A Christian Woman Addicted to Porn

[KnightInShiningAmore]

I saw a few threads and comments about this recently, and thought this related nicely to your discussion.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/l ... rn_addict/

In one of the comments, she says, "I come from an extremely tight knit christian household, so this is about as "out of the box" as it gets. It's hard."

[annalena]

My first thought: Is she really addicted, or does she just enjoy watching a good porn once in a while?

Women do it, too.

[Guest Anonymous]

There are still plenty of unanswered questions on your original thread. Have you a respnse to Evie Teale yet, please?

[Sola]

I saw a few threads and comments about this recently, and thought this related nicely to your discussion.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/l ... rn_addict/

In one of the comments, she says, "I come from an extremely tight knit christian household, so this is about as "out of the box" as it gets. It's hard."

Am I the only one who sniggered here?

/guttermind

[annalena]

Maybe he didn't have the time to answer all the questinos on the other thread, but took the time to post this. He's not obliged to answer questions, he offered it and he can decide when to do it, I think.

I'm curious about his answer to Evi Teale, too, though.

[debrand]

Someone asked how she knew she was addicted and she answers:

Totally great question, not insensitive at all. I guess I consider myself an addict because I would choose it over sex, almost 100% of the time. I have consistently engaged in it, & I crave it almost every day. I also feel...withdrawal symptoms if I don't get my "fix," if that makes sense. I feel irritable & stressed. I feel silly comparing my struggles to someone else's... but I can say that this issue has damaged my relationships & I believe it has damaged my mind. I can recall almost any sexual image you could imagine in a heartbeat and I don't like that about myself. I feel dealing with this takes me away from my family, and for that reason alone I consider it to be a serious problem. Obviously porn isn't going to kill me like meth could, but it is taking a toll on my life.

permalinkparent

I don't know if she is addicted or really likes porn. The fact that it is intruding into her life is a problem but I've seen Christian sites that make it sound like the occasional glimpse of porn will turn you into a raving sex maniac. Also, some Christians believe that women aren't supposed to be able to get lusty for anyone but their husbands. If a woman reacts in what most of us consider normal manner-maybe appreciating that cute jogger- she might feel that she is abnormal when she isn't.

[debrand]

Generally, yes. I have to do so secretly as my husband is not okay with it. So usually, in our bedroom closet. When I was younger, it was anywhere - school bathrooms, even at my desk several times. There isn't a time I can remember when I wasn't actively masturbating.

Okay. It is none of her husband's business if she masturbate. Maybe her problem would be less intense if he would remember she owns her body not him. Yeah, I know that Christians like to quote that verse about the man owning the wife's body and the wife owning the husband's body but that kind of thinking leads to screwed up situations like this.

She needs to see a secular therapist who knows the difference between normal and abnormal sexuality.

I think it's just my fixation that turns him off...like he isn't enough for me. I can understand that, honestly. When we first started dating and sex entered the picture, we did incorporate porn. I think that once he realized I was watching the woman on screen more than I was watching him, he started to grow weary of it.

permalinkparent

[+]charliebrown1321 0 points1 point2 points 5 hours ago (7 children)

[–]charliebrown1321 0 points1 point2 points 5 hours ago

Do you think you're actually Bi, or do you think its more a fascination with the woman like "I wish i was in her position right now"

permalinkparent

[+]ladywebs 2 points3 points4 points 5 hours ago (6 children)

[–]ladywebs 2 points3 points4 points 5 hours ago

I am definitely not bisexual. I just enjoy the female body, including my own.

[debrand]

More interesting posts from the woman. She was molested at the age of four.

For a while as a younger girl, I contemplated the possibility. I had a few sexual experiences with a girl I knew. On the physical level, I enjoyed it. On the emotional level, I'd rather bash my own skull in than deal with another woman's issues...I have plenty of my own. I consider myself totally straight. I am 100% attracted to males, specifically my husband. I think I often gravitate towards porn that is totally unlike my own sex life.

I think that part of the problem is that she is either bisexual or a lesbian. Her culture has taught her to look down on her own sex so that having an emotional relationship with another woman would not appeal to her. This is why she needs a secular therapists and not a Christan one. I italicized the word, Christian, because there are probably many therapists that happen to be Christian who believe that being lesbian is normal and shouldn't be fixed. However they don't usually advertise their services as Christian based.

I'm not certain if the woman is for real or a troll looking for kicks.

[tehgoobster]

If that woman is legit, then yeah, I think it's possible that she's dealing with a porn addiction. There seems to be some compulsiveness to her viewing, and it's interfering with her sex life. It sounds to me like she may have some issues that she needs to work on, preferably with a licensed professional.

[bananacat]

I am trying to find the right balance of being sensitive and being doubtful. Fundies tend to exaggerate problems, and I also had a semi-fundie friend in high school who thought she had a porn addiction and her family made a giant deal out of it. She thought she was addicted to porn simply because it made her want to masturbate, which apparently she thought was a bad thing. I'm sure I masturbated and looked at porn as much as she did, and I even had pre-marital sex, but I never felt like I was addicted to porn. In my friend's case, I think she totally bought the idea that sexual thoughts are the exclusive domain of men, and anything that makes women want sexual gratification is somehow bad or abnormal. The whole family seemed to agree and they moved the computer out to the garage so she couldn't go on it at night.

