Josh and Anna 57: Singing the I'm Stuck in the SHU Blues

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, Meggo said:

Yep - talked to our doctor, who sent us to a pediatric specialist for this, who did an ultrasound and some stool testing and he's physically just fine. He has developmental delays so that could be contributing to this. We had one of those sensors that wake the ENTIRE neighborhood up when there is wetness in pants and it drove all of us nuts and made us all SO crabby. 
I did wonder if using the pull ups was actually prolonging the problem (like maybe if he physically woke up from the wetness, it would help him get into the pattern of NOT peeing?) but since he crawls into my bed most nights too - the amount of laundry between making sure HIS bed is dry every morning and MY bed is dry every morning - sounded like a little bit off hell, frankly. And he sleeps like a drunk ocotopus looking for his keys (and in a queen sized bed) so putting those little mats under him won't work either since he is EVERYWHERE in bed. 
Ugh - I guess pull ups are my lot in life for now. 
The doc said if it didn't bother HIM (my son) there wasn't any real motivation on his part. There are meds he can take - but again - nothing is WRONG with him - he just hasn't caught up yet. 

 

I think a big part is that my son isn’t bothered in the least by wet pants. My older son is the opposite. He can’t even stand a drop of pee in his underwear! It drives him nuts. So he was pretty easy to potty train at 3.5. But my younger son doesn’t give a single fuck about pee in his pants. So when he’s very busy doing something he likes and has to pee, he just pees his pants. Because stopping his fun is much worse in his mind than walking around with wet underwear. 

[Meggo]

Just now, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think a big part is that my son isn’t bothered in the least by wet pants. My older son is the opposite. He can’t even stand a drop of pee in his underwear! It drives him nuts. So he was pretty easy to potty train at 3.5. But my younger son doesn’t give a single fuck about pee in his pants. So when he’s very busy doing something he likes and has to pee, he just pees his pants. Because stopping his fun is much worse in his mind than walking around with wet underwear. 

Yep - there have been a few times like that. At Christmas - he was FAR too busy sledding with his cousins to stop and pee. So he didn't. I think I had brough a spare pair of pants because they WERE going to go sledding but dude - you're 10. Can we PLEASE stop bringing spare pants everywhere?? 
It's easier in the summer if he's at the cottage because the boys will just be playing in the back yard and wander off - pee in the woods and come back. But... ugh. I cannot WAIT to not have to deal with pull ups. 

And nothing works. Everytime I think "Okay buddy - if you want to just wear unders to bed this summer - you need to start NOT needing pull ups. You're 10 now, you can do it." He can go a day or two - but not more than that. 
And when he crawls into bed with me - I make sure he goes pee first but... so many pull ups.

 

[Four is Enough]

Back in the dark ages, when *I* was being potty trained, I was wearing cloth diapers. There were little rubber or vinyl pants that went over them. (My family called them "jiffies".. not sure why.) It was easy to get diaper rash in those things, because the hot pee was trapped in the little pants. I don't remember this, but I'm certain that it was extremely uncomfortable. So when my mother says I was trained before I was 2, I believe her. I remember seeing those things on my siblings and cousins, and, in addition to the rubbery/plastic fabric, the legs were elasticized and were very tight... so wetness, heat, and friction.. LOTS of A&D ointment.

IMO that's why every one potty trained so early.

For one of mine, I think he'd have stayed in the Pull-Ups till he was much larger. We finally had to switch to regular boy underwear so he'd be too uncomfortable to continue to pee himself.

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

 

For one of mine, I think he'd have stayed in the Pull-Ups till he was much larger. We finally had to switch to regular boy underwear so he'd be too uncomfortable to continue to pee himself.

I did try to switch him to cloth diaper-y things but in big kid size (be careful when searching for bigger diapers - it's ... an odd world out there) - so that at least he'd FEEL the wet? But he hated them (they were super bulky) and going without would mean SO much more laundry...

 

[NoseyNellie]

Hugs to all of you going through the trenchs.. My post was never meant to make anyone feel bad.  FYI- My preschool is only 3 hours long and I absolutely guarantee half the 3 year olds are sent to school with moms crossing fingers and toes that they don't have to poop between breakfast and lunch.  My oldest was not potty trained until over 3.5years old cause I was too overwhelmed with pregnancy and newborn twins to focus on pushing him. 

My sister was born with a genetic condition  BOR and it left her with unilateral deafness and weakened kidneys.  Her 3 sons were bedwetters into their pre teen years and eventually outgrew it, her daughter suffers differing symptoms.     

