Bad News for Bathroom Baby

[BoomerLynn]

But the fact that she goes on about spending thousands of dollars a year on a toddler (and then adds that the state is paying it anyway) makes me think she is just being cheap in an area where no reasonable cost should be spared.

Yet she has no problem dropping several thousand dollars on camera equipment. From what I've seen in some of her pics, it looks like she has quite a lot of expensive equipment.

[emmiedahl]

Wait, she didn't agree with the therapist on her methods? In what universe does she know the first thing about therapy? She doesn't even know the most basic things about being a parent!

It is sad that they live in an apartment that must cost at least $1500/month and will buy all sorts of nice stuff for themselves, but $300 a year and a free program for something that will affect the course of their child's whole life is too much.

I could scrape up $30 a month for a kid that needed it. I don't even want to calculate what percentage of my income goes to violin for a child that "needs" it and art supplies for another child who "needs" them (those two only count if you consider cultivating talent a "need", which I do) not to mention supplementary school materials because the kids need them. My mother, even when she could not afford her own migraine medication or bedroom, spent lavishly on lessons and private schools and therapies. Evil feminists and their child-hating ways!

We try to get things as cheaply as possible, and I would classify $30 a month as a reasonable and cheap expense. I could always get rid of the $30/month cell phone if needed. Surely TW could give up a few expensive dinners in Europe for her baby's well-being.

[Aurora]

I could scrape up $30 a month for a kid that needed it. I don't even want to calculate what percentage of my income goes to violin for a child that "needs" it and art supplies for another child who "needs" them (those two only count if you consider cultivating talent a "need", which I do) not to mention supplementary school materials because the kids need them. My mother, even when she could not afford her own migraine medication or bedroom, spent lavishly on lessons and private schools and therapies. Evil feminists and their child-hating ways!

We try to get things as cheaply as possible, and I would classify $30 a month as a reasonable and cheap expense. I could always get rid of the $30/month cell phone if needed. Surely TW could give up a few expensive dinners in Europe for her baby's well-being.

Absolutely. She buys his clothes at thrift stores (well, I can sort of understand that; babies grow so fast, and one could argue that it's not smart to spend a lot on something he'll only wear for a month). She won't buy him toys, doesn't show any interest in making a special space for him with pictures or books or decorations, but their fancy apartment (I've lived in some expensive cities and paid $1000/month for an apartment nowhere near that nice, so $1500/month might be an underestimate) is full of nice furniture, clothes and computers for themselves. She just doesn't seem to show any joy or pride in making his life special. :(

[Witsec7]

Now that she's posted about the childs therapy it will blithely return to being a back burner issue on her blog. I'm betting within the next 24 hours there will be a 'me, me, me' blog post complete with fashion statement photos from ThatWife.

ThatWife disgusts me.

[desertvixen]

If bathroom baby went to daycare, he would definitely be getting more interaction than he is at home.

Definitely.

[Wolfie]

The developmental issues in early child are more often seen in boys; behavioral problems in classrooms are usually boys; the behavioral problems in adulthood are usually males. I don't think that is necessarily a coincidence. Those early interventions can prevent a lot of problems by showing parents how to interact with their son. ime, daughters are more interactive and sometimes easier for a mother to bond to, and I worry that TW just never really put in the extra effort.

And because of the difference in temperments, often girls are underdiagnosed. I know that my LD wasn't diagnosed until college because it manifests differently in girls than boys. I was just told that I was being lazy when I was having problems doing something. Not a good thing at all. (and then when I'm having issues now, my mom says, "I don't know why you think so little of yourself.")

[emmiedahl]

I am a little ticked at that slam on daycare she made. Her son would be a very different developmental place if he had been lucky enough to be in high quality childcare instead of in a tiny cage with exactly five toys.

My kids have gone at various points to high quality daycares where they were nurtured and loved. When I had to choose a daycare for my then-1 year old, I chose the one where the caregivers delighted so much in the toddlers. I spent a few mornings checking the place out, and they just adored those kids so much and were so INTO it. I can't really explain it in words, but I could tell the teachers thought those kids were all fun and funny and precious. There was so much love that I knew I had found my daughter's place. The first few days were tough, so the teachers rocked her to sleep at naptime to make her feel better about the new place. Oh, and they had bachelor's degrees and did NOT spend their days blogging.

I really cannot say enough about the glories of great childcare.

[emmiedahl]

And because of the difference in temperments, often girls are underdiagnosed. I know that my LD wasn't diagnosed until college because it manifests differently in girls than boys. I was just told that I was being lazy when I was having problems doing something. Not a good thing at all. (and then when I'm having issues now, my mom says, "I don't know why you think so little of yourself.")

Absolutely, a quiet little girl is never seen as a problem. I have some real mental health issues that were not dealt with because I was a compliant and "easy" child.

[Wolfie]

I am a little ticked at that slam on daycare she made. Her son would be a very different developmental place if he had been lucky enough to be in high quality childcare instead of in a tiny cage with exactly five toys.

