Bro. Gary Hawkins 26: A Scandal in the Pulpit

[thoughtful]

Gary continues: "Y'know, ah listen to conservative radio,"

Spoiler

"an' they said that it was less Christians that voted an' then today they said it was less Christians and leh - eh, th'Chrih - a lotta th'Christians an' gun owners that didn't vote."

Spoiler

"Don't make no sense t'me. So. D'you wanna - ah don't lahk sayin' th'song, but if you wanna  use th'song, ah fought th'law an' th'law lost? No - ah fought th'law an' th'law won."

Thanks for the earworm, Gary. Notice that he semi-apologizes for using a pop music reference (from six years before he was born). He spews insane harmful filth non-stop, but heaven forfend he let on that he knows an old pop tune.

"That's what's gonna happen - th'guv'mint's gonna win. They gonna own you. They gonna take you."

More super-confident pissy faces and some sniffing, then: "You don't haveta believe this. You do not haveta b'lieve this at all."

Spoiler

"Ah went an' voted for Donal' Trump. Frahdee. (tooth suck) An' ah am proud of it. An' - ah'm not worried 'bout standin' before God f'r votin' f'r Donald - J. - Trump."

Another pissy face, with a big, twisty tooth suck - a silent one this time - that's new.

Gary, maybe you should have flossed before you did this video.

"Y'know, ah hear people talk about (stupid-person voice) 'Ah just don't lahk his mouth.' Butchu lahk his dollar an' twunny-fahve cent gas, you lahk his groceries - uh, less than what we're payin' now. Right?"

$1.25? In your dreams, Gary - the last time gas was at that price, you were too young to drive a car.

Stupid-person voice again " 'Uhhhh, he committed adult'ry.' Oh, you ain't never sinned have ya? What's th'bahble say - you without a sin, be th'first one t'throw a stone? Huh? Uhhh, who's gohn' be able t'do that? Ah'm not votin' for a pastor, ah'm votin' for somebody that ah know loves America."

Stupid-person voice again, sounding breathless and upset " 'Oh, he's gohn' be a dictator! He's gohn' take over!'"

He chuckles mockingly. "Oh, mah God - ah tellya what, y'all listen t'the wrong news, is all ah kin say. Then, yeah, what did Harrison say, Sundee, at a church?"

I guess he forgot her name again.

Tooth suck, a big gasp, and a mocking voice again - he's pretending to be VP Harris: " 'Juh - they said Jesus is Lord. You at the wrong rally.' "

Gary, it was not at a church, it was at a college, and she was answering hecklers, not mocking Christianity.

For anyone who isn't aware of what he's talking about, Harris' handling of some hecklers has been  blown up into a story saying she was answering a young man who called out "Jesus is Lord," showing that she is clearly the anti-Christ.

More here, including a video from MckMama:

https://www.snopes.com/news/2024/10/22/kamala-harris-wrong-rally/

"Hey, so she gohn' take your freedoms away from you. You will not go to church. You say, 'Ah'll go t'church if ah want to.' Yeah, when you go to th'church building an' you git there,  it'll be padlocks on there. There'll be people there ssguardin' it. Mmm-hmm!"

Yes, "ssguardin." 🤷‍♀️

Oh, goody - Gary pans out to give us a different view:

Spoiler

Give me a minute to recover (chanting . . . I won't make man-boob jokes, I'm not any prettier than he is,  I won't make man-boob jokes, I'm not any prettier than he is, I won't make man-boob jokes . . . ) OK, I'm better now.

"People don't belieeeve what ah say, an' that's OK, you don't haveta believe it. It's biblical! You say, 'Well, we kin just sit back an' relax, ah b'lieve we got it.' Well, you kin sit back in' d'ya* and we kin - an' ahwanna tellya somethin' else; if th'lord was to allow Donal' Trump t'become th'president one more tahm, you better not make a God out of him, you better pray t'God that God'll continuously keepin' him on th'raht direction. Mmm? (tooth suck)

* I listened several times, but have no idea what words he thought he was saying here.

Gary doesn't want people to make a god of Trump.

Spoiler

 

More to come.

Edited October 26 by thoughtful
riffles

[postscript]

So far he has not come up with a single reason why voting for Trump is biblical. In fact, nothing he’s said so far makes the least bit of sense. 

