Excerpts from Created to Need A Helpmeet

[LadyBBR]

I'm not all that savvy about copying and posting stuff (so let me know if this is not okay to repost), but I saw this at No Greater Joy website. I have been waiting for this book, as there is VERY LITTLE advice for men out there on creating a "godly" marriage and TONS of advice to women about HOW to submit. I've been curious as to what Michael Pearl would say. What do you guys think?

Excerpt 1: Happy Mama

I will set you on the road to recovery with one good suggestion. Ask your wife for advice and counsel. Welcome her judgments even if you feel she is attacking you. Pretend to be humble and thoughtful. Be patient and ask her to expound further on her concerns. Pause and look enlightened. Nod in appreciation for her wisdom and then modify your actions in some measure based on her suggestion. If unfolding events prove her wrong, be kind and gentle, not gloating or mentioning what is obvious. On the other hand if her counsel and judgment prove to be right, praise her for it and thank her for saving you from error. You will make a new woman out of her. She will get 10 years younger and smile like a kid opening birthday presents. But I warn you, she will get addicted to being happy. She will want to have sex more often and will initiate contact. If you are not up to it, you might want to continue with your “know it all†attitude so she can maintain her coldness as she continues to be your unhappy critic.

Excerpt 2: Favor with the Lord

Marriage properly ordered is the quickest path to obtaining wisdom, grace, mercy, patience, faith, compassion, and humility—especially humility. If it were not for the constant presence of that other human being in our life we could live in a delusion. In our solitude we could call a half measure a whole, we could believe that mediocre is perfection, that lack of conflict is peace, that distant sympathy is compassion, that sharing with a friend is transparency, and that liberal giving is sacrifice. We could live our entire life alone and be convinced that we were mature and emotionally-balanced. The closeness of marriage creates a friction that either builds a fire that destroys or rounds off the edges and sharpens our spirits. God made marriage not only for the joy it brings but for its ability to expose our weaknesses and remind us of our fallibility. In marriage we go deeper, climb higher, reach further, and develop beyond the perceived limits of our humanity. It is heaven’s incubator were we hatch into eternity. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.†(Proverbs 18:22).

Excerpt 3: Eternal Opportunity

I could ask, “What is your marriage doing for you?†But the more pertinent question is, “What is your marriage doing for your wife?†Is she being perfected or rejected? Are you causing her to aspire to greater things or expire in fatigue? Is she climbing or declining? Loving or loathing? Does she serve you with joy or with a sense of duty? Does she know she is your treasure or does she feel used and abused? Your job as her husband is to cleanse her, not offend her with words of criticism.

If you fail to perfect your wife, you not only fail her, you fail God; you fail the entire human process. You fail the Kingdom of God. Since God chose marriage to illustrate his ministry to the church, to fail in marriage is to defame the ministry of Christ. To fail to sanctify your wife is an opportunity lost for eternity.

[snarkbillie]

Why do women have to be humble but men only have to pretend to be?

[Witsec7]

It is all just so sick.

[ChunkyBarbie]

Why do women have to be humble but men only have to pretend to be?

THIS! The general horse's ass tone of this "book" or whatever makes me want to kick the fundie author in the nuts. Here is a novel idea, why not treat your spouse as an equal? You know, treat your spouse like you want your spouse to treat you. Listens to the sound of crickets chirping in fundieland.

[dairyfreelife]

The thing that gets me-from excerpt one-is that one little praise will make the wife seems 10 years younger and will be like a child opening presents on Christmas-wtf? If that's how she reacts to praise from her husband-I'd say the poor woman does not get enough compliments and attention at all. A simple "you were right, dear." shouldn't elicit such a dramatic reaction imo. Oh, and if one little praise will make her so happy that she will just want to jump all over and stroke his ego with sex-another wtf? This goes with the idea of women being needy and cunning so you have to be cunning back and you will get her to do whatever you want. Personally, I think if a woman behaves that way, she is totally pretending to stroke their egos and probably is trying to get him to bed instead. Women are not less sexual beings after all. Besides, with that little control, she has to do what she can to remain in control of her life somehow, does't she. :whistle:

