Maxwell 56: Mary Found Freedom to Get Engaged

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, hoipolloi said:

Chelsy's blog posts make me think that she was at least cheering from the sidelines if not actively helping. 

Chelsy also claims that it was her friend & wedding photographer who showed Sarah how to navigate online dating, which could well be true.

And honestly this bugs the shit out of me. Because I want to say to Chelsy, “so when did you stand up to your dad and make your own choices?”

[theologygeek]

6 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Bontragers are against college and any of their kids seem to have the mainstream life some Maxwells currently have.  If Chelsy encouraged her SILs  to change, good for her (I doubt she could ever imagine a girl going to college, though). But no way the changes are inspired by Bontragers. 

 

Josh Bontrager went to college.  Mitchell's wife went to college too.  I don't think they're against it.  They're just choosing not to go.  Between the farm and the hotel, they already have jobs waiting for them when they finish high school.  

[Melissa1977]

4 hours ago, theologygeek said:

Josh Bontrager went to college

Josh studied online.  

Allison wasn't allowed to study. She was really interested in accounts and finance. She had a job she loved but she had to quit because her brother wanted the job.

2 Bontragers are married into a fundie conspiracy-obsessed family and 2 Bontragers are married into a cultish family that live in the middle of nowhere and doesn't look exactly fun. No way they are more mainstream than the Maxwell clan. More fun than Teri and Steve? Probably (While I doubt Ma Bontrager enjoys fun). But nowadays, most Maxwells are living like middle class families in average neighborhoods with a relatively wide social. And at least the 3 daughters are having fun for sure and far more freedom than Bontrager daughters.

[CyborgKin]

Online dating, Sarah? Wild. That's always been something I never could get into. Just doesn't mesh with how I function as a person.

Joining a specialised social media server that makes me feel comfortable to be myself and is full of people with a lot of relatable experiences on the other hand... well I guess that's just casual/accidental online dating.  I thought all the fundie daughter marriages were one of the wildest things I'd witness online this year, but it turns out December had even more surpises for me personally.  And I went further than Sarah, as not only did I finally leave home (a tiny bit younger than her) but also I've cut my parents out of my life completely.  Which is likely not a step I would have felt able to make without the support and encouragement of my two new girlfriends.

[anachronistic]

To me, these are the 3 Great FJ Mysteries, in order of importance to the most members of FJ

1. how do the Rods get their money/what government benefits like healthcare do they get/what is their actual income 

2. How the Maxwell daughters broke out of Maxhell

3. The feud between Chelsy Pomeroy and Nicole Randle, the sisters who dress their children up like dolls yet apparently something serious Went Down there years ago to cause a rift and nobody has any idea what it is.

To me personally they are all equally intriguing and I want to know all the answers.

[Bethy]

18 hours ago, Lollipopgirl said:

All of this makes me so curious as to what actually happened in Maxhell over the last couple of years. My instinct is that it had a lot to do with the Swift Otter boys and maybe Joseph in particular? He seems the most mainstream to me. He employs a lot of people from different backgrounds and spends more time with more normal people through his work. I wonder if Nathan took a look at his sisters and didn’t want the same for his girls so started attending church to give them a wider social circle. Whatever happened I’m so so glad for those women but I’m definitely very curious to know exactly what went down. 

There has been SO MUCH speculation about the Maxgirls' recent life changes on here. We know from their post that the pastor of their church was a factor in at least the younger girls' heading to college. As for the rest...

