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Keller parents blow off family meeting


annalena

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Sorry, I actually knew that. :) What I was trying to ask- why does it seem they are in contact with Rebekah? Should have made that clearer. What is it that she does differently? She does not seem to be quiverfull, she has only 2 daughters, they wear defrauding jeans and (super cute) dresses and have short hair (again- super cute).

She does not live up to their expectations either, it seems to me.

Oh ok, now I understand. I know Gothard believes in the Patriarch Umbrella; because Rebekah is technically under Josh's authority, whatever he says, goes, so it's okay for her to follow whatever he believes. I read somewhere that for Daniel, Candice wanted to move to SC and Papa Keller was not too pleased with it and believed that he wasn't being the authority of Candice. Even though Daniel is married, he would still be under his father's authority but because he was making his own decision, rift occurred. It sounds really strange, but look at Josh. His house isn't really his house and his car lot isn't really his lot--it's JB's. Patriarch Umbrella.

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Its not easy. I'm very close to my cousins and was very close with the elders in my mothers family when they were alive. I'm lucky because they knew my mother was whacked. That being said, I had good insurance and wonderful counseling. I could never imagine being estranged from DD.

You'll come to a point where you build compassionate and empathetic family of choice.

FWIW I never went to either of their funerals. Call me cold, I don't care.

I'll keep you in the light.

Thank you. They're so self-righteous they managed to make me believe it's all my fault and I'm misinterpreting everything. I just started therapy a couple of weeks ago, but seems like it's already helping. Also I have an AMAZING boyfriend who I see as my real family. I'm close to one of my sisters, but she's kind of an egomaniac, too.

The thing that scares me is that my mother cut off her own parents and said she'd gonna do everything better and only focus on her own family. She never dealt with her issues, though.

Hasn't really worked out. :roll: What if it's not gonna work out for me?

(this is OT- back to the Kellers)

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Oh ok, now I understand. I know Gothard believes in the Patriarch Umbrella; because Rebekah is technically under Josh's authority, whatever he says, goes, so it's okay for her to follow whatever he believes. I read somewhere that for Daniel, Candice wanted to move to SC and Papa Keller was not too pleased with it and believed that he wasn't being the authority of Candice. Even though Daniel is married, he would still be under his father's authority but because he was making his own decision, rift occurred. It sounds really strange, but look at Josh. His house isn't really his house and his car lot isn't really his lot--it's JB's. Patriarch Umbrella.

Thank you, I got it now thanks to your and everyone else's explanations. Took a little longer. :)

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Guest Anonymous
Devil's advocate here (how ironic)

Maybe the Keller kids need to SHUT UP in public and deal with this like adults. Probably the issues with their parents are very real, but NO ONE needs to discuss a family feud on FACEBOOK--that's childish. There's a reason counseling is CONFIDENTIAL.

Again, I'm not doubting that there are real problems here--it's hard not to have them when you won't let kids become adults. But there is always more (or LESS) to the story than those outside the family can see. It's time for Daniel and the others to grow up and deal with this in a mature manner.

One such way is just not to call home anymore. Another is top just move on. But the best place to start is to shut up in public.

Hopewell, I totally get what you're saying, and it's the way I have chosen to deal with my own situation - strict radio silence.

That said, when you have religious parents that are very concerned with their image in their community and church, it makes things difficult. I can't speak to what's going on with the Kellers, but I can relate my own situation. My mother, before I removed her from my facebook, added almost all of my friends to her own page. She constantly posted status updates about how she sacrificed for her children, she was always saying things to make herself look good. She pretended to be homeschooling my younger sisters when actually my older sister and myself had taken over that duty because she didn't teach them at all. One of my sisters was self-injuring because life at home was so fucked up. I was on the verge of calling CPS and sometimes I wish that I had.

But on the outside, it was all shiny happy families. Since I cut off contact my mother has taken to telling people that I'm a drunk, I party all of the time, and that I have mental illnesses that I do not have. Obviously she's a perfect mother, so any rift must be because of me. My two oldest siblings and I have talked about telling the truth about what our childhoods were like, it's very tempting to blow all of her lies up in a public space. We're the ones who are blamed and vilified because she's dictating the narrative. I keep my mouth shut because two of my siblings are still at home and I don't want them to suffer, but I definitely understand the desire to tell the truth about what's going on to anyone that will listen.

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Maybe this is why the unenthusiastic "happy birthday Dad" from Anna to Boob that everyone on the other board is commenting about... Maybe Boob is as thrilled with Anna as she is with him-maybe he's thinking "there's cracks in her family's foundation, what if she bolts and takes the Granduggars with her?"

I wish. And I want a nitty gritty tell-all when (if) she goes!

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But on the outside, it was all shiny happy families. Since I cut off contact my mother has taken to telling people that I'm a drunk, I party all of the time, and that I have mental illnesses that I do not have. Obviously she's a perfect mother, so any rift must be because of me. My two oldest siblings and I have talked about telling the truth about what our childhoods were like, it's very tempting to blow all of her lies up in a public space. We're the ones who are blamed and vilified because she's dictating the narrative. I keep my mouth shut because two of my siblings are still at home and I don't want them to suffer, but I definitely understand the desire to tell the truth about what's going on to anyone that will listen.

I can totally see how that is tempting, especially when the family (read: the parents and following children) try to create a shiny public image.