Thank you, as always, for attempting to interpret him. I can’t tolerate listening to his voice, much less staring up his nostrils (how does he pan from an unflattering shot to an even less flattering shot?) for extended periods of time. Even knowing he’s going to come out with Garyisms that will cause me to laugh all day isn’t enough of an incentive to listen to the filth and insanity that falls between the folksy attempts at humor. 

[thoughtful]

13 hours ago, postscript said:

So far he has not come up with a single reason why voting for Trump is biblical. In fact, nothing he’s said so far makes the least bit of sense. 

That's our Gary! 😁

Since we don't have a "You're welcome" reaction, I thanked you for thanking me, which made me think of this:

Spoiler

 

Continuing Gary's words of wisdom: "Ah don't know how much longer we got, ah think th'Lor' should've already came, but he hasn't come, we're still eeer, an' there's a purpose for us bein' here and that's t'go tell people about Jesus an' if - you - don't vote Donald Trump an' boat - vote biblically, allway down Republican everything let me jus' tell you somethin', you won't go soul-winnin' very long before  they come an' take you."

Another deep sniff, then, again, he imitates an imaginary opponent: "'Ahhhh, ah just don't b'lieve you nothin' you say.' That's fahn! Set back, an' watch socialism come in an' take over, an' you kin set back an' r'lax an' say, (stupid person voice) 'Yep, mah vote don't count, they'll cheat.'"

"Well, our fore - it'sa good thing our forefathers didn't feel like that whenever they was doin' it."

Long silence.

"So. You don't even haveta listen to th'whole video. That's fahn."

Spoiler

"But ah'm just tellin' ya - ya better go vote biblically and vote Donald Trump. Or we will lose everything." (pissy face, tooth suck, switch to high-pitched voice) "And it may be God's weeyul that we lose everything, because ah'm gohn tellya raht now, we don't deserve another good -four years. Ya say 'Wha?' Well, we - we're OK with murderin' babies, church, hey - an' ah wanna say some people prob'ly won't even mahhnd th'churches bein' taken away because some hasn't evenah come back from 2020 when Covid - " (imitating a screeching, whining person) "'Oh, ah'm so skeereda Covid, ah got t'sick, an' t'ooooooh.'"

Spoiler

 

"Oh mah lord - ah got th'Covit, ah had pneumonia, ah had th'Covit, an' ah still made it. Ah ain't wearin' yer littl mask - that's what - y'know what? Lemme tellya somethin' - let Harrison win. Gary. Hawkins. Weeyull. Not. Do anything they say. Unless it's biblically, an' they're not gonna say anything biblical, they're gonna say - 'You ain't goin'a church. You cain't soul-win. We're gonna kill ya.' Hey, they, they - ain't no need 'em threatenin' me w'heaven ah'm goin'a heaven amen?"

"So ah think about it very, very cirrusly, ah'd think about - mah chil'ren,  yer gran'chil'ren. Did you know ah even heard some tahm ago - years, few years ago, they talked about havin' women's camps an' husba - um uh meeyun camps an' chil'ren camps?"

No, Gary, I don't remember anything like that. I don't know what conspiracy theory this refers to (anybody?), but he seems to think that, if the democrats win, they will put everyone in camps, separating men, women and children.

He imitates a breathless opponent again: "'Oh, oh, that'll never happen.'"

A truly Backpfeifengesicht pissy face:

Spoiler

 A loud tooth suck, then, petulantly: "Just don't go vote. But ah'manna tellya somethin' - if you don't vote, an' ah know you didn't vote, you better not say nothin' t'me 'cause ah'll tellya t'shut up. Because anybody that don't vote has  no raht t'complain about anything."

Pissy face, loud tooth suck.

"Amen, HAYMUH! You better go vote. If you love America you will vote for Donald Trump. If you hate America you will vote for Harrison."

As Gary gives us another pissy-faced silence, Becky says: "Or not vote."

Gary: "Yeah - an' if you don't vote yer votin' fer Harrison ya say 'Wha?' 'Cause that's takin' away from a uh uh a vote from Donal' Trump."

High-pitched imitation of an opponent again: "Say, hey ah'm just not gonna go vote, ah don' need t'vote, uh.' An' ah  know ah got almos' 5000 - ah call 'em frenemies."

Another petulant-faced silence. "Just set back an' don't do it. But if ah fahnd out y'didn't, ayee will tell you lahk it is."

