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How much do fundy girls know about the mechanics of sex?


Daenerys

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Here's the post from Michael Sr: mortonclan.blogspot.com/2007/09/note-from-michael.html

Guess he really was talking about all his children, not the boys, I think it was stuck in my head the other way from the phrase "The way of a man with his maid." Yeesh.

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My heart goes out to Koolmom, Pixydust and Snarkbillie! Many hugs to you. You suffered much that you didn't deserve.

Me too. Big hugs to you, and to any survivors of abuse that are reading this but unable to speak out. My uncle and his family were fundies. He molested all the girls and the ones next door. (Not me, thank goodness.) He's currently in prison, and I really wish I knew what was happening with his kids. (The mom cut ties with my side of the family long ago for not being fundies.) I do know that CPS is involved with their family. The whole catastrophe is what started my Crusade Against Fundamentalism and Patriarchy. So, so dangerous.

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One of my sisters is 9, and I'm pretty sure she's been told nothing about sex (except possibly how babies are made). Should I be worried? If she started her period early, like, now, she'd FREAK OUT. She seems to have emotional problems and is super-easily upset.

Should you be worried about her? Yes. But you (or more ideally, your parents) should be more worried about the disabled 10 year old. She might look young, but she is coming up on puberty. Imagine how SHE will freak out if she suddenly starts bleeding. That's why it's super important that significant changes be made in her life as soon as possible, and when she's in a better state, that someone takes the time to explain some of "the facts of life" to her in a way she can understand.

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She just turned 11 actually (I'm a proud big sis), and though I am IN NO WAY defending the way things have been or pooh-poohing the valid concerns, my sister is unlikely to be freaked by bleeding. She doesn't seem to have the mental development to understand that blood in a diaper is not normal or understand 'the facts of life' beyond 'what's happening to you is normal'. This is the girl who was only mildly perturbed while practically projectile-vomiting.

But I wholeheartedly agree, it is NOT ok to simply continue as usual as if blood in a diaper makes no difference.

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Like JB Duggar said to Smuggar, it's just like Legos. :lol:

Or what Queen Victoria's mother told her befoer she married Albert: "Lie down, open yr legs wide, close yr eyes and think of England". In her case she might have loved thinking about England with Albert as they had many kids and she remained in mourning for the rest of her life when he died.

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Here's the post from Michael Sr: mortonclan.blogspot.com/2007/09/note-from-michael.html

Guess he really was talking about all his children, not the boys, I think it was stuck in my head the other way from the phrase "The way of a man with his maid." Yeesh.

That's a verse from Proverbs.

Seriously- fundy kids can't read the Bible and not start to figure some things out.

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If you ask me, this is child abuse. I'm sorry that happened to you.

And hugs to pixydust and snarkbilly, and anyone else who's been abused and didn't have the words to tell about it.

Thanks Linnea. 16 years after the last time I stepped inside a church, I'm still shocked that I'm not the only one who has lived my story.

Snarkbilly and Eliowy, I'm sorry....I know your pain.

ETA: Also, thanks to Chunkybarbie, MissM, 2xx1xy1jd, Kb2, Anno, cloverleigh, daharyn, Avalon daughter, and celestial...It's funny, I still worry a little that people won't believe me...it's nice to be cyber surounded by people who believe me (and others) about abuse!

Also, Koolmom, I'm so sorry! I can't imagine telling someone and them not doing a damn thing about it!

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That's a verse from Proverbs.

Seriously- fundy kids can't read the Bible and not start to figure some things out.

I wasn't allowed to read those parts of the Bible as a kid! "Song of Solomon" was for "married people", etc.

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I wasn't allowed to read those parts of the Bible as a kid! "Song of Solomon" was for "married people", etc.

Haha! As if you could get much out of 'Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies.'

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Thanks Linnea. 16 years after the last time I stepped inside a church, I'm still shocked that I'm not the only one who has lived my story.

Snarkbilly and Eliowy, I'm sorry....I know your pain.

ETA: Also, thanks to Chunkybarbie, MissM, 2xx1xy1jd, Kb2, Anno, cloverleigh, daharyn, Avalon daughter, and celestial...It's funny, I still worry a little that people won't believe me...it's nice to be cyber surounded by people who believe me (and others) about abuse!

Also, Koolmom, I'm so sorry! I can't imagine telling someone and them not doing a damn thing about it!

