On the subject of Duggar Food rudeness...

[tabitha2]

Here is Kim Coghlans list of food etiqutte from few years ago:

 

 

Quote

Our children are not picky eaters. A few of them want to be, but it’s simply not allowed in our house.

I think our children are generally content to eat what is served to them because we usually follow these guidelines:

 

Do not allow children to request alternate meals if they don’t like what’s being served. A child might be allowed to have bread and milk if I’m serving something I know she dislikes, but not a separate meal.

 

Do not get their approval before you prepare a meal. I often solicit their input, but they understand that the final choice is not theirs.

 

Don’t assume that your children will dislike all the foods that you dislike. To make that assumption is to encourage pickiness.

 

Don’t avoid serving the foods you dislike. As above, this teaches and encourages children to assume that they will dislike certain foods.

Make sure your children know that even if there are certain foods you dislike, you will continue to try them regularly to see if your tastes have changed. I use this as an opportunity to express regret that I haven’t yet learned to appreciate that particular blessing of God, but hope to someday. Except for raw onions and sushi. They’re just gross. Hubby wants me to add liver to the list of Gross Foods That Don’t Deserve to be Retried, as well the list of Foods That Will Never Be Served At Our Table.

 

Likewise, expect or require your children to try foods that they claim to dislike. They don’t need to eat a full serving, but they need to be humble enough to admit that they might actually have been mistaken when they were 3yo and decided that green vegetables were abominable.

 

Do not allow them to announce freely which foods they don’t like and their negative opinions of the food before them and before others. This is a courtesy issue. If they don’t care for what is served, they may politely decline. They may not announce that the food looks gross, smells gross, and/or tastes gross. Unless somebody is serving sushi. Or liver.

 

Do not bring “backup food†to friends’ homes when you are invited just in case your friends serve something your children don’t like. Of course you might want to bring food when you are invited to dine at a friend’s home and you’ll probably want to bring something that your children like, but don’t let this turn into a child-centered decision. Here again, a child may politely decline and let the host assume that she is not hungry. The host doesn’t need to know how the child feels about her Bolivian Green Bean and Tomato Curry.

 

Do not keep children so full of snack foods that they are never hungry at mealtime. Beggars can’t be choosers, but a full belly can be very choosy indeed.

 

Avoid serving a sweet drink with every meal: juice, koolaid, soda, sweet tea.

 

 

I don't have kids but it sounds better than what we saw of Duggar boorishness-is it sound advise? is the keep on trying food thing really sensible? If you are 17 and don't like cabbage is that really likely to change if you have it in two weeks?

[emmiedahl]

Most of it is sound advice in the right dosage. I ask my children to take a "no thank you" bite of strange foods and to do it politely, without nasty faces. If it is a food that is merely not one of the their favorites (like my 9 yo with lettuce, she just does not like it, but it is not offensive to her), I encourage them to eat it anyway. I am not one for forcing children to eat, and I limit snacks in the hours before a meal.

I let my children have a big say in meals. They take turns being a dinner helper, and the helper will usually decide on the side dishes. I also take them with me to farmer's markets, and we all pick out new things we want to try. This encourages them to eat outside of the box.

I have friends whose children will only eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets and that is NOT okay. The biggest question I get at farmer's markets is how I get the kids to eat fruit and vegetables, which is appalling. I have never had trouble getting them to eat fruit and I think it's sad that a child could look at a display of fresh peaches and not feel inclined to eat one. But I don't want to traumatize them. There is a middle road.

[BravaAmica]

Most of it is sound advice in the right dosage. I ask my children to take a "no thank you" bite of strange foods and to do it politely, without nasty faces. If it is a food that is merely not one of the their favorites (like my 9 yo with lettuce, she just does not like it, but it is not offensive to her), I encourage them to eat it anyway. I am not one for forcing children to eat, and I limit snacks in the hours before a meal.

I let my children have a big say in meals. They take turns being a dinner helper, and the helper will usually decide on the side dishes. I also take them with me to farmer's markets, and we all pick out new things we want to try. This encourages them to eat outside of the box.

