CarVan12: Health Scare Continues ... and Worsens :(

[Keys]

11 hours ago, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

I'm glad I didn't get earrings til I was near teenage. I ended up having very sensitive piercings that constantly got infected and wore sore even with all the recommended metals. If I had been younger would I have been able to explain all the discomfort and issues??

I then got 2nd piercings (despite all the problems) which at the time was rather shocking. And my 2nd holes never had the same issues. It was strange. Both times were the guns.

Oddly enough the earring that never bothered my ears was some cheap earring from a craft type fair that somebody had put together themselves from beads and silver charms.

 

7 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

Random internet person agreeing with you. 

 

2 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Definitely wait till your kid has an opinion. I'm an adult without pierced ears and never wanted piercings. It's so weird to me that people do this to baby girls! Not all girls want to wear earrings!

Thanks all!! This reinforces how I’ve been feeling about it for sure. I do see my hub’s point about her not remembering the pain if we do it now, but I don’t want to put her through pain/discomfort at all for something optional and cosmetic that she might not even want later on. It is somewhat culturally normal for us (Italian) to do it as babies, but I’m not super tied to doing it just for that reason either. 

[Melissa1977]

6 minutes ago, Keys said:

 

 

Thanks all!! This reinforces how I’ve been feeling about it for sure. I do see my hub’s point about her not remembering the pain if we do it now, but I don’t want to put her through pain/discomfort at all for something optional and cosmetic that she might not even want later on. It is somewhat culturally normal for us (Italian) to do it as babies, but I’m not super tied to doing it just for that reason either. 

In Spain it's often done just before the birth and done by a nurse. Many hospitals and health centers offer that service. Apparently, the ears then are so soft that it doesn't hurt (?). I have my doubts, I think it must hurt... Anyway, my concert is not only because the pain, but also because the earrings can fell down and it's dangerous. I have friends who found an earring in the crib or in the floor. Baby earring are suppose to be safe, but if a kid touches her ear a lot, can take the earring out. And it's a little metal piece... I don't find it safe.

[KnittingOwl]

17 hours ago, Keys said:

My hubs and I are having this debate right now about getting our baby’s ears pierced. She’s 7 months old, and he thinks we should do it now so she won’t remember it. I’m more of the feeling that we should wait until she wants them done herself. 
 

I got mine done when I was 4. My mom took me to a hair salon and he used a gun to do one at a time. The first one was so painful that I cried and wouldn’t let them do the second! So I walked around with only one ear pierced for quite a few days, lol. My parents then got me numbing cream, and I went back a few days later with my dad and got the other one done no problem. 

Honestly, wait. My older daughter is 10 and is adamant about not wanting them so I’m very glad I didn’t get them pierced when she was younger. Her younger sister desperately wants them. She has to wait until I can take her to a piercing studio because they heal so much better and faster than with a gun. 

[mango_fandango]

I’ve heard that some places do both ears at the same time for a child, in case they find the pain from doing the first ear too much and nope out of the second.

I was never hugely bothered about getting pierced ears as a kid. I got them done when I was 20. It was done at a jeweller’s with a gun, not the best option but my mum had been recommended the place by a friend (my mother also got hers done on the same day). I remember asking my mum about ear piercings once and she said something about not wanting holes in her ears, but evidently she changed her mind.

[CanadianMamam]

I was 8 when I got my ears pierced and it was one of the huge dramatic memories of my childhood because I'd asked my mom and she said no I was too young but then I asked my dad and he took me anyway. Like my mom predicted, my ears got infected. 

I got another set added when I was 20. I got it done at the mall. No infection that time, although I rarely wear earrings as my skin is really sensitive and I can only wear them for so long before it bothers me. 

My daughter is 6 and so far no plans to pierce her ears, although if I do, I would take her to a tattoo shop/piercing place. 

Edited January 30, 2023 by CanadianMamam

[purple_summer]

Honestly I never understood why ear piercing was such a big deal. I got mine done as a baby, as did everyone else I know. Some still wear earrings regularly, some don’t. It was never a “thing” to be debated or concerned about. It’s even weirder to me when people equate pierced ears with maturity or say it sexualizes girls….they’re ears. 