I'm a survivor too. Except I was raped by the teen neighbor and my dad married his mother years after the fact. I was only 7 at the time and that abuse has carried into my adult life. Anyway my dad and my dad's side (not my grands though)told me to get over it as it was in the past. No, sorry I couldn't and still hate the boy with all my heart. I'm not going to go into the abuse of my dad's second marriage put me through but sadly the rape of 7 year old me didn't end at age 7, they loved to rehash it for the rest of my father's life... to the point of trying to allow that monster to hold my infants. Thankfully after years of therapy as an adult I sort of moved forward. I hope you heal from it too.

Anyway, I was told by my mother about periods and the birds and bees as things came up. Like the time one of my older sisters flushed a pad into our septic system and tried blaming me. My mom figured it out when I didn't even know where the things were kept let alone what they were used for. After having to give me the low down on periods and sluffing of walls I was pretty freaked out. I felt very sad and dirty until she told me that it would help me have a baby. I didn't want a baby so we agreed that I could have kittens or puppies instead. That is why when telling my mom everytime I was pg she would ask if it was going to be a puppy or a kitten. :roll:

Also our public school had an awesome sex ed class everyone took as a year long core class in the 8th grade. It focused on everything from how to put on a condom to having healthy relationships with all the different people in your life. It really helped a lot of kids but we still had pregnant teens in jr and sr high. :whistle:

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i guess i might as well chime in, though some know this already [if they remember lol]...i'm a survivor of sexual abuse as well. only it wasn't a fundy-inspired type of sexual abuse, just a very abusive, quite worldly boyfriend who abused me physically, emotionally, and sexually. by the time this happened, i knew what sex was and all that jazz. i did get preggers once by him, but i miscarried.

never actually had "the talk" though. my mum gave me this christian sex ed type of book. it was actually quite informative, and even presented both sides of the "pro-masterbation/anti-masterbation" argument. it was rather liberal, i guess. anyway, that was all. we never talked after i read it at all, just a "here, read this". i often wondered how my mother found out about sex...my grandparents were not religious at ALL, but this was still back in the late 50's/early 60's, so i don't really know how in depth the sex ed classes were or when they had them, if they even had them.

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I was quite well-educated for a fundie kid...I think my parents told my sis and I the basic facts when we were about 4 or 5. I don't think it was super detailed, but we knew about sperm and eggs and the PIV and that's how you make babies.

I don't think the whole "sex feels good" thing clicked until I was older - I think my sister asked if you could feel anything during sex, and I wondered if you could do it with your clothes on, stuff like that.

I knew about periods, too, and that they weren't anything to be afraid of. I wish my mom had taken me to the doctor when I started experiencing debilitating cramps, but she figured the doc would just put me on the evil birth control pill, so that didn't happen.

What continued to mystify me until my late, late teens was the erection thing. I just...couldn't picture it. And I was also confused by circumcision - I was told that a circ was the "removal of a flap of skin covering the penis" - so I pictured a squareish flap of skin over the tip of the penis. Once I had my own computer and University internet access, I did some...educational Googling and figured it out :lol:

I do want to say that I'm sorry that so many people here have been the victims of sexual abuse. I just...don't really know what to say about that except that I'm so, so sorry you all went through that. :(

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FUCK the failing internet ate my posts.

I don't buy that the Duggar kids are so sheltered as to know nothing about sex. Jill's the delivery girl, Josh is married. The girls' room is right next to JB and Michelle's. They know something, though probably through the fundie filter. JB&M themselves don't even seem to try to shelter them *that* much, JB after all did have "the talk" with Josh and give him a rather helpful book. I don't know, after so many, those kids have to be catching on, or at least asking questions. Considering Michelle knows what she's talking about when she talks about her pregnancy, and her audience knows, the kids probably know. I'm going to guess that the more public the moms are, the more the kids know.

Fundie sex ed is probably just abstinence-only sex ed, only not funded BY TEH EBIL LIBRUL GUBMINT (wait, what?!) and with a lot more Christian buzzwords thrown in. And abstinence-only sex ed is fucking terrible. It's sexist, it stereotypes men and women. It's disgusting. I survived sexual abuse from a boyfriend in 10th grade. I was already a very shy person and had trouble asserting myself, so I can't really blame abstinence-only bullshit, but it's probably led to more widespread and more intense relationship/sexual abuse because girls still don't own their bodies and can't say no to their own freakin' boyfriends, because they're too weak and just looking for love. :(

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One of the aspects of my Catholic school education I was thankful for was an actual "down and dirty" (relatively speaking) human sexuality class, starting in 3rd grade. They used a lot of technical terminology, and yeah, we all giggled through "that chapter" of the book for several years, but at least it gave us a rudimentary idea of what goes where, at least when it come to heterosexual PIV sex.

