Bad News for Bathroom Baby

[Dinorah]

I don't have kids, don't even particularly like babies, and I couldn't watch the whole video. What's even stranger is that she actually thought it was a good idea to post a video of herself not interacting with her poor son who's bowling his eyes out.

[oscar]

thatwifeblog.com/2011/12/t1s-therapy

She's explaining her decision to discontinue developmental therapy. After all,

When she comes and spends an hour with us, it looks like little more than what any normal person does when playing with a toddler.

You know, the shit she can't be bothered to do with him.

To put it simply, spending thousands and thousands of dollars a year on therapy for our toddler didn’t seem necessary.

After all, she doesn't believe it's a big concern that her 19-month old's entire vocabulary consists of:

bubbles

bye-bye

shoes

choo-choo

mama (well, he’s close here, sometimes he points to himself and says mama, or points to TH)

nay-neh (naked)

ball

beh-beh (baby)

Poor Bathroom Baby, indeed.

[Turtle]

Wtf??

I'm ninety gazillion weeks pregnant right now and sliiiightly emotional. That poor baby...I want to cry now. The fact that she doesn't seem embarrassed at all and actually posted a video of herself looking like such a rotten mother is really, disturbingly telling. If it is that bad in front of a camera, how bad must the day to day interaction (or lack of) be?

[ElphabaGalinda]

thatwifeblog.com/2011/12/t1s-therapy

She's explaining her decision to discontinue developmental therapy. After all,

You know, the shit she can't be bothered to do with him.

After all, she doesn't believe it's a big concern that her 19-month old's entire vocabulary consists of:

Poor Bathroom Baby, indeed.

When he points to himself and says mama, he probably means, why does mama seem more interested in the camera then me? Or, Why doesn't mama talk to me or even look at me? This makes me sad. This is a perfect example of people who should not have kids. That little boy deserves better than her. I hope that somehow despite that kind of mother, that little boy gets what he needs.

Does that mean she is admitting she's not a normal person? Because she doesn't do what any normal person does playing with a toddler. She doesn't play with him at all.

[GiGi_41]

When she comes and spends an hour with us, it looks like little more than what any normal person does when playing with a toddler.

This is what a developmental therapist does...They play with the kids, but they are also evaluating the child's interactions with them as well as the toys.

Throwing a ball back and forth, playing with one of these, putting toys into a shape sorter, reading a book.

I'm sure that the therapist was talking to TW while doing some of these things trying to giving her ideas to help T-1 gain some skills. But I'm sure she was fluffing herself in the mirror and thinking about what she could be doing on the internet.

The shape sorter is an example of an area where I really disagree with the way she does things, allowing him to control what shapes he uses and placating his oncoming tantrum by giving in when he lets her know he wants to do the circle instead of the triangle.

Yes, letting a child have free will and emotions is a terrible thing...TW has spent 18 months squelching T-1's needs and she wouldn't want him to EXPECT that mommy play the way he wants to play.

Her personality and style weren’t a good fit for us,

Means...she's not focused on TW's needs and those are way more important...

The fact that her 19-month old only has a vocabulary of 8 words is SCARY...they should have at least 50 words by then. But this is the most telling....

mama (well, he’s close here, sometimes he points to himself and says mama, or points to TH)

The fact that he points to himself or TH when he says mama, shows the lack of bond she has with T-1. I do hope that she gets some help, and I was hoping that the developmental therapist would kind of guide her in the right direction, but she refuses to see it.

[Beeks]

After reading her post on the therapy, I feel fine about it. I have the same suspicions she has about toddler boys. My son is in a theraputic preschool and it's ALL boys. The Spanish class that meets at the same time is also ALL boys. The vast majority of children we see at the center, receiving services? Boys. I find it very strange as well and wonder if maybe the guidelines for what's "normal" are slanted against boys and their development.

Also, I was very glad to read the reasons why she likes the speech therapist. She is getting good ideas from her and seems to be using those ideas to interact with the baby on her own time. I am hoping she really did just need a lot of guidance on how to interact with him and now that she is being given the tools, she will start doing a whole lot better. I know this is optimistic, but what she's written sounds really positive, like this pph:

"she is showing me all these interesting and useful techniques for interacting with my son. I see new ways to focus his attention when working on a puzzle, how to turn it into a learning experience instead of me passively sitting by and clapping when he gets it right. Now I pick up the pieces, say the name of the animal, make the sound of the animal, hold it next to my face when I say it so he sees my lips move, make him say “please†before I give him the piece, and use lots of positive reinforcement when he chooses to put it in the correct spot. All of my children will benefit from my time spent with her."

As to her reasons for firing the developmental therapist, I get it. The woman should have a set time every week, even if it sometimes needs to be changed. And it sounds like she and TW just have different styles and if TW can't learn from her for whatever reason, it really is better to get somebody else. The only thing I disagree with is that I would have asked for a new therapist (which they have to provide) instead of just ending the developmental therapy altogether.

