Luke (Arndt) at 23

[0 kids n not countin]

Quote

That one girl

July 23rd, 2008

 

So to follow up on that rather random post, I’m going to try to make sense of it here.

 

The basic idea I was attempting to get across is that with MD5, it isn’t possible to know what the password is, but it is possible to determine whether or not a given password is correct. So there’s no telling just what exactly the right answer would look like, but the program will recognize it when it sees it.

 

To me, this is almost exactly how I would describe my approach to searching for the right kind of girl. “Searching†isn’t exactly the most accurate word, but I think you’ll understand what I’m getting at here. I’m sure I am not the only single guy who is kind of keeping an ear to the ground, kind of wondering if I’ll cross paths with that special girl.

 

When somebody asks me just what I am looking for in a wife, I have a difficult time being terribly specific. I mean, I definitely have some important qualities that I look for, but there’s a lot that I am unable to say. For instance, if I was able to design the perfect wife, I doubt I would be very good at it. The main reason being that I don’t even know what I want/need, by and large.

 

I just don’t know what combination of traits, talents, weaknesses, and personalities that would be the best fit. Would it be best to have a wife who is ultra-outgoing? Or maybe somebody who is artistic? A neat freak? A math wiz?

 

I would just have no clue what the smartest choices would be. If I tend to be analytical, would it be best to find a girl who likes to think things over so much? Or would it actually be a better dynamic if she was more of a free spirit?

 

While I really think I would do an awful job of giving a description of my dream girl, I will say this — I’m pretty sure I’ll know her when I see her. Not literally, I don’t think, but something will just “click.â€

 

Over the years, I’ve been interested in my fair share of girls — some more so than others. Sometimes, I’ll be extremely impressed with a girl, she’ll seem to have a lot going for her, will be very sweet and attractive, but… just something doesn’t match up. Oftentimes, it’s hard to pinpoint. It’s not like I can say that something is even wrong, per se.

 

Getting back to the whole MD5 concept for a minute. It would be as if all of these girls have their own unique number associated with them. Everything that they are — their strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, personality — everything that makes them them — comes out to this unique number. And while I’m not able to know WHAT the “right†number is that I’m looking for, I am able to tell when a certain number just doesn’t work.

 

So in a lot of cases, there won’t be a match, and I won’t even know why. Things might look perfect on paper, but for whatever reason, it’s just not the perfect fit.

 

It’s never been a matter of finding the “perfect†girl, so to speak, since I’m not a perfect guy. The goal is to find the perfect fit, where I’ll complement her beautifully and vice versa.

 

Every now and then, I will run across a girl, and something will just seem to click. I can’t explain it, except to say it’s like everything that she is seems to generate that number that I’m looking for. Even though I can’t really describe what exactly it is that I’m looking for, I just know that something about her is what I’m after.

 

Now that I think about this MD5 thing a little more, it’s surprisingly hard to turn it into a relevant analogy. I mean, I have a pretty clear idea of how it’s applicable, but I’m afraid it’s an awful abstract (and geeky!) parallel to try to draw.

 

Nevertheless, it makes sense in my head, if not typed out. :-) In short, I tend to recognize it when I see it in certain girls, but I can’t even tell you what “it†is. It’s just, something — that proverbial MD5 hash — is right-on.

 

So these Arndt "men" actually are interested in women.... Three years later, his "program" doesn't seem to be working for him.

[jesusfreak]

I’m sure I am not the only single guy who is kind of keeping an ear to the ground, kind of wondering if I’ll cross paths with that special girl.

No, you and twelve other guys just like you!

And I don't think it will work for another decade or two.

[0 kids n not countin]

No, you and twelve other guys just like you!

:lol:

But can't disobey Daddy now can we?

[Deleted12]

It's interesting to me that he seems to be the male equivalent of a girl waiting for her Prince Charming.

He's looking for Miss Right, but in those circles he might have to settle for Miss Right Now.

[terranova]

Wow, overly analytical much?

[Childless]

He's unlikely to find that special woman if the only places he frequents are his house and the softball diamond.

[Stanley]

Alopecia writes about how he has supposedly become "content" with being single:

"Single-Minded"

This article was written by Mark Arndt

Today is my twenty-first Valentine's Day. It's hard to believe that I've been through so many!

This holiday is notorious for hearts, both broken and non-broken. Either way, it seems to makes an impact. Those who are in a relationship are expected to celebrate it; those who are single are inadvertently reminded that they are single.