 

Edited January 30, 2023 by purple_summer
Double

[postscript]

When I was a youngun, back in the days of the dinosaurs, it was common in my area for ear piercing to take place around age 12-13. The holdouts, including most of my close friends, got theirs done around 15-16. I didn’t really care at age 13, but by age 15, I really wanted my ears pierced. However, my mother’s father, and by extension my mother, considered ear piercing to be self-mutilation and wouldn’t allow me to have it done (Mom was also against clothing with logos, not fun for a teen who wanted to be fashionable). My mother and I fought about it throughout my high school years. I finally had it done when I went away to college. When I came home for the holiday, she looked at me and said “Don’t expect me to buy you any earrings!” I refrained from reminding her of that statement 20 years later when she bought me a pair of amber earrings as a souvenir from one of her trips. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I didn’t pierce my sons’ ears when they were born. If my oldest wants them done now, I would probably say ok. He’s 10. But not my 8 year old. He’s too young and immature. My oldest hates pain so I’m pretty positive he won’t be asking anytime soon. 

Edited January 30, 2023 by JermajestyDuggar

[JDuggs]

When my son came home after a night out when he was in high school, he announced to my husband and me that a friend pierced his ears. I started out by asking if he was drunk or high and if he did it just for the fun of it. Then I went on about how he’d have to take of them to make sure they didn’t become infected. He took them out that night and I don’t think we ever talked about it again. If it had been a rational decision he was making, I would have been fine with it, but it was all about being a cool idiot in front of his friends, that bothered me.

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

My mother never had hers pierced til I got my 2nd ones done. Then she had hers. 

I dont think the pain is much so doing it to a baby just do they don't remember it doesn't make sense to me. It's no worse than knocking your funny bone.

But getting somebody's consent before modifying their body for other people's enjoyment...that seems more important to me.

Babies don't care- it's about what the adults want to see. 

When they're old enough to decide for themselves, including the consequence of pain, safety of small pieces, and maintaining hygiene-that seems more appropriate to me.

[SorenaJ]

14 hours ago, purple_summer said:

Honestly I never understood why ear piercing was such a big deal. I got mine done as a baby, as did everyone else I know. Some still wear earrings regularly, some don’t. It was never a “thing” to be debated or concerned about. It’s even weirder to me when people equate pierced ears with maturity or say it sexualizes girls….they’re ears. 

 

Because babies can't consent. 

[front hugs > duggs]

I got my ears pierced around 5, but I can’t remember if I asked for it or if my parents did it. I think I fiddled around with them too much, ended up losing an earring, and maybe getting a slight infected and we let them close up. I got them pierced again around 11 which I remember being something I wanted. I think I’m also on team let them decide when they’re mature enough. 

[Zebedee]

My best friend at primary school had her ears pierced when she was a baby. I was so jealous! Clip on earrings were, and still are (for me) incredibly painful. Also, I would lose them within minutes (usually ones my mother had been given by ex-boyfriends, so she didn't mind too much!) I nagged away until my mother took me to get them done, when I was 11. She had had hers done by a friend when they were student nurses, and if you looked very closely, they weren't quite level. I think she just assumed that I would do something myself if she didn't take me! And my god, the gun! I almost passed out after the first one. It didn't really hurt, just the shock. I went and got a second set 15 years later, also with a gun, and knowing what to expect, it was fine. I can imagine a baby being pretty shocked by it, though.

In between, I got my nose pierced (I was 21, thought I could only have it until I was about 30, thought I'd be too old. 44 last December, and it is still there It is never coming out if I can help it!). I went to a tattoo place, and they used a needle. I was so scared, thinking it would really hurt, and I barely felt it. 

When I was in hospital for a couple of months, they took all the piercings out. I was very relieved that none of the holes closed up. More through laziness of getting them redone, but also, after septic shock, I was pretty scared to even put the studs back in, let alone having 5 new holes made...

 

15 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

Because babies can't consent. 

And  fundy babies will are likely to become adults who can't consent or otherwise, either, especially if they are female. Might as well start as you mean to go on. Urgh.

[tankgirl]

On 1/29/2023 at 8:42 AM, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

My ear holes are at slightly different angles or something. The surface holes look right but the angles going through the skin are different. So dangling earrings always hang differently from each ear. One ear the "front" of the earring points front but the other will always point the "front" of the earring off to the side.  Never looks symmetrical.  So aggravating. 

