Snarkworthy Purity Post

[samurai_sarah]

(snip)

Why not turn to the Author of love?

Why would I turn to Nora Roberts? I don't even know her.

Thank goodness, I put the coffee down before reading that! Still trying to catch my breath though. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Palimpsest]

I can't start threads yet, but I've been pining to post this at FJ since someone drew my attention to it yesterday. This seems a good place.

A poll on Weddingbee in the Christian subforum*:

"Caviar an Abomination to God?

Hello Bees,

I am planning to serve Sturgeon Roe (Caviar) as an appetizer in my Purity Ball, but people are telling me that it's an abomination to God. I know what the bible says about not eating fish without scales, & fins, but is caviar included? Caviar is non-fertilized eggs (ripe egg masses obtained from fish). Isn't it like eating chicken eggs? If so I will sadly make a change to the menu. "

In the responses, only a 3 or 4 people agreed that caviar was an abomination to the Lord, several think that caviar is an abomination to the taste buds, and a lot were confused about Purity Balls.

* ETA For some reason I can't get the right link to connect with the post broken or not, but it will come up if you google "Weddingbee Caviar Abomination."

[salsa]

Her first unintelligible hold tonight

that's quite a euphemism... unintelligible??? Guess he expects a lot of moaning.

[Beammeup]

I believe that responsibly sourced caviar is a gift from the lord to my taste buds. I admit it is an acquired taste, but now that I have acquired taste, I want it.

Seems like the abomination to the Lord people believe that they need to be Kosher. I wonder if they eat cheezburgers?

[Beammeup]

that's quite a euphemism... unintelligible??? Guess he expects a lot of moaning.

Hopefully!

I couldn't understand that key word. :doh: I watched several times and the closed captioning was useless.

[mypsychoticself]

I can't start threads yet, but I've been pining to post this at FJ since someone drew my attention to it yesterday. This seems a good place.

A poll on Weddingbee in the Christian subforum*:

"Caviar an Abomination to God?

Hello Bees,

I am planning to serve Sturgeon Roe (Caviar) as an appetizer in my Purity Ball, but people are telling me that it's an abomination to God. I know what the bible says about not eating fish without scales, & fins, but is caviar included? Caviar is non-fertilized eggs (ripe egg masses obtained from fish). Isn't it like eating chicken eggs? If so I will sadly make a change to the menu. "

In the responses, only a 3 or 4 people agreed that caviar was an abomination to the Lord, several think that caviar is an abomination to the taste buds, and a lot were confused about Purity Balls.

* ETA For some reason I can't get the right link to connect with the post broken or not, but it will come up if you google "Weddingbee Caviar Abomination."

Why do they even care about keeping kosher? They didn't even get the rules right. For anyone wondering, here's an explanation.

[Palimpsest]

Why do they even care about keeping kosher? They didn't even get the rules right. For anyone wondering, here's an explanation.

A certain sub-set of fundies try to obey Leviticus without necessarily looking into kosher rules properly. So the Purity Baller above is more concerned with eggs being fertilized than she is with scales, or the lack thereof, on sturgeon. Similarly, the Duggars don't officially eat pork, although I bet there was pork in the "Bongers and Mash"(sic) they were seen chowing down on during the UK visit.

Some messianic Christians do make a better effort to keep Kosher. Although there was that lovely Messianic Christian family who boasted loudly about how strict they were at keeping Kosher and then posted their favorite recipe: Cheeseburger Soup, made with hamburger and Campbells Cheddar Cheese soup! Can anybody remember who they were?

The inconsistencies in these folk are a major part of what makes them snarkworthy!

[Lady_M]

And Grant, the best present that Kristin can give you, and I as a father in law can give you is the fact that you are going to receive a woman who has prepared herself for you. Her first kiss will be with Grant Lee. Her first unintelligible hold tonight will be with Grant Lee, God Willing. But what a prize. What a prize. What a great possession to have. She made herself ready.

God Almighty has seen fit to touch me intimately and physically and has blessed my womb with a life! A soul! A little one. I am beyond humbled. I am 7 weeks into my pregnancy and I covet your prayers. Please pray that this little life will be a mighty prince or princess for the Kingdom of Christ!

Amazingly, in her latest blog post she writes "Our sex-saturated society mocks abstinence and pushes every temptation imaginable into our view." Uhm...because you know, continual monologues on virginity and "unintelligible holds" and the intimate touch of God aren't sex-saturated sounding at all :shock: .

I cannot even fathom listening to a father give a speech like that at a wedding. Talk about gross and inappropriate.

I don't even know where to start with that birth announcement except . Like someone mentioned above, it always surprises me that people announce such early pregnancies to the world.

[salsa]

Hopefully!