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I can't imagine how Anna's mother is dealing with this. According to her own screwed up belief system, she has to abide by her penishead's decision to cut off the kids, even if she doesn't want to.[/ quote]

I was wondering the same thing. Based on a couple of facebook posts I read, the kids didn't seem to have as much of an issue with their mom. At one point (shortly after last Thanksgiving, when he was evidently NOT invited) Daniel wrote that he loved his mother. But I guess his patience and understanding have worn thin by now.

I love my husband, but if he told me I couldn't see any of our kids it would be game over. But Mrs Keller follows Gothard's teaching that her marriage vows are THE most important thing in her life, even more than her children. Sad.

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Well, now we see Daniel saying he hates his dad AND mom. I can't even imagine how their children are feeling right now. I feel for them.

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Guest Anonymous
Well, now we see Daniel saying he hates his dad AND mom. I can't even imagine how their children are feeling right now. I feel for them.

Is his facebook private or public? Do you mind linking if it's public? I searched and turned up a lot of Daniel Kellers, but not the right one.

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Wonder what Rebekah means by "we were trying to help". Help what? Help whom?

I'm guessing the issues between the parents and Daniel and Susanna?

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I'm guessing the issues between the parents and Daniel and Susanna?

Maybe. Just wondered because she said "we" so that would include Daniel and Susanna. So they would be "helping" themselves, which wound sound a bit odd to me.

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I don't follow this family much, but this just sounds really sad. My parents weren't exactly jumping for joy when I defected from the fundie-farm, but I do still have a good relationship with them. They'd be overjoyed if I returned to The Way of the Frumper, but they didn't cut me off for anything I've done. We agree to disagree on certain things, which isn't easy, but since they don't take a "It's my way or the highway" stance with me, that makes things work better.

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I have 2 kids, and I am telling you NOTHING they could do would make me distance myself from them. The fact that the Keller's are pushing away from their own children says a lot about the kind of people they are.

This what I don't get. Parents are supposed to love their kids unconditionally. The Kellers, and lots of other so called Christian parents, aren't doing this.

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I don't follow this family much, but this just sounds really sad. My parents weren't exactly jumping for joy when I defected from the fundie-farm, but I do still have a good relationship with them. They'd be overjoyed if I returned to The Way of the Frumper, but they didn't cut me off for anything I've done. We agree to disagree on certain things, which isn't easy, but since they don't take a "It's my way or the highway" stance with me, that makes things work better.

Very happy for you they don't seem to be as stuck up as other fundy parents. Seriously.

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Very happy for you they don't seem to be as stuck up as other fundy parents. Seriously.

Thanks. I know they're probably an exception to the rule. I saw some awful stuff happen to friends who left the church, girls who got pregnant out of wedlock, etc... when I was still at my old church.

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This what I don't get. Parents are supposed to love their kids unconditionally. The Kellers, and lots of other so called Christian parents, aren't doing this.

The code is quite clearly stated as God first, marriage second and children third. You are to put your marriage above everything but God the idea being that if the marriage is strong so is the family. Of course, this code neglects to account for abuse...

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I think the Duggars would gloss it over and allow the child to go to family events, keep them at arm's length but not completely disown them. They have made such a big deal over their acceptance of Cousin Amy that they would look like douchebags if they just cut someone off.

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Then again, Amy is Deanna's child and not JB and Michelle's. They're willing to accept her since she's just their niece and a cousin to their children. If their girls left the movement, that would be one thing since they would be under authority of their husband. Then again, I highly doubt JB would approve of a guy who plans on leaving the movement after marriage. If one of the son's leave, that would be a huge disappointment in JB's eyes.

This whole disowning children because they don't want to follow a particular belief is just sad. Parents should love their children no matter what. How does disowning them solve any issues? Children get older and start making their own decisions; that's not the end of the world if they decide to have their own opinions and views. I guess for fundies, you either follow it exactly or you're out.

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Devil's advocate here (how ironic)

Maybe the Keller kids need to SHUT UP in public and deal with this like adults. Again, I'm not doubting that there are real problems here--it's hard not to have them when you won't let kids become adults. But there is always more (or LESS) to the story than those outside the family can see. It's time for Daniel and the others to grow up and deal with this in a mature manner.

One such way is just not to call home anymore. Another is top just move on. But the best place to start is to shut up in public.

You answered your own comment when you said that they won't let kids become adults. This is quite possibly the first set of times that Daniel and Suz? have confronted their parents about anything, or even voiced disagreement with anything.... they don't know how to do it in an adult manner, they are still working their way thru the immature ways of doing it.

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I'm saying this as someone who is basically a cold-hearted bitch when it comes to parents, but the Keller kids should stop trying. Let Mom and Dad Keller be just as douchey as they want to be, and try not to let it bother them. I know it sucks and it hurts, but so does banging your head against the wall that the parents have erected in this case.

I cut my mother off and I don't anticipate having any meaningful contact with her in the future, we haven't spoken for almost a year. That hasn't stopped her from telling lies about me and behaving like she always has, but it has stopped most of my stress over it.

Dear Keller kids,

Love one another, love your partners, love your friends. Make yourselves a family that respects and honors you. Those people may be related to you by blood or they may not, but someone that treats you like crap is not worth your time or your tears.

Completely agree. My mom is not much of a mom and I really saw the light last summer. I expect nothing and therefore am not ever disappointed.

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