Question: What exactly is a properly-ordered marriage? And can't you have all that without one. Can't friends and family also keep you grounded? People who are never married can still be emotionally-healthy and mature individuals. Unless you are like the Pearls and stick in your bubble and don't go to school or take classes or talk to people when out and about and stick with your like-minded church dwellers and preach to everyone you talk to-then yes. Sometimes, even marriaged couples get advice from people outside of their bubble. Being with anyone besides yourself a lot will bring about conflict, debate (which can be fun-at least I think they are fun-you can learn a lot about someone based on their opinions and learn things yourself), resolutions, agree-to-disagree ends, compromise, the drive to do better and see the world for what is-harsh and cruel-yet amazing and beautiful and complicated. No two people are exactly alike. You mature and grow through others-not just a significant other. Patience, humility, mercy, faith, wisdom, compassion and grace are obtained through all contacts with the world and the creatures in it. I work toward all the above and then some and I am single right now. I'm sure a relationship could help me with all these, but it's nor required to obtain them.

I do not need cleansed by a significant other. I would be loathing, feel tired and neglected and used and abused by any man who felt I should submit to him as he was the head and I was under his rule. I have always been an independent person by nature-ask my parents just how much. ;) I would never be happy or content to sit at home, bowing to the patriach and being at the mercy of his will. If I had to live that way-I would resort to cunning and manipulation to get some power over my life.

My favorite quote from one of my favorite movies (My Big, Fat Greek Wedding) "The man may be the head, but the woman is the neck and the neck can make the head move any way she wants." These patriach men ought to remember that. They can think they have the control all they want, but us ladies are not as dumb as they think we are. Women never were as needy and dumb as they thought. You can only push people down so long before they crack, relent or find a way to fight back.

[valsa]

Excerpt 1- Patronizingly let the little woman think her opinions matter and you’ll be fucked more often.

Excerpt 2- If you live alone, you might be living in a delusion of how great you are. Find a wife so she can confirm, once and for all, how great you are.

Excerpt 3- Make sure to train your your wife right because marriage is the only way that evil bitch is getting to heaven.

[finleeport]

This could actually be an extreme, very religious, version of The Taming of a Shrew, or Twilight.

[Angri-la]

Excerpt 1- Patronizingly let the little woman think her opinions matter and you’ll be fucked more often.

Excerpt 2- If you live alone, you might be living in a delusion of how great you are. Find a wife so she can confirm, once and for all, how great you are.

Excerpt 3- Make sure to train your your wife right because marriage is the only way that evil bitch is getting to heaven.

Excellent review of this piece of absolute twaddle.

[Antigone]

This could actually be an extreme, very religious, version of The Taming of a Shrew, or Twilight.

OOoh. You have a point there. Didn't Stephen King (or someone else) say something along the lines about how Twilight was all about EDWARD and how he is MANLY and the only thing Bella lives for is Edward??...

correct me if I'm wrong, but that is the creepy vibe I get when I hear about Twilight- just throw in TEH LAWD and god-awful prairie dresses and you just might have found a whole new realm for fundies... :) lol.

[tropaka]

"If you fail to perfect your wife...." WTF? Women need to be "perfected"? I wonder if he advocates "correcting" wives as well (maybe with plumbing line?)

[shesinsane]

Excerpt 2: Favor with the Lord

Marriage properly ordered is the quickest path to obtaining wisdom, grace, mercy, patience, faith, compassion, and humility—especially humility. If it were not for the constant presence of that other human being in our life we could live in a delusion. In our solitude we could call a half measure a whole, we could believe that mediocre is perfection, that lack of conflict is peace, that distant sympathy is compassion, that sharing with a friend is transparency, and that liberal giving is sacrifice. We could live our entire life alone and be convinced that we were mature and emotionally-balanced. The closeness of marriage creates a friction that either builds a fire that destroys or rounds off the edges and sharpens our spirits. God made marriage not only for the joy it brings but for its ability to expose our weaknesses and remind us of our fallibility. In marriage we go deeper, climb higher, reach further, and develop beyond the perceived limits of our humanity. It is heaven’s incubator were we hatch into eternity. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.†(Proverbs 18:22).

I've always known marriage wasn't for me, even before it was presented as a source of humility and conflict.

How is it that a man in a patriarchy sees marriage as a chore? It's like a planation owner complaining the slaves don't hold him in high enough regard.