They've healed over and been repierced by myself and friends but always with that weird angle.

I've always thought I might get a proper piercer to fix it one day...but now im older and dangly earrings aren't worth the bother

This is pretty common especially if they are done with ear piercing guns. The "skip" is sometimes a jump from the gun going off or when the sharpened earring that pierces you when using a gun, goes off target. I know a lot of people, myself included that have the issue.

 

Also huge no to gun piercers from me. They literally train for often less then an hour. Some read a little booklet, pierce a foam ear, then a friend and that's that. Proper piercers often train for 3 months before they pierce a single ear lobe, because they learn about health and safety procedures not discussed with gun piercers. I had a terrible experience and after what I learned  no way would I let anyone pierce me with one let alone my child. Also I hate people filming crying kids, put down the phone and console the poor kid.

[CaptainFunderpants]

When you learn about the reality of piercing guns vs needles, it's a hard pass.

They're shoving the blunt post of an earring through your ear, rather than a super sharp dermal needle like they do at actual piercing places. They also can't sterilize the gun the way they can open a brand new needle each time.

Got my ears pierced on my 13th birthday at Claire's. I honestly don't remember what it hurting; that's adrenaline for you. We got it done while Black Friday shopping, which is a fun memory. I like the way tiny studs frame my face.

Beyond those, I have eight other piercings that were all obtained in my 20s and done at a professional piercing shop using a needle. Those ones, some of them definitely hurt, and the healing takes forever, but they're so cute. I love them.

1 hour ago, Zebedee said:

In between, I got my nose pierced (I was 21, thought I could only have it until I was about 30, thought I'd be too old. 44 last December, and it is still there It is never coming out if I can help it!).

I thought this too! I thought I would have to pull my piercings out around 30 because they would look weird, but now I'm approaching my mid-30s and still love them and want to get more. I have tiny facial features and I feel like the piercings accentuate them well.

[Expectopatronus]

It drives me crazy that they did a makeover party for a toddler! My daughter’s third birthday was at an indoor play land designed for 1-6 year olds. She had her friends from Catechism and they all ran around, played in the ball pit, bounced on the trampoline, rode the carousel and stuffed their faces with pizza, veggies and dip and cupcakes. Our theme was Peppa Pig not make up. She won’t get a makeup theme until at least 13. 

[marmalade]

The mommy and me matching tulle dresses were so extra. 

[Alysabeth]

10 hours ago, marmalade said:

The mommy and me matching tulle dresses were so extra. 

I really got the sense that Carlin was living out the 3rd birthday she probably never got with that dress. It was as much about Carlin as it was Layla, despite it being Layla’s birthday. 

[JDuggs]

47 minutes ago, Alysabeth said:

I really got the sense that Carlin was living out the 3rd birthday she probably never got with that dress. It was as much about Carlin as it was Layla, despite it being Layla’s birthday. 

I’m thinking that maybe Carlin doesn’t see herself having any more or very few more children so she’s going to do it up for these two because they might be her only girl or only boy.

i just remembered a dream I had about the Stewarts. I was on some type of bus or train seated behind them. We started talking because we knew each other from home and kept running into them on vacations. I held Zade for a little bit and somehow he had a beer bottle that he was drinking from. Then he threw up on my shoulder. He was very pudgy and cute in my dream. Carlin and Evan were friendly.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I remember begging my mom for pierced ears and she took me when I was six.  We went to a small jewelry shop in a local strip mall and they used a gun so of COURSE they got infected.  She told me if I didn't cry we could go get ice cream afterwards and I still remember chocolate ice cream with chocolate turtles in it as the best ice cream I'd ever had.  So worth it.

If my daughter asks, I'll take her to a tattoo and piercing shop to get it done properly but she's only two.  I know it's a pretty minor procedure, but she isn't old enough to consent to it now and since it's such a meaningless thing in our culture I would never make that choice for her.  In cultures where earrings are more significant I think you can make an argument that is is appropriate or at least it would be worth discussing more thoroughly.

[neuroticcat]

I have a daughter. She's never asked about ear piercing, possibly because I don't really wear it. I think all little kids are kind of drawn to nail polish and makeup. I rarely wear it, but all my kids have been fascinated when I put on mascara or lip gloss and they've all wanted painted nails. I like it in that sense - like, sure, have fun with it! But the princessy - oh now this will make you so pretty and feeding that as her worth is a lot. 