My kids have gone at various points to high quality daycares where they were nurtured and loved. When I had to choose a daycare for my then-1 year old, I chose the one where the caregivers delighted so much in the toddlers. I spent a few mornings checking the place out, and they just adored those kids so much and were so INTO it. I can't really explain it in words, but I could tell the teachers thought those kids were all fun and funny and precious. There was so much love that I knew I had found my daughter's place. The first few days were tough, so the teachers rocked her to sleep at naptime to make her feel better about the new place. Oh, and they had bachelor's degrees and did NOT spend their days blogging.

I really cannot say enough about the glories of great childcare.

This!

My niece is in daycare and she adores it. Her parents have been thrilled with the level of care she got there. And actually, many of the chain daycares/preschools have much higher standards for training and education than the mom who starts a daycare to stay home with her kids. (they also have better oversight to prevent abuse and accidents)

[BoomerLynn]

My sister-in-law worked at a daycare for a couple years. She became so close to some of those kids (and their families) that she also babysat them at their homes if their parents needed childcare outside daycare hours. She continued babysitting for a few families even after she had moved on to a new job. With the right employees, daycares can be great places.

[emmiedahl]

I used one of the teachers as a babysitter also; I think that is common.

It also depends on how the employees are treated by the management. I used to be a preschool teacher, and my supervisors were bitchy and nitpicky and would randomly move us to different classrooms or change our schedules just to fuck with our heads. It definitely affected the classroom. The daycare I chose for my children paid their employees well and kept them on the same schedule and in the same classroom for the entire two years my kids went there. The teachers were in tears when I decided to pull the kids out because we just could not afford it (it was expensive for my area and I had the opportunity to work/go to school from home...).

[Jane]

If a girl acts out she is just being "dramatic", "high strung" or a "diva"...if she's too quiet or calm then she's "timid" "shy" "ladylike". When a boy acts out he's "just being a boy" or "boys are naturally more destructive". I hate that people automatically assume that boys are slower at everything than girls are. My kids (3 boys, 1 girl) all did things in their own time, but if I chart it they were all within the set guidelines. There is a actually a very wide time range for milestones, and I don't think it's wrong to be considered when Timmy isn't walking at 18 mos or can't identify mama at 19 months old (!!!!).

My oldest had issues, so we've been through all the evaluations, therapists, drs, etc etc. The thing that TW doesn't seem to get is that it's not just language the therapists look at. These evaluations are to identify problems with not only expressive but also receptive language delays, motor skills, cognitive delays, all kinds of things that normal moms don't really think of. Especially with an only/first child it's very hard to know what is normal, what is not, what they should be doing, how to gently encourage them. Looking back, I can now see the many delays and unusual behaviors my son had, especially in contrast to his siblings at the same ages. I know his preschool even did informal screenings to identify kids that might benefit from extra help. I do think that T1 would greatly benefit from daycare. Heck, I was trying to find a preschool for my 2 yo even though I'm a sahm, simply because he enjoys playing with other kids and is academically where my others were when they were 4 or 5! It's not evil or lazy, it's just realizing that sometimes a setting with other kids and adults, doing things outside your own normal home routine, can be a GOOD thing for them. And being a good mom is about doing what is best for the child.

[nuri]

I used one of the teachers as a babysitter also; I think that is common.

It continues on too. I made a lot of good money while a TA because I could handle middle-school aged boys with Autism, and well-trusted because of my experience.

I miss that, and reading Thomas the Tank Engine until my voice gave out.

[hispania]

Yeah, my head nearly exploded at the daycare comment. I have consciously made a choice to pursue a career where my children (if that happens for me) will spend some time in childcare each week. I expect that I will get some (or maybe a lot of) judgment about this from fellow Mormons, but oh well. Here's the thing, though. I am fully aware that childcare professionals are exactly that: professionals. I have studied for years to finish my PhD and I am an expert and a professional in my field. A childcare expert could certainly do parts of my job, but he/she would need my help to really be successful. I look forward to having childcare professionals help me to do the best job that I can as a parent, whether that's a daycare provider or a developmental therapist.

It seems to me that TW is too stubborn to recognize that she could possibly EVER do anything wrong and that she and TH don't have all the answers. There's no shame in seeking help. It's really frustrating to watch her close herself off from the world outside.

[Zoom]

My niece who is a few months younger than T1 can identify not only her mom and dad(as mom and dad), but both sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles (although lately I've been mommy too :D ) her cousins (at least one whom she calls by name herself), her best friend at her "crappy daycare".

This woman is a nut case. I am shocked that she thinks you read a 19 month old the actual story in a book. For pet's sake most of the books for kids that age (and certainly younger) don't even HAVE words on the page. They are simply pictures. Means that you can tell a completely different story each time :) . Although niece has recently discovered that books have words and words tell stories and now my sister knows niece's favourite book by heart :D

[ridethekick]

It's free! The cost of doing the therapy is very low to her. The only thing she is giving up is her time.

It may look like just normal toddler play to her, but she's no expert on how to do that. She fired her because she gave him the shapes? Yea, right. My money's still on the therapist saying something about one of her other parenting choices.

And did anyone else catch this?

