Autumn from Autie Mautie

[LuLu Bear]

Do you think that Autumn is a "normal" girl, now? She is wearing shorts in this post, which I must say, are kind of cute!

autumn-alittleprincess.blogspot.com/2011/09/skating-sisters.html

She mentioned college, but never wrote any more about it.

[PBrooke]

I thought she was going to start college in the winter semester (so it wouldn't have started yet)? Or maybe it was next fall? Anyway, she seems to be a much-more-typical but still conservative Christian, nowadays. Good for her. Her brother has a girlfriend (not a courtship) and the younger sister is still only 13, and apparently wears pants and capris, so she'll have many years to decide what path she wants to take when it comes to boys. It was a horrible situation that Autumn was in, but it seems like it's going as well as one could hope, so far.

[simplysweet]

Yeah - I hope she just takes some time to enjoy her life and worrying about dating later. I am sure after a failed marriage at 16, she is none to keen to hop back into the saddle. I am rooting for her. She seems sweet.

[Witsec7]

Yeah - I hope she just takes some time to enjoy her life and worrying about dating later. I am sure after a failed marriage at 16, she is none to keen to hop back into the saddle. I am rooting for her. She seems sweet.

Clue me in. Fundy girl marries and divorces before 16, I need to know more. TY

[devilsadvocate]

Others followed this more closely but here's what I understand:

The family had Autumn marry an older man in some sort of courtship situation from what I gather.

Shortly after the wedding, this guy she married started revealing that he had been dishonest with the family about who he really was (I think she said he lied about being a virgin before marriage and I'm sure there were other things).

Worst of all he started to become abusive to Autumn.

I believe that she went to the church leadership for help but they tried to make her feel like it was her fault and that she should work harder at being a good wife to him to get him to treat her better.

Thankfully she didn't accept that, and thankfully her family was supportive of her getting out of the marriage. Since then she's been working on putting her life back together.

She seems like a very smart and strong girl. I give her credit for recognizing that the way her ex was treating her was not acceptable and getting out even though the monsters in her church thought she should stay.

She did make a blog post about all this in which she was very frank about what happened. I respect the courage of that as well.

It seems like her family has come to realize that having her get married so young was a mistake. Thank goodness they were willing to admit that it was a mistake and help Autumn get out of it.

She did get annoyed with some of the FreeJinger people for saying things about how she would probably be viewed as "damaged goods" in the future because of this disastrous first marriage. She made it clear that she doesn't see herself that way (and I agree with her that she shouldn't).

[Guest Anonymous]

Clue me in. Fundy girl marries and divorces before 16, I need to know more. TY

She "courted" and married some guy with her parent's approval. He turned out to be a cheater and an abuser. She suffered in silence for a while before telling her family what was going on and asking for help. To their credit, her family got her out of there and took her home, but if I recall correctly their church may have been jerkwads about it.

ETA: Was crossposting with devilsadvocate. Also here's the thread from the old forum - http://freejinger.yuku.com/topic/706/Sn ... nal?page=1

Here's what Autumn's mother had to say about the situation:

Hello; this is Tracy from Unless the Lord. I want to set the record straight. Autumn is not pregnant, thankfully. Though, if her marriage were what it was intended to be, we would be thrilled with a grandbaby to love and cherish. Unfortunately, her marriage is not what it was intended to be.

I know this site is for snarking. I know, I KNOW! However, you all claim to be educated women, and yet continue to talk about statutory rape, child neglect, etc. None of that has been an issue in our family. On the contrary, we'll go to any lengths to protect our children from harm. We are not some patriarchal society that thinks that men have the right to treat their families however they wish with no consequences. We are a family who believes that men have a duty to protect and serve their families.

Two weeks ago, Autumn let me in on a secret. Jon was being abusive. Verbally. Physically. ( He never hit her, but there are other ways to be physical.) He was angry each and every day. She walked on broken glass trying to avoid it. It didn't work. He grabbed her, pinned her to the couch and bed. He got right in her face and shouted for long periods of time. He told her she was lazy, immature, and couldn't think for herself. She was stupid, and had no idea what the real world was like. He threw and broke dishes. But she still loved him.

I was mortified, and asked her to go to the church elders. She did. She held back, not wanting to bring up every fight they ever had, but wanting them to know just the same. Their advice? "Every couple goes through transition during the first year of marriage. It's hard to adjust." "Try to be submissive. Don't push his buttons."

You can imagine how that flew with Verne and me. She went back home with him, and he was silent. He didn't yell. He didn't touch her, because he knew that the elders were aware. She called a previous pastor, and he contacted a counselor for them. She talked with the counselor on the phone, and he sent paperwork.

Our pastor started calling Jon every day. Jon was telling lie after lie. Slowly, the pastor was catching on. Autumn threatened suicide. Jon told our pastor. The pastor counseled Jon with exactly what to say to her. When the pastor called Jon the next day and asked Jon how the talk went, Jon responded, "It didn't come up." "IT DIDN'T COME UP?????" Your wife is thinking about killing herself, but you FORGOT????

Our pastor asked if his wife could talk to Autumn. Autumn obliged. She told K EVERYTHING. That night, Jon told Autumn he thought divorce would be best, but he filled out the paperwork for counseling.

In writing, he admitted that he has abused her, mentally and physically. The papers were mailed, and the counselor received them. Jon won't admit the abuse to our pastor or elders. That was last Saturday. Our pastor drove to our home last Sunday and was here for 8 hours. We told him little things clear back from the courtship... things that now, in hindsight were signs. We were so stupid, and I'm tormented.

Monday, Autumn called and asked if she could come home. Verne was there to get her within 20 minutes. We had planned on taking her Monday night anyway, even if it was going against her will. I couldn't take it anymore.