• Did the pandemic make the Maxwells as a whole question their choices (I doubt it, but the pandemic has made a lot of people question things about their lives.)
• Did NR-Anna's cancer make them realize the futility of trying to earn God's favor and blessing by living the strictest lives possible? Nobody was stricter than her, but she still had cancer at 34.
• Did the pandemic pushing them into a real church for the first time in decades shine a light on how messed up Steve's philosophies were, in front of an audience where people were actually in a position to speak up or intervene? (The Elderly were probably not going to notice, and what could they do even if they were concerned?)
• Did the brothers (with their own growing families and/or health issues in-house) realize they were going to be saddled with three grown sisters upon Steve and Teri's passing and decide they'd better band together to get them lives of their own?
• Did the extra medical care and attention Sarah received post-concussion open her eyes to how wrong it was for her parents to keep her in captivity? Was she provided with some resources to make a break from her parents' home?
• Did Anna and Mary use their missions trip to convince Steve that they needed to pursue missions as a career and couldn't do so without some further education? Looks like it's a slippery slope from online coursework to on-campus living to walking alone with a boy in the woods and coming back with a diamond ring!
• I know we like to say that clothes are only a small part of their fundiedom, but for the Maxwells (who did the Airport Eye Traps tour, and published essays on the blog about how important it is to Dress Like A Christian) the leap to girls in pants/shorts is huge. Was that Chelsy's influence? Were Nate/Mel leaning that way already?

These are the Maxwells...we will only know what they tell us (which, given that the blog is defunct, is mostly nothing) and whatever we glean from Chelsy's blog.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Here’s the thing. I am a supportive person to my friends. If they are in a bad relationship, I’ll be the one to listen to them talk for hours. Even if they are just saying the same things over and over. I’ll support whatever decision they make about leaving or staying. I will be there for them. But when they do leave, even if I’m there to help them pack up and get out of there quick, I will not smugly take the credit for it. Because to be honest, I had the easy part. My friend is the one who did all the hard parts of it. And that’s how I feel about Sarah. She did the hard parts. She did the new and scary things. She did the work. Maybe Chelsy was supportive. That’s fine and I will say that’s a good thing. But damn. It’s Sarah who will get all the credit from me. 

[theologygeek]

8 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Josh studied online.  

Allison wasn't allowed to study. She was really interested in accounts and finance. She had a job she loved but she had to quit because her brother wanted the job.

2 Bontragers are married into a fundie conspiracy-obsessed family and 2 Bontragers are married into a cultish family that live in the middle of nowhere and doesn't look exactly fun. No way they are more mainstream than the Maxwell clan. More fun than Teri and Steve? Probably (While I doubt Ma Bontrager enjoys fun). But nowadays, most Maxwells are living like middle class families in average neighborhoods with a relatively wide social. And at least the 3 daughters are having fun for sure and far more freedom than Bontrager daughters.

He only studied online when they were on tour "Joshua has been recently taking tests and preparing to leave for college for a week on campus before joining us for our winter tour. (and continuing his studies online)"  and this one "Josh is responding to all the comments on this post and he is gone taking college tests at the university this morning, but when he gets home he will respond to y'all! Thanks for your questions! =)"

Edited December 29, 2022 by theologygeek

[kpmom]

Iirc, Chelsy was the only sil in Sarah’s wedding party, is that correct?

If so, there does seem to be a special bond between them.  
 
But, I agree, it was Sarah who had to make the big changes in her life.  Moving to another state to enter into a courting relationship, getting married. Huge life changes for anyone at any age. 

[CyborgKin]

6 hours ago, anachronistic said:

To me, these are the 3 Great FJ Mysteries, in order of importance to the most members of FJ

1. how do the Rods get their money/what government benefits like healthcare do they get/what is their actual income 

2. How the Maxwell daughters broke out of Maxhell

3. The feud between Chelsy Pomeroy and Nicole Randle, the sisters who dress their children up like dolls yet apparently something serious Went Down there years ago to cause a rift and nobody has any idea what it is.

To me personally they are all equally intriguing and I want to know all the answers.

You missed the most important one, question 0:

What is the correct way to use a pizza cutter to prepare lettuce?

[Bethy]

3 hours ago, kpmom said:

Iirc, Chelsy was the only sil in Sarah’s wedding party, is that correct?

If so, there does seem to be a special bond between them.  
 
But, I agree, it was Sarah who had to make the big changes in her life.  Moving to another state to enter into a courting relationship, getting married. Huge life changes for anyone at any age. 

She was. Which was a curiosity considering that other weddings had either had all of the SILs or else none of them. That would indicate a closer bond between Sarah and Chelsy than between Sarah and any other SILs. And I'm glad she felt the freedom to have just one SIL in her bridal party.

