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Joy & Austin 33: Pregnant Again


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1 hour ago, viii said:

I just stay on top of it. If you tidy every day, then nothing is very overwhelming and you're able to do the big cleaning moments whenever the opportunity presents itself. However, I also say that from a place of extreme privilege where I live alone and so it's much, MUCH easier to stay on top of things when it's just yourself. 

I know you are right. I try this. Every day a little bit of tidying up helps so much. Since a couple of weeks I try to follow this rule: do laundry every day (if there is enough for one full load). Including folding and putting it away. It is funny because now I wear the same pairs of socks each week (I throw them either in the load with towels or coloured clothes, whichever is full). I was already down to my last 5-7 pairs of  clean socks when I started this. Now I have this huge pile of socks with zero  motivation to put them together.  

I have a husband. I do not know how he does this, but his stuff explodes everywhere. And after a while my stuff joins his stuff for party. Especially on all the countertops. 

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On 1/26/2023 at 9:40 AM, AnywhereButHere said:

My mom actually likes cleaning! Like, she loves the act of cleaning. I do not get that in the slightest. Don't get me wrong. I love having a clean house, but I have no love for the effort it takes to get that way. One day I'll get over my internalized guilt and hire someone to clean, but sadly I'm not there yet, so for now I'll go on grumbling my way through my weekly (mostly...) house cleaning sessions.

My most loathed task is vacuuming. You think I'd love it, since it's the last thing I do, so it means I'm at the end of the project. Nope can't stand it. My Roomba was the best Christmas gift I ever received. It does a decent job of getting the floor clean. Not perfect, but with my hate of the project, it does at least as good a job as I was going to do anyway! 🤷‍♀️ Every once in a while I have to rescue it from going off a "cliff" (it's a bit dramatic...), but overall - I love it! I even dressed it up as a ghost for Halloween. 😂

I don’t mind cleaning, but I’d rather go for a walk, read a book, or surf the web.

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20 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

I hate the mess but don’t know how to fix it. Plus, my tornado toddler destroys everything I clean. Please tell me that as she starts to get closer to 3.5 instead of just turned three she will suddenly stop throwing things, running through the house and actually clean up after herself, stop dumping baskets of toys, drawing on walls etc. 

I think it begins with teaching her to clean up after herself. Kids can easily throw stuff back into a basket. Then a small, tiny reward for doing so. A teacher I worked with rewarded her students with one of those little Smarties candies. Not the whole wrapper of them, just one piece out of the wrapper. Help your daughter clean up before her favorite tv show,  or before going outside, etc. Five minutes to toss a bunch of stuff in a basket. Consider putting up some of the toys so not everything is accessible. If she asks for something she doesn’t see, help her toss the other stuff into baskets before getting out the toy she wants. 
 

Try not to stress about keeping every room clean. Let her room be a mess. Try to keep one room tidy, like the living or family room where you spend a lot of time. Try to keep at least one horizontal space clear, like the kitchen table or countertop. I or my husband make our bed every morning; it’s a good way to start the day.

 

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Toddlers are so different!! My Brother's youngest (turned 2 in Dec) will not tidy anything up unless he is "forced" to, and then he will kick and scream about it. My sister's oldest (turned 2 in Dec) will tidy everything he and his 10 month old brother have played with and then go on to tell me to put the coffee mugs that are still on the living-room table back in the kitchen! 🙈

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One thing I did to keep my sanity when our kids were little was to limit the amount of toys in our shared living space. We had apartments, a townhouse, and eventually a house. In the apartment we had a basket where our one and then two daughters could store some toys and books. The majority of their toys were in their room. Then when we had the bigger house, I gave the three of them a bookshelf for the things they wanted to keep downstairs with the rest of their toys being in their room, and also a shelf in the garage for their outside toys. Oh, we had an art bin in the kitchen too so they could do art stuff. When they were little and wouldn't notice I would pull toys that weren't getting played with and store them for awhile and cycle them back in every few months to see if they had any renewed interest in them. When they got older I stopped that because I wanted them to have autonomy over their own stuff (AKA, they'd notice if something was gone). While I was picky about the kitchen, dining, bathroom and our room, I tried hard to let them do their thing in their room as long as there was some sort of controlled chaos. I never did master the art of kids happily cleaning up after themselves but I can say they all have their own places now and they keep them clean. 🤣

