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Letter to Juvenile Hall Duggar (sorry!!!)


GatorGutCasserole

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I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BUT I COULD NOT RESIST

 

Dear Juvenile Hall,

 

I'm the walking womb that had carried you for those humpteen weeks before the expected happened.

Even though I have never met you, I wanted to write a goodbye letter to you since we are forced to famewhore this very well predicted miscarriage just to prevent our show from getting cancelled.

Your name means: a mighty place for pagans, metrosexuals, dating people and women showing their elbows on TV. We have given you this name from all the remaining beautiful J names like Jabba, Jay-Z, Jingivitis, Jupiter, Jewsareournufriends and, as our dear fans suggested, Justjerkoffnexttime. Jingivitis was a close second, though.

We want you to know that we don't love you any less than the other living 19 kids. And you are already a winner since we had a miscarriage before TLC and we don't count THAT one.

You were really wanted since the show is becoming dull, repetitive and they show the same things over and over again: your sorry ass father chasing after me with his bad breath, doctors appointments, our kids having weird 'accidents', me not caring about the other ones, the oldmaids being held captive and spiritually abused, so people are getting tired of us.

Worst thing is, the Bates' are expecting nr 19 and they CANNOT catch up to us, you see, but looks like they will.

You were wanted by your mommy and daddy, even though I have at least 4 kids that I do not know the last thing about (like, who the **** is Justin? And most importantly, WHO CARES?), but the day we found out that your heart stopped beating, 7 of our oldest children got high on Johanna's ritalin and my weekly load of Paxil. They even huffed glass cleaner. I got my 5 minutes out of you though, since we had a memorial service showing off parts of your undeveloped fetal body, there's nothing nicer than showing people a deceased fetus on a giant screen.

I know that you are with Grampa Duggar who looked at you in heaven and said: Well, well. What did I tell that glassy eyed crazy woman?

We have saved Josie's breastmilk for you, some 3000 gallons, but now we are going to evaporize it all and snort it with Jimbo.

You were not less loved than the other kids, I have to laugh how honest I am when I'm saying this. LOL, Jeebus. This is the one sentence where I'm not lying.

I'll miss having another C section with you, showing my abdomen cut open on TV yet again, but heck, what can I do, right? A 5th C section is just what a woman my age needs and I'll never have it and the viewers will never have it either. Perhaps I'll have my appendix removed in April on TV just to fill the gap. I'll miss the times that I never had with my other kids either, like seeing your first steps, hearing your first words, teaching you something that does not come from Cult Booklets. The oldmaids already miss the times when they could have woken up to you at night, hearing you cry while teething, changing your full diapers for 3 years and so on. They are devastated, let me tell you.

I know this was a sign that we should stop trying but naturally, we won't listen until I'll follow one of my stillborn children and leave the rest of them motherless and let Jimbo learn what his right hand is good for.

So... thanks for letting us have a few more of the attention I'm starved for and see you one day if you're lucky enough since we are holy people and you, well... you haven't been baptized and according to our beliefs, you know what that means.

Sincerely, your mother

 

Munchausen by proxy Duggar

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Guest Anonymous
I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BUT I COULD NOT RESIST

Dear Juvenile Hall,

I'm the walking womb that had carried you for those humpteen weeks before the expected happened.

Even though I have never met you, I wanted to write a goodbye letter to you since we are forced to famewhore this very well predicted miscarriage just to prevent our show from getting cancelled.

Your name means: a mighty place for pagans, metrosexuals, dating people and women showing their elbows on TV. We have given you this name from all the remaining beautiful J names like Jabba, Jay-Z, Jingivitis, Jupiter, Jewsareournufriends and, as our dear fans suggested, Justjerkoffnexttime. Jingivitis was a close second, though.

We want you to know that we don't love you any less than the other living 19 kids. And you are already a winner since we had a miscarriage before TLC and we don't count THAT one.

You were really wanted since the show is becoming dull, repetitive and they show the same things over and over again: your sorry ass father chasing after me with his bad breath, doctors appointments, our kids having weird 'accidents', me not caring about the other ones, the oldmaids being held captive and spiritually abused, so people are getting tired of us.

Worst thing is, the Bates' are expecting nr 19 and they CANNOT catch up to us, you see, but looks like they will.

You were wanted by your mommy and daddy, even though I have at least 4 kids that I do not know the last thing about (like, who the **** is Justin? And most importantly, WHO CARES?), but the day we found out that your heart stopped beating, 7 of our oldest children got high on Johanna's ritalin and my weekly load of Paxil. They even huffed glass cleaner. I got my 5 minutes out of you though, since we had a memorial service showing off parts of your undeveloped fetal body, there's nothing nicer than showing people a deceased fetus on a giant screen.

