How much do fundy girls know about the mechanics of sex?

[2xx1xy1JD]

But how can you really consent to marriage if you don't know about sex? Part of choosing a spouse is being sexually attracted to the other person. There are plenty of guys that I have friendly feelings for that would make great roommates and companions. That doesn't mean that I want to have sex with them. A person who hasn't been told about sex until days before the wedding will have no ability to decide if they want actually want to have sex with the other person. What if the young lady realizes that although her future husband is a sweet man, she just doesn't want that particular guy touching her?

My thoughts exactly. I think that marriage needs informed consent.

snarkbillie and pixydust - I'm sorry for what you went through, those stories are horrifying. That's part of the reason I was determined to tell my kids the facts of life EARLY, long before they started to ask questions themselves, and to also make it clear, without terrifying them, that if anyone tried to touch them there or do anything that they didn't like, they were to yell "NO DON'T TOUCH ME!" and tell me or a teacher right away. It's ironic that withholding information, far from protecting "purity", actually makes kids more vulnerable.

[Mama Mia]

Really, I think this is the best argument for having at least SOME universal requirements for home schooled kids !

Shouldn't they be required to at least give out the little puberty /sex ed pamphlets that public school kids get in 5th grade ?

Forget about math levels, or sitting still all day or the benefits of one curriculum over another .. this is something all kids needs to know.. and before they get their period .. jeeze it's like something out of the movie Carrie !

[browncoatslytherin]

I have a 10 year old and she knows what happens during puberty (hair, curves, boobies, bloating, periods, mood swings, etc.) and how babies are made (sperm and egg) but I'm not entirely sure she knows how the sperm gets to the egg. I'm hoping to get a book and discuss it with her this summer at a mother/daughter weekend or something. She probably has already figured it out, but you know... maybe not? I never had "the talk" so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to tell her or when. I know she's not close to starting her period because I've been watching for the other stuff that happens first and it's not there.

i started my period at 10 with absolutely no warning, no "stuff that happens first". it just happened. and, of course, i wasn't told so when i woke up all bloody i was like :o i think the only reason i didn't scream is because i couldn't quite get my breath together.

actually, on average, girls are getting their periods earlier and earlier.

[pomology]

I assume that fundie girls have about as much of an idea about sex as Wendla in Spring Awakening.

ETA:

My first period traumatized me enough even though I knew full well what was happening. If I hadn't known, I would have freaked. Hell, my period still traumatizes me, although that is mostly due to really terrible PMS and painful cramps.

[kb2]

snarkbillie and pixydust--I'm really sorry about what you went through.

[CanadianHippie]

I just can't believe that these young men need to be told what sex is or how to do it days before their wedding. Come on. They're guys, with penises - you know, they have probably thought some things out by that point. They would have to be incredibly dense to have not figured it out. Really, do you think Cleve's dad gave him the talk the other day and that's the first he'd ever heard of it?

Just cause a guy knows what his penis is, how it feels, and what it looks like when he's aroused, doesn't mean he knows where to stick it when the time comes or that that is what he has to do to "fill his quiver".

[2xx1xy1JD]

One of my sisters is 9, and I'm pretty sure she's been told nothing about sex (except possibly how babies are made). Should I be worried? If she started her period early, like, now, she'd FREAK OUT. She seems to have emotional problems and is super-easily upset.

Daughter #2 got her period shortly after her 8th birthday. Yes, that's really early, but I noticed signs of early puberty so I taught her and her older sister together what they needed to know, and got them a book. She coped well in part because it wasn't a total shock, and she knew what to do.

[koolmom]

Count me among the brethren...my bio dad molested me for years starting from age eight 'til early teens. Don't know why he did it, but he'd just married my stepmother and whatever happened must have driven him to seek gratification elsewhere. I told my stepmom when he was away on deployment, and she was upset (naturally), but she declared because we (three sibs) "weren't her kids", she couldn't do anything about it. The ironic thing was during the time my dad was molesting me, he'd also hit on my older sister, who,unlike me was already near her teens. She was closer to my stepmom, but never told her. I discovered this in 1990, when my brother was in therapy after his second marriage was breaking up. Gotta wonder when I told my mom back in the day, didn't she ask my sis if Dad tried to touch her too? Maybe she lied to get out of having to be focused on? When I told Sis, she just replied "Well, I just decided to 'move on' ", as if suffering through incest was just a phase -- she eventually married a full-blown alcoholic and stayed with him for 25 years until he died. The legacy of abuse is simply unfathomable.

[AnnoDomini]

Oh my. Koolmom, snarkbillie, pixydust... in lieu of the wise and/or eloquent responses that rarely come when I need them, I am sending prayers/good thoughts for you.

[clover_leigh]

snarkbillie and pixydust--I'm really sorry about what you went through.