[VVV]

22 hours ago, Meggo said:

My 10 year old hasn't had a dry night more than 2 nights in a row - EVER. He still wears a pull up at night... 

My younger son wet the bed until he was 12. It runs in my family; a brother of mine had the same issue for at least as long. Bedwetting is genetic, and usually related to extremely deep sleep combined with a bladder that is late to mature. It has absolutely nothing to do with potty training.

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, VVV said:

My younger son wet the bed until he was 12. It runs in my family; a brother of mine had the same issue for at least as long. Bedwetting is genetic, and usually related to extremely deep sleep combined with a bladder that is late to mature. It has absolutely nothing to do with potty training.

Yeah - once we ruled out "physical things" - it's just a developmental thing. I can't WAIT to be done with pull ups (and hope he is before he outgrows them entirely - it's a good thing he is on the short/skinny side!) but... it'll happen when it happens. (though I do wonder about the feel of pull ups being a hindrence) 

[patsymae]

On 3/21/2023 at 10:54 PM, Expectopatronus said:

Nope. They interviewed her and asked if she could accurately print all of her letters (she can’t), quizzed her on shapes and colours (she made two errors), asked about the ages of peers she plays with, extracurricular activities and separation anxiety. Um, my kid has a diagnosis of anxiety so yes, she cries in new environments. They won’t re-screen her. So we are out the $100 application fee. I can’t afford Montessori preschool and if I send her out of division to pre-k, it’s half time and $530/month. Daycare is about $500/month and I can’t afford $1000 every month in total. 

Extracurricular activites for a 5 year old? WTF?

5 hours ago, Meggo said:

Yeah - once we ruled out "physical things" - it's just a developmental thing. I can't WAIT to be done with pull ups (and hope he is before he outgrows them entirely - it's a good thing he is on the short/skinny side!) but... it'll happen when it happens. (though I do wonder about the feel of pull ups being a hindrence) 

Then someday he'll be my age and...

[feministxtian]

#1 son was a bedwetter. I think he was 10-12 before he outgrew it. He was HELL to potty train too. #2 son, well...he just wouldn't get up and go. So, I got tired of dealing with it one day and told him that I wasn't going to change diapers anymore. He went all day in the same nasty diaper. That evening I gave him a bath and let him choose what he was going to wear on his butt. He chose Ninja Turtles underwear. I told him he'd better not go potty in them. He didn't and from that moment on, he was perfectly potty trained, days, nights, school, all that good stuff! Daughter was the easiest, well, except for the full-blown shit fit she had when I tried to cover her bare butt long enough to go buy her underwear. She got up one morning (she was about 2 1/2), told me she was a big girl and went potty. She got over her shit fit, we went and bought her Strawberry Shortcake underwear and that was that. 

***I had my reasons for leaving #2 son in the nasty diaper...I was FED UP with him. He knew damn good and well when he had to go but would not get up and go. 

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

My daughter was toilet trained at 24 months in 1.5 days, night dry by 3. My son it took 6 months, so many accidents and 2 failed attempts before he was finally done at 3. He was 5.5 before night trained. Boys just don't seem to be as quick as girls to get the concept. 

[HeartsAFundie]

My son knew how to pee standing up before he was two and even at that young age was able to do that pretty decently in his little potty chair.  The poop thing? He 100% knew what to do but just wouldn't do it.  He was almost 3.5 by the time he got that squared away, and that was because he was scared to go, started holding it which was making him sick, and at that point our pediatrician told us to give him an enema.  And that was that.  This was in 1999. 

My mom told me that I was just like my son. I knew what to do when it came to pooping but refused to do it.  I also became "fully trained" at around 3.5 when my mom, at the end of her rope with me and my accidents in addition to dealing with my then-infant sister, forced me to sit on the potty chair, held me down by the thighs and refused to let me leave until I did my duty.  And that was that.  This was in 1968-1969 and I realize that no pediatrician today would ever condone this method.  I still have a vague memory of it.  

I have read that kids who are scared to poop in the toilet are either afraid of falling in and getting flushed away or fear that they are losing a part of themselves when they poop, because it's a solid object for the most part and seeing a solid object leaving their bodies is a frightening concept.  Which makes sense.  And I guess you could say that both my son and I got the shit scared out of us.  Literally.      

