Maxwell 56: Mary Found Freedom to Get Engaged

[thoughtful]

43 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

For some reason, the fact that Sam crochets stuffed animals, has convinced me he’s a decent person. It doesn’t really make sense. But that’s how my brain works! 

I think some of those things strike us as so positive because fundies (especially the women, or the men telling the women how to behave) go on and on about being "sweet." But there are very few things in their lives that actually seem sweet, or charming, or warmhearted, at least to me.

So a little thing like a grown man who crochets stuffed animals, or relaxed body language, or genuinely helping someone in even the smallest way, shines out like a lighthouse!

Let's hope he really is a decent person, and that Mary, despite her upbringing, has grown up to be one, as well.

[molecule]

Wow. I haven't gotten over how happy I still am for Sarah, and now Mary is engaged. It is wonderful to see Maxwell daughters looking so joyful. 

[postscript]

6 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Not Anna. 
 

Mary got engaged. You might want to change the title before people freak out, lol. 

I’m thinking a Summer 2023 wedding since he’s graduating in May. 

What a lovely picture of the two of them. She looks absolutely radiant. 

[sleepygirl1]

Wow congrats to her. That only leaves Anna left. Side question do you think Sarah and Kory would ever adopt?

Edited November 22, 2022 by sleepygirl1
I can’t correctly capitalize.

[Cults-r-us]

7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Not Anna. 
 

Mary got engaged. You might want to change the title before people freak out, lol. 

I’m thinking a Summer 2023 wedding since he’s graduating in May. 

I can't help myself but be so very happy for her!

[Johannah]

32 minutes ago, sleepygirl1 said:

Wow congrats to her. That only leaves Anna left. Side question do you think Sarah and Kory would ever adopt?

I was wondering the same thing. Conception in your 40s is not guaranteed. I’ve wondered that about Sarah Mally, too. Another over 40 bride. She’s been married for 2 years now and no quiver. Maybe Sarah and kory will adopt an embryo. I’d love to see Steve’s face when he hears that news. 

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

10 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

2022 has been a crazy year for fundie relationship surprises:

Sarah Maxwell engaged and married.

Elizabeth Botkin engaged and married.

Luke Arndt engaged.

Mary Maxwell engaged. 

James Arndt in a relationship.

What I missed the Arndt stuff. I'm off to the thread now, thanks for that. 15 years and nothing.  You were meant to send out a emergency alert notice when that happened

[monkeyrocks71]

11 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

For some reason, the fact that Sam crochets stuffed animals, has convinced me he’s a decent person. It doesn’t really make sense. But that’s how my brain works! 

Well, the first thing I thought of is that knitting is seen as a "woman's" activity.  Or a man who does it must be (gasp!) "gay".  (I don't believe either of these things, but, you know some fundies absolutely do).  And even though we might see Jana Duggar working with power tools, I do think it's more accepted (both in fundy world and the world at large) for women to do "male" activities than it is vice versa.

The fact that he does a "woman's" activity (openly! and it's a hobby!  Not even a necessity like, say, cooking!) makes me think that maybe he doesn't adhere to strict gender roles and Mary will have freedom to explore interests and hobbies that would have most definitely been frowned upon by Steve.

[ClareDeLune]

I love looking up stories like these, thank you! 🤣 SHE WAS NINE!  Nine and not allowed sewing fun with stuffed animals.  Well done Sam for stepping in with crochet toys. https://articles.titus2.com/tag/sewing/ 

Quote

The book begins with information Sarah probably picked up through her sewing years but which I didn’t specifically teach, such as the names of the parts of the sewing machine. It has the girls practice stitching on paper before fabric. In addition, it has fourteen projects to make, each building on skills learned in previous projects. I was pleased with the projects in the book because they were practical ones. I had looked at another learn-to-sew book where the children made a collection of stuffed animals. That book did not lend itself to our goals.

 

From that same article, poor Sarah was sewing all the female family's clothes at age 24. If she has babies I hope she buys everything she needs ready to wear and just enjoys the time with them!

And Anna didn't really want to learn to sew so she got 1 on 1 sessions until she said she liked them.  I hope Anna has some fun freedom years ahead of her if that's what she wants.  They all deserve to spend time doing as they please, (and maybe they will reevaluate their other beliefs once their brains start working freely and independently).

