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Be a Man with Your Sword


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Oh my goodness, this literally made me start crying it's so snark-worthy. This is Dougie's finest, though I'm not sure it's him doing the voice-over, it's definitely his son as one of the "sword-boys". If you want your son to be a true man (like Doug), you may want to invest in one of these high-quality swords, lest' your boy ask for something like a Cabbage Patch kid... or worst, play make-up. /sarcasm

vimeo.com/12748017

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My friend's dh was involved in a church men's group where they gave out swords - no seriously - to the men. Something about being "soldiers of God". I took one look and said, "What's with the giant phallic symbol?" Oh, yes, and this group was naturally full of "former" porn addicts.

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Okay, I transcribed what I could before cracking up.

There are four elements that every boy must understand to be a valiant swordsman.

First, his wits must be sharp--ready to take any turn of events.

Second, his muscles should be hardened from practice. And training.

Third, he must know his weapon. And that weapon must be a worthy blade of strength...and flexibility.

Finally, he must fulfill the duties of chivalry.

Having mastered these principles, the boy-warrior is ready to engage.

G7Clr.jpg

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I'm married to an SCA alum, took fencing in college, and have witnessed a variety of sword-fights in various styles (medieval, samurai, et). These boys are NOT sword-fighting. They are playacting. Notice how they are aiming for each others swords instead of their bodies. They are probably re-enacting a scene from a bad movie they memorized.

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Even though these are "play swords" I'd hate to see some fundie youth (boy, duh) get injured because he was practicin' bein' a man in accordance with Doug's stupidity. And on a side note... at this festive time of year, I'd like to remind dumb parents that weapons never make good gifts (yeah thanks ex-boyfriend who once bought me a freakin' bow at Christmas so I could go hunting with him).

and finally...

Doug, you are still a tool.

And oh yeah... did you see that Mrs. Disha.roo.n was the first commentor on that vid?

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There are four elements that every boy must understand to be a valiant swordsman.

First, his wits must be sharp--ready to take any turn of events.

Second, his muscles should be hardened from practice. And training.

Third, he must know his weapon. And that weapon must be a worthy blade of strength...and flexibility.

Finally, he must fulfill the duties of chivalry.

Having mastered these principles, the boy-warrior is ready to engage.

Well, I prefer man-warriors myself, but I am fond of men knowing how to use their swords (and as long as we're defining chivalry as "ladies come first") - so all of these would be good, IMO.

gustava, don't bother climbing out of the gutter, I need some company down here.

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I would just love to see them cross swords with people who actually know how to use them. My local SCA chapter's rapier mistress is, by her own admission, creaky and middle-aged. But all she has to do is take the safety point off her rapier and sharpen the sides a bit and she can drive the thing right through a hanging half-carcass of pork.

Which brings up another question: Are those really combat-ready swords, or are they cast-metal wall-hangers?

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Ha. Why did I know this thread would be about Dougie just from the title?

Knowing Dougie&Co, there's no way they'd be the real thing. It's all about maximising the show while minimising any danger. Dougie wouldn't know chivalry if it bit him in the arse.

Part of my fundie upbringing involved lots of singing (and memorising) from the Genevan Psalter. There's a line in Ps 12 that springs to mind: "They strut about, and vileness in the nation/Do they exalt among the sons of men." As a child it used to make me think of a bantam rooster. Now it makes me think of Dougie.

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Are these real swords they're marketing to young boys??? I mean, even a dull sword could do some damage, I suppose, but a sharp point and all??? I shudder to think what could happen if there was an accident.

Isn't there a law about selling weapons to minors? Also, swords are NOT toys. They are weapons. And as such, they don't belong in the hands of minors, except under close supervision (such as a fencing class).

I can't believe the stupidity.

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Are these real swords they're marketing to young boys??? I mean, even a dull sword could do some damage, I suppose, but a sharp point and all??? I shudder to think what could happen if there was an accident.

Isn't there a law about selling weapons to minors? Also, swords are NOT toys. They are weapons. And as such, they don't belong in the hands of minors, except under close supervision (such as a fencing class).

I can't believe the stupidity.

Yeah, I'm kind of offended that Dougie fences epee, because I hate for such a tool to be associated with anything I love, so I was searching his website for his mentions of fencing and he had a picture of two guys facing each other holding blades up and not wearing a masks. Only a fucking moron would do that.

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You know, there was a tribe of women warriors from Ancient Greece, they were the Amazons. Strong warrior women skilled in archery and swordsmanship, they could castrate a man, or cut off his legs. Don't want to mess with these women.

Even in the Viking days, there were the Shield-Maidens.

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This was so weird and pretentious. Is the warehouse symbolic or...something? Are the disused palettes heavy with meaning? If I drink more will the meaning become clearer to me?

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Yeah, I'm kind of offended that Dougie fences epee, because I hate for such a tool to be associated with anything I love, so I was searching his website for his mentions of fencing and he had a picture of two guys facing each other holding blades up and not wearing a masks. Only a fucking moron would do that.

I know, right??? I took a fencing class in college, and while I royally sucked at it (I kept backing away from my sparring partner, lol!), the first thing we learned was safety - wearing a mask, where to hit, etc etc. It's not a joke or something to do that's cutesy-fun from the movies. I got some massive bruises, for one, and without a mask you could easily lose an eye or worse.

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Are these real swords they're marketing to young boys??? I mean, even a dull sword could do some damage, I suppose, but a sharp point and all??? I shudder to think what could happen if there was an accident.