I know that you are with Grampa Duggar who looked at you in heaven and said: Well, well. What did I tell that glassy eyed crazy woman?

We have saved Josie's breastmilk for you, some 3000 gallons, but now we are going to evaporize it all and snort it with Jimbo.

You were not less loved than the other kids, I have to laugh how honest I am when I'm saying this. LOL, Jeebus. This is the one sentence where I'm not lying.

I'll miss having another C section with you, showing my abdomen cut open on TV yet again, but heck, what can I do, right? A 5th C section is just what a woman my age needs and I'll never have it and the viewers will never have it either. Perhaps I'll have my appendix removed in April on TV just to fill the gap. I'll miss the times that I never had with my other kids either, like seeing your first steps, hearing your first words, teaching you something that does not come from Cult Booklets. The oldmaids already miss the times when they could have woken up to you at night, hearing you cry while teething, changing your full diapers for 3 years and so on. They are devastated, let me tell you.

I know this was a sign that we should stop trying but naturally, we won't listen until I'll follow one of my stillborn children and leave the rest of them motherless and let Jimbo learn what his right hand is good for.

So... thanks for letting us have a few more of the attention I'm starved for and see you one day if you're lucky enough since we are holy people and you, well... you haven't been baptized and according to our beliefs, you know what that means.

Sincerely, your mother

Munchausen by proxy Duggar

This is, or should be, an instant classic. BWAHAHAHA!

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Goodness.

:text-goodpost:

Couldn't find a bowing-low emoticon, that one says it almost as well.

I was thinking about Michelle "telling Jubilee" that chidlren are not a "responsibility" but a blessing. Well, yeah: Michelle takes no responsibilty for them once they're quickly weaned. That's why she was so amazed at the amount of attention Josie needed. She hasn't been responsible for any kid from No. 8, on.

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They should've named the Baby Justice. So Michelle's letter could be called 'A Miscarriage of Justice'.

Nice parody

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Goodness.

:text-goodpost:

Couldn't find a bowing-low emoticon, that one says it almost as well.

I was thinking about Michelle "telling Jubilee" that chidlren are not a "responsibility" but a blessing. Well, yeah: Michelle takes no responsibilty for them once they're quickly weaned. That's why she was so amazed at the amount of attention Josie needed. She hasn't been responsible for any kid from No. 8, on.

Oh sure! No burden, not much extra work, expenses paid by TLC, after 6 months babies tossed onto the J'Slaves, so who cares?

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Ah, thank you for translating Michelle's letter for me. I couldn't understand what she was saying but now I do :)

:clap:

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Really love this, but I do have 1 suggestion. Since infant baptism isn't part of their beliefs, I'd leave the last part out. Or say something snide about her neglecting to mention seeing the first miscarriage in heaven.

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I'll probably go to hell for it, but I'm laughing away at it!

You know what else we need? A guest post from 'Taryn' on the miscarriage (hint hint)

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I'll probably go to hell for it, but I'm laughing away at it!

You know what else we need? A guest post from 'Taryn' on the miscarriage (hint hint)

I'm so humbled. I really thought I would have my ass kicked like I was supposed to on TWoP. Thanks for your comments, I love to make people laugh.

I would soooo do a Taryn essay but I don't know the last thing about Taryn. Sorry!

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Who is it who does the Taryn-esque posts on here?

Is it Clibby?

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I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BUT I COULD NOT RESIST

Dear Juvenile Hall,

I'm the walking womb that had carried you for those humpteen weeks before the expected happened.

Even though I have never met you, I wanted to write a goodbye letter to you since we are forced to famewhore this very well predicted miscarriage just to prevent our show from getting cancelled.

Your name means: a mighty place for pagans, metrosexuals, dating people and women showing their elbows on TV. We have given you this name from all the remaining beautiful J names like Jabba, Jay-Z, Jingivitis, Jupiter, Jewsareournufriends and, as our dear fans suggested, Justjerkoffnexttime. Jingivitis was a close second, though.

We want you to know that we don't love you any less than the other living 19 kids. And you are already a winner since we had a miscarriage before TLC and we don't count THAT one.

You were really wanted since the show is becoming dull, repetitive and they show the same things over and over again: your sorry ass father chasing after me with his bad breath, doctors appointments, our kids having weird 'accidents', me not caring about the other ones, the oldmaids being held captive and spiritually abused, so people are getting tired of us.

