A Letter To A Daughter

[debrand]

http://www.cbmw.org/Blog/Posts/Thoughts ... y-Daughter

On the plus side, the author admits that her daughter might never be a mother or wife.

There are many woman who have been faithful in their service for Jesus Christ who have not known what it is to be a wife and/or mother. And yet they were and are gloriously designed by God and used for HIS purposes

However, she doesn't really want her daughter to choose what it means to be her own person.

This silly "modern" world will tell you that 'you can do anything a man can do' — and to some degree, they've made it so that that's true

Is she talking about sexual harrasment laws? What does she mean in this quote? Wome serve in the miitary(although not in combat), are doctors and lawyers. How did the world ALLOW that? Women fought to overcome barriers that had been placed in their way.

When you've literally given up your name and identity to submit and be a helper for the husband God gives you, what a picture that is of how we should be all the more submissive to and identified with Christ!

Why would anyone want this for the daughter that they love? I don't get it. Even women who take their husband's last name don't give up their identity.

Instead of trying to be like a man, be the whole and complete woman that GOD MADE YOU to be!

See, this is what annoys me. Who gets to says what being a man or woman means. Some people do naturally act in ways that are traditional for their gender. Many others do not. What if her daughter likes sports and science? What if she wants to be a mom who works outside the home? Maybe her daughter will be a soldier and have to leave her children for periods with her husband.

Women who don't follow traditional roles aren't trying to be a man. They are being themselves. You can't say, "Be who god made you but follow this set of rules for your sex." What if you just don't fit the gender role that society says that you should follow?

[CanadianHippie]

Why the fuck would I want to give up my name and identity? And how does giving up your identity make you complete? Far as I can see it just makes you another object for your 'husband' to brag about. (Quotes around husband because no real husband would ask or want his wife to give up who she is as a person.)

[fakepigtails73]

Why the fuck would I want to give up my name and identity? And how does giving up your identity make you complete? Far as I can see it just makes you another object for your 'husband' to brag about. (Quotes around husband because no real husband would ask or want his wife to give up who she is as a person.)

Remember a few decades ago when a woman married she became "Mrs James Smith", as if she stopped being her own person?

That always freaked me out.

[liltwinstar]

I took my husband's name when we married, although I kept my maiden name and moved it to a secondary middle name.

But no way in hell did I give up my identity! I'm still me - (slightly) different name, different family situation, sure, but still the same person with the same goals and the same flaws that I always had.

I'm not sure my husband would know what to do with me if I sat him down and told him I was going to give up all my own goals and interests in order to further his "vision."

[Turtle]

:angry-cussingblack:

[fakepigtails73]

Taking the last name is OK, I just think it's bizarre when a woman was called "Mrs James Smith" instead of "Mrs Helen Smith" . Her name is Helen, not James!

Taking the last name of the hubby is cute, me thinks...

[Kitty]

I couldn't even give up my last name. I've been Myfirstname Mylastname all my life, and I'm supposed to change that upon signing a piece of paper at the courthouse? No. fuck that. It's stupid to give names to children that you know they're going to have to change when they're older. You don't do it with first names, why the fuck should you do it with last names?

To think I'd have to become Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname otherwise, and people actually do keep this up today. It blows me away. I mean, it's not a legal thing, just the wives signing their names that way. Ugh. That's not love, that's being in love with the idea of being married.

[emmyfair]

I'm not sure my husband would know what to do with me if I sat him down and told him I was going to give up all my own goals and interests in order to further his "vision."

I'm pretty sure if I told my husband this ... he wouldn't want to be my husband any more. I mean, how flipping creepy is that - it's the same as "I want to BE you!". Yuck.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I know a couple who the girl didn't want to give up her last name and the guy didn't want her to either, so they came up with the coolest idea ever. They changed their name legally to a mishmash of both their names together. I thought it was really sweet. Another thing i've heard of married couples doing, is taking a NEW last name for the both of them that neither of them have had before.