I couldn't understand that key word. :doh: I watched several times and the closed captioning was useless.

ohhhh.... now I'm laughing at myself. I've been outed for not having watched the video and only reading about it. I thought that her dad said, "unintelligible hold." ... Even so - how squicky is it for your dad/pastor, in the midst of what is to be a worship service, to publicly talk about his own daughter's vagina and what they'll be up to later that night. "I'm giving you a vagina that will bleed tonight. Aren't I a great guy?"

[FlorenceHamilton]

I am 52 years old. After reading this thread I can only think of two things.

1. Viginity is overrated.

2. Bad sex is a sin.

[amydamy]

Well, to get overly personal, my almost 17 year old son has had sex in a committed relationship. The relationship blew up in the nastiest possible way. He was heartbroken and then he got over it. He is stronger and wiser; he has given no part of himself to anyone. It is better to have loved and lost. This experience will be a lesson he carries with him throughout his life about getting too committed to someone because they are pretty and like the same bands. He could foreseeably avoid a disastrous marriage because of what he learned from the relationship. The ex-girlfriend is not broken or less than whole either. I am sure she learned some valuable things that she will use as life lessons. Adolescent relationships usually go this way. It's fine, really.

Teen sex is just not that big of deal as long as no one gets pregnant or catches a disease that is not curable with antibiotics. Give them condoms and stash a morning after pill and make it clear that only respectful, mutually consensual sex is ever okay.

I know I am grateful for the things I learned from relationships before I met my husband. That's part of what made me the person I am today. I know I learned a lot about boundaries from one boyfriend who was in my brother's class and would constantly try to check up on what ever I told him through my brother. Thankfully I learned I had a shitty boyfriend and an awesome brother.

[FireIsCatching89]

Ooooh, I love these games!

Why did you give it all away?

Give what away?

What was your reason?

I fuck in the name of science and discovery- basically I was horny and curious.

What justified your actions?

Booze and my cute ginger friend I had been flirting with.

Don't you know that there is a better way?

Yeah, I've read the Kama Sutra.

Do you not see the damage you have done?

Well actually, it didn't sully my reputation, but it did make my cute ginger friend realize he was gay and then he was so embarrassed about the whole thing he didn't speak to me for months. That actually made me sad, but that's a friend issue, not a sex one. Also, he and I LOVE to laugh about it now.

Did you do it because you wanted to feel loved and accepted?

No, I did it basically to see what sex felt like. Literally, that is the only reason.

Why not turn to God who loves you so much He gave His Son to die for you?

Because I'm atheist/agnostic (depends on the day you ask me).

Why not turn to the Author of love?

I already told you, I've READ the Kama Sutra already, ok?

Why? Why?

Get a life.

[doggie]

If you turn to god is he going to show you what sex feels like? that is just gross.

[moreorlessnu]

that's quite a euphemism... unintelligible??? Guess he expects a lot of moaning.

English is my 1st language.

I'm parsing this left, right, and sideways, and I still can't make heads or tails out of it...

Did he mean "intangible" as in he wasn't referring to a physical holding but to the intangible bond that having sex would create between them?

[Jezebel]

A heated moment in the backseat and all is lost. Love just isn't patient anymore.It seems as though, every time I turn around, I hear of another friend, loved one, or acquaintance who has gone down the road of premarital sex.

Oh, honey--love hasn't ever been patient. That's why my parents got married in June 1963 and my brother was born that December. That's why my great-grandmother married my great-grandfather in late October 1920 and my grandmother was born (full term) in early April 1921.

If you think having premarital sex is something new, you're very young, very sheltered, just plain ignorant, have a poor grasp of human nature, or are just so sex-obsessed you see it everywhere. I'll be polite and not venture a guess as to which of those things you are.

And I wonder why.

Because it's pleasurable. Because they're curious. Because they're just plain horny and don't need a "better" reason. Because it's a way to bond with a romantic partner. Because, while some people might decide it's not a good option for them, there is nothing inherently wrong with it.

If I could only sit down with them, I would ask them WHY?Why did you give it all away?

I didn't give anything away. Virginity was a nuisance I wanted to be rid of, so I got together with a male friend (who also wanted to ditch the big V), and we did it together. We were both 15. We had sex a few times until it stopped being a big scary deal and started to become pleasurable. I didn't have sex again until I was 18 or 19 because there was nobody I cared enough to have it with. And knowing what sex was like gave me a better sense of whether I really wanted to do it with a given boy. I could ask myself, "Do I really want to let him put his dick in me?" knowing exactly what that entailed--and most of the time my gut reaction was "Eew, no."

I didn't want to meet someone I was really attracted to and have an lousy time of it in bed. I wanted to be free to fully enjoy the experience, and I wanted my someday-partner to be able to have just as much fun, without worrying whether he was hurting me or not. And in my mind, the kind of guy I would be most attracted to, and who would be most attracted to me wouldn't even think about my virginity, or think poorly of me for not being a virgin. He'd be attracted to me--my creative, bookish, wisecracking, nerdy self--not my hymen.

