Getting kicked out at 18...

[BlondeAgent007]

I hear this statement frequently on FJ as the fundie argument against young women leaving the home. I caught an episode of the duggars the other day, where several of the children repeated this verse, something to the tune of, "Well, other parents, you know, they kick you out 18 and make you live on your own and get a job. But I'm so lucky my parents want me to stay here and not have to worry about those things!"

Because so many of them phrased it similarly, it led me to think that maybe these parents use that as a threat to keep their kids in line and at home. They make it seem entirely cruel and impossible to live on your own. I think they scare the girls into staying at home because escaping is such a difficult, undesirable thing to do. The majority of people I know live on their own and have jobs, some have school on top of it, and they all have more spare time than the duggar girls do. Don't know if this has been mentioned before but it intrigued me.

[JenniferJuniper]

I don't doubt the girls in particular are constantly told horror stories about what happens to unprotected young ladies out in the big, bad, world and reminded how grateful they should be to remain under Daddy's guidance protection.

As I was trolling the Pearl videos yesterday, I came across this classic.

If you wear a sleeveless blouse to the gas station, expect to become a victim of human slave trafficking. Now get back to ironing my shirts....

[annalena]

i've made this point before, but if all women were to wear burqas, rape and molestation wouldn't suddenly end. The selection would just be more randomly..

And I don't know ANYONE who kicks out children at 18. Most young folks I know want to get out and live heir own life.

[deepasducks]

It's such a false dichotomy-- either stay home or get kicked out. Living on your own doesn't mean you were kicked out. It is hard to live on your own for the first time, but that's why most families try to offer support of some kind even when the kid isn't living at home anymore. Sometimes financial support or a financial safety net if it's possible to offer that, but certainly at least moral support and advice on how to do things. I feel like families like the Duggars are telling their kids that the world is cruel, but they're the ones who are cruel on this point. Lots of families have tension over differences in how the kids want to live their lives, but the norm is not to cut all ties with them because of it.

[Cran]

I moved out of home at 18, because I wanted to go abroad (Israel and later Ireland). My mother neer stopped supporting me, because after that, I went to university and couldn't support myself without help.

One friend of mine nearly had to sue her parents for them to pay for her support (in Gemany, parents are mandated by law to pay you support for your first education), because they didn't approve of her educational choices, but that is the only case I can think of that resembles "kicking out at 18".

These people talk so much about learning household chores until they are perfect, cooking, cleaning etc., but I wonder why they see no need to practise living on their own, which is a much greater challenge than figuring out how to clean a stove.

Oh, wait, at least the girls will never have a single decision to make. Problem solved.

Of course they are taught that the outside world is evil, otherwise, if they went exploring it, they could see the lies they've been told.

Classic mark of a cult, that is, separation from people who think or live differently.

[Patsy]

i've made this point before, but if all women were to wear burqas, rape and molestation wouldn't suddenly end. The selection would just be more randomly..

I absolutely disagree. It wouldn't stop, yes, but I think the way it happened wouldn't stop much, either.

[annalena]

I absolutely disagree. It wouldn't stop, yes, but I think the way it happened wouldn't stop much, either.

You mean it wouldn't be randomly?

How are you gonna know who's under that burqua?

[Patsy]

Most rapes are acquaintance rapes, and I don't think most stranger rapes occur because the victim is hawt.

[Sola]

Where do they get this from?

I only know of one family who kicked out their son at 18 and that is because he was a total shithead who thought selling drugs from his parent's home was a good idea.

Kids might leave for university at 18, but that doesn't mean they leave home. My 3 SiL's all have kids still at home. One has a 30 year old, one has 2 girls in their mid twenties with one son married and my other SiL has just seen her 30 year old daughter marry and leave home this last weekend. Both my kids know that they can remain at home for as long as they want to, in my daughter's case that will probably be a long time as she's only 10 and will need a lot of support when she is an adult to live independently. But the point still stands; even if my kids didn't need additional help there is no way I would kick them out at 18. Parenting doesn't end at 18!

My son hopes to go to university in a couple of years and yes during term time he will live away from home, but this will still be his home and when he finishes uni if he wants to come back he can. It's not very likely he will be able to afford to leave home at that point anyway.

As for the rape risk - yet again why are women responsible if a man decides he is going to rape her? That's insulting to women AND men. My husband is quite capable of restraining himself when faced with an immodestly dressed woman and I expect other men to restrain themselves if I decide to wear a low cut shirt.

[Deleted03]

Most rapes are acquaintance rapes, and I don't think most stranger rapes occur because the victim is hawt.

exactly. All the rapist cares is to have sex with someone vulnerable or to make someone vulnerable to have sex with... don't care about how they look like...

