How much do fundy girls know about the mechanics of sex?

[Daenerys]

Somebody posted a while back that Anna Keller Duggar had said that her mother only told her the reality of what was going to happen on her wedding night a few days before, when it would have been way too late to back out or slow down with the way things were going. Is this normal? Although I know these fundy girls are very sheltered, I had sort of assumed that they had got the idea from somewhere that p-in-v is how it works when you get married. It seems really odd to leave it so late to tell someone, especially as they want them to hold off: how can they even understand what they're holding off from?

I sort of assume that the men have more of an idea, but I don't even know about that either. Though I hope someone does otherwise the wedding night will be very disappointing.

[pixydust]

Honestly, I didn't figure it out until I was probably 16, and that was because my 18yo brother realized that I didn't know, and handed me his "secret stash" of Details magazine and suggested I buy some Cosmos to get it figured out. I didn't know how a condom worked, how a tampon worked, or what a clitoris was.

The problem with not knowing how it works, IMO, is what happened to me..... when my mom's then husband began raping me, I didn't have a clue. I didn't know that is what was happening, so I didn't have the languege for it (I knew that rape was someone forcing sex, but I didn't really know what sex was, because I didn't know what sex was, I didn't realize that I was being raped... much easier for him to blame me for it).

[fundiefan]

Papa Morton only tells his kids at a 'special' dinner a couple of days before the wedding. He says they don't need to know before then; that knowledge is like a speeding train and can't be stopped once known, so he doesn't let them know until they need to.

I have no idea what or how any others take care of that. I can't imagine it is any healthier than any of their other ways, though.

[Shirley MacLaine]

Papa Morton only tells his kids at a 'special' dinner a couple of days before the wedding. He says they don't need to know before then; that knowledge is like a speeding train and can't be stopped once known, so he doesn't let them know until they need to.

I wonder how well that works in a lot of situations... even fundie kids must gossip and share their information/misinformation.

[ophelia]

Most of those people do homebirths which are attended by their sisters or sisters-in-law.. I think they might imagine some things.

[Daenerys]

Papa Morton only tells his kids at a 'special' dinner a couple of days before the wedding. He says they don't need to know before then; that knowledge is like a speeding train and can't be stopped once known, so he doesn't let them know until they need to.

I have no idea what or how any others take care of that. I can't imagine it is any healthier than any of their other ways, though.

Bleurgh, I would not want to discover the mechanics of sex for the first time whilst EATING.

Is that for boys and girls?

[ophelia]

Their whole cult is based on beeing fertile and have as many babies as possible.. their doble standards when it comes to sex are just stupid since sex (nearly) the only way to have children...

[fundiefan]

Bleurgh, I would not want to discover the mechanics of sex for the first time whilst EATING.

Is that for boys and girls?

I don't know for sure but he said he takes his 'kids' for this dinner...he didn't say sons or daughters.

[Mama Mia]

Don't many of them live in the country and have pets and animals ? Wouldn't they just figure it out from that ? I just can't imagine how someone could avoid that knowledge until adulthood ?

[VeraAnne]

Ok, I'm just going to be honest here. I didn't *totally* understand the mechanics of sex until I was at least 16 and had fooled around with several guys. I mean, I got the whole p in v part of the situation, but I didn't understand just how um...evident...it would be when a guy came. I wasn't raised as a fundy at all, and my mom was open about sex, but somehow all of the nitty gritty of the sitaution wasn't clear to me until I had a boyfriend who was very eager to teach me.

So yeah, I'm sure that there are a lot of fundy girls (and guys, honestly) who are sort of feeling around in the dark on their wedding nights.

edit:I spelz gud

[Daenerys]

I didn't fully 'get it' until I was about 14, it's not unusual. However, when I felt like finding it out in more detail I just looked up some porn and got a good idea fairly quickly.

[fundiefan]

I wonder what their parents tell them when they hit puberty; when their bodies start telling them things (and doing things) they have absolutely no control over.

My mom was no good at this stuff and I learned everything from my older sister and her friends; I don't know how she learned, but that didn't matter to me at the time. Well, that combined with my health class in public school where were educated about the human body, how it functions, what it does and what it means when 'things' happen. I was also an avid reader and ran the gamut of pre-teen and teenage sex books, Judy Blume included. Then, at 16 I went on the pill - that was my mom's way of saying she knew we were growing up or something, so I had a gynecologist to talk to. One who referred me to Planned Parenthood for questions I didn't feel comfortable asking him, since he was a man.

Even with that, though, there was a lot of in the dark fumbling with my first sexual experiences. I never felt completely clueless, but I did have a lot to learn even after the fact.

[ophelia]

I always knew about the biological things that involve sex, but how everything really "works" was something I experienced over the years and learned through conversations with my friends. I think there are some things that cannot be explained. Things that involve the "sound of sex" or the smells and all the other stuff which is hard to deal with during the first times..