Edited April 15, 2023 by HeartsAFundie

[BlackberryGirl]

Grandberry1 was the easiest. At 2 years and 3 weeks, she said, “I wanna wear panties.” That was it. I took her to kmart, got a dozen pairs of big girl panties and she never again wore a diaper. Even at night. That night after her bath, I got a diaper and told her she needed to wear it and she was horrified. “I don’t pee the bed! “ and she didn’t. Never seen anything like it. 

[Cults-r-us]

1 hour ago, BlackberryGirl said:

Grandberry1 was the easiest. At 2 years and 3 weeks, she said, “I wanna wear panties.” That was it. I took her to kmart, got a dozen pairs of big girl panties and she never again wore a diaper. Even at night. That night after her bath, I got a diaper and told her she needed to wear it and she was horrified. “I don’t pee the bed! “ and she didn’t. Never seen anything like it. 

My granddaughter pody trained herself at 18 mos. Then she had accidents after her mom and boyfriend broke up and her mom moved. She lost her pody training 2-3 times following upheavals in the family or schedule.  Relapse is part of recovery or pody training.

[Coconut Flan]

1 hour ago, BlackberryGirl said:

Grandberry1 was the easiest. At 2 years and 3 weeks, she said, “I wanna wear panties.” That was it. I took her to kmart, got a dozen pairs of big girl panties and she never again wore a diaper. Even at night. That night after her bath, I got a diaper and told her she needed to wear it and she was horrified. “I don’t pee the bed! “ and she didn’t. Never seen anything like it. 

A very few of them are like that.  One of my kids was staying with my mother during the day.  One day Mom called me and said we can't keep a diaper on the kid.  Every time one gets used, she removes it and leaves it wherever.  I told her it was only a few hours until I'd be home to deal with it.  Child was 13 months old.  I got home and asked her why she was taking off the diaper.  She took my hand and walked to the guest bath and pointed at the toilet.  I asked her if she wanted to use the toilet now and she said yes.  I went rummaging in our moving boxes and found the potty chair and set it up.  She took one look at it and said NNNOOO!!!  I took the seat part off and put it on the toilet and put her on it.  She tinkled.  She was in training pants for a few days with no daytime accidents and then regular underwear Although she did need a diaper at night for a month or two.  My mother kept saying for about three days, "But she's too young!"  All I could say was if a child can remove the diaper and point to the toilet and insists on using it who are we to argue?  It was a bit difficult taking her while we were out until I found a folding toddler toilet seat.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

I honestly remember being 3 and having potty accidents. Usually because I would wait until the last minute and go running to the toilet. All while peeing my pants along the way. I was potty trained at 2 but I know I had plenty of accidents. 

[Tatar-tot]

On 4/13/2023 at 3:21 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I assume my 8 year old will wear night time pull ups until he’s 10. Maybe longer. We’ll see.

You can always send him off to college with a box of depends!  😜

[Smee]

All 3 of my kids were night “trained” at the same time as daytime, because whatever the hormone is that stops them producing urine overnight kicked in before 3. However, my youngest who is now 6 1/2 was fully toilet trained from 3 but in the past 6 months is having multiple accidents every day and  wetting the bed at night. They say bladder issues in kids are more likely to be behavioural, a stress response or too busy playing or whatever, but I’m convinced there is something physical going on. I’ve started keeping a diary of everything she eats and drinks and every time she goes or has an accident so I can give it to the paediatrician. We’ve already ruled out infection, constipation, thrush, worms, diabetes, and done a bladder ultrasound that found nothing. Yesterday she went to the bathroom 7 times plus had to change out of wet pants twice and then twice again overnight. The previous day was 8 times in the toilet and 4 times in her pants. I’ll get her to go to the bathroom before bed, then go in and check on her 2 hours later and she’s fast asleep in a wet patch  it’s so draining. I’m so tired of laundry and changing sheets and everything smelling like pee. But it’s not her fault. I’m certain SOMETHING is going on in her body physically, that she’s overproducing or her bladder isn’t emptying properly when she goes or something. Her father claims it rarely happens at his place and it’s stress because she “hates going to yours”. I’m at a loss what to do and really hope the paediatrician has some answers. 
I bought washable incontinence underwear that’s supposedly got a waterproof outer layer as well as a thicker absorbent inner layer, but it’s really designed for light leakage from toilet training kids, and she still soaks through it enough to have to wash pants/sheets too. If anyone has any suggestions of good brands of reusable pull-up-type things for older kids, please let me know! She’s only 6 so too small for period underwear or anything meant for adults.