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On 1/27/2023 at 10:21 AM, Expectopatronus said:

I hate the mess but don’t know how to fix it. Plus, my tornado toddler destroys everything I clean. Please tell me that as she starts to get closer to 3.5 instead of just turned three she will suddenly stop throwing things, running through the house and actually clean up after herself, stop dumping baskets of toys, drawing on walls etc. 

um….longer. I gave up on the walls and plan to repaint in 5 years. Best tip I have is to get several big laundry baskets. On busy days, toss all toys in there at night so you can enjoy a tidy morning start. 

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11 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

um….longer. I gave up on the walls and plan to repaint in 5 years. Best tip I have is to get several big laundry baskets. On busy days, toss all toys in there at night so you can enjoy a tidy morning start. 

Yes to this.^

Also, I always had tons of printer paper, notebooks and sketchbooks on hand with all kinds of crayons and markers. It may require repeated redirecting until they grasp the idea, but you can teach kids to draw on paper and not the walls. Another suggestion is to paint a wall or closet door in their room with chalkboard paint, provide chalk and allow them to scribble on that wall or door only. Or buy a chalkboard or whiteboard, either handheld or one hung on the wall or both. We had a chalkboard and its uses were tenfold. Practicing homework, drawing pictures, jotting down reminders, using it to say congratulations or happy birthday or I love you. It was incredibly useful.

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On 1/27/2023 at 2:05 PM, indianabones said:

I invite friends and family over so I have motivation to clean my house. I don't care about the dog hair and dust piling up, but I care about other people seeing it and thinking it's gross.

I scheduled a cleaner for December back in October and spend those two months cleaning my house, LOL. Every time I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, I cleaned. If I had a little extra time, I'd set a timer and clean. By the time the cleaner arrived, it was just about ready to be seen by polite company. That's what I used for motivation.

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I used to make sure I invited somebody over regularly for dinner to make sure my house never got too far behind.

 

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3 hours ago, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

I used to make sure I invited somebody over regularly for dinner to make sure my house never got too far behind.

 

We did this too. And we often say that we should invite people on a regular basis so that we clean and tidy. Yesterday we were invited for dinner at our neighbours. Our house is not ready for guests but we expect friends for Saturday. So my plan was to  clean and tidy up before the friends show up at Saturday evening, which means Saturday morning. Good plan I thought. Until my husband decided yesterday at the neighbours that we should go over to our house between main course and dessert to show them the new AC we got. And I tell you this, when I have a planned time for cleaning or decluttering: I do not give a shit about anything the last days before. 

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My husband’s brother lives about 3 hours away from us and he occasionally does work in our area. His home is immaculate. He always wants to drop by when he’s in the area. This means he calls when he’s approaching our freeway exit. One time I told him no. Last time he visited my husband was here and took him through the entire house. I think it was like 8:30 in the morning. Egads. I’m sure he told his wife we are slobs! 

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2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

My husband’s brother lives about 3 hours away from us and he occasionally does work in our area. His home is immaculate. He always wants to drop by when he’s in the area. This means he calls when he’s approaching our freeway exit. One time I told him no. Last time he visited my husband was here and took him through the entire house. I think it was like 8:30 in the morning. Egads. I’m sure he told his wife we are slobs! 

Agggg. I have anxiety for you.

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5 hours ago, SassyPants said:

My husband’s brother lives about 3 hours away from us and he occasionally does work in our area. His home is immaculate. He always wants to drop by when he’s in the area. This means he calls when he’s approaching our freeway exit. One time I told him no. Last time he visited my husband was here and took him through the entire house. I think it was like 8:30 in the morning. Egads. I’m sure he told his wife we are slobs! 

