"married at 12" blogger's 16 yr old son is engaged

[duplessis3]

Dina, the author of "Married at 12" who is from an abusive, cult Jewish household (and practices submission) just announced that her 16 yr old son is engaged, and will be married next year. The marriage is arranged. My mind is boggling because this is one of the things she says is WRONG with how she was raised!

[Effie]

How old is the child which he will marry?

[Guest Anonymous]

Wow, 16 years old. That's nuts.

[O Latin]

Depending on when his birthday is, "getting married next year" could mean after he turns 18. Still really young, but not illegal/requiring a parent's signature.

[Shina]

I can't read this blog. It's just fricking heartbreaking that she escaped an abusive cult and her husband is still a patriarchal toolbag.

[fundiefan]

I just read the post. She said "He is now 16 and wise for his age. At the end of this year he will be marrying the most beautiful, delightful young lady who is the daughter of a friend in our new community (a family we've known for a while)."

Is that a typo or is he to be married in the next month? Can't really know.

I don't think she got out. They just found ways and a community, apparently, where they can keep what they want to keep from their upbringing and throw out what they didn't like. Which, is fine. But, it is not the same as getting 'out'. It's not the same as giving her kids a better life. Especially if her 16 year old is to be married to someone chosen by his parents before he is old enough to vote or legally make any decision for himself.

[marmalade]

It's not like he's next in line to the throne of England and has to produce the next generation of heirs before he dies of the black plague or something.

Royalty doesn't even do that NOW. Even fundie royalty, who at least wait until the son has some semblance of a living going before arranging his marriage.

[Mythicwings]

I just read the post. She said "He is now 16 and wise for his age. At the end of this year he will be marrying the most beautiful, delightful young lady who is the daughter of a friend in our new community (a family we've known for a while)."

Is that a typo or is he to be married in the next month? Can't really know.

I don't think she got out. They just found ways and a community, apparently, where they can keep what they want to keep from their upbringing and throw out what they didn't like. Which, is fine. But, it is not the same as getting 'out'. It's not the same as giving her kids a better life. Especially if her 16 year old is to be married to someone chosen by his parents before he is old enough to vote or legally make any decision for himself.

Yeah, exactly. She says this in her first bog:

(WARNING: I am going to post the link instead of C&Ping the quote, because it could be really badly triggering for people who went through a similar sexual abuse) marriedat12.blogspot.com/2011/03/who-i-am-and-why-im-here.html The really bad part is in the last two paragraphs.

After that, I can see how she would think that extremely orthodox Judaism, including arranged marriages of teens, is fine and in keeping with what she feels is a non-cultist community. Probably a few of her kids will move on from there to a less orthodox form.

[longskirts]

I still wonder if this blog isn't a hoax. She got a lot of attention for describing her marriage at 12, and now that interest has died down she comes back with the "news" that her son will be married at 16. Before she had said early marriage was something she didn't like about the cult she used to be in. Just doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

[fundiefan]

I still wonder if this blog isn't a hoax. She got a lot of attention for describing her marriage at 12, and now that interest has died down she comes back with the "news" that her son will be married at 16. Before she had said early marriage was something she didn't like about the cult she used to be in. Just doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I've kind of thought this too. The blog wasn't around long before it was inactive - after an initial buzz - now out of nowhere, a teenage son is getting married and a new post..controversy, much?

I try not to automatically question stuff like this though, even if that is my first thought. Truth is often stranger than fiction and I know there are fundies and fundie life that I could never, ever comprehend.

[longskirts]

Some things I wonder about: early marriage is practiced in some Chassidic groups BUT there is a lot of research into the family first. You can't just move in and get married. They will look into your family's background and where you've been in the past. The fact that they were in a cult would be a strike against them--as would the fact that until recently they lived in a more modern community, according to the blog. And the fact that they homeschool would make them completely unacceptable. Some modern Orthodox and Yeshivish families do homeschool now--but no one goes directly from homeschooling to marriage. There would be at a minimum few years of yeshiva after homeschooling and the matchmaker would consult with the boy's teachers in school.

Strange things happen but for this to be true a lot of things would have to be explained.