Valentine's Day may bother you if you're single. It may make you feel like Charlie Brown. Not that many years ago, it bothered me, too. I have since asked myself, though, "Mark, just why does it bother you?" I thought for a moment and then answered, "Well, because I'm single." That's when the issue began to come into focus for me. I wouldn't mind being reminded that I am single if I don't mind the fact that I am single. The pangs I would feel on Valentine's Day were only little glimpses of the fact that I was not content with being single.

In fact, now that I look back, it wasn't only that I was not content being single. To an extent, I refused to be content being single. I wanted very much to be married; that's what I felt like my "role" was supposed to be. And through some distorted reasoning, I worried that if God saw me happy in my role as a single, perhaps I would make him think that all was well, and perhaps he'd make me stay single.

Now that I think about it, I suppose it was almost an act of defiance as well. I was convinced that, no, I was not supposed to be a single person, hence I would refuse to act like a happy one. It was a little bit like a kid on a little league baseball team. He wants to play shortstop -- that's where he's convinced that he's meant to play -- but instead the manager has him play in the outfield. Pouting and grumbling, he goes out to the outfield and refuses to hustle, refuses to try, and is sure to let the manager know how unhappy he is where he is. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but that's an analogy of the way I acted with God.

Finally, it dawned on me how foolish it was to refuse to be content. I realized that there were only two possible scenarios for my life -- that I will be married or that I will not be married. If I am going to be married someday, then I only have a limited number of single years remaining. Let's say that I'll meet the right person in, oh, seven years. Either way, I'll have to live for those seven years, so I might as well be content, joyful, and productive as I pass through them. I might as well make them seven years that I will be proud of.

And if I am never going to be married, then I will be single for the rest of my life. That gives me all the more reason to learn to be content, joyful, and productive while single because I will never be anything but single! In either situation, it would be foolish to refuse to be content.

In these articles, I often talk about "the way I was," or how "I used to think this way," or that "I once was not content." And that's true -- I have learned a lot, and I have come a long way. But boy, can I still get antsy at times! Even though I'm trying my hardest to be joyful and content while single, I still occasionally have to catch myself and remind myself to have patience and to wait. Even after we've given it over to God, I think we all have "flare-ups" of impatience or restlessness now and then, especially on days such as Valentine's Day.

Sometimes when I feel this way, I find it helpful to assign myself a little homework. I challenge myself to come up with ten reasons I can appreciate being single today. This isn't a way of crossing my arms and saying, "Hmmph! Well, I didn't want to be married anyway!" It just simply means disciplining myself to be thankful for whatever my circumstances happen to be. Besides, the objective fact is, like it or not, I am single. So I might as well enjoy it. I might as well live joyfully, because I'm living anyway.

I am able to focus more on a one-on-one relationship with God. Although I still keep busy now, it is probably easier to cultivate a personal relationship between me and God than it will be when I have a wife and family.

I am able to give more time, attention, and affection to my family and my friends right now. Once I have a wife and a family of my own, they will naturally become my primary focus.

I have more time available to pursue my own hobbies and interests. Although I try not to be self-focused now, I know that I have a unique luxury of being able to do what interests me if I have spare time. I may not always be so free.

On Valentine's Day, anniversaries, birthdays, et cetera, I am free of any obligations. I'm sure it's a delight celebrating these things, but it also adds responsibilities and sometimes pressures.

I am more free to do things with "the guys" such as going on road trips, staying up late playing games or just chatting, playing tennis, disc golf, et cetera.

Right now, I primarily have to be concerned with only my issues, not the issues of two people. My wife will have needs just like anyone else, and it will be my delight -- but also my duty -- to look out for her.

I can wear the same shirt for twelve days straight if I want to. (I say this only theoretically, of course.) I greatly look forward to sharing life with a woman, but with it will also come the responsibilities of always making sure that I'm pleasant to live with.

I have more time to build up character and practical traits before having them tested by the challenges of having a wife and a family. Had I been married sooner, I would have been far less prepared than now.

I will appreciate the right person all the more because of the wait. Had I met the right girl the moment I started liking girls, then I may have taken her for granted. But because it has taken longer than I expected, because of the ache of waiting, I know it will be easier for me to cherish her as much as she deserves when the time does come.

It means that I have made it one more year, one more Valentine's Day, in saving myself for the right person. It is one more bit of tangible proof of my love, one more piece of evidence of my commitment to the right one.

That may be more than ten.