[annalena]

well maybe they leave home to go to college, but that doesn't mean they get kicked out. maybe, just maybe, it makes sense because the college is, dunno...out of town or maybe out of the state?

on the rape thing: even if women walked around naked, there's no justifiation. (hey, btw, wouldn't that make for another j name?)

finding girls hot is one thing, acting like they are your property another.

[annalena]

exactly. All the rapist cares is to have sex with someone vulnerable or to make someone vulnerable to have sex with... don't care about how they look like...

i honestly don't think we can judge about that, because i sure hope there is no rapist involved in this discussion. i don't know if you can really follow that twisted way of thinking from the outside.

[Kelya]

I left at sixteen, moved back in at 20, left at 20.8, moved back in at 21.5, left at 21.6, and will probably move back in at 23 to get another degree and keep my costs down.

I've never been kicked out and no one I know has, except for a few people with asshole parents who didn't wait until 18 to kick their kids out. They're probably the types who would kick them out on their 18th birthday, though, so it was better they left earlier and had time to get state assistance and being emancipated so they could apply to university more easily.

[Crackedeggs]

I was sorta kicked out at 18 because I was living a life my parents dissaproved of - singing in a band, doing some drugs, running with a guy who was 6 years older than me and a bit chaotic/violent. ( He got worse though, after I was dependent on him) I say sort of, because I could have chosen to stop doing those things and not have left home.

[clibbyjo]

I have already told my kids to go to college locally and live at home to save money. When they go to graduate school they can move out. My oldest son will most likely do this,he likes comfort. I could see my daughter moving out at 18 though. My baby boy will want to stay around me until another girl takes MY place.

I would never kick them out.

When we moved here from Louisiana,we lived at my parents house for 8 months while we saved for a down payment on our first house. It was a long 8 months....

[Kelya]

I have already told my kids to go to college locally and live at home to save money. When they go to graduate school they can move out. My oldest son will most likely do this,he likes comfort. I could see my daughter moving out at 18 though. My baby boy will want to stay around me until another girl takes MY place.

.

This was part of my problem- when I moved out at sixteen I was SO CONFIDENT I could do ANYTHING EVER and I would SLEEP IN THE GUTTER IF I HAD TO. Then I moved back in at 20 and was like "shit, I could have had hot water and readily accessible food for the last four years? I'm a dumbass."

[Swamptribe]

the Duggars parents seem to out and out lie to their kids about things. Again, it's all about controlling them.

I have a son in his 20's living at home. Two more live in another state. They didn't want to move with us. My daughter moved out very early. She even joined the Army on her own. She has also moved back in with us afterwards. My eldest son lived at home until we moved to another state. He didn't want to come with us.

My husband and I both left home to go to college, our idea. When I moved out of my parents home after college they tried to talk me out of it (it was driving me nuts living with my parents). I don't know of ANYONE of my social group who was kicked out by their parents at 18.

Someday, I'd live to see the Duggar kids hang out with some more mainstream folks who are their peers.

I don't know. Maybe it's the Duggar kids parroting such nonsense that is taking the shine off their popularity. People are starting to realize they aren't the sweet little family they like to portray themselves as.

[CanticleoftheTurning]

I hear this statement frequently on FJ as the fundie argument against young women leaving the home. I caught an episode of the duggars the other day, where several of the children repeated this verse, something to the tune of, "Well, other parents, you know, they kick you out 18 and make you live on your own and get a job. But I'm so lucky my parents want me to stay here and not have to worry about those things!"

Because so many of them phrased it similarly, it led me to think that maybe these parents use that as a threat to keep their kids in line and at home. They make it seem entirely cruel and impossible to live on your own. I think they scare the girls into staying at home because escaping is such a difficult, undesirable thing to do. The majority of people I know live on their own and have jobs, some have school on top of it, and they all have more spare time than the duggar girls do. Don't know if this has been mentioned before but it intrigued me.

YES. My dad would say stuff like that too!! And he would say stuff like that to convince us that homeschooling was the only safe, sane alternative to all the horrible public schools where you get raped.

In fact, when I was in my early teens, my dad was off on a rage about something, and was yelling at me, saying that either I needed to obey him and live at home, or I could go live on the streets instead where men would rape me.

Yeah. Presented with that kind of false dichotomy nearly brainwashed me. Well, it DID brainwash me, but going to a secular college helped so much (even when I was still living at home.)

[theologygeek]

You mean it wouldn't be randomly?

How are you gonna know who's under that burqua?

Rape is an act of control. It doesn't matter who is under a burka.