[Chickenbutt]

@SmeeMy advice to you is to talk to her pediatrician and demand a referral to a Pediatric Urologist. Don't let him/her dissuade you. You know your daughter best. If it is nothing, then so be it, but it could be something. I would also recommend you find a Peds Uro attached to a Childrens Hospital. Good luck to you. 

 

[Smee]

5 minutes ago, Chickenbutt said:

@SmeeMy advice to you is to talk to her pediatrician and demand a referral to a Pediatric Urologist. Don't let him/her dissuade you. You know your daughter best. If it is nothing, then so be it, but it could be something. I would also recommend you find a Peds Uro attached to a Childrens Hospital. Good luck to you. 

 

Thanks  the healthcare system in Aus is a bit different, we see a GP (general practitioner/family doctor) and need a referral for a paediatrician, which is a specialist (and priced accordingly). Our GP did the initial tests and has given me a referral week before last, so now it’s a matter of finding out how long the wait list is. He did a referral to both the public system (attached to the kids hospital) and private. The public system can have a really long wait depending on how she’s triaged, so if it’s going to be ages I’ll ring around private rooms. But I’m a single mum on welfare so if I can get her in the public system and not be thousands of dollars out of pocket that would be preferable!

[JermajestyDuggar]

20 minutes ago, Smee said:

Thanks  the healthcare system in Aus is a bit different, we see a GP (general practitioner/family doctor) and need a referral for a paediatrician, which is a specialist (and priced accordingly). Our GP did the initial tests and has given me a referral week before last, so now it’s a matter of finding out how long the wait list is. He did a referral to both the public system (attached to the kids hospital) and private. The public system can have a really long wait depending on how she’s triaged, so if it’s going to be ages I’ll ring around private rooms. But I’m a single mum on welfare so if I can get her in the public system and not be thousands of dollars out of pocket that would be preferable!

We still use the disposable night time pull ups. The brands here in the US are Underjams, Pull ups Night time, Goodnights, and then there’s Target Brand and I bet there’s a Costco brand. They absorb more than day time type pull ups. You may only have her wear them this month before you get into the doctor. 

[Audrey2]

3 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

A very few of them are like that.  One of my kids was staying with my mother during the day.  One day Mom called me and said we can't keep a diaper on the kid.  Every time one gets used, she removes it and leaves it wherever.  I told her it was only a few hours until I'd be home to deal with it.  Child was 13 months old.  I got home and asked her why she was taking off the diaper.  She took my hand and walked to the guest bath and pointed at the toilet.  I asked her if she wanted to use the toilet now and she said yes.  I went rummaging in our moving boxes and found the potty chair and set it up.  She took one look at it and said NNNOOO!!!  I took the seat part off and put it on the toilet and put her on it.  She tinkled.  She was in training pants for a few days with no daytime accidents and then regular underwear Although she did need a diaper at night for a month or two.  My mother kept saying for about three days, "But she's too young!"  All I could say was if a child can remove the diaper and point to the toilet and insists on using it who are we to argue?  It was a bit difficult taking her while we were out until I found a folding toddler toilet seat.  

Now they've got these really cool toilet seats. The family that I need for had one as did the cousins. When you have a little person that's about the right age you just install it as your main toilet seat. There is a kid's butt size one that can fold up when an adult needs to use the bathroom but goes down so the kid can sit on it and feel more secure. You also don't have to deal with the pan from the potty chair.

Edited April 16, 2023 by Audrey2

[JermajestyDuggar]

55 minutes ago, Audrey2 said:

Now they've got these really cool toilet seats. The family that I need for had one as did the cousins. When you have a little person that's about the right age you just install it as your main toilet seat. There is a kid's butt size one that can fold up when an adult needs to use the bathroom but goes down so the kid can sit on it and feel more secure. You also don't have to deal with the pan from the potty chair.

We had this exact one when potty training. It is very helpful. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

@Smee I don't have anything else to add to other peoples' advice, but what an asshole your ex is to say such a thing.  I mean, maybe there's stress about the life change of two homes but that's not new in the past few months.

[Four is Enough]

I had a folding toilet seat! It was great for being out and about! Kid could go anywhere! And it fit into a gallon sized zippy bag!

 

[Melissa1977]

Alyssa (Lori's daughter) is pushing a potty training method that lasts 1 day. She said she was going to do it with her 15 months old daughter. She apparently had a bad experience with her son, because she couldn't deal with potty train accidents. I wonder if she was pushing him too early...

 I just can't believe that it may be done in 1 day, even if a kid is ready, except maybe with "older" kids +3.