It's intern time!

[meda]

So a very special bit of spam landed in my inbox, courtesy of the good gentlemen at NCFIC. Young men are "prayerfully requested" to fill out the application to become NCFIC interns. FJ'ers, here is your chance to send your sons deep undercover to work with Scott Brown and Peter Bradrick, to really see what life is like at "the Brown barn", attend a weird conference or two, maybe get betrothed to an older woman. If your lucky, the godly young man in your life will write an optimistic testimony like this:

I can’t fathom the ten million ways that this internship will affect my life and the life of my children... — Benjamin Sheats, Class of 2011

After checking the pics on the website, it's clear that Scott selects interns by their blinding white smiles, rather than other...attributes preferred by Dougie.

ncfic.org/internship

[Witsec7]

Does FJ get the pick of the litter?

[terranova]

I can’t fathom the ten million ways that this internship will affect my life and the life of my children... — Benjamin Sheats, Class of 2011

Is he actually married with children or is he just being hopeful?

[PBrooke]

Isn't the Sheats family related to the Smiths, or is that another Sheats?

[FuManchu]

I got that email too! Reading through the documentation, it sounds as if "NCFIC Free Secretarial Support Programme" would be a better name. You get to work a full-time job, on duties that include 'janitorial work', with manning a stall at a book fair considered - literally - a special treat, plus enforced morning workouts and prayer sessions every day of the week. You get to be patronised by people who think they're putting the Bible into practice. And in return, you pay for all your food, travel, laundry (use the launderette down the street), and book expenses. And those book expenses, to judge from the reading list, will be pretty heavy for a homeschooling one-parent-working family to bear. It resembles the yearly textbook list for Hogwarts, only the books it recommends have rather less basis in fact than The Monster Book Of Monsters. Scott Brown does at least have the decency, unlike Gilderoy Lockhart, to provide the books written by him for free.

The one redeeming feature of this ghastly-sounding exploitation trip is that, in contrast to the Vision Forum internship programme, participants are not required to swear allegiance to Scott Brown beforehand, and the application form specifically says that you don't have to agree with him on every doctrinal point. Compared with the oath of loyalty Doug and Beall Phillips demand, it's all positively benign.

[meda]

I got that email too! Reading through the documentation, it sounds as if "NCFIC Free Secretarial Support Programme" would be a better name. You get to work a full-time job, on duties that include 'janitorial work', with manning a stall at a book fair considered - literally - a special treat, plus enforced morning workouts and prayer sessions every day of the week. You get to be patronised by people who think they're putting the Bible into practice. And in return, you pay for all your food, travel, laundry (use the launderette down the street), and book expenses. And those book expenses, to judge from the reading list, will be pretty heavy for a homeschooling one-parent-working family to bear. It resembles the yearly textbook list for Hogwarts, only the books it recommends have rather less basis in fact than The Monster Book Of Monsters. Scott Brown does at least have the decency, unlike Gilderoy Lockhart, to provide the books written by him for free.

The one redeeming feature of this ghastly-sounding exploitation trip is that, in contrast to the Vision Forum internship programme, participants are not required to swear allegiance to Scott Brown beforehand, and the application form specifically says that you don't have to agree with him on every doctrinal point. Compared with the oath of loyalty Doug and Beall Phillips demand, it's all positively benign.

I'm so relieved that I'm not the only heathen on their mailing list. :D

[ThisOlGirl]

I see they require "Christian service in the community on Saturdays". I'm curious to know what that entails (Besides screaming at the Gays, of course).

edited to ask: So who has the more desirable, elite (snerk) intern program--Scott Brown or Dougie? On the one hand, interning for Scott Brown gets you up close and personal with Peter Bradrick, and possibly an invitation to join his SODRT version of Blackwater. On the other hand, interning for Dougie gets you up close and personal with Dougie, and possibly an invitation to...well, you know.

[terranova]

I see they require "Christian service in the community on Saturdays". I'm curious to know what that entails (Besides screaming at the Gays, of course).

Picketing Family Planning clinics, handing out tracts to solo mother waitresses...

[Visionoyahweh]

The guy on the far right is cute. I'd give him intimate knowledge about the sin of homosexuality.

[FuManchu]

It's the bizarre requirement for them all to wear lemon-yellow shirts in that picture that gets me. Oddly specific! Perhaps Scott gets up in the morning, pops on a shirt, then shouts its colour out of the window and the interns have to make sure they're wearing the same colour by the time the photographer gets there.