Jon didn't call her until yesterday. No begging to come back, no apology. He wanted to know if she was going to file for divorce, or if he needed to get things started. We'll talk to a lawyer on Monday. He doesn't want to change... he just wants out.

You can't imagine the hell that we are going through. Yes, we made mistakes, but women who get married at 35 can make mistakes, too.

Autumn is living with us, and she is safe, praise the Lord!

[Witsec7]

TY those girls appear almost non fundy, hell they're showing calf muscles and roller blading without wearing frumpers. Hopefully the experience with the legalism of their church will give them pause for thought.

[Alecto]

I LOVE the pics of her with her short, crazy colored hair. It makes me smile.

[atheistjd]

They've always been one of my favorites - I was reading their blog before I even found the Yuku board. They seem like such a supportive family, and I always got the feeling Autumn wanted a young marriage (and was not pushed into one) because her parents are sickeningly cutesy and in love many years after their own young marriage. Sure, I disagree with them in almost every possible way probably (certainly religiously, most likely politically, and no way I let my 16yo get married), but they seem very supportive and there was NO hesitation in getting Autumn out of a bad situation. They are about as patriarchal as most liberal couples in practice it seems. Also, I think they've dealt with a lot (Autumn's ordeal, Verne's car accident) and just seem to get closer - there's no Duggar-esque "sin in the camp" blame games or "real" patriarchy.

Anywho, TLDR I think she seems to be doing well - I really hope she goes to college because she seems smart and well-rounded enough that I think it would really suit her and she would excel. And I hope she finds love that makes her happy!!

p.s. I also love the crazy-colored hair :)

[treemom]

The girl in shorts is abagail. But apparently they are t doing courtship anymore because Mac is dating and brought his girlfriend (their word) home for thanksgiving.

Eta : ignore first sentence. Pictures didn't completely load for me on the iPad first time.

[LuLu Bear]

Oh, yeah, I had forgotten about her crazy hair! Looked back over her recent posts- she went rappelling- I'm jealous!

I found it interesting that she Skyped on Thanksgiving, rather than spend the entire day with immediate family.

I really enjoy her blog, but sometimes her writing is too...Little House on the Prairie.

[Caxpax]

I'm glad Autumn got out, and that her parents did the bare minimum in supporting her and getting her to safety. Although she may have desired an early marriage, her story (the courtship at 16, not the aftermath) was widely broadcast on many, many blogs (Domestic Felicity, for one) as an example of how amazing and smart and wonderful marrying at the onset of puberty could be and how people were just so mean for doubting or worrying about the wisdom of a 16 year old getting married. Her parents and Anna T were very, very, very defensive to any question or concern and they had a very bad "nanana boo boo lalalala you guys are just MEAN" response to kindly worded posts from people showing concern for her before the marriage. They didn't just say "hey, we're letting our 16 year old daughter marry at this age because she is in love and we think that she's mature enough to handle it- this may not be right for you and we understand your concern" - they very much were promoting young marriages, and outright saying that people who didn't understand were just raising immature teens, and if they were doing a better job at raising their own kids they would see what a great idea it was.

Glad to see Autumn is doing well. I still think that she needs a lot of counseling and to break away from her family to really see what a crap thing her parents did in failing to protect her from that disastrous marriage. I imagine she'll marry in a few years and spout some bullcrap about how God meant everything to happen because she had some profound lesson to learn, yadda yadda yadda.

[sea_gale]

I think Autumn's marriage gave her family a huge reality check about the more damaging aspects of fundamentalism, and thankfully, rather than sticking to those ideas even harder, they seem to have stepped away. I agree that they were proselytising about young marriage before the wedding. However, I admire them for being equally open about the abuse in that marriage and the consequent divorce. How many of our other fundies would have tried to hush it up or just disappeared off the internet?

Reading her blog can be a little jarring though. She seems like such a sweet girl, and then you'll read a post about everyone needs to see that ridiculous Ray Comfort film equating abortion to the holocaust.

[LuLu Bear]

She does seem sweet, but I totally get the annoying part, too. I'm trying to figure out if it is annoying in general when people post about their beliefs (the Ray Comfort video) or if it is only annoying when I disagree. She is obviously a Christian, and is going to feel passionate about certain things. The question is, should she or shouldn't she ever blog about them?

I'd love to just email her (The fact that she has an email on her sidebar is extra tempting), and ask her if she is dating, what kind of church she goes to, etc. That and ask questions when she has her little Q&A post things. I'm just...too cautious, afraid of offending her, I guess?

[Alecto]

You know, even considering the Comfort videos, she seems very very normal for a girl her age attending a mainstream Fundie-lite church. At her age, I knew plenty of girls who would have spouted the same pro-life beliefs and not really thought about why, just that it is what they are supposed to believe because their pastor/parent said so.

[sea_gale]

An interesting new blog post from Autumn:

autumn-alittleprincess.blogspot.com/2011/12/paper-and-ink.html

So she's an Orwell fan! I'm not surprised at her liking Aspidistra, it's preachily pro-life towards the end. Snark aside, I'm delighted to see that she has wider scope than the usual approved reading for "godly maidens".

[Kelya]

I'm glad her life seems to be getting better and she's having a lot of wide and varied experiences.

Too bad she had to experience marrying an abusive asshole while her parents sang the praises of marriage at puberty for any of these options to be available to her. Let's face it, if things had worked out in her early marriage, Abigail would be on deck for marriage right now, and Autumn would probably be breeding. So its great she's getting to lead a more average, fundie lite/mainstream life now...it just sucks that she had to be put in danger for her family to realize how fucked up their lifestyle is.

(Verne isn't able to drive in cars alone with women, right? I'll never get over that.)

[LuLu Bear]

It is too bad that she had such a shitty experience- she seems to be channeling it into staying super busy and charity work.