Isn't there a law about selling weapons to minors? Also, swords are NOT toys. They are weapons. And as such, they don't belong in the hands of minors, except under close supervision (such as a fencing class).

I can't believe the stupidity.

Oh, the STUPIDITY! I took fencing in college, and the first thing you learn is basic safety, such as always wearing a mask, jacket, and gloves, and knowing where to hit.

Women in the military is not a new thing, as there have been cultures throughout history where women were just as fierce warriors as their brothers in arms.

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Women in the military is not a new thing, as there have been cultures throughout history where women were just as fierce warriors as their brothers in arms.

Yes, just like the Amazons, Shieldmaidens, Joan of Arc, Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Mulan, Boudica, etc.

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laaaaaaaaaaaame.

I know someone who gave their son a sword when they were like 7 and they were all "this is your sword but you can't use it until you're a man". Double entendre much? Eww!!!!

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The idea of chivalry is horse-shit. It's not Christian--(well, ok, used Christian ideas to back up a warrior culture) but these stupid people act like the "Age of Chivalry" is when men really respected women, etc. No. It was NOT about rescuing damsels in distress, it was about fighting for your Lord, no questions asked. And there was no such thing as fidelity in the middle ages (ok, maybe some people were monogamous) but generally speaking, adultery was common, acceptable and even expected.

Oh, OH, and the "ladies" that are praised in the poems and songs are unattainable. That's the point--you worship and adore from afar, because the lady in question is generally your Lord's wife. AND, that whole culture of worship of an unattainable woman came from the rise of devotion to the VIRGIN MARY that occurred in the 11th-12th centuries. Yeah.

This makes me stabby, I tell you. And Dougie thinks he's a scholar!! I'm all for learning sword fighting under proper supervision, but those kids aren't knights. They won't even join the military and, you know, defend their country. But they're so manly and Christian running around with their swords and making fools of themselves!!!

Plus, it doesn't seem to me that sword-fighting is the most practical of skills. I mean, it could be a good thing to do, for exercise, etc., but it's not really going to help those "men" get jobs or support their families, or anything. I really think Dougie is delusional--we don't live in the middle ages, or the 40s, or on the Titantic (thank god)--maybe, just MAYBE he should give reality a shot.

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I wonder how these boys would react to getting beat by a girl. I seriously doubt if they know how to actually fence. They probably only wave epees around for fun. I just did a search for him in the online fencing competition and results database. This site has results from competitions from anywhere in the country. Didn't see his name even once.

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I know the swords are lame and all but it forced me to admit to my headship that the Phillips boy defrauded me. Man, to be 22 years younger... I would find out if that boy is gay or not. :twisted:

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The idea of chivalry is horse-shit. It's not Christian--(well, ok, used Christian ideas to back up a warrior culture) but these stupid people act like the "Age of Chivalry" is when men really respected women, etc. No. It was NOT about rescuing damsels in distress, it was about fighting for your Lord, no questions asked. And there was no such thing as fidelity in the middle ages (ok, maybe some people were monogamous) but generally speaking, adultery was common, acceptable and even expected.

Oh, OH, and the "ladies" that are praised in the poems and songs are unattainable. That's the point--you worship and adore from afar, because the lady in question is generally your Lord's wife. AND, that whole culture of worship of an unattainable woman came from the rise of devotion to the VIRGIN MARY that occurred in the 11th-12th centuries. Yeah.

This makes me stabby, I tell you. And Dougie thinks he's a scholar!! I'm all for learning sword fighting under proper supervision, but those kids aren't knights. They won't even join the military and, you know, defend their country. But they're so manly and Christian running around with their swords and making fools of themselves!!!

Plus, it doesn't seem to me that sword-fighting is the most practical of skills. I mean, it could be a good thing to do, for exercise, etc., but it's not really going to help those "men" get jobs or support their families, or anything. I really think Dougie is delusional--we don't live in the middle ages, or the 40s, or on the Titantic (thank god)--maybe, just MAYBE he should give reality a shot.

If Doug knew that, he'd be sorely pissed of a devotion to the Virgin Mary, I think for most fundie Protestants, Mary is another Goddess name. I use to think why Protestants don't pray to Mary was because they don't like women much.

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1) That was some "gay apparel" they were wearing - must be Christmas time! :lol:

2) When the narrator was talking, all I could think of was Cary Elwes in Men In Tights -- "Unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent."

3) If any normal person had tried to do this (either the narration or the "fighting"), the project would have had to be abandoned, due to excessive hysterical laughing. I suppose it's a credit to Dougie's "training" that his sons were able to get through this. Or, gasp! Maybe they really believe this is some manly shit they are doing? Maybe that's what happens when you can't talk to a girl before you're married.

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Okay, I transcribed what I could before cracking up.

Reading this my mind def goes straight to the gutter. So the 2nd & 3rd point are telling men to masturbate. A...lot... How can you know what your weapon will do if you don't handle it! :lol:

4th point means you should go down as much as possible & the 1st means that you need a sense of humor if your significant other farts in your face.

Wow Dougie almost makes sense :P

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I wonder how these boys would react to getting beat by a girl. I seriously doubt if they know how to actually fence. They probably only wave epees around for fun. I just did a search for him in the online fencing competition and results database. This site has results from competitions from anywhere in the country. Didn't see his name even once.

I actually think they have a legit coach. But they still probably suck and would be horrified if they were beat by a girl. Of course they're not going to show up on AskFred, but I think they had at least one Vision Forum only tournament. LAME.

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