Another petulant-faced silence. "Amen, amen, amen. Hey. Better go vote. Ya say 'Wha?' 'cause ah love America. An' ah wanna see America come back to American. 'Cause ahmanna tellya raht now we're not livin' in America. Chahna's ohnenst* buyin' land up lahk crazy."

*No, I don't know what word this was supposed to be.

"Mmmm! Didn't know that, didja? Russia an' Harrison an' Chahna an' Harrison are - well, lemme just say somethin' - Harrison's a puppet, Donal' - ah mean uh uh uh - Obama's th'head honcho. He's pullin' th'strings."

Tooth suck. "Yeah, he - y'know, he said back when he was  in term, now 'Ah'm gonna have it, ah'm gonna make it boh' - an' an' an' they talk about Donald Trump bein' a dictator, he said 'Ah'm gonna have it where ya cain't vote an' it'll just be a president through to th'best of th'tahm.' Huh! Whuh! 'But Don - but he really didn't mean,'  but Donald Trump means all that stuff. Yeah, y'know what? Y'all a buncha foools, if y'all b'lieve that junk."

I think that ramble was supposed to be an imaginary conversation about Obama's joking that he wouldn't mind a third term if he could skip all of the public stuff and have a frontman with an earpiece (Gary's wrong about the timing - he said it in 2020), in which an opponent tells Gary that Obama was joking, but thinks Trump is serious when he says all of the dangerous things he says. Gary thinks his imaginary opponents are fools - Obama was serious and has been controlling Biden and now Harris(on), and Trump is just kidding and not a fascist at all. 🙄

Yes, I am pretty sure that   "he said back when he was  in term, now 'Ah'm gonna have it, ah'm gonna make it boh'" is a reference to Obama's third-term joke. It's sort of amazing when Gary has a whole story in mind, skips it almost entirely, and expects listeners to know what he is thinking.

It's sort of scary that very often, I can do just that!

He goes on: "You say, 'Man, you ain't very nice.' Nah. Nah, when it comes t'people that hate America, ain't no need bein' nice about it."

Loud tooth suck.

"Amen. Amen. Amen. Ah'll be lahk th'preacher said 'Ain't nobody else gohn say amen, ah'll say amen.'  You better go vote. You got - less than two weeks. An' it's votin' tahm. Ah never voted early but ah did this tahm because ever'body talked about just - how it was a very big influence so ah went an' trahd it out. Hey. Mah vote counts. Ah'm gonna keep it countin'."

He suddenly pulls the camera in closer and yells: "God bless ya! Go t'church somewhere t'naht! Hey! Go fahnd ya a good old fashion hellfahr brimstone King James babble Baptist church, an' go" (suddenly quiet) "listen t'what God's got t'say."

Spoiler

I need a shower. Or maybe I'll just re-watch Jamie Raskin's latest video on the Constitution. Or some Tennessee Brando, to hear a good ol' boy who's actually good.

Edited October 27 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Gary is back to his old stand, getting in some anti-Halloween content before the 31st.

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

https://www.facebook.com/reel/515193297937266

It's a long rant from a guy who claims he used to be into witchcraft and was obeying demons who he thought were angels, and who yammers on about how Christians shouldn't open themselves to the evils, yadada yadada.

Oh, and Gary; "you will stand before on this account?" Of all the words to leave out - you forgot God!

Spoiler

Again with "wick" and "wickness." Does Gary think those are actual words, and . . . I don't know, "wicked" is a variation? An adjective or noun can't have a past tense, so what does he think the "ed" does? Did someone talk to him about Wicca and he's got that mixed in there somehow?

And Gregory, wtf?

And Guy, you may be in for a blast from Gary if you're letting kids in costumes come near your house to give them those tracts!

Oh, and another ad for the Kollege:

Spoiler

Close to being online? Weren't they already online?

I might interested in finding out what that's about. Then again, I might not interested.

 

Edited October 27 by thoughtful
riffle

[Ozlsn]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"So ah think about it very, very cirrusly, ah'd think about - mah chil'ren,  yer gran'chil'ren. Did you know ah even heard some tahm ago - years, few years ago, they talked about havin' women's camps an' husba - um uh meeyun camps an' chil'ren camps?"

No, Gary, I don't remember anything like that. I don't know what conspiracy theory this refers to (anybody?), but he seems to think that, if the democrats win, they will put everyone in camps, separating men, women and children.