Seconded.

[clover_leigh]

I thought men impregnated women with their fingers until I was like..11. Which i look back on now and I have no idea why I would even think that. I also had no clue how people could physically have sex with someone of the same sex until 12 or 13. Like..the mechanics of the whole thing. My how times have changed :lol:

[browncoatslytherin]

I also had no clue how people could physically have sex with someone of the same sex until 12 or 13. Like..the mechanics of the whole thing.

same thing here! only later because of the whole being sheltered thing.

oh, and welcome, clover. love your avatar. ;)

[tabitha2]

I knew about sex from stealing my dads porno mags as a young child of about 6 or 7.I hid in my closet and looked at them.My mom found them one day and I was mortified-she found them made me look at them with her right there and that ended that :).So I knew all about sex and then some but did not put it to together with making babies till later.

[AnnoDomini]

Add me to the list--I had no idea about oral sex or orgasms then. I thought sex= PiV, no more, no less.

[browncoatslytherin]

reading another thread reminded me of this...for a very long time, i thought "oral sex" was basically what was actually considered "phone sex"...i mean, you know, it being "oral" and all?

[koolmom]

Thank you all for caring. Luckily, my then-husband understood after I'd hedged and didn't tell him about it until nearly a year into our relationship, fearful he'd either dump me or beat up my dad (not that he didn't deserve it!). It was a great load off my chest to finally come clean to him about it. Oddly, he'd told me one of his friends' sister had also been molested by her dad, and I wondered "Damn, this must be more common than I'd realized". This was back in the mid-70's. I read voraciously about this kind of thing when I got older and with lots of counseling and good friends, I felt redeemed and learned it was NOT my fault my father did the things he did. Looks as if coming from fundie or fundie-like families builds an atmosphere where this kind of abuse can happen.

All it takes is one alpha male who thinks he owns anyone under his roof.

[Tanaqui]

For me (and I'm sure many of my classmates) one of the most confusing bits of advice I received was from a middle school coach during Sex Ed. (Imagine the following said in a strong southern accent) "Now girls, remember, don't let them boys put their things in your butt." We all looked around at each other with wide eyes probably all thinking, "What do they want to put in our butts and why?!" That question fueled some recess discussions for a long time.

[daharyn]

A heartfelt shout out to all of the survivors reading this thread, whether you have identified yourselves or are anonymous. Appropriate virtual hugs to you.

I didn't grow up fundy, but I have friends who did, and they've pretty much shattered the image I had of how I grew up in this tiny enlightened post-AIDS window in which a majority of US kids got comprehensive sex ed like I did. Um, yeah. I totally wanted to believe that!

[MonkeyMomma]

It's becoming quite clear from this thread that withholding sex ed doesn't protect children or "purity," it only protects abusive assholes. :evil:

[browncoatslytherin]

It's becoming quite clear from this thread that withholding sex ed doesn't protect children or "purity," it only protects abusive assholes. :evil:

QFT! i wish these fundies would read those stories and realize what could potentially happen to their children because of THEIR hangups.

eta: i'm now a robobotkin!

[annalena]

Hell yeah, if only they'd realize what real threats they expose their children to.

Edit also: I just noticed I'm A Vision Forum intern! What's the highest rank one can get?

[MonkeyMomma]

And further thoughts ... how f'in hard is it to teach your child basic biological realities and how to know if something bad is happening, while still imparting your religious beliefs on the topic? For instance, this is how it all works, but this is why it is important to your parents/your church to wait until you are married. How little these people must think of their children!

[eohiken]

It's hard when so much emphasis is placed on the 'sinfulness' of basic biological reality.

[snarkbillie]

And further thoughts ... how f'in hard is it to teach your child basic biological realities and how to know if something bad is happening, while still imparting your religious beliefs on the topic? For instance, this is how it all works, but this is why it is important to your parents/your church to wait until you are married. How little these people must think of their children!

I had at talk with both of my kids when they were pre-school aged. They were asking about their bodies and I told them what everything was called and added in a "these are your private parts" and talked about how it's okay for them to touch them and how if someone else touched them they should tell me about it. Nothing defrauding in the entire conversation.

[Avalondaughter]

My heart goes out to Koolmom, Pixydust and Snarkbillie! Many hugs to you. You suffered much that you didn't deserve.

I just can't understand how kids can go around knowing NOTHING about sex. Don't they ever feel sensations. Don't they wonder where babies come from? Do they ever see farm animals going at it? You really have to shelter the heck out of kids to have them not even wonder.

The Duggars may not let their kids watch TV or movies or read secular books, but they do take these kids to big cities where at the very least they see things like statues and billboards. They also know through the whole NIKE thing that women are dressed immodestly. What do they think these sinful women are doing? Why are they supposed to avoid it? What exacty is defrauding them?