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The Conservative Bible. (Merged)


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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/0 ... 10037.html

 

Lo and behold, the Bible has gotten too liberal, according to a group of conservatives. And it needs a little editing.

 

That's the inspiration behind the Conservative Bible Project, which seeks to take the text back to its supposed right-wing roots.

 

Yes, even scripture is not orthodox enough for the modern conservative. Not that it's the fault of the author(s), exactly. The group cites a few reasons why the Bible is too progressive: "Lack of precision in the original language ... lack of precision in modern language" and "translation bias in converting the original language to the modern one."

 

So how can the Bible be conservatized? The group has proposed a Wikipedia-like group editing project. Some of the ideas would only bring the translation closer to the original. But others would fundamentally change the text.

 

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]

4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Among the words to be eliminated: "government." A conservative columnist at Beliefnet described the effort as "just crazy ... like what you'd get if you crossed the Jesus Seminar with the College Republican chapter at a rural institution of Bible learnin'."

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/conservative-bible-projec_n_310037.html

Lo and behold, the Bible has gotten too liberal, according to a group of conservatives. And it needs a little editing.

Andy Schlafly is a complete fruit-loop - and it amuses me to blame his anti-feminist mother because she was too busy lobbying against the ERA to raise her own kids.

Now, despite his having "earned" a prestigious law degree and an engineering degree, it seems that early-onset dementia has moved to claim Andy's mind – assuming this illusive 'mind' of his ever existed at all - and now he can't get a real job anywhere with standards so he maintains his own vanity site at Conservapedia.

Rationalwiki has whole sections devoted to debunking the absolutely incredible amount of bullshit produced by the dittoheads at the Conservapedia guano factory.

With his idiotic Conservative Bible Project, the absolute nadir of his life's “work,†he managed to alienate even WingNutDaily.

I know we snark a lot and in so doing, we engage in hyperbole. But here, now, I am entirely serious in saying I do not know how that braindead sack of meat continues to breathe and function. I really don't. Schlafly is correct less often than a stopped clock. His theories on everything from education to relativity are an insult to scholars everywhere.

If his mother weren't able to bankroll Andy's failures, including his inexplicable high educational achievements – degrees it seems he was able to earn without retaining a single, solitary fact about them post-graduation - he would be living in a hospital ward or in a cardboard box.

That man is easily one of the stupidest people I've ever come across.

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I thought the King James version WAS the Conservative Bible.

So do I, they always use the King James version of the bible, heck even the Westboro freaks use it as well.

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Stephen Colbert asked his viewers to add him into the Conservative Bible. Stephen Colbert is the king of trolls. I love him.

That project is so incomprehensible I don't know where to start. It's a political version of the Jehovah's Witness Bible which re-phrases the King James to reflect their own beliefs. The "scholars" who worked on it didn't know the original languages. You can't "correct" the Bible by making all the terms for God "consistent", they vary in the texts and the differences are significant.

They claim the Bible is the inerrant word of God, so I don't know how they propose to improve upon it unless they're better than God. It's insane.

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Stephen Colbert asked his viewers to add him into the Conservative Bible. Stephen Colbert is the king of trolls. I love him.

That project is so incomprehensible I don't know where to start. It's a political version of the Jehovah's Witness Bible which re-phrases the King James to reflect their own beliefs. The "scholars" who worked on it didn't know the original languages. You can't "correct" the Bible by making all the terms for God "consistent", they vary in the texts and the differences are significant.

They claim the Bible is the inerrant word of God, so I don't know how they propose to improve upon it unless they're better than God. It's insane.

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This really annoys me.

For a start, the word "comrade" isn't the exclusive property of communists. We use it differently and more often than other people do but it's not a "communist word". What about "comrades in arms" to describe personnel in the military, are all soldiers communists?

How it gets used by us will be completely different, I am guessing, from the Biblical usage. So why would it be a problem?

(Incidentally, pet peeve time. We don't say "Comrade [surname] " when addressing each other. That is like your mum calling you by your full name when she is pissed off at you. Being as we are human, we normally use people's first names like anyone else. But I could rant on for days here.)

I also like the fact he complains about "fellow worker" . There is one group that I know who use Fellow Worker as a form of address, shortened to FW (so he would be, were he a member, FW Schafly). That's the Industrial Workers of the World, the IWW. Is he really suggesting Bible translators in ages past had a pro IWW agenda? The mind boggles.

The IWW still exist, and they do a lot of stuff, but I do not think translating Bibles has ever been a priority for them. ;)

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I know! Who knew that Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" was a paean to "Self-help, free market, division of labor" as well as a "criticism of alcohol"? Here I thought it was about desperation.

Also, the writers show a terrible lack of understanding of the subtleties of 70s era Lynyrd Skynyrd.

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I have a newsflash for Andy: The parable of the ten talents isn't actually about money!!!! sorry Andy, but it's a parable (i.e. metaphor - look it up) for the Kingdom of God. Not a "How to" for the Bank of America.

What a fucking idiot. I remember his mama from the days of ERA. What a - I don't know the word - maybe Quisling? Someone who works with their oppressors against their own best interests?

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Holy crap, is that page of greatest conservative songs FOR REAL??? I mean, seriously, I am flabbergasted.