[Mama Mia]

Funny story with one of my kids and the 'sex talk'... I was pregnant and my 4 year old son asked how the baby got in there. I gave him a very rudimentary .. "the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina" .. the poor kid looked really scared , looking down at himself and then says "but does she give it BACK ??"

[VeraAnne]

or the smells

LMAO. I remember being *so* confused by that Sex and Candy song. "HOW CAN AN ACTION HAVE A SMELL ZOMG!"-preteen me.

[ophelia]

Funny story with one of my kids and the 'sex talk'... I was pregnant and my 4 year old son asked how the baby got in there. I gave him a very rudimentary .. "the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina" .. the poor kid looked really scared , looking down at himself and then says "but does she give it BACK ??"

how really really sweet! I love the way kids see the world.

[Jessica]

I knew that the penis goes into the vagina but I thought the man just sticks it in, ejaculates, and that was it. I didn't know that he has to move in and out quite a bit before Old Faithful goes off.

[snarkbillie]

Don't many of them live in the country and have pets and animals ? Wouldn't they just figure it out from that ? I just can't imagine how someone could avoid that knowledge until adulthood ?

Honestly I grew up on a farm (in a fundy famly) and I just thought that's how animals "did it" until I was like 12. When I was 12 I was told about my period (too late!) and that led to "babies grow in your womb" which is "where the blood is" and that they both come out of your "parts". Once I realized that human babies came out like animal babies I assumed people did it like the animals do. It's really funny now, but at the time I was positively traumatized. (abuse that I thought was just "hurting me" suddenly was understood to be rape, etc. I had nobody to talk to about this though as I was convinced the whole thing was my fault.)

[PBrooke]

I don't know for sure but he said he takes his 'kids' for this dinner...he didn't say sons or daughters.

Actually, I'm pretty sure he was talking about it in the context of his sons. Since I'm reading all the way back through the whole freaking thing I'll check it out on the way. However, I'm pretty sure the girls attend the birth, and at any rate they're all homebirths anyway; also, they live on a farm, and have had various animals. I suspect that when the first member of either sex got married, at least some knowledge got passed down to the siblings (ie, Katie told her sisters, Michael told his brothers).

[VeraAnne]

Snarkbillie, I am so sorry for the abuse that you suffered.

[browngrl]

Honestly, I didn't figure it out until I was probably 16, and that was because my 18yo brother realized that I didn't know, and handed me his "secret stash" of Details magazine and suggested I buy some Cosmos to get it figured out. I didn't know how a condom worked, how a tampon worked, or what a clitoris was.

The problem with not knowing how it works, IMO, is what happened to me..... when my mom's then husband began raping me, I didn't have a clue. I didn't know that is what was happening, so I didn't have the languege for it (I knew that rape was someone forcing sex, but I didn't really know what sex was, because I didn't know what sex was, I didn't realize that I was being raped... much easier for him to blame me for it).

What a terrible thing. I am so sorry you had to endure that. *hugs*

[debrand]

But how can you really consent to marriage if you don't know about sex? Part of choosing a spouse is being sexually attracted to the other person. There are plenty of guys that I have friendly feelings for that would make great roommates and companions. That doesn't mean that I want to have sex with them. A person who hasn't been told about sex until days before the wedding will have no ability to decide if they want actually want to have sex with the other person. What if the young lady realizes that although her future husband is a sweet man, she just doesn't want that particular guy touching her?

[debrand]

What a terrible thing. I am so sorry you had to endure that. *hugs*

Me too. :(

[bananacat]

I doubt that Jana Duggar knows what sex is, and John David probably doesn't either. It's one thing to know where a baby comes out of, but another thing to realize that a penis has to go in nine months before. They are discouraged from ever exploring or even thinking about sex. If Jill's thoughts started to wander to try to connect the idea of birth to sex, she'd stop thinking about it immediately and then chastise herself for ever going there. They have occasionally had pets, but never more than one at a time. How could any of the Duggar girls ever know when even thinking about it is a sin? I wouldn't be surprised if some of the older Duggars believe sex is just kissing while naked or something like that.

One family, maybe the Botkins? believes that you shouldn't tell your son until a few days before the wedding, because otherwise he might have impure thoughts about a woman who isn't yet his wife. And some of the weirdest fundies even think that you should only teach sons, and let daughters find out when they obey their husbands on their wedding night. It reduces the number of times that sex ever has to be talked about farther than "don't do it".

[gustava]

Papa Morton only tells his kids at a 'special' dinner a couple of days before the wedding. He says they don't need to know before then; that knowledge is like a speeding train and can't be stopped once known, so he doesn't let them know until they need to.

I have no idea what or how any others take care of that. I can't imagine it is any healthier than any of their other ways, though.

Do you suppose the main dish is Polish sausage? Italian sausage? Bananas? Pickles? Cucumbers???