Edited again: Pockets though! Mary was ahead of her time in insisting on pockets in all the clothes. She could make a good income by putting pockets in stylish clothes so her fellow newly freed women friends can go out without lugging a purse or tote with them.

Quote

Now she is taking a sewing detour because she wanted to make pockets for several of her jumpers so she can carry witnessing tracts with her when she is out.

 

Edited November 22, 2022 by ClareDeLune
messed it up first time

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, ClareDeLune said:

Now she is taking a sewing detour because she wanted to make pockets for several of her jumpers so she can carry witnessing tracts with her when she is out.

How messed up is it that in order to feel like she would be allowed to "take a detour" (which I read as "slightly deviate from the almighty schedule") to add pockets to her frumpers she had to specify they were for carrying tracts so she could witness? 

I mean, I like pockets because I carry chapstick, a pocketknife, my cards and ID, and my keys - so I don't always have to carry a purse. But I guess those practical things aren't quite practical ENOUGH - it has to be tracts.

I'm really curious about what the heck happened to suddenly change things so much. Like, was it Steve's health issues? Did he hit his head? Did he die for a minute and waltz up to the pearly gates only to be told "It's not your time, and if you keep focusing on appearances and keeping your daughters locked up it won't ever be! Read Jesus' actual words, dolt!"  Did the girls realize his health was bad and start discussing what they'd do when he was gone, prompting him to give in a little lest they all celebrate his passing? 

Or was this not so sudden, really, they just weren't able to hide it effectively anymore? Like everything they showed was carefully curated on their blog, and focused on selling product. Have they been presenting a more holy lifestyle than reality all along? Was Steve like Lori A - all about appearances and "do as I say, not as I do"? And now they just aren't selling enough to bother hiding it - or is it that having a 40-year-old stay at home daughter suddenly was reducing sales, as people began to realize "hey, maybe the Maxwell crap doesn't really work out like Steve said it would!"

Although I think most of it was real, or the girls would have been courting or engaged long before now.

I'm glad the girls seem to be able to live more normal lives of their apparent choosing, now. Good for them.

[theologygeek]

17 hours ago, ElizaB said:

Just out of curiosity (and perhaps a little devils advocate) do we actually have any proof that Steve is unhappy about any of this? Could these changes have been happening gradually and with his approval? Perhaps he was unhappy to have so many unmarried daughters and was even behind some of the changes.
 

While I find the changes of moving out, college, and online dating shocking I would actually find “doing something with my fathers disapproval” even more shocking. I think that would be a much bigger leap. To be honest, I think the entire situation is far less dramatic then we like to believe. 

I don't think so.  They went from climbing a mountain in dresses to partying in the yard in shorts.  Everything they have done and are doing goes against what Steve preaches.  Mary went to Africa with her boyfriend.  Didn't even take Anna.  No way would Steve approve of that.  I don't think those girls care any more whether he approves or not.  They're having the time of their life now.  They're not going to go back to his ways.  Ten bucks says he closed the blog so he wouldn't get called on all the things that happened since the mass exodus.  

Edited November 22, 2022 by theologygeek

[SassyPants]

Does anyone know Sam’s age? Or the average age of students at ABC? Mary is 26? Wow. She could pass for 19. I guess it would be harder for Anna to find a partner on campus. Is she 30? I hope Anna won’t be expected to head back to Maxhell post graduation.

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 hours ago, Johannah said:

I was wondering the same thing. Conception in your 40s is not guaranteed. I’ve wondered that about Sarah Mally, too. Another over 40 bride. She’s been married for 2 years now and no quiver. Maybe Sarah and kory will adopt an embryo. I’d love to see Steve’s face when he hears that news. 

If they are going to have a bio kid, these first two years of marriage are probably the time of highest chances. I bet they will try in these first few years. And if it doesn’t happen, maybe they would look into adoption. Or maybe not. They might actually realize they like being a couple without kids. 

2 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Does anyone know Sam’s age? Or the average age of students at ABC? Mary is 26? Wow. She could pass for 19. I guess it would be harder for Anna to find a partner on campus. Is she 30? I hope Anna won’t be expected to head back to Maxhell post graduation.