I have friends whose children will only eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets and that is NOT okay. The biggest question I get at farmer's markets is how I get the kids to eat fruit and vegetables, which is appalling. I have never had trouble getting them to eat fruit and I think it's sad that a child could look at a display of fresh peaches and not feel inclined to eat one. But I don't want to traumatize them. There is a middle road.

+1

Involving the child(red) in meal prep and choice is key. That, and making sure they take at least one bite of everything on their plate.

When DS was wee, like 2, I'd tell him he could have a treat at the end of the grocery shopping trip. I'd take him to the produce department (of farmer's market) and he could have anything he wanted. He would usually pick something he hadn't tried and now eats loads of different fruits and vegetables. Granted for the next four years he would only eat raw fruit and vege. He will just this school year eat a cook carrot, for example.

[Guest Anonymous]

I don't have kids but it sounds better than what we saw of Duggar boorishness-is it sound advise? is the keep on trying food thing really sensible? If you are 17 and don't like cabbage is that really likely to change if you have it in two weeks?

I think it's pretty good advice, on the whole. I didn't like avocado when I was 18 but I like it now, so I do think that tastes can change even when one is an adult. I keep trying to like mushrooms but it hasn't happened yet. I'll try them when they're offered, though.

If kids are always fed vegetables and varied foods then I think they're less likely to be picky. I've been looking after a toddler and she's been fed mostly spaghettios and ravioli out of a can since she outgrew jars of baby food. :( I'm having a hard time getting her to eat vegetables and homemade healthier foods. (Sorry to derail, but if anyone has advice on that one I'm all ears.)

Example: I made her macaroni and cheese, steamed carrots, and cauliflower for lunch. I eventually got her to eat the vegetables by putting them on the spoon with the mac and cheese, but she screamed like a banshee if I tried to give them to her without disguising them. If she feeds herself she will ignore the vegetables.

[StarrieEyedKat]

I don't think it's an "either/or" kind of decision, there's a lot you can do either way that's not so extreme. My kids are still pretty young, but my 3 year old is required to try something at least once, usually twice, before he can refuse it. If he doesn't like what's being served at home for dinner, he can have a peanut butter sandwich. If we're at a someone else's home, I just don't push the issue beyond tasting something a couple of times, because that's likely to cause more issues than just presenting something again in the future and seeing if tastes have changed. If he doesn't eat dinner, he doesn't get dessert, and that's usually enough to get him to grudgingly eat most of what's on his plate.

I am an EXTREMELY picky eater, to the extent that I haven't met anyone as bad as I am. I pity my parents for having to deal with me growing up. Simply put, I can't tolerate most tastes/textures - it doesn't matter how many times I was made to try them, how they were disguised, or how hungry I am/was, I will involuntarily gag on most regular people foods. It's totally an oral sensory thing for me, and I'd rather just politely tell someone hosting dinner that I'm just not very hungry than try to eat something I know will make me get sick.

As an aside, I think Kim is being a bitch here, as her preferences/dislikes are being catered to (raw onions and sushi) but her kids can just suck it up if they don't like something. I feel bad for those children that are forced to eat everything and aren't allowed to have preferences/dislikes. She's a hypocrite.

[Rachel333]

I decided to go vegetarian at a very early age. My mom would often make me a special meal (or more often make the same meal but let everyone add meat later), and I really appreciate that she did that and that she let me choose to be a vegetarian. A lot of other parents wanted her to be more like the parent here and not cater to my preferences. She also will make alternate meals for my non-veg siblings on occasion. That said, she did feed us very healthy foods and make us eat foods we disliked, within reason. All of us are willing to try new foods and have pretty broad tastes.

[tabitha2]

I should posted the rest,I guess.

All of our children have likes and dislikes, but they have generally learned not to be ruled by their own preferences, and this is one way to become less self-centered. None of these are hard fast rules, and there are probably situations where each guideline should be tossed down the garbage disposal but these general practices have worked for us.

Obviously, allergies and special dietary needs will create special situations – but the point is for children to learn to be thankful for God’s provision and courteous to those who serve them. And adults too. I despise olives, but I try them regularly just in case my taste changes, and I eat them graciously when they are served to me. I just swallow quickly and drink a lot of water.

