. Nothing to do with virginity because that does not belong to me or mine to him-I just want a level playing field the first time, that's all. It's just a personal preference for me. Not everyone has to agree or care. And I'm not sure what you mean by too late. I was talking about about finding someone who had not been with someone before at my age. Possible, but I do feel like I am asking for a lot there.

Sorry, I missread you and I sound like pontificating douchcanoe!