At this point I'd guess it's a new plot twist in the Persecution of Real True Christians, presumably in preparation for the rapture.

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Chahna's ohnenst* buyin' land up lahk crazy."

*No, I don't know what word this was supposed to be.

Honest? 

I do find it bizarrely amusing watching the various poorly understood conspiracies mixing up in Gary's mind and coming out as franken-spiracies which make minimum to no sense whatsoever. 

[thoughtful]

10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Guy, you may be in for a blast from Gary if you're letting kids in costumes come near your house to give them those tracts!

Annnnd . . . there it is:

[Joyster]

I listened to the former demon worshiper’s fast talking speech against Halloween. Unlike Gary, Emmanuel does quickly show what he believes is the Biblical proof— all the Bible verses are printed on the back of his anti-Halloween tour t-shirt (pictured like concert dates and towns). You can buy your own t-shirt here: Anti-Halloween Touring T-shirt. But don’t buy Gary one—the verses are not KJV. Emmanuel seemed earnest, and after glancing at his other instagram posts, I was left feeling he has some unresolved trauma he’s trying to resolve with Jesus and could benefit from some therapy. I was really surprised Gary posted his video. Emmanuel clearly isn’t the old-fashioned hymn singing and KJV Bible preaching Christian. I guess Gary will listen to people he doesn’t agree with on anything else when they say what he believes.

The women’s, men’s, and children’s camps from Gary’s rants sound more like Trump’s plans to build more detention centers for massive deportation of immigrants. I know Gary doesn’t care about that, so I don’t know where he’s getting his ideas from. He did make me glad I early voted. 
 
Gary’s Columbia address now show as up on a Google search.

He is living in a small manufactured home not an apartment. He does have an area he can deep fry turkeys so my question is answered. It is also an area that might get some trick or treaters. ETA: I think this is actually the address he lived at before the Hohenwald one. It’s weird it’s showing up now.

Gary might be more agitated than usual about Halloween because a lot of churches in Columbia had their Trunk or Treat events yesterday.

 

Edited October 27 by Joyster

[thoughtful]

I looked at the condolences from Baker's funeral again - I don't think anyone had posted this here at the time:

Most of the condolences wish comfort on the family, and only a few praise Baker in any way.

[Ozlsn]

"Heaven sure sounds sweeter", WTAF here Gary?? I sincerely hope I'm missing a cultural nuance or ten because saying that to a family who just have been through a series of shocks (not to mention to the person who was his victim) comes across pretty awfully to me.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

"Heaven sure sounds sweeter", WTAF here Gary?? I sincerely hope I'm missing a cultural nuance or ten because saying that to a family who just have been through a series of shocks (not to mention to the person who was his victim) comes across pretty awfully to me.

It's another one of those things fundies say. I've heard it when listening to funerals and sermons in which someone recently deceased is mentioned.  The idea is that heaven is sweeter because that wonderful person has made it so by dying and going there.

Gary loves it. He said it at his mother's funeral.

eta - I agree that it's especially awful to say when the dead person took their own life - it sounds like a suggestion that the mourners might as well follow.

But that's probably too nuanced for Becky and Gary. Saying you'd be happy to die and go to Heaven is so ingrained in them, they probably wouldn't think twice about any other implications.

And, of course, I think it's disgusting to say that Baker's presence would make any place sweeter, but B&G wouldn't think about that, either.

Edited October 27 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Guy's not taking any of Gary's shit:

Whataya have to say to that, Gary?

[Ozlsn]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Guy's not taking any of Gary's shit:

Whataya have to say to that, Gary?

I feel like both of these men are trying to communicate in English as their second language, with neither actually getting the other's point. 

But I am totally adopting "Yes Gary, with candy" as a response.

[thoughtful]

33 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

But I am totally adopting "Yes Gary, with candy" as a response.

I have been trying to figure out how to use Gary's "It's a good thing our forefathers didn't feel like that whenever they was doin' it" in real life.

And if I did, and you were there, I think "Yes Gary, with candy" would be a great answer.

[thoughtful]

The battle continues:

[Bluebirdbluebell]

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The battle continues:

Guy is definitely winning. Yes he is winning; Yes Gary, with Candy.

[thoughtful]

Guy hasn't answered Gary, but he has reacted!