[last_one_picked]

The one redeeming feature of this ghastly-sounding exploitation trip is that, in contrast to the Vision Forum internship programme, participants are not required to swear allegiance to Scott Brown beforehand, and the application form specifically says that you don't have to agree with him on every doctrinal point. Compared with the oath of loyalty Doug and Beall Phillips demand, it's all positively benign.

Wait... swearing allegiance? Loyalty oath? Dougie really demands these things?

[Angri-la]

Does FJ get the pick of the litter?

I thought "ooh, are they asking us to vote?!", but, then, realized that our mostly female base would likely not pick the ones that are "Most receptive to The Word" (and the meaningful gazes..and So Much More...)

My, what a manly group of many men! My husband asked why I was ogling a glee club, and then said "fundies?".

[marmalade]

The guy on the far right is cute. I'd give him intimate knowledge about the sin of homosexuality.

Dooooo eeeeeeet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 :mrgreen:

I trust your expertise in this endeavor. :dance:

[FuManchu]

Wait... swearing allegiance? Loyalty oath? Dougie really demands these things?

From the 2009 Vision Forum Internship application:

...by signing this agreement you commit to... conduct yourself in a manner reflecting glory on the name of Jesus Christ, and honoring Doug and Beall Phillips...

[Artemis]

"From the 2009 Vision Forum Internship application:

...by signing this agreement you commit to... conduct yourself in a manner reflecting glory on the name of Jesus Christ, and honoring Doug and Beall Phillips..."

Honoring Doug and Beall Phillips? WhoTF does he think he is, God?

The Ten Commandments according to Vision Forum:

1) Thou shalt have no other God but Dougie

2) Thou shalt not make images. (NO LOLDOUGS!)

3) Thou shalt not swear falsely in Doug's name (Doug Phillips IS a tool)

4) Remember Vision Forum and keep it holy. (Buy all your holy merchandise there!)

5) Honor Doug and Beall that thy days may be long in the land. (How long, oh Lord, how long . . .?)

6) Thou shalt not commit murder (By being disrespectful to the Phillips' in your heart)

7) Thou shalt not commit adultery (Including any unauthorised contact with a member of the opposite sex)

8) Thou shalt not steal (From Vision Forum by not supporting it financially and not buying its schmuck)

9) Thou shalt not bear false witness (By even hinting that there may be issues with Vision Forum's methods)

10) Thou shalt not covet (any other life that of a VF minion).

On the other hand:

The Ten Commandments as applied to Dougie and VF:

1) Thou shalt have no other God but one God. (So, no worshipping Doug Phillips then!)

2) Thou shalt not make images. (Especially false images: Doug Phillips as God e.g.)

3) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain (by implying that what you do IS in the Lord's name)

4) Remember God's day & keep it holy. (Shut your website on Sundays, and don't make people work for you)

5) Honor your parents (AKA elders) (Don't post prideful pictures of yourself with veterans.)

6) Thou shalt not commit murder (Probably the only one I can't get him on!)

7) Thou shalt not commit adultery (by indulging the lust of the eye with pretty interns!)

8) Thou shalt not steal (from a gullible public by peddling public domain documents at an inflated price)

9) Thou shalt not bear false witness (Allosaur raising anyone?)

10) Thou shalt not covet (honour, renown, public fame, influence, power - need I go on?).

I can't believe he gets away with it! Why don't people see through him?

[Brainsample]

O ye of little faith:

6) Thou shalt not commit murder (Probably the only one I can't get him on!)

1 John 3:15

King James Version (KJV)

15Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

[LynnKaboom]

Unf, those interns in that picture are seriously defrauding me. I'd go anaconda hunting with them any day! ~suggestive eyebrow waggle~

[gustava]

Unf, those interns in that picture are seriously defrauding me. I'd go anaconda hunting with them any day! ~suggestive eyebrow waggle~

I'll smile for a week over this. Thanks :clap:

[flojo]

So do Scott and Peter's interns read here, or just Dougie's?

If so, hi interns

[last_one_picked]

From the 2009 Vision Forum Internship application:

...by signing this agreement you commit to... conduct yourself in a manner reflecting glory on the name of Jesus Christ, and honoring Doug and Beall Phillips...

Thanks FuManchu! That's... not surprising, actually.