Yes, she turned 30 this year while Sarah turned 40 this year. I’m hoping the fact that she turned 30 makes her consider never going back to Maxhell. I hope she finds a job with kids and gets her own place. 

[hoipolloi]

4 hours ago, monkeyrocks71 said:

Well, the first thing I thought of is that knitting is seen as a "woman's" activity. 

Knitting, sewing, and embroidery were acceptable, even popular, pastimes for sailors in the Royal Navy. I did not know this till an older British man in one of my graduate classes years ago told us about the intricate sweater patterns he'd mastered while serving aboard one of HM's ships.

35 minutes ago, theologygeek said:

I don't think those girls care any more whether he approves or not.  They're having the time of their life now.  They're not going to go back to his ways.  Ten bucks says he closed the blog so he wouldn't get called on all the things that happened since the mass exodus.  

I agree with all of this. Their actions are speaking much louder than Steve's words ever did.

The fact that he can't even bring himself to talk about his daughters specifically or even his children generally makes me wonder if there was a "come to Jesus" meeting between him and his kids that resulted in the Maxwell daughters finally being able to live their own lives.

I STILL wanna know what happened!

[Jana814]

Just now, hoipolloi said:

I STILL wanna know what happened!

So do I. 

[HereticHick]

38 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Does anyone know Sam’s age? Or the average age of students at ABC? Mary is 26? Wow. She could pass for 19. I guess it would be harder for Anna to find a partner on campus. Is she 30? I hope Anna won’t be expected to head back to Maxhell post graduation.

I found this on the public FB page of his parents, Keith and Wendy Hock.

[Johannah]

1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

I found this on the public FB page of his parents, Keith and Wendy Hock.

Wow, so mary is 4 years older than he is? Is that fundie-approved?

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, Johannah said:

Wow, so mary is 4 years older than he is? Is that fundie-approved?

He’s about to turn 23 so over 3 years. That actually seems to be a common age difference. Jessa and Ben have that age difference. I believe Hannah and Jer Duggar have that age difference too. 

[Teaistheway]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Yes, she turned 30 this year while Sarah turned 40 this year. I’m hoping the fact that she turned 30 makes her consider never going back to Maxhell. I hope she finds a job with kids and gets her own place. 

I bet she will, she's seen Sarah move out and live alone so it so knows it's possible and she seems to have helped out with youngsters at college so I can see her going down that route.

[anjulibai]

The nice thing about Sam being a guy who crochets stuffed animals that maybe now Mary can get back into sewing.  It was very clear that for a few years she was very into sewing and clearly enjoyed it a great deal. Then she abruptly stopped doing it and had to start "art". It was becoming an idol so, Mary had to stop. I hope now that Sam will encourage her to start again if she wants. 

[Fun-Dee]

6 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Knitting, sewing, and embroidery were acceptable, even popular, pastimes for sailors in the Royal Navy. I did not know this till an older British man in one of my graduate classes years ago told us about the intricate sweater patterns he'd mastered while serving aboard one of HM's ships.

 

When I was a kid, I remember hearing that Rosy Grier, the football player for anyone younger than me, did needlepoint. 

[mango_fandango]

TWO ARNDT BOYS ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS?

*faints in shock*
 

[harkasquirrel]

28 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

TWO ARNDT BOYS ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS?

*faints in shock*
 

*sends smelling salts*

2022 has been WILD!

[theologygeek]

8 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

I agree with all of this. Their actions are speaking much louder than Steve's words ever did.

The fact that he can't even bring himself to talk about his daughters specifically or even his children generally makes me wonder if there was a "come to Jesus" meeting between him and his kids that resulted in the Maxwell daughters finally being able to live their own lives.

I STILL wanna know what happened!

Someone had to have recruited the pastor of their new church to stage an intervention.  Because the pastor wouldn't have approached Steve out of nowhere and be like "Guess what?  I think your daughters should go to college."  This right here was another way of saying "It wasn't me!"  "The Lord brought Anna and Mary to Bible college this year (at our pastor’s recommendation) to become better equipped for ministry."  

[Mela99]

Wow! 
 

it’s amazing to see her with such open and expressive eyes, and the smile. It’s wonderful.