Worst thing is, the Bates' are expecting nr 19 and they CANNOT catch up to us, you see, but looks like they will.

You were wanted by your mommy and daddy, even though I have at least 4 kids that I do not know the last thing about (like, who the **** is Justin? And most importantly, WHO CARES?), but the day we found out that your heart stopped beating, 7 of our oldest children got high on Johanna's ritalin and my weekly load of Paxil. They even huffed glass cleaner. I got my 5 minutes out of you though, since we had a memorial service showing off parts of your undeveloped fetal body, there's nothing nicer than showing people a deceased fetus on a giant screen.

I know that you are with Grampa Duggar who looked at you in heaven and said: Well, well. What did I tell that glassy eyed crazy woman?

We have saved Josie's breastmilk for you, some 3000 gallons, but now we are going to evaporize it all and snort it with Jimbo.

You were not less loved than the other kids, I have to laugh how honest I am when I'm saying this. LOL, Jeebus. This is the one sentence where I'm not lying.

I'll miss having another C section with you, showing my abdomen cut open on TV yet again, but heck, what can I do, right? A 5th C section is just what a woman my age needs and I'll never have it and the viewers will never have it either. Perhaps I'll have my appendix removed in April on TV just to fill the gap. I'll miss the times that I never had with my other kids either, like seeing your first steps, hearing your first words, teaching you something that does not come from Cult Booklets. The oldmaids already miss the times when they could have woken up to you at night, hearing you cry while teething, changing your full diapers for 3 years and so on. They are devastated, let me tell you.

I know this was a sign that we should stop trying but naturally, we won't listen until I'll follow one of my stillborn children and leave the rest of them motherless and let Jimbo learn what his right hand is good for.

So... thanks for letting us have a few more of the attention I'm starved for and see you one day if you're lucky enough since we are holy people and you, well... you haven't been baptized and according to our beliefs, you know what that means.

Sincerely, your mother

Munchausen by proxy Duggar

Brilliant!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

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I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BUT I COULD NOT RESIST

Dear Juvenile Hall,

I'm the walking womb that had carried you for those humpteen weeks before the expected happened.

Even though I have never met you, I wanted to write a goodbye letter to you since we are forced to famewhore this very well predicted miscarriage just to prevent our show from getting cancelled.

Your name means: a mighty place for pagans, metrosexuals, dating people and women showing their elbows on TV. We have given you this name from all the remaining beautiful J names like Jabba, Jay-Z, Jingivitis, Jupiter, Jewsareournufriends and, as our dear fans suggested, Justjerkoffnexttime. Jingivitis was a close second, though.

We want you to know that we don't love you any less than the other living 19 kids. And you are already a winner since we had a miscarriage before TLC and we don't count THAT one.

You were really wanted since the show is becoming dull, repetitive and they show the same things over and over again: your sorry ass father chasing after me with his bad breath, doctors appointments, our kids having weird 'accidents', me not caring about the other ones, the oldmaids being held captive and spiritually abused, so people are getting tired of us.

Worst thing is, the Bates' are expecting nr 19 and they CANNOT catch up to us, you see, but looks like they will.

You were wanted by your mommy and daddy, even though I have at least 4 kids that I do not know the last thing about (like, who the **** is Justin? And most importantly, WHO CARES?), but the day we found out that your heart stopped beating, 7 of our oldest children got high on Johanna's ritalin and my weekly load of Paxil. They even huffed glass cleaner. I got my 5 minutes out of you though, since we had a memorial service showing off parts of your undeveloped fetal body, there's nothing nicer than showing people a deceased fetus on a giant screen.

I know that you are with Grampa Duggar who looked at you in heaven and said: Well, well. What did I tell that glassy eyed crazy woman?

We have saved Josie's breastmilk for you, some 3000 gallons, but now we are going to evaporize it all and snort it with Jimbo.

You were not less loved than the other kids, I have to laugh how honest I am when I'm saying this. LOL, Jeebus. This is the one sentence where I'm not lying.

I'll miss having another C section with you, showing my abdomen cut open on TV yet again, but heck, what can I do, right? A 5th C section is just what a woman my age needs and I'll never have it and the viewers will never have it either. Perhaps I'll have my appendix removed in April on TV just to fill the gap. I'll miss the times that I never had with my other kids either, like seeing your first steps, hearing your first words, teaching you something that does not come from Cult Booklets. The oldmaids already miss the times when they could have woken up to you at night, hearing you cry while teething, changing your full diapers for 3 years and so on. They are devastated, let me tell you.

I know this was a sign that we should stop trying but naturally, we won't listen until I'll follow one of my stillborn children and leave the rest of them motherless and let Jimbo learn what his right hand is good for.