[Kitten]

Well, I can only speak for myself, but growing up, I HATED tunafish, broccoli, any squash (including pumpkin pie), collard greens (raised in the South), onions, celery, tomatoes, and pickles, among other things. I also hated having ketchup and mustard on burgers (like at fast food places). I might have had to try these things when very young (can't remember), but was mostly just allowed to not eat them (although that meant just having less to eat - we were not an "alternative food" family).

As a teenager, I found my tastes changing. Today, I still don't eat fresh tomatoes (although ketchup, tomato sauce, tomato soup, etc. are okay), pickles, fresh onions (cooked onions are okay), and fresh celery, but I like everything else I used to hate.

Maybe NOT having to eat them as a child meant those dislikes were not set in stone by repeated unpleasant experiences, allowing me to "come back" to those foods later on. And, as it turns out, there were solid medical reasons for some of those food "preferences," but we would never have known that at the time. If I had been forced to eat them, I would have had even more medical issues than I do.

[Nancy Drew]

I agree with some of that, such as trying food a second time as they get older. But yes, there will always be a few foods that people don't like. My husband used to refuse to eat any vegetables when we first dated, he ate mostly fatty foods and meat. Then I found out that he seemed to dislike the foods that my mother-in-law disliked. Basically whatever she didn't cook was what he never ate and so he decided he didn't like it. When I met him he had never tried a lot of things-plums, nectarines, olives, etc. It took several years but my husband finally likes foods that he refused to eat before. I would have him try it out once in awhile because I didn't like that he was going to eat such a poor diet the rest of his life. I think he was so used to the taste of fatty foods (and lucky for him, his whole family can eat that way and not gain a pound) that anything good for you did not taste good to him at all. And on top of that, I love veggies so what would be the point of me cooking if he was never going to eat any of it?

My mother-in-law seemed very surprised and almost angry when she found out he likes vegetables now...not sure why that bothered her though. When we go over there to eat, she still won't cut up any veggies for him and just does them for me. And she always points out that she didn't make them for him because she "thought he didn't like them". Its like she doesn't want to admit that his food tastes have changed. :roll: Anyway, my point is that if you are close-minded and eat a poor diet, its likely that will carry through your children even into adulthood. My husband's brothers still eat the way he use to - no vegetables at all. If they do eat any, they are saturated with butter and its usually corn. I don't care what my kids like to eat, as long as they're getting a balanced diet and not leaving out an entire food group.

[tabitha2]

On the other hand,you can start out loving a certain food then hate it later-As a kid,I loved Vienna sausages but the whole idea of them grosses me out now,esp since I heard someone refer to them as baby penises.

[peep]

Disclaimer: I don't have kids, so I can't speak from that perspective. But I think most of this is true. However, I was never forced to eat things I didn't like, even a bite, and I think that's OK. If a kid refuses to eat anything except for one or two foods, that's different, but I don't see anything wrong with a child politely declining something if they otherwise eat a variety of foods. If a parent wants to encourage them to try something again, great. There are many foods that I didn't eat when I was young that I made the decision on my own to try when I was older. I'm glad that my parents never made a big deal out of it.

My mother often talks about how when she was a kid, her brother was a very picky eater and my grandmother was constantly making him his own special meal. I wouldn't do that for a kid. My mother's attitude with me was more "This is what I'm making, it's your choice whether to eat it or not, but I'm not making you anything else." I'm not saying that's the only way to do it, but I don't think it was bad.

And of course, the part about not going on about which foods they don't like is true, too. I know teenagers and adults who will go "Eeeew! Grooooooooss!" and make a big production when faced with any food that they don't like. I would not want a child to get into the habit of doing the same thing.

I ate a wide variety of foods as a child and was always trying new things, and still do as an adult. One thing that sort of disappoints me is that my mother never bought or made anything that she didn't like, and as a result I never tried any of those things as a child or teenager, even though I might have liked them. So I kind of agree that it's good to serve your children things that you don't like, although I don't think you have to eat them yourself.

[snarkbillie]

There are some foods we just don't like. We try not to serve them often. I'm the pickiest eater in the house, tbh so I'm a little more lenient with the kids. We have a rule though "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit". Don't want to eat it? Fine. I don't want to hear any whinging though.

