Luke (Arndt) at 23

[ChunkyBarbie]

Honestly though, it's not just fundies who are waiting for their perfect partner to show up at their door. I know of a few adult men (though it is pretty rare) who make no effort to have a social life and lament that they are still single, like they expect a super hawt woman to just knock on their door with pizza and beer and start making out with them. Having an active social life and meeting new people can be hard, but whining about it all day at work and then sitting home alone all night won't help anyone.

That is totally how I met my headship. :D

[Kitten]

When somebody asks me just what I am looking for in a wife, I have a difficult time being terribly specific. I mean, I definitely have some important qualities that I look for, but there’s a lot that I am unable to say. For instance, if I was able to design the perfect wife, I doubt I would be very good at it. The main reason being that I don’t even know what I want/need, by and large. I just don’t know what combination of traits, talents, weaknesses, and personalities that would be the best fit. Would it be best to have a wife who is ultra-outgoing? Or maybe somebody who is artistic? A neat freak? A math wiz?

Hence, the reason for "dating," or at least going out in co-ed groups and attending social events that give you the chance to speak to and interact with many different types of women. THAT is how you "find out" what kind of woman you enjoy being with and whom you think would complement your personality and lifestyle. And vice-versa.

Poor guy. :cry:

[demgirl]

Clibby, I think we should do your idea together -- we'd make good business partners! We can roll it out at CHAP. We'll be rich, I tell you, rich! Honestly, I can't believe an arranged marriage service through godly women matchmakers hasn't been thought of yet. But I say the time is right! Let's get on it before this whole system of fundie-ism cracks under its inherent short-sightedness.

[NurseNell]

Clibby, I think we should do your idea together -- we'd make good business partners! We can roll it out at CHAP. We'll be rich, I tell you, rich! Honestly, I can't believe an arranged marriage service through godly women matchmakers hasn't been thought of yet. But I say the time is right! Let's get on it before this whole system of fundie-ism cracks under its inherent short-sightedness.

I second this. It's an idea whose time has come.

[clibbyjo]

I second this. It's an idea whose time has come.

OK demgirl, I still have my frumper from our Maxwell adventure so I am in.:) My sister will have a booth at CHAP, maybe we can start with her 2 grown SAHD for practice to show how successful we are! I am not shoving the Arndt's at my poor nieces, but I bet John M. would go for one of them as they are both cute and stylish( modest fundie) . :whistle:

[emmiedahl]

Here's a name: iCovering. Since, ya know, a husband is his wife's covering.

I kinda like headshipsandhelpmeets.com also.

[Deleted12]

I think there are already a few:

sovereigngracesingles.com/

reformedsingles.com/

And FTL, here's Jennie Chancey's stepdad's site:

biblicalexaminer.org/cc/

[Witsec7]

I think there are already a few:

sovereigngracesingles.com/

reformedsingles.com/

And FTL, here's Jennie Chancey's stepdad's site:

biblicalexaminer.org/cc/

For those wanting new blogs try the sovereigngraces site. The biblical examiner hasn't been updated in a while. It looks like they deal with widows and widowers.

SG site has single moms :o biblically divorced women :o and I even found one that drinks once in a while :mrgreen:

[annalena]

Maybe I can call it "Helpmeets R US?" :think:

[annalena]

Just wanted to check what the headships on sovereignsingles look like.

You can sort by race?! Really??

The courtship.us site has to be one of the worst websites I have ever seen.

[Karsaroni]

Here's another notebook entry from Luke Arndt. Here is why this guy will never get married. NO girl can compare to dear old Mom. Basically this guy meets a girl and determines pretty shortly whether or not she'll be a good Mom (using his Mom as the control in the experiment) and/or a good Grandma ( :shock: ) someday! Obviously EVERY girl falls short. :roll: Have a great life with your brothers, Luke!