I didn't want to change my last name but ended up doing so because of some wankery from HR from a job I worked at. I still have yet to get into the social security office to do it w/ my social security number, (i've been married 5 years) but my married name is on my license and my maiden name is on my passport. I guess I have an alias! LOL

[keen23]

I was quite happy to give up my maiden name when I got married. It was too long, and truthfully didn't work with my first name (way too many hard R sounds for a New England area native comfortably say). Plus my husband's last name was 1/2 the length of my maiden name.

[NurseNell]

I took my husband's name when we married, although I kept my maiden name and moved it to a secondary middle name.

But no way in hell did I give up my identity! I'm still me - (slightly) different name, different family situation, sure, but still the same person with the same goals and the same flaws that I always had.

I'm not sure my husband would know what to do with me if I sat him down and told him I was going to give up all my own goals and interests in order to further his "vision."

I took my husband's surname but used my maiden name as my middle name, as did all the wives in our family. 9 years ago though I legally changed my last name to my grandmother's maiden name. The surname means follower of Bridget, the Celtic goddess of hope and new beginnings. I'd just been diagnosed with cancer, had always wanted her surname so I changed it, and I'm glad I did. I wanted to do it in high school but my parents said no.

I like the Latin American way of names, you don't lose your maiden name and it also makes it easier to do genealogy.

[samurai_sarah]

1.

2.

3.

See, this is what annoys me. Who gets to says what being a man or woman means. Some people do naturally act in ways that are traditional for their gender. Many others do not. What if her daughter likes sports and science? What if she wants to be a mom who works outside the home? Maybe her daughter will be a soldier and have to leave her children for periods with her husband.

Women who don't follow traditional roles aren't trying to be a man. They are being themselves. You can't say, "Be who god made you but follow this set of rules for your sex." What if you just don't fit the gender role that society says that you should follow?

1. And that is a bad thing because...? Oh, wait, sorry, it's silly and modern.

2. "...what a picture that is..." I fully agree. It's the sort of picture that's going to give me nightmares tonight. Maybe I'm too silly and modern, but if I think about my boyfriend giving up his whole identity and submitting to me fully, I begin wondering why I should stick with the new robot boyfriend. His personality is one of the things that makes him so attractive to me. Wait, I got it wrong again, I'm the one who's supposed to give up her identity and submit. I ran that past my boyfriend, he wouldn't like robot-me either.

3. +1 Especially the underlined bit. :clap:

[NothingLeftToLose]

It took me 6 years of marriage to change my last name. It was sweet and we had a nice celebration and dinner.

It was my choice and my spouse realized what a big deal it was for me.

We had recently been through months of a huge medical crisis with a critically ill child and I fell in love with my partner all over again. For me - it was a gift and a way to celebrate our family.

Now that our children have the same last name as I do, should my spouse ever die or run off to Brazil - I would not change my name again ever.

[MonkeyMomma]

When you've literally given up your name and identity to submit and be a helper for the husband God gives you, what a picture that is of how we should be all the more submissive to and identified with Christ!

Yet another way I've fucked up at being married, apparently. :roll:

[finleeport]

Giving up your name and identity is damn scary its nightmarish.

[desertvixen]

I took my husband's name when we married, although I kept my maiden name and moved it to a secondary middle name.

I did the hyphen the first time around, but after finding out what a huge damn hassle it was, I won't be doing that again.

Also his name and my name together would lead to a lot of STUPID jokes (it would be easily mistaken for heartbroke for one thing) so we'll probably do my last name as a middle name.

[fakepigtails73]

One thing that I hate of my native province is that since 1995 a woman that gets married here is not allowed to take her husband's name if she wishes. That's as bad as forcing her to take it imo.

[Kitty]

One thing that I hate of my native province is that since 1995 a woman that gets married here is not allowed to take her husband's name if she wishes. That's as bad as forcing her to take it imo.

Well, what's the point?

[debrand]

This silly "modern" world will tell you that 'you can do anything a man can do' — and to some degree, they've made it so that that's true

I think that some of you are reading this statement differently than I am. Some people believe that women have only made it in a man's world because women were given help to do so. In other words, women couldn't compete on equal terms with men if the laws didn't favor women

She does not use the word, that only once. "

"They've made it so that that's true." I thought the they in the sentence meant that someone(liberals, government) has made it so that women can compete in the modern world. Why use the word, that, twice?