[Mommy22alyns]

THIS! The general horse's ass tone of this "book" or whatever makes me want to kick the fundie author in the nuts. Here is a novel idea, why not treat your spouse as an equal? You know, treat your spouse like you want your spouse to treat you. Listens to the sound of crickets chirping in fundieland.

Agree. We're not fucking dogs, slavering for a pet or a bit of praise.

[Bookworm89]

Gag, why can the husband get away with pretending to be humble (in a sense lying to his wife) but not the wife? Really!?! And a woman would feel so grateful she wants to have sex more often with her husband? Umm something is off here. This excerpts makes me want to

[slickcat79]

I will set you on the road to recovery with one good suggestion. Ask your wife for advice and counsel. Welcome her judgments even if you feel she is attacking you. Pretend to be humble and thoughtful. Be patient and ask her to expound further on her concerns. Pause and look enlightened. Nod in appreciation for her wisdom and then modify your actions in some measure based on her suggestion. If unfolding events prove her wrong, be kind and gentle, not gloating or mentioning what is obvious. On the other hand if her counsel and judgment prove to be right, praise her for it and thank her for saving you from error. You will make a new woman out of her. She will get 10 years younger and smile like a kid opening birthday presents. But I warn you, she will get addicted to being happy. She will want to have sex more often and will initiate contact. If you are not up to it, you might want to continue with your “know it all†attitude so she can maintain her coldness as she continues to be your unhappy critic.

WTF? No, seriously...WTF?

1. Why is a segment of a book about a marital relationship titled "Happy Mama"? Do you relate to her in any way except as a mother to your children?

2. Pretend to be thoughtful? Look enlightened? Modify your actions IN SOME MEASURE? Sounds more like how to train a dog.

3. How does one get 10 years younger from a little praise? It's always a good idea to offer praise to your spouse, but it's not the fountain of youth. And smile like a kid with birthday presents? Why?

4. She'll get addicted to being happy because you deign to appreciate her once in a while...and manifest that by jumping your manly bones?

I can't decide if I'm more incredulous or furious. Where does he even come up with this collection of horseshit? It's just...baffling.

[Deleted07]

GAH!!!!!!! I couldn't read past the first few lines.... This word just jumped out at me: PRETEND.

WTF!?! *grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

[Sister Mary Savage]

I hope to God that Mr. Smuggar hasn't picked this book up yet. That excerpt about pretending to be humble and thoughtful sounds exactly like what Joshie did during his "courtship". Then, after the wedding, his true colors began to show. He is so high on the patriarchy drug it's disgusting.

[doggie]

well she seems to have failed improving him so who is he going to blame now? not himself of course.

[genericJname]

Pretend that she is smart about something. It will make her all cute and giddy. :?

[gilora]

WTF? No, seriously...WTF?

1. Why is a segment of a book about a marital relationship titled "Happy Mama"? Do you relate to her in any way except as a mother to your children?

2. Pretend to be thoughtful? Look enlightened? Modify your actions IN SOME MEASURE? Sounds more like how to train a dog.

3. How does one get 10 years younger from a little praise? It's always a good idea to offer praise to your spouse, but it's not the fountain of youth. And smile like a kid with birthday presents? Why?

4. She'll get addicted to being happy because you deign to appreciate her once in a while...and manifest that by jumping your manly bones?

I can't decide if I'm more incredulous or furious. Where does he even come up with this collection of horseshit? It's just...baffling.

Slickcat79, you're awesome. Don't you feel 10 years younger? Oh wait, I'm not your home spiritual leader. Does that mean you should feel five years younger?

[Peas n carrots]

These people don't operate in reality, and this fundie advice is just more proof of it. It just sounds all so much, well clueless, of how women think and feel (and too, every woman is individual, so that is a massive spectrum).

How f'ing patronizing..."pretend" to listen and "pretend" to be enlightened. Ugh.

[valsa]

ETA: Because I just realized I posted in the wrong thread

[Burris]

That entire thing is a fail, but what sticks out most for me is the counsel that husbands should "pretend" at humility in dealing with their wives.

I guess actual humility would be a bridge too far for a sadist such as Michael Pearl.

And even having drank as much of the Kool-Aid as she has, surely Debi Pearl must feel a string when reading passages like that. Surely she must wonder how often she had been the butt of one of her husband's interior jabs.