[Cerysbell]

In May of this year she says he is 15, so he's not yet 16.5.

[annalena]

Good lord, even Prince William could wait until he was 29 (?) so he had lived his own life AND some stability in life AND they cohabitated before marriage, too.

She really did get married at 12??

Will now check out the blog.

[Beeks]

Some things I wonder about: early marriage is practiced in some Chassidic groups BUT there is a lot of research into the family first. You can't just move in and get married. They will look into your family's background and where you've been in the past. The fact that they were in a cult would be a strike against them--as would the fact that until recently they lived in a more modern community, according to the blog. And the fact that they homeschool would make them completely unacceptable. Some modern Orthodox and Yeshivish families do homeschool now--but no one goes directly from homeschooling to marriage. There would be at a minimum few years of yeshiva after homeschooling and the matchmaker would consult with the boy's teachers in school.

Strange things happen but for this to be true a lot of things would have to be explained.

This is what struck me too....they moved and suddenly he's engaged? She said they knew the family for a long time, but how? If they were in a cult and then in a totally separate community that seems odd.

[annalena]

There was actually a warning for offensive content by Google. Did you get that warning, too??

[ophelia]

Yes. Iam going to enter the site now.

[Kishiria]

I found the blog believable, but very, very upsetting.

[Eponine]

Some things I wonder about: early marriage is practiced in some Chassidic groups BUT there is a lot of research into the family first. You can't just move in and get married. They will look into your family's background and where you've been in the past. The fact that they were in a cult would be a strike against them--as would the fact that until recently they lived in a more modern community, according to the blog. And the fact that they homeschool would make them completely unacceptable. Some modern Orthodox and Yeshivish families do homeschool now--but no one goes directly from homeschooling to marriage. There would be at a minimum few years of yeshiva after homeschooling and the matchmaker would consult with the boy's teachers in school.

Strange things happen but for this to be true a lot of things would have to be explained.

I haven't looked around the blog a whole lot, but it seems like whatever she was in was not Chassidic and certainly not yeshivish or Orthodox. To me it seems like some kind of splinter group that is its own community - so it's not like doing a family background check would have made a different. Because, as you say, this situation has more than a few things that are completely outside the realm of Chassidic or Orthdox norms. She also mentions that her father was the religious leader of this community, so presumably the rest of the community followed his example - another thing that indicates, to me, that this was some kind of other group.

[Kishiria]

Eponine, she makes it pretty clear that her father was the leader of a group that lived in the woods according to his own sick interpretation of Judaism. Her parents were both ethnically Jewish, but her father only became observant in college, then founded his own cult based loosely and sadistically on it. She says that the patriarchalist views he promoted were probably from patriarchal Christianity, but she doesn't know when or how he encountered it.

[Eclipse]

Maybe the girl and her family are from the same cult? How else could they know them for years?

[CanadianHippie]

Good lord, even Prince William could wait until he was 29 (?) so he had lived his own life AND some stability in life AND they cohabitated before marriage, too.

28 when he married. I know this because I was 27 when he married and he is exactly 1 year older than me.

[Deesire]

She gives more details about her son's age and planned marriage in comments, the most germane part being "My son will be 17 by the time the wedding is officiated (it's at the end of the Jewish year, not the secular year and his birthday is before then. His kallah will be 19. This is hardly a "child marriage", especially not like the abusive and coercive one that my husband and I experienced."

[So Many Lies]

It's not snarkworthy enough for me...but it seems to ring true.

[Beeks]

She gives more details about her son's age and planned marriage in comments, the most germane part being "My son will be 17 by the time the wedding is officiated (it's at the end of the Jewish year, not the secular year and his birthday is before then. His kallah will be 19. This is hardly a "child marriage", especially not like the abusive and coercive one that my husband and I experienced."

Most orthodox (any fundie I guess) engagements are nowhere near that long....but maybe since they're so young? I dunno, 17 and 19 isn't too crazy for religious folks.

[Lily]

Something just tells me this blog isn't real.

I can't put my finger on it, but my bullshit detector is going haywire and it's never failed me with these kinds of things before.