Kids have their own interests, and some may like makeup sure. But they also will play to whatever you reinforce and affirm at that age. I once wrote a little note to my daughter and told her one of the things I thought was great about her was that she could jump really far. For weeks afterward she would show me her jumps. Maybe Layla loves makeup but they are surely reinforcing it with all the attention/praise about it.

I'm a big no to ear piercing for babies/little girls. First, because of exactly what's on display here - it feels like starting young to tell a girl to "look pretty" or "smile" or whatever. Except she can never choose to take them off. My mom chose to pierce my ears when I was like 3 months old or something so I've always had pierced ears. I remember the piercing spots getting infected several times when I was too young to properly notice and take care of the problem. 

Also, and this reveal the middle-age grump that I am, I have a huge nickel sensitivity as an adult. I can't even wear jeans that have metal buttons, b/c the grommet part will give me a horrible skin rash, and I can't really wear metal jewelry. Apparently, it's pretty common for ear piercing to sensitize ppl to nickel.  I don't think about it often, but mid-forties me low key resents the fact that I have this skin sensitivity and closed over but still really visible piercing holes on my ears all because my mom "wanted me to look like a girl" as an infant. It's likely I would have wanted to get my ears pierced like my friends in middle school or whatever, but at least it would've been my own decision.

[Kiki03910]

1 hour ago, neuroticcat said:

I have a daughter. She's never asked about ear piercing, possibly because I don't really wear it. I think all little kids are kind of drawn to nail polish and makeup. I rarely wear it, but all my kids have been fascinated when I put on mascara or lip gloss and they've all wanted painted nails. I like it in that sense - like, sure, have fun with it! But the princessy - oh now this will make you so pretty and feeding that as her worth is a lot. 

Kids have their own interests, and some may like makeup sure. But they also will play to whatever you reinforce and affirm at that age. I once wrote a little note to my daughter and told her one of the things I thought was great about her was that she could jump really far. For weeks afterward she would show me her jumps. Maybe Layla loves makeup but they are surely reinforcing it with all the attention/praise about it.

I'm a big no to ear piercing for babies/little girls. First, because of exactly what's on display here - it feels like starting young to tell a girl to "look pretty" or "smile" or whatever. Except she can never choose to take them off. My mom chose to pierce my ears when I was like 3 months old or something so I've always had pierced ears. I remember the piercing spots getting infected several times when I was too young to properly notice and take care of the problem. 

Also, and this reveal the middle-age grump that I am, I have a huge nickel sensitivity as an adult. I can't even wear jeans that have metal buttons, b/c the grommet part will give me a horrible skin rash, and I can't really wear metal jewelry. Apparently, it's pretty common for ear piercing to sensitize ppl to nickel.  I don't think about it often, but mid-forties me low key resents the fact that I have this skin sensitivity and closed over but still really visible piercing holes on my ears all because my mom "wanted me to look like a girl" as an infant. It's likely I would have wanted to get my ears pierced like my friends in middle school or whatever, but at least it would've been my own decision.

I have a terrible nickel allergy as well, but I love earrings. I buy stainless steel hoops and have no problem.

[Nothing if not critical]

2 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

I can't even wear jeans that have metal buttons, b/c the grommet part will give me a horrible skin rash,

I have the same problem, and for me, it helps to put a bandaid over the button on the inside of the jeans, so it won't touch my skin. Of course, if your allergy is really bad, that might not be enough.

[Smoochie]

My niece has two older brothers and was certainly not raised to like girly things over anything else, but, was as girly as one could get. My sister wears a lot of black, white, blue, grey, no makeup and fairly basic hairstyles, so didn't get it from her. 

She wanted to go to dance class at 3, her ears pierced, nails done, make up, sparkly anything (the more the better, to the point my mother was horrified and made a comment that she hoped her choices would improve with age LOL they did), pink, the whole gamut. By about 7 outgrew pink and some of the sparkly, but, at the time was all she wanted.

[Keys]

Carlin posted that she’s been at Katie’s for the last few days - isn’t Katie not due until March? I wonder if she’s leaving and coming back, or if she’ll be there until the baby is born now