On the other hand, this woman seems to have more problems than my friend did. I agree with debrand that she has some sexual preferences that are not considered acceptable in her lifestyle. She may be lesbian or bisexual, or she just might be bi-curious. She might just have some tame fetish that she thinks is horrible and freaky. Whatever it is, I think she has some sexual desire that her husband won't or can't fulfill. I would really need to know more about her husband, but if he's fundie or fundie-light or even just selfish, it might be that he doesn't try to please her in bed, or he doesn't listen or take her desires seriously, and she may resent him for that. It could easily be the case that she doesn't want to have sex with him for some reason, and the porn is just an excuse to not do it. And if she was molested, that makes everything more complicated because she could fear physical intimacy even with a wonderful husband. It seems to me that she is avoiding sex first, rather than having something else that is causing her to want it less. I agree that she could benefit from secular counseling.

[Shirley MacLaine]

What is this thread supposed to be letting us know? That women (and Christian women in particular) can have compulsive/life-interfering porn habits? Um, thanks for the newsflash.

Makes me sad to think of anyone jerking it furtively in the closet.

ETA: Also:

More than even porn in and of itself is where the desires are coming from. For so many years, I just remember obsessing over sex. I'd lay in my room and give myself 10 orgasms back to back. I just remember thinking, "This isn't normal for a 12 year old girl. It just isn't." An example of how this has affected my life...not only has it seriously affected my marriage, it has affected my ability to orgasm as a result of someone else's efforts. For so many years, I just accepted that I would never experience an orgasm from anyone other than myself. My husband changed that for me. The images and anticipation of watching porn seeps into every part of my day. Some days I am okay. Most days I just search for a way to get away long enough to get myself off.

People like to get off. It's the truest thing in the world. I think she's been convinced she is abnormal since childhood (especially given the general cultural message that women aren't as sex-obsessed as men) and can't stop seeing herself as a dirty 'abnormal' perve. I masturbated constantly when I was that age and I masturbate daily now and nothing is wrong with me. She had trouble having orgasms before her husband because it's difficult to adjust to the touch of another person when you are your own orgasm expert. If she were allowed to jerk off like a normal person instead of waiting all day until she can sneak away into the closet just long enough, she probably wouldn't feel so fucking awful and weird about it.

[Joykins]

"out of the box" made me giggle too.

Oh, reddit. I stopped reading when some people asked to watch her over skype.

[skankbiscuit]

Some people just have really super high sex drives, women included. I am one of them. I think she might be bisexual as well.

[emmiedahl]

She also could have a hormonal imbalance that needs treated.

[skankbiscuit]

She also could have a hormonal imbalance that needs treated.

So so true.

[emmiedahl]

To switch to a more interesting topic, what are the big mani/pedi colors right now? My daughters were in love with bright colors (every nail a different color) with the crackle silver or black over them, but they are so over it now. I am thinking about going back to blue--dd and I are probably having her first dye party soon with my sister, and blue seems to be in first place for hair color. Would it be too matchy to coordinate hair color and nail polish?

[Shirley MacLaine]

I bite my nails too much to bother. It's a tragedy. My same-age cousin finally kicked her nail-biting habit and her nails are great now and I'm totally jealous/feeling betrayed.

[skankbiscuit]

To switch to a more interesting topic, what are the big mani/pedi colors right now? My daughters were in love with bright colors (every nail a different color) with the crackle silver or black over them, but they are so over it now. I am thinking about going back to blue--dd and I are probably having her first dye party soon with my sister, and blue seems to be in first place for hair color. Would it be too matchy to coordinate hair color and nail polish?

I think having bright nail colors with designs of different colors on each nail is huge right now.

[Austin]

I'm keeping my nails super short these days b/c I have trouble texting on my new phone if I don't, but there are so many pretty colors right now!

[Guest Anonymous]

To switch to a more interesting topic, what are the big mani/pedi colors right now? My daughters were in love with bright colors (every nail a different color) with the crackle silver or black over them, but they are so over it now. I am thinking about going back to blue--dd and I are probably having her first dye party soon with my sister, and blue seems to be in first place for hair color. Would it be too matchy to coordinate hair color and nail polish?

I've got a pedi apt next week, I need to find an autumn color that goes with animal print heels.

[JesusFightClub]

To switch to a more interesting topic, what are the big mani/pedi colors right now? My daughters were in love with bright colors (every nail a different color) with the crackle silver or black over them, but they are so over it now. I am thinking about going back to blue--dd and I are probably having her first dye party soon with my sister, and blue seems to be in first place for hair color. Would it be too matchy to coordinate hair color and nail polish?

I saw a great one the other day...bright pink with a tiny blue star on each nail.

[emmiedahl]

My daughter loves the stars! And I always screw them up :( I can do polka dots, stripes, flowers, plaid, etc, but stars come out like weird pointy flowers. I saw some nail stencils, maybe I will buy some. A dark blue with silver stars would be pretty.

[Guest Anonymous]

I bite my nails too much to bother. It's a tragedy. My same-age cousin finally kicked her nail-biting habit and her nails are great now and I'm totally jealous/feeling betrayed.

Cheer up Shirley, I was a nail biter until 30. I can grow some talons now, but alas I'm a gardener, so I tend to keep them short in the summer. When they're long I use them as tools.

[emmiedahl]

I paint nails to discourage nail biting. My daughters and I are all horrible about it, but no one wants to ruin a pretty manicure so we have incentive to control ourselves.

[hoipolloi]

So, what looks more professional? A clear/translucent polish or a discreet pink or wine-red?

Stars ain't going to happen with this femme d'un certain age!