[postscript]

I have never seen a Facebook feed so full of petty, self-righteous arguments as Gary’s. He can’t post anything without starting a narrow-minded fight involving out-of-context biblical references and bizarre conspiracy theories. And all fights end with Gary saying “it BIBLE,” and flouncing like a tantruming toddler. He must feed off this stuff. 

[thoughtful]

I was afraid Gary was done with his Helloween rage for this year, but no:

Spoiler

 

[3splenty]

Spamming people with emails is demonic, too, btw

Edited October 29 by 3splenty

[3splenty]

Hey, Gary, what if Halloween was also about this???

Side note: I walk through the administrative area to get to my office. In addition to the offices and restrooms is a room that made me think of Bro Gary yesterday. I won't attach a photo because of the distinct signage we have, but on the sign next to the door, it says IT CLOSET.

Yeah, it's our IT guys' storage closet (or the dump heap, as they call it), but it just clicked the one day and I haven't been able to walk past that door without snickering since. Lol

[Alisamer]

On 10/25/2024 at 11:56 PM, thoughtful said:

$1.25? In your dreams, Gary - the last time gas was at that price, you were too young to drive a car.

He might well have seen it at that price once! In the very late 90s. 

I remember at one point, very briefly, gas was around a dollar a gallon around that time. My dad was lamenting the fact that the gas tank he has at his workshop wasn't usable anymore, it had gotten so cheap suddenly. I think there was at least one place in South Carolina where it was right around 75 cents for a couple days! (SC doesn't do gas taxes, so fuel is always cheaper there. When I worked near the state line I'd always cross the border to gas up my car.)

But it was very brief, and didn't have anything to do with Trump.

On 10/27/2024 at 12:23 AM, thoughtful said:

Gary is back to his old stand, getting in some anti-Halloween content before the 31st.

  Hide contents

 

It's a long rant from a guy who claims he used to be into witchcraft and was obeying demons who he thought were angels, and who yammers on about how Christians shouldn't open themselves to the evils, yadada yadada.

Oh, and Gary; "you will stand before on this account?" Of all the words to leave out - you forgot God!

 

 

Honestly it seems to me that more Christians believe in demons and stuff than any other group. Demons, spiritual warfare, evil being something that can attack or possess you - nearly always Christians. Occasionally you'll get someone like dude above, but to me it seems more a personality thing than a religion thing.

I grew up in a fundie lite church, still occasionally will make an appearance at a Baptist church, and have been surrounded by church people all my life, and 99% of them do not believe in demons or anything like that. I think people who are susceptible to that sort of belief are going to run with it whether they end up religious nuts of any variety or the sort to go playing with Ouija boards and such all the time and making the typical people who enjoy spooky stuff cringe at them. 

I think the demons are inside the person. Like in their brain. 

[Carol]

Admittedly, I've missed 3 years of "Garyisms" after a FJ break but, I have to believe that "it being for it" has to be in the Top Ten of Gary's inarticulate, ignorant mumblings.

Can I get a witness?

[Alisamer]

8 hours ago, Carol said:

Can I get a witness?

HAYMEN!

I think "It Bible" is an everlasting classic because it encapsulate's Gary's (and many fundies') theology in a nutshell. "I have no idea what it's really saying but I want it to mean this so it does. You got a problem with it? It Bible."

He's like a caveman sometimes. "It Bible. You wick ungodly. You no Christian."

[thoughtful]

10 hours ago, Carol said:

Admittedly, I've missed 3 years of "Garyisms" after a FJ break but, I have to believe that "it being for it" has to be in the Top Ten of Gary's inarticulate, ignorant mumblings.

Can I get a witness?

It is certainly a contender. There are so many of them now, though.

2 hours ago, Alisamer said:

He's like a caveman sometimes. "It Bible. You wick ungodly. You no Christian."

I've always said he makes think of these SNL routines from the late 1980s:

 

Edited November 1 by thoughtful

[Hane]

I have a cousin, in her 70s, who's a born and raised American Baptist. (The "Northern" American Baptist Convention has its roots in colonial times, and is more liberal than the Southern Baptist Convention, which split off from it because the Southerners endorsed slavery. The ABC ordains women.) She's college educated, but kind of Trumpy. I've occasionally heard her say, "That's Scripture," which gives me unfortunate Gary vibes.

Edited November 2 by Hane