So having early premarital sex with a friend, thus removing all the unwarranted drama and mystery surrounding it, actually made me more discerning and selective when it came to sex partners. It kept me from getting entangled with unsuitable boys in high school. And not seeing sex as anything shameful made it easier for me to ditch unsuitable partners, even after I'd had sex with them. I didn't have to try to save and redeem bad relationships to prove I wasn't slutty.

It doesn't hurt that I was never waiting around for Prince Charming. I had my own path to make through life, my own goals, my own dreams, and marriage? Eh, it might happen or it might not. It didn't matter. So I wasn't about to keep myself sealed up in a box, in factory condition, waiting for a guy to come along and choose me. Especially not the kind of guy who thought first dibs on my hymen was so important that he'd reject me if it wasn't there.

What was your reason?

Because I wanted to, because I could, and because it harmed neither me nor my partner.

What justified your actions?

No justification is needed. I don't believe in your God, your Bible, or the universal applicability of your favorite set of sexual neuroses, so I don't have to justify my actions to anyone (except maybe my partners).

Don't you know that there is a better way?

Oh, sure, we could have cleared more of the junk of his bed before we went at it. But the mad fit of laughter we enjoyed when I reached under my ass to remove whatever was jabbing at my tailbone, discovered a C-3PO action figure, and gave my impression of his response to the situation? To this day, that remains one of the best Geek Sex Moments in a very long, active, and varied sex life.

So no. I guess there really wasn't a better way.

Do you not see the damage you have done?

What damage? I've never had sex with somebody's cheating spouse or boyfriend. I've never messed up workplace social dynamics by having sex with a boss or co-worker (nor have I ever had sex with my professors, for the same reason). I've never had sex under false pretenses, or to manipulate someone. I've never given anyone a sexually-transmitted disease, and the one time I got one I informed my partner, sought immediate treatment, and stayed celibate until I was given the all-clear (and was much more diligent about condom use after that). I've never given birth to a child I did not want, or couldn't/wouldn't take care of. I've never engaged in non-consensual sex (which includes having sex or engaging in heavy PDAs where non-consenting non-participants can see it). I've never tried to make anyone feel ashamed of having safe, sane, consensual sex, or for liking it. I've never invoked God to bully people to stop having the kinds of sex I don't like. And when I have met people who were having a bad time of it (in part) because of their sex lives, I've encouraged them to seek professional help, pointed them toward appropriate resources, and exhorted them to take care of themselves first--even if it meant taking a break from having sex for a while.

I'm 45 years old. It's been 30 years since I intentionally shucked off my virginity, and I've had a lot of sex since then. And since I've never married, all of it has been premarital! If there's been any damage, I think I would have noticed by now. And--[looks around]--nope. No damage.

Oh, and I've never given anyone shit for making a personal commitment to staying celibate, for any reason. Do I think being a virgin on your wedding night is a good idea? No, because sexual incompatibility can be such a huge source of pain in a marriage. I really do think it's best to know what you're getting into before saying "I do." But I will leave people to that choice, if that's what they truly want. The problem I have with so many of the fundie virgin brides, and all the talk of "purity," is that it eliminates free, unfettered choice. It's not a genuine spiritual commitment; it's following the letter of the law for fear of being branded a filthy slut for doing anything that casts the faintest shadow of a doubt on your "purity." What's damaging? Shame and unearned guilt--especially when it's over natural (God-given!) feelings. Passing judgment on others' freely-chosen sex lives, and trying to make them feel just as ashamed as you do. Pretending that your own damage--your own anxieties about sex and "purity" and your own desirability--is something others should aspire to.

Don't talk to me about damage. I know who the damaged one is here, and it's not me.

Did you do it because you wanted to feel loved and accepted?

Ah, here we have the "You must be broken deep inside, or you wouldn't be having sex!" assumption. To which I can only say that you must be terribly broken inside if you're placing so much significance on the state of your hymen, using it as proof of your own worthiness to marry, and using it to assert your spiritual superiority over other women. There's a lot of shame and terror behind all that pride, isn't there?

[Beammeup]

English is my 1st language.

I'm parsing this left, right, and sideways, and I still can't make heads or tails out of it...

Did he mean "intangible" as in he wasn't referring to a physical holding but to the intangible bond that having sex would create between them?

Unintelligible as I the transcriber had could not for the life of me figure out what he was saying. :mrgreen: I listened several times, and as usual the closed captioning on Youtube was beyond useless.

[B5SnowDog]

If you put unintelligible in brackets, like [unintelligible], I think it'll be less confusing (but not as funny!). :-)

[kb2]

She's been married over a year now, so it's not too early to call her life a success or anything.