So... thanks for letting us have a few more of the attention I'm starved for and see you one day if you're lucky enough since we are holy people and you, well... you haven't been baptized and according to our beliefs, you know what that means.

Sincerely, your mother

Munchausen by proxy Duggar

omg I literally spewed my drink while reading the bolded sentence. :clap: :clap: :laughing-rolling:

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LMAO! This is so awesome!!!

My favourite part:

You were wanted by your mommy and daddy, even though I have at least 4 kids that I do not know the last thing about (like, who the **** is Justin? And most importantly, WHO CARES?), but the day we found out that your heart stopped beating, 7 of our oldest children got high on Johanna's ritalin and my weekly load of Paxil. They even huffed glass cleaner. I got my 5 minutes out of you though, since we had a memorial service showing off parts of your undeveloped fetal body, there's nothing nicer than showing people a deceased fetus on a giant screen.

Just so great!

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I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BUT I COULD NOT RESIST

Dear Juvenile Hall,

I'm the walking womb that had carried you for those humpteen weeks before the expected happened.

Even though I have never met you, I wanted to write a goodbye letter to you since we are forced to famewhore this very well predicted miscarriage just to prevent our show from getting cancelled.

Your name means: a mighty place for pagans, metrosexuals, dating people and women showing their elbows on TV. We have given you this name from all the remaining beautiful J names like Jabba, Jay-Z, Jingivitis, Jupiter, Jewsareournufriends and, as our dear fans suggested, Justjerkoffnexttime. Jingivitis was a close second, though.

We want you to know that we don't love you any less than the other living 19 kids. And you are already a winner since we had a miscarriage before TLC and we don't count THAT one.

You were really wanted since the show is becoming dull, repetitive and they show the same things over and over again: your sorry ass father chasing after me with his bad breath, doctors appointments, our kids having weird 'accidents', me not caring about the other ones, the oldmaids being held captive and spiritually abused, so people are getting tired of us.

Worst thing is, the Bates' are expecting nr 19 and they CANNOT catch up to us, you see, but looks like they will.

You were wanted by your mommy and daddy, even though I have at least 4 kids that I do not know the last thing about (like, who the **** is Justin? And most importantly, WHO CARES?), but the day we found out that your heart stopped beating, 7 of our oldest children got high on Johanna's ritalin and my weekly load of Paxil. They even huffed glass cleaner. I got my 5 minutes out of you though, since we had a memorial service showing off parts of your undeveloped fetal body, there's nothing nicer than showing people a deceased fetus on a giant screen.

I know that you are with Grampa Duggar who looked at you in heaven and said: Well, well. What did I tell that glassy eyed crazy woman?

We have saved Josie's breastmilk for you, some 3000 gallons, but now we are going to evaporize it all and snort it with Jimbo.

You were not less loved than the other kids, I have to laugh how honest I am when I'm saying this. LOL, Jeebus. This is the one sentence where I'm not lying.

I'll miss having another C section with you, showing my abdomen cut open on TV yet again, but heck, what can I do, right? A 5th C section is just what a woman my age needs and I'll never have it and the viewers will never have it either. Perhaps I'll have my appendix removed in April on TV just to fill the gap. I'll miss the times that I never had with my other kids either, like seeing your first steps, hearing your first words, teaching you something that does not come from Cult Booklets. The oldmaids already miss the times when they could have woken up to you at night, hearing you cry while teething, changing your full diapers for 3 years and so on. They are devastated, let me tell you.

I know this was a sign that we should stop trying but naturally, we won't listen until I'll follow one of my stillborn children and leave the rest of them motherless and let Jimbo learn what his right hand is good for.

So... thanks for letting us have a few more of the attention I'm starved for and see you one day if you're lucky enough since we are holy people and you, well... you haven't been baptized and according to our beliefs, you know what that means.

Sincerely, your mother

Munchausen by proxy Duggar

Thank you for capturing the essence of the real Michelle Duggar, because I stopped buying into the "public image" of her ages ago. This was great and very close to reality instead of her "Mother of the Year (only because I pop out kids like candy from a Pez dispenser and pass them off to my older daughters)" bs :clap: .

Anybody else picture her saying all of this in that nauseating, cutesie-poo voice of hers?

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Thank you guys. You would TOTALLY deserve a Taryn essay (whoever she is). I wish I knew that woman, too. :)

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omg I literally spewed my drink while reading the bolded sentence. :clap: :clap: :laughing-rolling:

The saddest part is she probably has really said that AT LEAST twice.

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