“But will she make a great mom?â€

April 9th, 2009

"The other night, I was driving home, and I was just kind of musing to myself about the situation I find myself in. I thought, “Isn’t it interesting? I’m 24 years old, and I don’t have a girlfriend.â€

Before I had any time to really dwell on that, I was instantly hit with the reason why. The reason I don’t have a girlfriend? Well, because, ultimately, I don’t want a girlfriend. A girlfriend, in the classic sense, is not what I’m after.

Honestly, I don’t think it would be that difficult to find a girl who would be pleasant enough to be with, to go out with. Somebody who would be fun to take out to dinner, go bowling with, et cetera — that’s very doable.

But I’m looking for more than just a good date. So when considering a certain girl, I have to think beyond simply, “Okay, would I rather have her with me right now or would I rather not have her?â€

I’m not into dating simply for the sake of dating. If I’m interested in a girl, she, in my mind, is not just vying for the spot of girlfriend. The job description is so much more than that. She is a potential wife, potential mother, potential sister-in-law, a potential daughter-in-law. She’s a potential aunt, a potential mother-in-law, a potential grandma!

When I force myself to think beyond my feelings, then the stakes go way up. If I was just looking for a girl who was pretty enough and pleasant enough to go on a date with, that wouldn’t be too hard. The standard isn’t that high. Lots of girls would do just fine.

But when I start to think about what kind of a mom this girl would make, then that raises the ante considerably. “Cute†is no longer good enough, because this is no longer just about me. I’m determined to provide any kids I would have with an outstanding mom, and I would strive to be an outstanding dad.

I’ll admit that dating is enticing! I mean, what guy wouldn’t want a pretty girl at his side to cheer him on in a softball game, or to go out to eat with? Of course that’s appealing. But I’m not going to lower my standards in order to fill that position as soon as possible.

The truth is, I don’t think this is up to me. I don’t actually think this will be an intellectual thing, where I have to carefully evaluate any girl and see if she happens to pass all the tests. I believe that God has an opinion here. I believe that, if He wants me to get married, then He already has that all figured out. I do not think it’s up to me to find her. God is so far ahead of me.

The reason for having this kind of approach is because, like it or not, I still will find myself falling for a girl. And it’s simply an aide of mine, to be able to ask myself these questions, because most of the time, a girl who passes the “Is she cute?†test will instantly fail the “But will she make a great mom?†test.

I’ll be honest. When I see a picture of a girl, the first thing that I notice about her is usually not whether or not she looks like she’d make a tremendous grandma in a few decades. So this whole method of mine is mostly to give myself an easy escape, when my feelings aren’t necessarily exactly where I would want them to be or where they should be. This way, I can tell myself, “No. I don’t care how cute she is, how much fun she is, or how much I just like her right now. She has failed this test. Case closed.â€

I hope this doesn’t sound presumptuous of me, as if somehow I except multitudes of girls to take a number and wait in line while I run them through some evaluations. That is absolutely not the case. Really, at the end of the day, this is simply a way by which I can guard my heart, to put up a firewall of sorts."

By setting these checkpoints that are more than just superficial — that is, “Well, is she cute?†— qualifications, I think it ends up saving a lot of heartache, for both me and her.

[annalena]

If you constantly confirm to yourself how right you are in what you're doing and why you're doing such holy things, chances are the situation will never change.

Meaning: YOU WILL NEVER GET LAID!

[dairyfreelife]

The truth is, I don’t think this is up to me. I don’t actually think this will be an intellectual thing, where I have to carefully evaluate any girl and see if she happens to pass all the tests. I believe that God has an opinion here. I believe that, if He wants me to get married, then He already has that all figured out. I do not think it’s up to me to find her. God is so far ahead of me.

The reason for having this kind of approach is because, like it or not, I still will find myself falling for a girl. And it’s simply an aide of mine, to be able to ask myself these questions, because most of the time, a girl who passes the “Is she cute?†test will instantly fail the “But will she make a great mom?†test.

I’ll be honest. When I see a picture of a girl, the first thing that I notice about her is usually not whether or not she looks like she’d make a tremendous grandma in a few decades. So this whole method of mine is mostly to give myself an easy escape, when my feelings aren’t necessarily exactly where I would want them to be or where they should be. This way, I can tell myself, “No. I don’t care how cute she is, how much fun she is, or how much I just like her right now. She has failed this test. Case closed.â€

Really, at the end of the day, this is simply a way by which I can guard my heart, to put up a firewall of sorts."