[fundiefan]

Typical fundie over generalization (and demonization) of families that aren't like them because it has to be all or nothing in their world, otherwise they'd never convince anyone they are right. If you don't homeschool and keep your kids at home until marriage, you kick them out. No in between, no other option, no other choice.

[lilwriter85]

Where do they get this from?

I only know of one family who kicked out their son at 18 and that is because he was a total shithead who thought selling drugs from his parent's home was a good idea.

Kids might leave for university at 18, but that doesn't mean they leave home. My 3 SiL's all have kids still at home. One has a 30 year old, one has 2 girls in their mid twenties with one son married and my other SiL has just seen her 30 year old daughter marry and leave home this last weekend. Both my kids know that they can remain at home for as long as they want to, in my daughter's case that will probably be a long time as she's only 10 and will need a lot of support when she is an adult to live independently. But the point still stands; even if my kids didn't need additional help there is no way I would kick them out at 18. Parenting doesn't end at 18!

My son hopes to go to university in a couple of years and yes during term time he will live away from home, but this will still be his home and when he finishes uni if he wants to come back he can. It's not very likely he will be able to afford to leave home at that point anyway.

As for the rape risk - yet again why are women responsible if a man decides he is going to rape her? That's insulting to women AND men. My husband is quite capable of restraining himself when faced with an immodestly dressed woman and I expect other men to restrain themselves if I decide to wear a low cut shirt.

I think Boob and Mullet pull a lot of things out of their asses. I also recall the episode the OP is talking about. Jill made the comment and she acted as if Boob and Mullet were the only parents in the world to allow kids over 18 to live at home. Sorry, Jill you are so wrong.

I have heard of a few people that do make their kids move at 18 to either to live on their own or go away to college. I worked with a guy years ago who attended the same college as me. Even though his choose to go to college locally, his parents told him to move out after his high school graduation. I know one woman who is making her kids go to college three hours away.

But I think most people don't kick out their kids at age 18. Some kids choose to move out on their own for college or to take steps towards being completely on their own. Jill probably doesn't realize that other young women her age made the choice to leave home. The Duggars probably don't think about college aged kids who still live with their parents.

There are a lot of 18-23 year old college students living at home and they are more in tune with the real world than the older Duggar kids. Some college students who live at home also have jobs in addition to school. These types of young adults are more prepared for the world than Jill is.

[FemaleScientist]

Anything to keep their kids in line and at home, right? They need to remind their kids they have it good at home unlike ebil non-fundie families.

With the way the economy is and so many underemployed people, it's really hard for anyone to make it on their own after 18, even with a minimum wage full-time job. You'd probably have to move in with a friend or something to even really afford an apartment.

Unless the parents are assholes, they're willing to take in their kids until they can get on their feet. My parents did this with me when I was turning 24, jobless, and recently graduated college. Now that I found a job after 5 months, I'm ready to save up money and move out before the end of winter. And my parents didn't think twice about letting me stay with them.

[lilwriter85]

Anything to keep their kids in line and at home, right? They need to remind their kids they have it good at home unlike ebil non-fundie families.

With the way the economy is and so many underemployed people, it's really hard for anyone to make it on their own after 18, even with a minimum wage full-time job. You'd probably have to move in with a friend or something to even really afford an apartment.

Unless the parents are assholes, they're willing to take in their kids until they can get on their feet. My parents did this with me when I was turning 24, jobless, and recently graduated college. Now that I found a job after 5 months, I'm ready to save up money and move out before the end of winter. And my parents didn't think twice about letting me stay with them.

I agree it is mostly a power move to keep the kids at home and people like Boob and Mullet probably create "horror stories" or something to make the kids appreciate their fundie lifestyle.

The current economy has changed things quite a bit and a lot of people whether they are college students, college graduates or not are living with their parents. I have relatives whose college aged kids are still at home and one of my cousins who got out of the military in 2009 is living at home with his parents while he finishes up his motorcycle mechanic training.

[mirele]

My parents made me move away to college at 20 because I was enjoying myself entirely too much at home and not getting on with my life. They supported me when I went away to school.

My brother, who is 47, is currently living with my elderly parents due to his long-term unemployment. This is a huge benefit to me, because otherwise I would be going crazy trying to deal with two elderly people and their myriad health problems as well as work my job.

JimBoob and J'chelle seem to think that people who are not like them don't have families, I think.

[Bookworm89]

I wasn't kicked out at 18, actually my parents wanted me to stay, and since the University was literally an 8 minute walk from the house, what was the point in moving into a dorm and paying for a place to stay. While I sometimes now wish I had moved out for a little more independence, it wasn't horrible just overbearing a lot of the time until the last year (22 now).