[marmalade]

I am an EXTREMELY picky eater, to the extent that I haven't met anyone as bad as I am. I pity my parents for having to deal with me growing up. Simply put, I can't tolerate most tastes/textures - it doesn't matter how many times I was made to try them, how they were disguised, or how hungry I am/was, I will involuntarily gag on most regular people foods. It's totally an oral sensory thing for me, and I'd rather just politely tell someone hosting dinner that I'm just not very hungry than try to eat something I know will make me get sick.

I'm super picky as well, but my thing is that I'm a super-taster. I have amazing olfactory sensors, which is awesome in a garden, not so much when eating a lot of veggies, which to me taste like dirt. Remember President Bush 41 throwing up on the Japanese PM when served broccoli? That's me. I have a stable of veggies that I'll eat, most of them raw, except tomatoes, which I really don't like raw, but am fine with them in sauces, just as long as they're not too chunky. Thing is, this chunky texture thing doesn't bother me eating anything other than tomatoes.

To make up for the nutrients I miss eating kale, collards and other dark greens (except raw spinach...hate it cooked), I have to take supplements.

My super-taster problem also extends to seafood. If anyone in our BUILDING cooks it, I get sick to my stomach. Needless to say, we don't cook fish at home, but the hubster eats it when we go out. Heck, I'll eat mild fish (no shellfish, thanks) when we go out; I just can't stand the smell in the place a week after I cook it at home. Once was enough.

All that said, I never would have openly showed disdain for food served to me in public, even if it was at a friends' house. I would take a polite bite, but sort of mix what was left in with a few bites of the stuff I liked, so it didn't look like I didn't touch it. Did I ever say anything? Not to my hosts, because that's how I was raised, to be polite and considerate of others. I figured out the rest without my parents telling me not to be rude, and they knew how picky of an eater I was.

As an adult, I have become a very adventurous eater, within the constraints of what I like. I just went through a Thai phase (I like spicy) and am currently eating authentic Latin cuisines; a mole done right is one of the best things ever invented and I could eat Cuban food for days if it wasn't so starchy.

[zoestercoaster]

My parents were pretty good about making us eat what everyone else was eating. That said, if there was an available and easily made substitute for one part of a meal they'd go ahead and make it. For example, I can't stand shrimp. I've never liked. Even as a toddler my parents said I went out of my way to spit it up if it was fed to me. So when the family had shrimp, mom would usually make a chicken breast for me. Everything else was the same, except for the protein. Mind you, this was after my parents tried to get me to like it, or at least tolerate it. Hate is not a strong enough word for how I feel about shrimp, lol.

This didn't happen often so it usually wasn't a big deal. None of us were picky eaters or "spoiled" in the sense that we got to eat whatever we wanted. My siblings and I are all pretty adventurous food wise, but we definitely have our dislikes!

Since most of my friends and family serve dinner family or buffet style when there's a party or get together, I can usually just avoid shrimp and load up on other things. :) If I were in a situation where I couldn't avoid it, I'd just wing it.

So if/when I have kids, I'll probably do something similar. If the kid has a food he or she can't stand, either I'll let them leave it out and get a little of everything else or find an easy substitute. And yes, to always be polite when faced with a food someone worked hard to make, just suck it up and eat it (unless you're allergic).

[Kitten]

Simply put, I can't tolerate most tastes/textures - it doesn't matter how many times I was made to try them, how they were disguised, or how hungry I am/was, I will involuntarily gag on most regular people foods.

I'm a super-taster. I have amazing olfactory sensors, which is awesome in a garden, not so much when eating a lot of veggies, which to me taste like dirt...I have a stable of veggies that I'll eat, most of them raw, except tomatoes, which I really don't like raw, but am fine with them in sauces, just as long as they're not too chunky. Thing is, this chunky texture thing doesn't bother me eating anything other than tomatoes.

Hey, I'm a super-taster, too! And I have the same issue with tomatoes - I simply can't face them raw, or in "chunky" form in soups and sauces. It's likely that being a super-taster, along with the medical stuff, contributed to my many food dislikes when I was a child.