[MamaJunebug]

On 12/28/2022 at 3:57 PM, Melissa1977 said:

Bontragers are against college and any of their kids seem to have the mainstream life some Maxwells currently have.  If Chelsy encouraged her SILs  to change, good for her (I doubt she could ever imagine a girl going to college, though). But no way the changes are inspired by Bontragers. 

 

Make-up??? Eyebrow grooming? Trimmed-up hairstyles? Modest, tasteful jewelry? I’m sincerely asking, no arguments intended. 

[Howl]

Didn't Sarah work for Swift Otter?  I'm guessing she may have confided in one or more of the the brothers that she wanted OUT or the brothers broached the topic with her and took it from there. 

 

[hoipolloi]

1 hour ago, Howl said:

Didn't Sarah work for Swift Otter? 

Yes. According to this Linkedin profile, she worked for Swift Otter for 5 years or more.

[SPHASH]

Did Steve and Teri spend New Year's Eve crying and clutching their pearls.

[marmalade]

5 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Did Steve and Teri spend New Year's Eve crying and clutching their pearls.

Probably. They might have even had Christopher and fam over to wail with them. 

[CaptainFunderpants]

On 12/29/2022 at 4:14 PM, Bethy said:

She was. Which was a curiosity considering that other weddings had either had all of the SILs or else none of them. That would indicate a closer bond between Sarah and Chelsy than between Sarah and any other SILs. And I'm glad she felt the freedom to have just one SIL in her bridal party.

Chelsy does seem pretty close with all of her SILs except NR-Anna, and that we simply lack evidence for; it's very possible they're close too. Melanie was there with her in the hospital the day she gave birth to Maddy, and then Maddy seems super comfortable with Abby -guessing Abby babysits a lot, not in the cousin-mom sense, but in the sense of 'Why wouldn't you want to go eat Bontrager food and play with your super cute baby cousin?'

Toxic beliefs aside, Chelsy does just seem like a fun and capable person. Always has something going on, always ready to dive in head first.

As for the "taking credit for Sarah's relationship," Chelsy's wedding photographer (Laura) and Sarah met at Chelsy's wedding. Sarah and Laura kept in touch outside of Chelsy, so that's kind of that. It's more of a 2nd degree of responsibility -maybe 3rd, if working at SwiftOtter was a big part of the escape too.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Dying for some Maxwell updates!! When is Mary/Sam's wedding? Any new babies? Have they made burritos on schedule? I'm dying here!

[kpmom]

I believe Sam graduates this year. Will they get married after that?

ABC has that weird rule that couples can’t return to school for 2 months after getting married. So I’m thinking a May or June wedding (assuming Mary intends to return to school after marriage). 
 

ETA:Is ABC back in session again?  

Edited January 5, 2023 by kpmom

[IReallyAmHopewell]

9 minutes ago, kpmom said:

I believe Sam graduates this year. Will they get married after that?

ABC has that weird rule that couples can’t return to school for 2 months after getting married. So I’m thinking a May or June wedding (assuming Mary intends to return to school after marriage). 
 

ETA:Is ABC back in session again?  

I HOPE Mary will return to school, but who knows? Heck at least she got out of the house, right? LOL

[ClareDeLune]

Not long to wait! https://www.theknot.com/us/sam-hock-and-mary-maxwell-may-2023 

Another sweet no-touch courrtship for a Steven Maxwell daughter wedding. 

And Mary is the one doing all the touching! 😂

[Hane]

*snort* It says “S & M.” (Sorry—I’m 12.)

[JermajestyDuggar]

We guessed it would be May or June due to the rule ABC has about not going back to school for 2 months. This way Mary can finish her senior year. I’m guessing they will live in the married student housing. 

[Sops2]

They better password protect the RSVPs as soon as possible- you can put in a person's name eg their sister and  brother in law and reply Accept or Decline

Spoiler

 

 

[Johannah]

And she’s showing her knees! And his hand is almost on her butt!