I called the Child and Family Connections rep and she told me that it would be free. WHAT?!?! Yes, free. Apparently the state covers the cost of therapy when your insurance company won’t. This is the first clue that the state does NOT agree with my theories about delays and the sum cost of not doing therapy.

The state wants to do something for free to help her delayed child? Argh! Persecution!! Oppression by the state!!

[Feberin]

My son is twenty months and has like three times as many words as T1 and I still think he's on the lower end for language development although he signs a bunch too. Of course I wouldn't have counted "choo-choo" as a word but just a noise he can make so maybe that's causing my math to be off. We do mostly read the words in books since my son is awesome at listening to books and while we look at the pictures and talk about them too he will sit through some really long books like One Fish, Two Fish. I hope she gets a new developmental therapist becuase while it might not look like much it's important. If we were told my son needed therapy of any kind we'd dig into savings, give up stuff and do whatever to make sure he got what he needed. Even if he would catch up on his own why would you want to take the chance? Early intervention now is going to do a whole lot more good then intervention when your kid starts school and his teacher sees just how far he is behind. Please tell me that she has never considered home schooling!

[MonkeyMomma]

It's free! The cost of doing the therapy is very low to her. The only thing she is giving up is her time.

It may look like just normal toddler play to her, but she's no expert on how to do that. She fired her because she gave him the shapes? Yea, right. My money's still on the therapist saying something about one of her other parenting choices.

And did anyone else catch this?

The state wants to do something for free to help her delayed child? Argh! Persecution!! Oppression by the state!!

:angry-banghead:

[Mama Mia]

I'm curious, I don't know much about the 'baby sign' thing .... but isn't there a chance that babies learning signs would maybe delay their use of verbal language ? If they already know the sign for "bottle" ( for example ).. wouldn't they maybe be slower to use the word bottle - since they don't need it ?

I don't have an opinion if this is good or bad, just wondering if it might have an impact.

[emmiedahl]

I don't know if it delays development, but it can keep language centers in the brain stimulated while the child masters oral language. I have just started teaching my 1 yo signs because he is not talking at all and he gets frustrated when he wants something. He is picking the signs right up, which is encouraging.

[Mama Mia]

I would definitely have preferred the use of signs over the "scream point uh uh UH !!! repeat" that my kids all did constantly around 12 months :?

[emmiedahl]

I would definitely have preferred the use of signs over the "scream point uh uh UH !!! repeat" that my kids all did constantly around 12 months :?

lol, yes that is what I am trying to curb. That's exactly what he does. He only says one word, and not always appropriately, so he is a little behind. But he is not delayed at all in knowing what he wants.

[amydamy]

I'm curious, I don't know much about the 'baby sign' thing .... but isn't there a chance that babies learning signs would maybe delay their use of verbal language ? If they already know the sign for "bottle" ( for example ).. wouldn't they maybe be slower to use the word bottle - since they don't need it ?

I don't have an opinion if this is good or bad, just wondering if it might have an impact.

Hi I'm a lurker.

My parents are hard of hearing so basically ending up doing "baby signs" before it was a thing. Both my brother and I were on track with speech even though we had a large vocabulary of signs. Until we went to school we used signs and speech together. Most kids drop the signs once they learn the word for something because yelling something tends to be more effective than signing. And kids are generally given positive feed back when they learn a new word it encourages them to use that rather than the sign.

[Conuly]

I'm curious, I don't know much about the 'baby sign' thing .... but isn't there a chance that babies learning signs would maybe delay their use of verbal language ? If they already know the sign for "bottle" ( for example ).. wouldn't they maybe be slower to use the word bottle - since they don't need it ?

I don't have an opinion if this is good or bad, just wondering if it might have an impact.

There's no evidence that it does.

Even if it did, language is language. ANY language (including sign language) is better than NO language.

You hear this argument still among people with deaf children. Some of them don't want their children signing, they want them to TALK. It baffles me that anybody would rather see their child struggle to speak badly than watch them communicate well in any other way, but there it is.

[fakepigtails73]

I'm a long-time TW reader and have even been known to agree with her (on occasion, and less and less as time goes on). I am also an active Mormon (who thinks for myself, thankyouverymuch, so don't be hating!). Still, it's time for me to make an appearance here and say, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN!?

Each one of her decisions with this poor baby would probably be fine ON ITS OWN. After all, my own relatives, who are excellent parents with wonderful well-adjusted children, had their baby sleep in their walk-in-closet for about six months. It was temporary and it was NOT because they couldn't be bothered to give up space for a computer. But the sum of all of TW's actions equal a narcissist of the worst kind, a neglectful parent who can't be bothered to "sink $5,000" into an 18-month-old boy who has less than 10 words. I'm sick to my stomach.

As someone who would give almost anything to have a child in my home, it's particularly obnoxious to see another person dealing with their kid so cavalierly. I'll take that beautiful baby boy and smother him with attention, words, toys, and his own damn room.

And with that introduction, I look forward to participating here.

That's cool to read.

I was wondering how her blog's regular readers felt about T1's lack of therapy and the bizarre way she treats him.