Taryn Knows All

[onlyorganic]

we had a friend who was a clown(he went to clown college) in a circus and when they were in Florida we went back by the animals,etc. I no longer like circuses.

Okay, wtf. Seriously. Lead paint and a clown going round' where the animals are. Taryn doesn't like circuses. I can't get if she is implying her clown-friend was some sort of perv or that circuses are somehow unclean or maybe the circus uses lead paint, or there is lead in the clown facepaint. I shall ponder this while I Sharpie my evil DiaperGenie. I'm changing it to "DiaperGen". Because genies are magickal, Arabian, and tied to Disney. And Christina Aguilera. Who is also tied to Disney. And I like peanuts.

[Nomorearrows]

Oh God I really, really, really wish she had a blog because I absolutely love the crazy this woman spews.

Yes. If she had a blog ,it would be very entertaining. At least we won't have to read about how wonderful the woman's husband is and stuff like that. Or is that a requisite in fundie blogs?

[flojo]

It reads like a 5 year old's "what I did on my summer vacation" paragraph.

She didn't homeschool, did she?

[Sunnichick31]

I know its bad, but I really wish she'd come here and be a guest troll for a bit. Think of the thought salad yumminess!

that would be EPIC!!!!!!! :D Oh God please get Taryn here!!! Thank you! (and btw if you have a minute to spare, could you do a little something about world peace? Cool, thanks.)

She didn't homeschool, did she?

She probably did.

[Koala]

She didn't homeschool, did she?

She absolutely did!

[flojo]

She absolutely did!

:o

[ChunkyBarbie]

Taryn is like the fundie version of kooky Courtney Stodden. One tweet from her this week: "Lacing down my provocative garter as a glimpse of the gleaming sun gushes intimately in upon me & grapples a taste of my gingering essence"

Huh? Gross?

WTF? Wow!

[Nomorearrows]

"Lacing down my provocative garter as a glimpse of the gleaming sun gushes intimately in upon me & grapples a taste of my gingering essence

LOL. "gingering essence"

:lol:

[Lainey]

WTF is "gingering essence?" No, you know what? Never mind. :shock:

I feel so sorry for Taryn's kids. They probably never got to do anything fun because it was all evil in Taryn's universe.

[Beb]

I like puzzles. I saw a star trek puzzle. I bought silk flowers--not for the tv. My daughter has a white desk. There were many recalls of lead paint and asbestos. Thanksgiving turkey is safer now. I went to a farm and in Oklahoma a farmer had frozen vegetables. I saw a burned down barn. I like stories about families. Everyone should read this.

[Maul the Koala]

I wish I had a voice for theatre. This would be fun to do dramatic readings of.

[emmiedahl]

She absolutely did!

I thought she said at some point that her kids went to a private church school? I might have my crazies mixed up.

[debrand]

I thought she said at some point that her kids went to a private church school? I might have my crazies mixed up.

I thought so also but I might have my crazies mixed up also. Hasn't she also mentioned nonfundie books that she's read? I don't know if she is fundie or just an odd sort of Christian.

[SunnyAndrsn]

My grandma, bless her heart, would occasionally tell stories like this so I actually understand what she was getting at. So for your viewing (dis?)pleasure, I present Taryn in "normal people speech."

Becomes:

I like that you gave your daughter a homemade gift for her birthday, something like that is always so much more memorable that store-bought. The lipstick was also very cute, but it reminded me of something I read no too long ago when I was researching crib recalls and stumbled upon recalls of play jewelry and make-up as well.

The report noted that children’s play jewelry has been known to contribute to both lead and cadmium poisoning and several types of board books also contained lead. The recalls also contained things like bunk beds (and I’m sure with so many little ones around, these would be a great space saver), swing set parts, strollers, pacifiers, etc. As a grandparent it’s scary to think of all the things that could happen, but it’s important to stay informed.

Thankfully, I never bought my two daughters play jewelry or make-up. I also never purchased nail polish, but they still both enjoy a nice mani-pedi!

The zoo birthday pictures are absolutely precious! I just love going there and seeing all of the baby animals!

The camels remind me of some animals we saw once at a circus. A family friend was a clown in the circus (he went to Clown College and everything! LOL) and when the circus came to Florida he took us around and let us see the animals up close. I wasn’t a fan of the way the animals were treated. Needless to say, we don’t go to the circus anymore.

OMG!! A Taryn translator! Now the universal translators can be programmed to include Taryn. Or for the non-Star Trek crowd, maybe just add this to Google translator.