You can find out if you are a super-taster here: http://supertastertest.com/

About $5 for a test kit. Not that knowing will change your life or anything - plenty of trained chefs are not super-tasters, for example, so it doesn't mean you automatically have a great palate or anything. In fact, I kinda think it's the opposite, like above, where aromas and tastes and textures are almost overwhelming to the point of nausea.

I always wondered about those cooking competitions, and how those judges can actually judge a dish when it has an ingredient they don't happen to like? One of them once said that she really doesn't have any food she truly dislikes, just foods that she doesn't prefer. I can't even fathom that degree of culinary tolerance. :D

[debrand]

I've been complimented because my kids are willing to try so many foods, but I honestly don't know how I accomplished that. A friend expressed shock that my daughter was willing to try eel. Maybe its just a component of their personalities. :think: Their willingness to try new foods might not have anything to do with my brillant parenting. :lol:

My girls are underweight so I've never made eating an issue. If they didn't want a particular meal, I let them make a sandwich. I've tried to avoid having too much fast or processed foods in the house and I talk openly about healthy choices. They also have a say in meal choices.

I usually ask them to at least try a bite of everything but I've never really pushed when they disliked a food.

As far as saying something is gross, I don't allow that because it is rude. They can express dislike, just not overly exaggerated disgust. It sounds as if the writer doesn't allow her children to say, though, that they dislike a food.It is possible to express dislike in a polite manner

My oldest daughter goes back and forth with being a vegetarian. I don't eat a lot of meat either so I don't mind planning alternatives for her.

[EmmieJ]

I am an EXTREMELY picky eater, to the extent that I haven't met anyone as bad as I am. I pity my parents for having to deal with me growing up. Simply put, I can't tolerate most tastes/textures - it doesn't matter how many times I was made to try them, how they were disguised, or how hungry I am/was, I will involuntarily gag on most regular people foods. It's totally an oral sensory thing for me, and I'd rather just politely tell someone hosting dinner that I'm just not very hungry than try to eat something I know will make me get sick.

My son is somewhat similar, in that he doesn't like sauces, anything mashed or mushy (mashed potatoes, applesauce, etc.), blended food items (casseroles), and so on. He will go hungry rather than eat many items. When at friends' houses, he does what you do, politely says he's not hungry and goes without eating.

(He also has a sensitivity to certain textures and always has. I have always had to cut the tags out of his clothing, and certain fabrics were just too uncomfortable for him to wear, such as polo shirts or even denim jeans when he was younger. I purposely bought gently used t-shirts for him for years, so they would be softened by wear. I just figured that extended to his eating habits, in that certain tastes/textures were simply intolerable. Why make the kid miserable when it is just as easy to fix a healthy meal he will eat instead?)

It makes cooking pretty easy. Baked or sauteed chicken, pork chops, hamburgers, shrimp, salmon, corn, carrots, broccoli, baked potatoes, mac n cheese, any kind of pasta topped with butter and a dash of salt, strawberries, apples, blackberries, warm sourdough french bread, rice -- all these he loves and since he's in good health, I hope as he gets older, his taste buds will change with time and he can expand his repetoire.

My parenting style is based less on controlling my child, and more on guiding him toward the direction I think best. At times, he simply won't go in the direction I want and at that point, I usually let it go and allow him his individuality rather than impose my will. (If he wanted to do something I believed would be unsafe, obviously his safety trumps his personal choice in the matter.) It's my hope that having an independent spirit will help him when dealing with peer pressure, and ultimately take him into adulthood being comfortable in making his own decisions, rather than relying on someone else to tell him what to do, when to do it, and so forth.

[Witsec7]

I had food issues as a child and my mother was a horrid cook. Fat meats and potatoes no fresh veg. My father had friends that clammed so we had some version of clams every day. Being Eastern European we had mushrooms dried or fresh year round. I hated it all. I was forced to eat it all to the point of vomiting raw clams and being forced to eat the vomitus for days.

TBS I had extended family who were wonderful cooks and they would feed me what ever I enjoyed best. My palate expanded. Later a parent I made sure everyone got a food they enjoyed at meal times. Everyone participated in meal planning, shopping and prep. My DD had very few problems with new foods being introduced. During her first years as a chef she was primarily vegetarian but would wax poetically about a boar cheek or a velvety sweetbread.