Anyway, the point still remains. When I look at the exact same situation, but through the lens of gratitude, appreciation, and contentment, I realize that I have many reasons to feel blessed by being single. Oh, it goes without saying that marriage has tremendous advantages, but the single life isn't without advantages also. And instead of holding my happiness ransom until a certain dream of mine comes true, I need to appreciate the joys and good points of where I am right now. Being content while being single does not mean that you are any less passionate or less excited about meeting the right person; rather, it is a choice to be appreciative and joyful even when that longing is not yet met.

Like that little league kid I mentioned before, I need to sink my teeth into my position in the outfield while I'm there and stop moping that I'm not the shortstop. Maybe there's a lesson I need to learn in the outfield. Maybe it will help me appreciate the shortstop position more when I do play it. Who knows, maybe I'm meant to always be an outfielder.

It helps me to see it as a win-win situation. If the wait is longer, then I get to continue enjoying the perks of being single longer. If the wait is shorter, then I get to experience that amazing, heart-melting privilege of committing for life to one person sooner. There will be perks and challenges to both, and I need to be careful not to always think the grass is greener on whichever side I'm not on. Perhaps it's time to enjoy the greenness of the lawn right beneath my feet while I'm here.

I have noticed that marriage does not cause either contentment or discontentment; it simply reveals whichever trait is already there. Many married people long to be single; many single people long to be married. Sadly, a person unable or unwilling to find joy and contentment as a single often will not find them in marriage either. But the opposite is true as well. A person who has learned to find joy and contentment as a single will often find them in even greater abundance in marriage.

When I talk about learning to enjoy being single, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm knocking marriage. Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing that we have every right to have a burning desire for. In many ways it can be heavenly, but the fact remains that it is not heaven. My future spouse may be godly and a real angel on earth, but she won't be God. I can hardly wait until I meet the right person; I ache to find her sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've been out howling at the moon, lonely to talk to her, to be near her, to hold her. She will complete me in ways no other human ever could. But she will be a human, and not God. And although she'll fulfill me in many ways, she will not be able to fulfill me the way only God can.

So I would encourage you, on a day when you're most likely to feel discontentment if you're single, to find your joy in God. Find your delight in him now, wherever you are. Don't tie your contentment to something earthly, because nothing on earth is guaranteed. There's no guarantee when, if ever, I'll be married. There's no guarantee that I'll ever have kids. There's no guarantee that I will live even one more year. But there is a guarantee from God that -- marriage sooner or later, marriage or not, a long or a short life -- he is always there and he never changes. He is good, and his plans are always good. And knowing that, I can be perfectly content.

[ChunkyBarbie]

Someone needs to tell these boy-men that God is not going to drop a wife down the chimney for them. Reading their essays make me sad for them and angry with their parents. They need to loosen the reigns, and let their children have independent lives, or heck, just a normal social life.

[annalena]

Do those SAHDs and SAHSs, appaerntly, honestly think God is going to deliver their spouse to the door like a pizza?

I mean, at least on the guys' part, they have to make a move at some point, right?

[dairyfreelife]

Do those SAHDs and SAHSs, appaerntly, honestly think God is going to deliver their spouse to the door like a pizza?

I mean, at least on the guys' part, they have to make a move at some point, right?

Yes, actually. When I was in my fundie phase a few years ago, I was at a forum for young women called I don't date. One girl had an avatar that said "I believe in doorsteps." They believed that God would find a way to bring their spouses to them, that maybe the UPS man or Mailman would be their future spouse if God intended it. God would find a way to get them together.

[annalena]

That makes for a very limited range of possible occupations for future spouses.

Pizza delivery guy, UPS guys, mailman.

How does that work with most young fundies being (wannabe-)entrepreneurs

?

[yetanothermeg]

That makes for a very limited range of possible occupations for future spouses.

Pizza delivery guy, UPS guys, mailman.

How does that work with most young fundies being (wannabe-)entrepreneurs

?

Maybe God wants them to marry a Jehovah's Witness.

[annalena]

Maybe. :pray:

[ChunkyBarbie]

Maybe God wants them to marry a Jehovah's Witness.

:lol:

[Deleted03]

That makes for a very limited range of possible occupations for future spouses.

Pizza delivery guy, UPS guys, mailman.

How does that work with most young fundies being (wannabe-)entrepreneurs

?

we should send them a message :P looking for a wife? here's a good carrer path! (maybe repairmen, they would be on their own. Come to think of it, maybe John David has the perfect job eva!!!