[Boogalou]

I thought so also but I might have my crazies mixed up also. Hasn't she also mentioned nonfundie books that she's read? I don't know if she is fundie or just an odd sort of Christian.

They might have gone to Christian school but they were definitely home schooled at least the majority of the time. She has also read non-Christian books. And I think she is just an odd sort of everything, but probably fundie: she likes ZsuZsu, Vision Forum, creationism, and thinks everything is a secret pagan symbol, she hates teh gayz, and supports ZsuZsu's 9/11 conspiracy theory.

[synchroswimr]

Taryn's comment at Candy's new not-a-blog (joyfulchristianhomemaking.com)

My third daughter-in-law gets a free frozen turkey from her job and it's in my refrigerator right now. I looked up duck and it's a Bible-clean(healthy) meat. I love sweet potato casserole and our third son makes the best. He got the recipe from Ina Garten/Barefoot Contessa's web site. I make the pumpkin pie. I don't add pumpkin spice(I think that's why some people don't like pumpkin pie). I make green bean casserole and my daughter(21) makes the mashed potatoes. We also have stuffing, gravy, corn, carrots,cranberry sauces, and apple pie. Our second son will bring soda(root beer is a treat). I like organic grape juice(unfermented wine).-Taryn

It is on a not-a-blog-post featuring Candy's Thanksgiving menu, and even seems to mostly make sense!

[CanadianHippie]

:o

That's depressing. My free-writing is more coherent than that, and I don't exactly think in an organized make-sense sort of way.

[CanadianHippie]

Someone should start a word salad thread where we can practice our Taryn-like posting skills.

[CanadianHippie]

Also because I have to:

"I like that you made the purse.

I googled ["]crib recalls["] and also read about recalls of children's play jewelry[ ](lead and cadmium poisoning),[ ]play make-up[ ](I never bought my two daughters play [make-up, jewelry or nail polish; though] they both polish their nails unnecessary),[ ]board books[ ](lead),[ ]play purses, etc. There were many I also found recalls on bunk beds,this is the only time she actually put a space after a comma or bracket. swing set parts,[ ]stroller parts,[ ]etc. and pacifiers as well. I encourage everyone should to read th[ese] lists.

I like zoos[.] [i used to like circuses,] but we had a friend who was a clown[ ](he went to clown college unnecessary and/or feeble attempt at humour) in a circus and when they were in Florida we went back by the animals,[ ]etc. I no longer like circuses.need clarification, why do you no longer like circuses."

Anyone else have input?

I'm not the best when it comes to spelling, grammar, and punctuation, but damn Taryn. It's like a "correct the following paragraph" section on an English test.

[Lainey]

Oooh, what else is Bible-clean? :lol: That might be my new favourite phrase! Is alligator Bible-clean? Goose? Kangaroo? Giraffe? Goat? Octopus? Snake? Squirrel? Possum? Gorilla?

Salad is Bible-clean, as long as it doesn't contain shrimp. My MIL(72) likes shrimp. I saw a whole shrimp with all its legs, and now I don't like shrimp. But that's okay because it's not Bible-clean(healthy). My husband(42) likes shrimp. I don't feed it to him, but he eats it at restaurants. I used to like restaurants. We went back and saw the kitchen of a restaurant once. I don't like restaurants anymore. Cookies are a treat. I didn't let my children watch Sesame Street, but my grandchildren watch it.

[alba]

Someone should start a word salad thread where we can practice our Taryn-like posting skills.

I nearly spewed tea all over my laptop :lol:

[Aurora]

I nearly spewed tea all over my laptop :lol:

I think someone did, a couple of months ago?? :) The thread I mean, not the spewing!

[Fun-Dee]

I vote for William Shatner reading her comment.

I was thinking maybe St. Alan, but Shatner would be epic.

[bananacat]

I have a strong suspicion that before she found out about the recall, Taryn used to have a daily habit of eating toy jewelry, resulting in lead poisoning and brain damage. I have never seen anyone write like her. It isn't a case of just having poor writing skills or being generally stupid. She is just really weird.

[anniebgood]

Taryn's comment at Candy's new not-a-blog (joyfulchristianhomemaking.com)

It is on a not-a-blog-post featuring Candy's Thanksgiving menu, and even seems to mostly make sense!

I'm posted on that thanksgiving thread bwhaahahaha.....I'm honored to be in Taryn's universe.

Why the hell make pumpkin pie if you don't add the seasonings? That's just mush. Ugh.