Maybe I am wrong though. I have heard the sentiment expressed that women only succeed because they are given more breaks and favoritism then men. It might be that I am oversensitive to the accusation so I jumped to a wrong conclusion.

Do you guys see a difference or did she just word that badly?

[samurai_sarah]

I think that some of you are reading this statement differently than I am. Some people believe that women have only made it in a man's world because women were given help to do so. In other words, women couldn't compete on equal terms with men if the laws didn't favor women

She does not use the word, that only once. "

"They've made it so that that's true." I thought the they in the sentence meant that someone(liberals, government) has made it so that women can compete in the modern world. Why use the word, that, twice?

Maybe I am wrong though. I have heard the sentiment expressed that women only succeed because they are given more breaks and favoritism then men. It might be that I am oversensitive to the accusation so I jumped to a wrong conclusion.

Do you guys see a difference or did she just word that badly?

I read it pretty much the same way you did, but I opt to think that she's including eeebil feminists in her "they". It reads like she's saying that women's rights are something men kindly allow, instead of acknowledging that it's something that cost a lot of women blood, sweat and tears. In a few cases even their lives.

My maternal grandmother fought as hard as a child could to get an education, but women thinking like the blogger, held her back. Clever woman that she was, she realized her life-long ambition of becoming literate at age 60, and she was self-taught. She also made sure her daughters got an education, and believe me, it wasn't easy. So, I'm hoping, possibly against hope, that she's including those women, who she probably thinks just wanted to be like men, in her "they". Mainly, because I'm feeling contrary tonight; and would rather know my grandmother vilified than hearing that something she fought for, was granted as a "favour".

[changemanagement]

I did ask my soon-to-be husband if he'd take on my last name (In 1986). I liked my last name much more than his. My pre-marriage name has a better flow.

Alas, he thought it was an absurd idea. But hey, I had to ask!

[FJismyheadship]

I was born before my parents got married. Therefor, I got my momma's maiden name. The next two in line were my brothers. My parents were married, so they got my dads last name.

I LIKE being different. I'm the first girl born in my dads family in AGES (my dads aunt doesnt count because she has a different daddy), I have my momma's last name, and thats the way I like it. It annoys me to NO END when my grandmother tries to give me my dads last name. I changed my name in her phone, and everytime I called, she'd use the name that popped up. Then, she changed it back to my dads name. It annoys me, and I'm not sure how to tell her that while yes I am my fathers child, I've never had his last name, nor do I have any desire to have it. SO if I get married, I think I'm liable to keep my last name. Or at least get rich and famous first so the whole world knows me by my maiden name and not my married name lol

[emmiedahl]

I took my husband's name because he really felt strongly about it and I did not care either way. That is how we settle most disputes: the one with strong feelings on the matter gets their way.

I hope my daughters are nothing like this lady's ideal woman. I hope they are strong and bold individuals with a sense of self that nothing, especially not a MAN, can squash.

[NurseNell]

Here's what someone I know did: her web site is http://www.dragonflydreamsretreatcenterllc.com

We were married May of 2005 after meeting on line and

dating for several years. Because of our love for cars

we decided to change our name when we were

married, so what we did is combined our two last

names. Jim's was Rodewald and Kathy Jo's was

Webster so we took Jim's first four letters and Kathy

Jo's last 4 letters to make Rodester (pronounced

Roadster) We have been able to support each other in

our dreams. Jim found a sign to hang in our kitchen at

the retreat center that says: Wish It, Dream It, Do It,

which has been our motto.

[Triplet3]

One thing that I hate of my native province is that since 1995 a woman that gets married here is not allowed to take her husband's name if she wishes. That's as bad as forcing her to take it imo.

Seriously?! So is it not the norm for a woman to take her husband's surname in your province, as it is in most of the Western world? Do all married women in your province really keep their maiden name? That seems a bit...strange to me. Also, why on earth should women be forced to keep maiden names? Surely they should have the choice!