[polabear]

From the post, it at least appears that she's continuing speech therapy. It's the developmental therapy she's quitting - because the therapist lets T1 pick which shape he'd like to play with.

She had to throw in a slam against daycare too -of course, at a good daycare, they don't keep the babies caged into one corner with 5 toys for hours and hours.

[JumpingtheSnark]

My son was in Early Intervention therapy for three years and if a therapist wanted to change the schedule I moved heaven and earth to accommodate it. I HATED missing therapy. I was and am plugged in via the internet to journals, websites, and blogs and follow his development closely, and rejoice when he hits a milestone.

This reinforces my belief that not every woman is capable of being a good mother.

[FundiesInMyFamily]

This all really makes me sad. I have identical twin great-nieces that are 16 months old. One of them has very mild CP from a traumatic birth. The second one is behind the first one but is still hitting all her milestones. My niece and her hubby have 2 kinds of therapists coming over weekly and are EXCITED to recieve their help, rearrange their schedules to accomodate the therapists and have even taken off work to make appointments. Even with her delays, baby #2 has a vocabulary of 25-30 words, waves, high 5's, and even has a great stink eye when I chase her around trying to get her to say "auntie" to feed my ego. This is what concerned, engaged parents do!

[freehannie]

My impression is that she likes the speech therapist because SHE is getting something out of the speech therapy. It was all about her, not her son. Unfortunately for the bathroom baby since the developmental therapist was focused on him instead of her schedule, her needs, etc, the developmental therapist had to go. That poor child. If she had asked for a different therapist, she may have gotten one who recognized that the key to continuing was to placate TW enough to keep her on board.

What is with this idea that if therapy seems like play then it isn't important? Babies and toddler learn through play which is why it's so important. TW acts like playing with him is just a waste of time. And the crack at daycare is just ridiculous. If bathroom baby went to daycare, he would definitely be getting more interaction than he is at home.

I really think this woman needs therapy herself, long-term therapy. But of course everyone else is the cause of her problems including bathroom baby, so why would she need therapy?

[Koala]

I can't fathom that she canceled his therapy...there are just no words. And the bit about not being worried about him now? When has she EVER been worried about that baby?

Developmental therapist play with babies...that's how they learn. If the timing was such an issue, then she needs to work it out, suck it up, or get a new therapist. Most mothers (even the evil ones that use "crappy daycare") will bend over backwards to get their kids the help they need, but of course Jenna can't be bothered. When she tossed in that little quip about the therapist "giving in to his tantrum", I could have spit at the computer screen. I suspect that daycare would be a god send for little T1.

How on earth is she qualified to say that her child doesn't need help? The fact that he can't identify his mother at 19 months is very telling, and I suspect that his delays are due to the neglect he has suffered at her hand.

[Terrie]

If a particular therapist wasn't working out, I can understand that. You're inviting this person heavily into your lives, so it needs to be a good match. But you change therapists. you don't dump therapy. Gah, I don't even want kids and I would happily take T1 if she offered him to me. That's how much she bothers me.

[Koala]

If a particular therapist wasn't working out, I can understand that. You're inviting this person heavily into your lives, so it needs to be a good match. But you change therapists. you don't dump therapy.

I know, right? I cringed when she wrote about T1's therapy helping her future children.

Lady, you don't take care of the 1 you have, you don't need any more to neglect! :cry:

[Mama Mia]

I agree that there seems to be very little room for differences in development lately, and that many children are being pushed more than is needed.

Most of my kids were really early talkers, but not all of them. And they all ended up in the same range..same with toilet training, or pretend play, or walking. The whole childhood experience doesn't need to be some big competitive race.

BUT -- I don't think that is the problem that T1 is having. I don't think he is just going along his own timeline. I think his mother is guilty of neglect by internet-- which should be a whole new category in the abuse/neglect/ field.

A couple of years ago at work we had our first clients whose kids were involved in the CPS system due to the parents utter and complete preference for playing games on-line while there kids practically starved and were just generally left all day in a room with no interaction.

There are people in our own family who seem to spend way too much time on-line and not nearly enough time actually talking to and playing with their children.

And the part about not liking the therapist because she let T1 chose which shape .. WTF :shock:

[Sunnichick31]

How on earth is she qualified to say that her child doesn't need help? The fact that he can't identify his mother at 19 months is very telling, and I suspect that his delays are due to the neglect he has suffered at her hand.

Where does she say that he can't identify her?

[polabear]

I found this pic of T1 off her twitter:

instagr.am/p/WM5ks/

He definitely does not like that camera. Not at all. Go T1!

When T1 is asked who is mother is, he can't point to her. My nephew is a bit older, but he's been able to point to a picture of me when asked who is auntie polabear since he was about a year old. And I live 2000 miles away.