As for the details, I read a Harlequin romance when I was 9 or 10, which filled in a lot of blanks.

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never actually had "the talk" though. my mum gave me this christian sex ed type of book. it was actually quite informative, and even presented both sides of the "pro-masterbation/anti-masterbation" argument.

Is there an anti-masturbation argument? :shock:

I think it's marvelous.

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Is there an anti-masturbation argument? :shock:

I think it's marvelous.

something like, "those feelings should be kept inside a marriage" or some such shit about keeping pure.

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Hm, well I am married, so it is okay then?

But srsly, I think masturbation is a great thing for teenagers. They can get to know their bodies and satisfy urges until they are ready to be seually active.

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something like, "those feelings should be kept inside a marriage" or some such shit about keeping pure.

Yeah, I think it's something to do with it being selfish or some nonsense. That sex is between a husband and wife for the creation of children, and to simulate that feeling without your marriage partner is sinful. The "every sperm is sacred" argument, basically.

I dunno, I think it's awesome. *shrug*

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Hm, well I am married, so it is okay then?

But srsly, I think masturbation is a great thing for teenagers. They can get to know their bodies and satisfy urges until they are ready to be seually active.

they didn't say anything about after you're married, so i assume it's ok. but some fundy out there would probably rant about it not being an action that's making a baby so therefore it's bad. *shrug*

and yes, i agree. i honestly think that some kids that have sex so early do it to satisfy those urges. and, if they could satisfy those urges themselves, then no need to have sex and possibly get an std/get preggo! my stance on when to have sex is this...sex is an adult activity and if you truly understand the possible consequences of doing it and are ready to accept them, and are with a partner you love and trust, then go for it. [but use protection]

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Yeah, isn't there some "It is better to spill your seed in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground" verse or something?

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So the girls' room is RIGHT NEXT TO Mama Duggar and Daddy Boob?? What? Is that yet another Gothardite rule? They run everything ELSE like a Swiss watch, so why not placement of Mommy and Daddy's bedroom next to the ones who'll be doing the next generation's childbearing? Something way back in the dark recesses of my mind is cogitating that maybe that's intentional -- that maybe future fundie mothers need to get a whiff or a sense what the Holy Grail is all about, if nothing than hearing occasional moans and head-board thunks from the Throne of Fertility. They'll pick up at least some idea what might be going on without Mommy or Daddy having to actually tell them until a couple of days before they get married. Am I off the rails on this one, folks?

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Hm, well I am married, so it is okay then?

But srsly, I think masturbation is a great thing for teenagers. They can get to know their bodies and satisfy urges until they are ready to be seually active.

I was told (fundie-Catholic) that people imprint with their partner when they have sex for the first time - god that sounds like something out of fucking twilight - and so, if I masturbated, I would imprint with myself, and never have a good sexual experience with my future husband, because I would be permanently warped. I am not making this up. I'm laughing my ass off as I write this now, but at the time, it scared the hell out of me, so I guess my Mom got her point across. I'm not sure what kind of freaky nonsense other groups use... This argument also works for saving oneself for marriage, you only get one imprint!!11!!

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I was told (fundie-Catholic) that people imprint with their partner when they have sex for the first time - god that sounds like something out of fucking twilight - and so, if I masturbated, I would imprint with myself, and never have a good sexual experience with my future husband, because I would be permanently warped.!

Hahaha, I was told that too! Not with the tag on about masturbation (I was never told anything about masturbation - managed to figure it out myself just fine), though. That is luda.

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I was told (fundie-Catholic) that people imprint with their partner when they have sex for the first time - god that sounds like something out of fucking twilight - and so, if I masturbated, I would imprint with myself, and never have a good sexual experience with my future husband, because I would be permanently warped. I am not making this up. I'm laughing my ass off as I write this now, but at the time, it scared the hell out of me, so I guess my Mom got her point across. I'm not sure what kind of freaky nonsense other groups use... This argument also works for saving oneself for marriage, you only get one imprint!!11!!

i forget who posted this before, but whoever it was i love you forever for it...

demotivational-posters-quadruple-facepalm.jpg

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