As an adult I took my step sons to England and France one year. The boys, were a bit picky in the food dept., but they knew British food, they read Miss Marple, and Jeeves, and a variety of English writing. They above all were not ugly Americans and were raised to accept new and different cultures. One thing they begged to try when we crossed the pond was Spotted Dick!! And they enjoyed their eel in green sauce. We still laugh about it to this day.

I think the Duggars have no clue as to how boorish and close minded they really are. They live in a monoculture and that is where their comfort level is.

[clarinetpower]

My parents essentially did what that woman did, and both my sis and I will try anything (and keep trying it). I am raising my kids this way, too, and they eat nearly everything, though they go through phases. I make sure there's enough other stuff so they don't go hungry (for example, plain rice or veg, bread, etc.) as they are little yet (4, 18 mo.) but they must try and I won't cook a separate meal for them or their friends who join us for dinner. My philosophy is that I won't die if I miss a meal (or if one meal is void of veggies or protein, because normally we get very healthy, balanced meals), so I try everything and ask my family to do the same. I found that I LOOOOOOOOVE escargots while we lived in France, and the more the cheese smells like feet or ass, the more I like it! ;-) I tried liver and onions, hated it. But I love liver paté. I have not found a type of cuisine I can't appreciate in some fashion. (Even tator tot hot dish!)

My mom had a thing--if I complained, the next time I had to eat it. If I didn't say a word and was polite, the next time she made it there would be something else for me. I hated orange roughy (fishy fish), which they loved. I learned that it was preferable to eat a hotdog or some warmed up leftovers, so I stopped complaining, making faces, etc. She never declared this, but I picked up on it and it worked for us. :)

Once, she tried to make me eat one bite of her baked beans, which were her specialty. That was the only food I just could not swallow no matter how hard I tried. I tried and tried. I chewed and swallowed with Kool-Aid, but they just wouldn't go down. She put some food down for the dog, who usually loved them, and he ate around them. Then she put down more food and sprinkled them over the top. He walked away from the full plate. She didn't make me eat them. (He got lots of lovin and extra dog biscuits that night.) I still hate baked beans.

I do think it's both nature and nurture, though. My husband and I eat everything, but some picky friends have picky kids even when they try to avoid it. Things change as you grow, too. My grandma is very fussy, and my dad is pretty fussy, too, but at least he tries new things.

[FloraDoraDolly]

I'd never heard of super tasters before, but that sounds like me. I also have a very strong sense of smell and there are some foods (including almost all seafood) that I never eat because I can't stand the way it smells. I have issues with textures as well. Then there's my lengthy history of digestive problems... The end result is, I eat a very bland diet. I am limited to whatever will go down and stay down and not cause any trouble further on down the line. Even if I am eating something I like, restaurant-sized portions are waaaaay too much for me.

When I was a kid, if I didn't like what we were having for dinner, I'd have to fix myself a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter sandwich. If I'm at a party or restaurant where I can't eat the food, I just fill up on bread and pick at the rest. Hopefully, no one will ask me why I didn't eat much. That's rude.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I think kids, like adults, are entitled to decide what they like and what they don't.

Obviously expressions of "eww gross" are never appropriate, but taking a nibble, moving a bit of food around a plate and saying that you aren't that hungry is fine. Kids can be trained not to loudly demand an alternate meal in public.

My kids, esp. my oldest, can be fussy. That doesn't mean they have to be unhealthy, or that I need to be a short-order cook. Instead, we teach life skills. Kids can learn that bad fats clog up the tubes for their blood, that muscles need protein, that bones need calcium and that fruits and veggies have magic powers (antioxidants) to prevent some bad diseases. You can make charts with different categories and check off servings. Kids can get involved in meal planning, and learn how to include protein and good carbs and fruits and veggies and calcium into their day. They can also get involved in meal prep. I let mine choose what they want to eat - on Sundays. The menu gets planned, I do my shopping based on the menu, and then they can't change their minds mid-week.

They do, however, eat raw onion and sushi. Dh and I eat the green bean and tomato curry.