Yes WHAT

I just looked. um no. I am a child of the 90s and Pearl Jam's "Dissident" doesn't mean anything approaching that. Radiohead and Green Day would hate a prat like this attempting to interpret anything they ever did ever.

System of a Down being "slightly leftish"? Um how about "totally"?

Either that is a Poe or, issues.

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What? They're not removing all references to Jesus drinking wine? I thought perhaps it would become grape juice in the new Bible.

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6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

Um, what? I mean, I know it's all crap, but that seriously makes no sense. There is no human logic that can lead to the idea of hell. Faith, yes. Fear, maybe. But not logic. It's not as if anyone goes, "Oh, what goes up must come down and objects in motion tend to stay in motion. Therefore, fiery pit for eternity." :roll: It's not even internally consistent.

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Looking at the list of conservative songs now! :lol: Did they miss the memo on Elton John? Have they ever seen a picture of him?

Or do they just think that "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" is okay because of a prodigal son-esque message? Are they taking this entirely out of context and reading it as a repentance of sorts?

So many questions. I would love to spend a day in Andy Schlafly's head. Terrifying, yes, but I'm still so curious to know how someone can end up this skewed.

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  • 2 years later...

http://www.liberalamerica.org/2013/12/2 ... b-version/

 

Apparently, Conservapedia wants to rewrite the bible and remove the liberal passages.

 

conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservative_Bible_Project&oldid=987157

 

Quote

The Conservative Bible Project is a project utilizing the "best of the public" to render God's word into modern English without liberal translation distortions.[1]

 

This sounds a lot like satirebut someone on facebook reported this as true. Is it?

 

Quote

Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias. For example, the Living Bible translation has liberal evolutionary bias;[5] the widely used NIV translation has a pro-abortion bias.[6]

 

Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other feminist distortions; preserve many references to the unborn child (the NIV deletes these)

 

Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity[7]; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[8]

 

Utilize Terms which better capture original intent: using powerful new conservative terms to capture better the original intent;[9] Defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words that have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

 

Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction[10] by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[11] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

 

Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

 

Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

 

Exclude Later-Inserted Inauthentic Passages: excluding the interpolated passages that liberals commonly put their own spin on, such as the adulteress story

 

Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

 

Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

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Whoops. I meant to put this on quiverful of snark. :doh:

The earliest, most authentic manuscripts of the Gospel According to Luke lack this verse fragment set forth at the start of Luke 23:34:[13]

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Is this a corruption of the original, perhaps promoted by liberals without regard to its authenticity? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals, although it does not appear in the earliest and best manuscripts of the Gospel of Luke. It should not appear in a conservative Bible, because in point of fact Jesus might never had said it at all.

This has to be satire. It just has to be.

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http://www.liberalamerica.org/2013/12/21/right-wing-whack-job-version/

Exclude Later-Inserted Inauthentic Passages: excluding the interpolated passages that liberals commonly put their own spin on, such as the adulteress story

Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Okay, both my Koine Greek and my Hebrew suck and I will admit to that, but I have never, ever, ever heard anyone refer to Ambrose, Jerome or Augusting as liberals! And they all three agreed that the Pericope Adulterae was part of the Greek text but excised. Also, why would it be okay to replace Jehovah with Lord if that is in the original text. Either you're going for authenticity or not!

Edited for formatting

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Supposedly, Conservapedia was started by Andrew Layton Schlafly, son of Phyllis Schlafly. According to Wikipedia, this is real

In 2009, Schlafly appeared on The Colbert Report to discuss his Conservative Bible Project, a project hosted on Conservapedia that aims to rewrite modern English translations of the Bible in order to remove terms described as "liberal bias

It just seems like satire because it is so over the top crazy. :evil-eye:

I don't know why Lord would be preferred to Jehovah.

Here is an article on Andrew Layton Schlafly. rightwingwatch.org/content/meet-man-behind-conservative-bible

Schlafly explains that Conservapedia's effort is entirely necessary because those who are producing current translations of the Bible are overwhelmingly people who voted Barack Obama.

Seriously. That is his reasoning.

/quote]

-rightwingwatch.org/content/meet-man-behind-conservative-bible#sthash.7Yd62WK1.dpuf

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Sadly no. Those delightful folks behind conservapedia are going to rre-write the bible because, goddammit the KJV just isn't right wing enough! If I didn't know better I'd say consevapedia are the best poes out there.

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This has been a Conservapedia project for quite some time. I'm not sure whether this has been expunged or not, and I'm posting from my phone so I can't easily copy the link even if it is still out there, but at one point there was an amazing exchange on the conservative bible project talk page that I would love to see again. A woman responded saying she thought it was a great idea, then started several threads asking detailed and pointed academic questions about various Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic phrases and how they should be conservatively translated in light of [insert arcane details in the original languages here], all the while acting as though she supported the original idea wholeheartedly. Of course, Andy Schlafly had no response to any of it, since he is totally bereft of actual bible scholarship. It was some of the most epic, subtle trolling I have ever seen. It was magnificent. I really want to find that again

ETA: found a screenshot of some of it. rationalwiki.org/wiki/File:Capture_44a408b0ad58ac89a72da3db8a68499a138d824f.png

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LOL, he's worried about the use of the word "comrade" which isn't automatically political at all, and wants it to be replaced with "volunteer" which can be very political indeed...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%93glai ... 3%89ireann

I love the trolling of conservapedia - now that's how to do it with class!

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