[hispania]

I'm a long-time TW reader and have even been known to agree with her (on occasion, and less and less as time goes on). I am also an active Mormon (who thinks for myself, thankyouverymuch, so don't be hating!). Still, it's time for me to make an appearance here and say, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN!?

Each one of her decisions with this poor baby would probably be fine ON ITS OWN. After all, my own relatives, who are excellent parents with wonderful well-adjusted children, had their baby sleep in their walk-in-closet for about six months. It was temporary and it was NOT because they couldn't be bothered to give up space for a computer. But the sum of all of TW's actions equal a narcissist of the worst kind, a neglectful parent who can't be bothered to "sink $5,000" into an 18-month-old boy who has less than 10 words. I'm sick to my stomach.

As someone who would give almost anything to have a child in my home, it's particularly obnoxious to see another person dealing with their kid so cavalierly. I'll take that beautiful baby boy and smother him with attention, words, toys, and his own damn room.

And with that introduction, I look forward to participating here.

[MaroonMandy]

I see where she's coming from when she says that there are a lot of kids in some type of therapy. Sure some of it may be unwarranted, but why not err on the side of caution? Worse case scenario: she learn how to interact with him better than what she is.

[hispania]

I see where she's coming from when she says that there are a lot of kids in some type of therapy. Sure some of it may be unwarranted, but why not err on the side of caution? Worse case scenario: she learn how to interact with him better than what she is.

THIS. The therapy is FREE. Can it really hurt anyone but a narcissist to have to spend a little more time playing with their child?

[Koala]

When T1 is asked who is mother is, he can't point to her. My nephew is a bit older, but he's been able to point to a picture of me when asked who is auntie polabear since he was about a year old. And I live 2000 miles away.

This. A 19 month old should know who "mama" is.

[jenny_islander]

Hell, I'm stretched thin enough with my three that I don't want to get pregnant again, and I would take him. Because we would immediately qualify for all kinds of aid and I would quit my damn job in order to make sure he got it. And even with 3 other kids to look after I would still be able to give him more attention than he's getting right now!

Look. Modern middle- and upper-class parenting does tend to hyperfocus on the child a bit much. But I am not talking about hyperfocusing here. I am talking about attention to his basic needs. Like, you know, being able to figure out how to use words. Or not having to sleep where people defecate.

[emmiedahl]

After reading her post on the therapy, I feel fine about it. I have the same suspicions she has about toddler boys. My son is in a theraputic preschool and it's ALL boys. The Spanish class that meets at the same time is also ALL boys. The vast majority of children we see at the center, receiving services? Boys. I find it very strange as well and wonder if maybe the guidelines for what's "normal" are slanted against boys and their development.

Males are interesting because they are overrepresented at the top AND the bottom of scale throughout their lifespan. Developmental therapy classes are filled with boys; so are prisons; so are top professions. I think we do have to pause before diagnosing a child (I have written on here before about my 1 yo being delayed in language, and we are just watching it at this point because the doctor and I both think he seems otherwise quite normal) but boys are more likely to have language and behavioral issues. It does not mean we should not intervene at times; I think doctors should just take into account that the child is a male and may be developing normally for HIM.

The developmental issues in early child are more often seen in boys; behavioral problems in classrooms are usually boys; the behavioral problems in adulthood are usually males. I don't think that is necessarily a coincidence. Those early interventions can prevent a lot of problems by showing parents how to interact with their son. ime, daughters are more interactive and sometimes easier for a mother to bond to, and I worry that TW just never really put in the extra effort.

I hope she is getting a new developmental therapist because the scheduling does sound weird. But the fact that she goes on about spending thousands of dollars a year on a toddler (and then adds that the state is paying it anyway) makes me think she is just being cheap in an area where no reasonable cost should be spared.

[Aurora]

Wait, she didn't agree with the therapist on her methods? In what universe does she know the first thing about therapy? She doesn't even know the most basic things about being a parent!

It is sad that they live in an apartment that must cost at least $1500/month and will buy all sorts of nice stuff for themselves, but $300 a year and a free program for something that will affect the course of their child's whole life is too much.

[Mama Mia]

Also, I'm glad she's learning from the speech therapist .. but seriously who the hell needs to be taught to point at pictures in a toddler book and say the name of the animal ????? Who doesn't just know to do this ?? If he isn't having speech / development issues now .. he probably will in the future, since he might as well be feral for all the attention he gets.

[Aurora]

That poor baby. I'm glad she is finally getting some comments on her blog pointing these things out and trying to get these issues through her head.

I will agree with her that it would be nice to be able to schedule appointments earlier than the morning of that day, but really, work it out somehow! Keep your schedule flexible for a while, or try to find another therapist! Don't just give up on your poor child who is depending on you.