This makes me a little sad, I understand the anxiety but I do hope your brother-in-law just wants to see YOU and doesn’t care what your house looks like. The standards I have for myself when someone comes over are not in any way related to the standards I expect from other people when I visit them 🤣

 

This is where being unable to afford to buy a home comes in handy I guess. The property managers taking photos every six months to send to our landlords are good motivation to remember to clean the oven and pull up the weeds.

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25 minutes ago, Smee said:

The standards I have for myself when someone comes over are not in any way related to the standards I expect from other people when I visit them 🤣

The realist comment ever made!!

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Joy and Austin bought and assembled one of those cheap metal bunk beds with the full size on bottom and twin on top.

I saw the metal pipes and immediately cringed thinking about how wobbly it will be.

It was funny when Joy came to that conclusion too by the time they had it assembled. Too bad they didn't get Jessa to create another heavy duty wood one. Kinda strange Austin couldn't knock one together.

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On 2/3/2023 at 4:01 PM, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

Joy and Austin bought and assembled one of those cheap metal bunk beds with the full size on bottom and twin on top.

I saw the metal pipes and immediately cringed thinking about how wobbly it will be.

It was funny when Joy came to that conclusion too by the time they had it assembled. Too bad they didn't get Jessa to create another heavy duty wood one. Kinda strange Austin couldn't knock one together.

The cheap metal twin /full bunks are incredibly versatile and last for many years , even with active children. I had one when my kids were growing up, and when I worked in transitional housing / setting up homes for families it was one of the main go to items. Works for multiple children, ages, moms/ dads with kids, perfect for a guest room. My favorites folded up in back to make a futon / couch on the bottom if wanted. 

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On 2/3/2023 at 4:01 PM, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

Joy and Austin bought and assembled one of those cheap metal bunk beds with the full size on bottom and twin on top.

I saw the metal pipes and immediately cringed thinking about how wobbly it will be.

It was funny when Joy came to that conclusion too by the time they had it assembled. Too bad they didn't get Jessa to create another heavy duty wood one. Kinda strange Austin couldn't knock one together.

You know the joke about the gardener having the messiest yard on the block? My son in law is a woodworker/carpenter. He designs and makes furniture, cabinets, fancy doors etc. You know whose home hires others? His own.

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44 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

You know the joke about the gardener having the messiest yard on the block? My son in law is a woodworker/carpenter. He designs and makes furniture, cabinets, fancy doors etc. You know whose home hires others? His own.

😁

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Having people over to our house actually stresses me out. I’m ok if it’s a close friend or my parents, but larger groups I find stressful, and we more so clean AFTER they’re here, instead of before. I mean we tidy up before, but really clean after. My husband’s family has a tendency of volunteering our house for family get togethers, even though we don’t really have the space. BIL and SIL don’t really encourage niece and nephew to be neat when they’re eating, so food gets on the walls, couches, and into the bedrooms because they walk around with it. Another time, our nephew vomited on the floor for no apparent reason. It got on his shirt as well, and they didn’t take it off, so he was rolling around everywhere with his vomit shirt. As soon as they left we sanitized everything. So anyways, we actively try to suggest alternatives whenever a family get together is being discussed (pls cross your fingers we don’t have to end up hosting the Super Bowl lol)

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18 hours ago, Keys said:

Having people over to our house actually stresses me out. I’m ok if it’s a close friend or my parents, but larger groups I find stressful, and we more so clean AFTER they’re here, instead of before. I mean we tidy up before, but really clean after. My husband’s family has a tendency of volunteering our house for family get togethers, even though we don’t really have the space. BIL and SIL don’t really encourage niece and nephew to be neat when they’re eating, so food gets on the walls, couches, and into the bedrooms because they walk around with it. Another time, our nephew vomited on the floor for no apparent reason. It got on his shirt as well, and they didn’t take it off, so he was rolling around everywhere with his vomit shirt. As soon as they left we sanitized everything. So anyways, we actively try to suggest alternatives whenever a family get together is being discussed (pls cross your fingers we don’t have to end up hosting the Super Bowl lol)

Oh my God. Just no. No No. To all of that.

Nope. 

 

How horrid for you! 

 

No is a complete sentence they need to hear. 

Otherwise maybe your "plumbing is backed up"

People hate plumbing issues. Scare them off!