[samithemage]

I was an incredibly picky eater as a child. In fact, I ate fish sticks for breakfast for a month when I was three, because it was the only thing I would eat and my mom was desperate. Once, when I was six, out of extreme frustration, she tried to force me to eat stuffing she had made as a side dish, and after 20 minutes of gagging and crying, she finally gave up. I never learned to be a "good eater" until I was 21. I spent 8 months living in France on a teaching contract. I joined a local church there to make some social ties since I didn't know anyone. One of the older ladies in the choir (which I also joined) would invite me over to her house for Sunday lunch/dinner. It was always an elaborate affair with at least four or five courses. The second time I went over she served a fish-centric meal and I was secretly horrified. I thought I hated fish (ironic given the fish stick breakfasts). I was terrified of being rude though, so I ate everything I was served, fully expecting to hate it and have to try to hid my disdain. I quickly discovered that I loved it! That one meal was enough to change my perspective. I'm always willing to try new things now, and while there are still some things I absolutely won't eat (stuffing, olives, mushrooms, pickles), I've learned that most foods aren't actually "icky." I still, from time to time, try those things (except for the stuffing, I just can't manage to try it again), to see if my tastes have changed.

I was a nanny for several years after I got back from France, and I found that, in general, most kids will eat what you put in front of them if they know that that is what they get. I never offered alternatives and I never forced them to eat anything. I just made it a non issue. Sort of, here is what there is and you can eat it or not, but there isn't anything else. I did take certain preferences in mind though. If I knew that a kid honestly did not like something, after several times trying it, then they would either only get a bite of it, or get it not at all, depending on how much they dislike it. All of the kiddos that I've watched were great eaters, except for a little boy who was autistic and couldn't handle a lot of foods because of his sensory issues.

[Kelya]

I think a lot of her post is just a way of forcing any individuality out of the children. They're not allowed preferences and that is not a good thing.

This particularly is scary to me:

Do not get their approval before you prepare a meal. I often solicit their input, but they understand that the final choice is not theirs.

No, but the final choice of if they're going to eat it or not is. Creepy. But this is the miserable lady who crams her kids in unsafe conditions in a tiny room while reserving a whole room for books. Oh, and she doesn't feed her infants during the night, so I'm not going to take any advice from her, ever.

[desertvixen]

I think kids, like adults, are entitled to decide what they like and what they don't.

This. I've tried to give my daughter a wide variety of the stuff we eat, but there is some stuff she just does not really like. I LOVE onions, she does not. So, when I make a dish that features them, I make an effort not to give her as much, and don't pitch a fit when they're not eaten.

Even more mindblowing, she likes stuff I do not like. She LOVES cheese and I cannot stand it. So I buy her cheese. It's not that difficult. If I am making something I like and she doesn't, I offer her another choice. Of course, I have one kid, so it's not that complicated.

As far as rude, she's not allowed to be all EWWW GROSS if she doesn't want to eat it - I'll offer her something, and if she's not ready for it (like sushi - we eat a lot of it, I've been trying to convince her to try a cucumber roll) then we move on.

I think it's sad that a child could look at a display of fresh peaches and not feel inclined to eat one. But I don't want to traumatize them. There is a middle road.

My strategy is that I just don't buy stuff I don't want her to eat. I buy snacks that I approve of (yogurt, fruit, veggies, cheeses) and let her nom those.

[bananacat]

The best way to get a kid to hate a food is to turn it into a power struggle and try to force them to eat it. And of course that's all this is for the adult too, a chance to impose their will on a kid. Just like everything else, you need to have balance here. Parents aren't short-order cooks, but kids shouldn't be forced to choose between gagging something down and going hungry.

I don't have a problem with the Duggars not eating certain things. I don't really care at all what they don't want to eat. The problem I have with them is the way they are so rude about it, and the way they think their own way is always superior and everything else is weird.

I've always been a picky eater. I have also traveled extensively. I have never brought along my own food (except snacks for the plane) and I have never said that something is gross or weird. If I don't like something, then I simply don't eat it. I don't feel the need to make some kind of rude comment about it, and I don't think other people are weird for eating. If anyone asks, I simply say "No thank you, I don't care for that". It really is that simple. You don't have to force kids to eat things they don't like; you just have to teach them basic manners. The Duggars could eat tuna sandwiches and just not say anything rude about other food, and I would be fine with that.