By setting these checkpoints that are more than just superficial — that is, “Well, is she cute?†— qualifications, I think it ends up saving a lot of heartache, for both me and her.

This actually makes me sad for him. He is trying to justify why he's still single. He can't just go out with any girl, he likely can't go out on a date. When he sees a lovely young woman and thinks she's pretty, he immediatly goes to "Would she be a good grandmother eventually? No, no, I doubt it. Case closed." while probably really wanting to ask the girl out. He says it plain as day, he says those things to stop his "unwanted" feelings toward her. I have a feeling this poor young man has been told that having "feelings" for a young woman is wrong and sinful so he's running when he feels them. And yes, I mean feelins of attraction and probably sexual feelings as well (he's 24-it's normal to have those feelings). So sad. :cry:

[emmiedahl]

How can you tell at sight whether a girl will make a good grandmother?

His own mother will never have the chance to be a grandmother the way thing things are going.

[gustava]

"She’s a potential aunt" -- not in that family, she won't be!

[IReallyAmHopewell]

annalena wrote:

Do those SAHDs and SAHSs, appaerntly, honestly think God is going to deliver their spouse to the door like a pizza?

In a word: YES....but he's first "delivered" to Daddy who decides. Maybe even the boy's Daddy and the girl's Daddy (for these are very much "boys" and "girls' and not men and women) cut the deal themselves.

[bananacat]

I am kind of reading this as the dorky kid who insists that he would hate to go to the cool kid's party so he's glad that he was never invited. It's a shame that he's 23 and still at that maturity level. But I think he kind of realizes that there's no way for a relationship to happen, so he's desperately trying to convince others (and himself) that he really does want it to be this way.

[0 kids n not countin]

I am kind of reading this as the dorky kid who insists that he would hate to go to the cool kid's party so he's glad that he was never invited. It's a shame that he's 23 and still at that maturity level. But I think he kind of realizes that there's no way for a relationship to happen, so he's desperately trying to convince others (and himself) that he really does want it to be this way.

I agree. Though this was written few years back, he's actually 26 now, soon to be 27. To me his writing sounds like it would be written by someone several years younger than 23. In some of his other posts he begs God to use him, is this something that is common among Christians?

[genericJname]

most of the time, a girl who passes the “Is she cute?†test will instantly fail the “But will she make a great mom?†test.

How about a great mom who will pass on cute traits to her offspring?? :lol:

[SamuraiKatz]

The Arndt family ministry is called "Safe at Home". I guess that is true...because the older ones are about 30 still "Safe at Home." How on earth can you find a potential mate when your parents aim is keep you away from the outside...real world?

[Karsaroni]

[0 kids n not countin]

This is the thing that bothers me the most! God probably would LOVE to use him but he never leaves the family compound unless it's for a softball game!

Apparently Luke and all of his older brothers literally helped build the family house so it's not like they don't have a skill set that they at the very least could use to help others. Go on a mission trip! Habitat for Humanity! Do SOMETHING besides sit at home and watch old cartoons, play softball and go for soda trips to the local convenience store. You might actually meet someone of the opposite sex if you step off your family's property! I swear if just one of the boys would grow a pair and venture out on their own for a mission trip or something, the others would likely follow. Sadly, I just don't think this will happen.

Totally THIS!! I was thinking exactly the same. I guess this mirrors his thinking about God dropping a girl at his doorstep. In the same manner, God will magically "use" him if he prays and begs enough, he needn't get of his butt and do anything himself. Way to raise your kids Arndt parents.

[turquoise]

How can you tell if someone would be a good mom just by looking at her? It seems like you would actually have to get to know her first. Is she patient and kind? Does she like kids? Does she even want to have kids? Do the two of you have shared interests and values that will help both of you provide a healthy environment for your children?

Of course, that would actually require talking to a woman first.