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4 hours ago, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

Oh my God. Just no. No No. To all of that.

Nope. 

 

How horrid for you! 

 

No is a complete sentence they need to hear. 

Otherwise maybe your "plumbing is backed up"

People hate plumbing issues. Scare them off!

Lol!!! So true. I feel like there’s an obligation to host them at least some of the time, so it can be hard to say no. Though we’ve gotten better at it since having a baby. I CRINGE seeing the kids wipe their dirty hands on the couches etc, but it’s one of those awkward moments where I don’t feel like we can say much to stop it if their parents don’t 😬 

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1 hour ago, Keys said:

I CRINGE seeing the kids wipe their dirty hands on the couches etc, but it’s one of those awkward moments where I don’t feel like we can say much to stop it if their parents don’t 😬

I was like you, but no more. Yes you can say food is not allowed in the bedrooms. And you can give them a napkin and tell them auntie doesn't like stains. It's not being bitchy, it's just explaining the house rules... The same way school has rules, theathers have rules, doctor office has rules...

I understand you don't want to be on bad terms with your family, but they are disfunctional and boundaries must be set, for your mental well-being. 

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9 hours ago, Keys said:

Lol!!! So true. I feel like there’s an obligation to host them at least some of the time, so it can be hard to say no. Though we’ve gotten better at it since having a baby. I CRINGE seeing the kids wipe their dirty hands on the couches etc, but it’s one of those awkward moments where I don’t feel like we can say much to stop it if their parents don’t 😬 

Unless everybody equally rotates around I can't see being obligated. And seriously...."oh no, our plumbing is being a bit wonky....maybe this time we should have it at your house? Just in case?"

 

Also. House rules!

"Food stays at the table!"

"Let's wipe those hands!"

"Ut oh....X Stays in the kitchen"

If they don't like the rules in your house they can not come.

You're not a hotel that has to worry about online reviews!

i do speech therapy all day with kids who know all sorts of different homes rules. They quickly come to understand MY rules in my room. If kids who have problems wih understanding language can do it...these can too. Cant help the parents though. Theyre too set! Haha

*just my opinion*

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10 hours ago, Keys said:

Lol!!! So true. I feel like there’s an obligation to host them at least some of the time, so it can be hard to say no. Though we’ve gotten better at it since having a baby. I CRINGE seeing the kids wipe their dirty hands on the couches etc, but it’s one of those awkward moments where I don’t feel like we can say much to stop it if their parents don’t 😬 

Omg, the dirty hands on the couch would do me in! If you don’t feel like you can enforce house rules might I suggest investing in plastic couch covers to use when they’re over?

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21 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I was like you, but no more. Yes you can say food is not allowed in the bedrooms. And you can give them a napkin and tell them auntie doesn't like stains. It's not being bitchy, it's just explaining the house rules... The same way school has rules, theathers have rules, doctor office has rules...

I understand you don't want to be on bad terms with your family, but they are disfunctional and boundaries must be set, for your mental well-being. 

 

13 hours ago, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

Unless everybody equally rotates around I can't see being obligated. And seriously...."oh no, our plumbing is being a bit wonky....maybe this time we should have it at your house? Just in case?"

 

Also. House rules!

"Food stays at the table!"

"Let's wipe those hands!"

"Ut oh....X Stays in the kitchen"

If they don't like the rules in your house they can not come.

You're not a hotel that has to worry about online reviews!

i do speech therapy all day with kids who know all sorts of different homes rules. They quickly come to understand MY rules in my room. If kids who have problems wih understanding language can do it...these can too. Cant help the parents though. Theyre too set! Haha

*just my opinion*

 

12 hours ago, Giraffe said:

Omg, the dirty hands on the couch would do me in! If you don’t feel like you can enforce house rules might I suggest investing in plastic couch covers to use when they’re over?

Ahh, thank you guys! My husband and are not very assertive people, but we’ve definitely learned the hard way when to put our foot down in situations like this (i.e. I was asked to babysit said niece and nephew regularly during my mat leave when I was newly postpartum… I love them to bits but that was a hard no). 

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