[clibbyjo]

OMG, this is my calling to start the fundie dating service.

My ad:

Looking for a Godly companion to walk with the lord? God has placed it on my heart to unite those waiting for their helpmeet or headship find each other in a Godly way.

Under the guidance and wisdom of my dearly beloved of 23 years,I have been given permission to bring together those sisters and brothers in Christ with the goal of courtship and marriage.

Our holy services include a questionaire which is matched and sent directly to the headship of the sister in Christ first. If father approves, e-mails can be sent to fathers inbox which can then be forwarded on to daughter when father feels its right. After several weeks there may be one supervised phone call leading up to fellowship between the two families for a weekend. After this weekend of fellowship, the prospective headship and headship will decide if the courtship can begin.

Our goal is to unite all the "mature" SAHD's and sons in Godly union.

Love Donations of just 5 easy payments for $29.99 are encouraged.

[synchroswimr]

OMG, this is my calling to start the fundie dating service.

My ad:

Looking for a Godly companion to walk with the lord? God has placed it on my heart to unite those waiting for their helpmeet or headship find each other in a Godly way.

Under the guidance and wisdom of my dearly beloved of 23 years,I have been given permission to bring together those sisters and brothers in Christ with the goal of courtship and marriage.

Our holy services include a questionaire which is matched and sent directly to the headship of the sister in Christ first. If father approves, e-mails can be sent to fathers inbox which can then be forwarded on to daughter when father feels its right. After several weeks there may be one supervised phone call leading up to fellowship between the two families for a weekend. After this weekend of fellowship, the prospective headship and headship will decide if the courtship can begin.

Our goal is to unite all the "mature" SAHD's and sons in Godly union.

Love Donations of just 5 easy payments for $29.99 are encouraged.

LOL

[NurseNell]

She will complete me in ways no other human ever could. But she will be a human, and not God. And although she'll fulfill me in many ways, she will not be able to fulfill me the way only God can.

So maybe it's time to call Dr. Kervorkian? :ugeek: Oh wait, he died. :cry: Any woman with a modicum of self worth and common sense would run as fast as she could away from this "man". Who can compete with God? :think:

[gustava]

So maybe it's time to call Dr. Kervorkian? :ugeek: Oh wait, he died. :cry: Any woman with a modicum of self worth and common sense would run as fast as she could away from this "man". Who can compete with God? :think:

No wonder they're not married.... an orgasmic diety???

And clibbyjo.... My dear father under whose authority I remain, has determined that I require additional practice in shaving him and putting on his slippers before he feels I am prepared for courtship.

[terranova]

OMG, this is my calling to start the fundie dating service.

My ad:

Looking for a Godly companion to walk with the lord? God has placed it on my heart to unite those waiting for their helpmeet or headship find each other in a Godly way.

Under the guidance and wisdom of my dearly beloved of 23 years,I have been given permission to bring together those sisters and brothers in Christ with the goal of courtship and marriage.

Our holy services include a questionaire which is matched and sent directly to the headship of the sister in Christ first. If father approves, e-mails can be sent to fathers inbox which can then be forwarded on to daughter when father feels its right. After several weeks there may be one supervised phone call leading up to fellowship between the two families for a weekend. After this weekend of fellowship, the prospective headship and headship will decide if the courtship can begin.

Our goal is to unite all the "mature" SAHD's and sons in Godly union.

Love Donations of just 5 easy payments for $29.99 are encouraged.

Something like this must already exhist, no? If not, there is a huge gap in the market waiting to be filled by some creepy old fundie men.

[annalena]

I seriously think there's a niche!!

Something like this must already exhist, no? If not, there is a huge gap in the market waiting to be filled by some creepy old fundie men.

[clibbyjo]

I seriously think there's a niche!!

I seriously think there's a niche!!

Maybe I can call it "Helpmeets R US?" :think:

[bananacat]

Honestly though, it's not just fundies who are waiting for their perfect partner to show up at their door. I know of a few adult men (though it is pretty rare) who make no effort to have a social life and lament that they are still single, like they expect a super hawt woman to just knock on their door with pizza and beer and start making out with them. Having an active social life and meeting new people can be hard, but whining about it all day at work and then sitting home alone all night won't help anyone.

[Rosa]

at least they are at work with other people, who might know single people.

[terranova]

Something like this must already exhist, no? If not, there is a huge gap in the market waiting to be filled by some creepy old fundie men.