Maxwell 54: Sarah Married and Looking Joyful

[SassyPants]

17 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

Black and white thinking often feels safer.

I believe because it’s not truly thinking but rather parroting what you’ve been told. I’d say it’s easier-

[backyard sylph]

45 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I believe because it’s not truly thinking but rather parroting what you’ve been told. I’d say it’s easier-

Yes, and realizing that context matters is a real big thing to confront. What if certain matters or decisions are right in one instance but not in another? 

Then, too, wishing to protect people you care for from harm, you might say no never to things that could be okay yes sometimes. 

[browngrl]

16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It’s interesting to me because when I was younger, I did have black and white thinking. Especially as a teen. But I think every year I’m alive, I get less and less black and white in my thinking.

Same.

When I was a young teen a teacher said to me "I hope the world will always be so black and white for you". You can imagine the sort of pompous statement that prompted that comment. At the time I was full of teenager  disdain at the comment but  now I think of that comment regularly,  because now it seems that most things are in the grey zone. It was all easier when everything was black and white. Now, it seems that there is so much to consider for every decision and when I do choose I am  less certain I am wholely right. I guess that is the caution you develop when you've had a chance to make plenty of mistakes and then have to find a way to live with the consequences or maybe it is just that I can see more sides to a story because I have learned there are other sides. Anyway you look at it is more work now then when I was younger.

I think that is one reason why fundies love fundamentalism - easy black and white choices with no thinking needed. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, browngrl said:

Same.

When I was a young teen a teacher said to me "I hope the world will always be so black and white for you". You can imagine the sort of pompous statement that prompted that comment. At the time I was full of teenager  disdain at the comment but  now I think of that comment regularly,  because now it seems that most things are in the grey zone. It was all easier when everything was black and white. Now, it seems that there is so much to consider for every decision and when I do choose I am  less certain I am wholely right. I guess that is the caution you develop when you've had a chance to make plenty of mistakes and then have to find a way to live with the consequences or maybe it is just that I can see more sides to a story because I have learned there are other sides. Anyway you look at it is more work now then when I was younger.

I think that is one reason why fundies love fundamentalism - easy black and white choices with no thinking needed. 

I try not to think of all the pompous things I said as a teen. It’s just too embarrassing. 

[Zee]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I try not to think of all the pompous things I said as a teen. It’s just too embarrassing. 

I think many of us feel this way. 
 

And as a teacher I don’t often tell my students what the teacher told the previous poster but I sure do think it a lot. I also often think “aw bless your cotton socks sweetie”. 🤣🤣

[Granwych]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I try not to think of all the pompous things I said as a teen. It’s just too embarrassing. 

I try not to think of all the pompous things I said yesterday.   And the stupid stuff I said today.

 

[ElizaB]

I really wish we could hear from Teri. I can feel her relief from the other side of the country that she has one less offspring to feel responsible for. 

[Bethy]

On 8/31/2022 at 10:55 AM, Zee said:

Look at the comment under that photo

Fell down the rabbit hole here tonight...

If you go up a couple comments on the ABC FB post, there's one from "DamianJenny Efta" which is, it turns out, the pastor of the KS church. The comment mentions "The three of you" which means three of those four have ties to Church of the Open Door - Anna obviously, I'm assuming they're also talking about Samuel since Pastor Efta knew him well from at least the missions endeavor this past summer if not prior attendance there, and maybe that other girl that someone reported having seen with the Maxladies before. Notable on their profile: the pastor's wife is wearing jeans in their profile pic.

From there, I found that they list one relative, a daughter named Murielle. She has a (public) post from late July about a bridal shower at church. The shower was not for Sarah BUT Teri was featured in one of the pics of guests at the tables, which tells me she's getting out in social situations. None of the daughters, DILs or grands appeared in any of the pics (we can account for the whereabouts of Anna and Mary in late July, assuming Sarah was in El Reno but she also could've been there and just out of frame I suppose) so it's not like it's evident Teri got dragged along by a family member. I think this is fairly remarkable for Teri, and really good for her. (Murielle's public FB profile links to her public IG but alas, no pics of the Maxwedding. I looked.) 

Also, totally by coincidence, I happened onto Kory's dad's memorial service on his church's Youtube. Seems to be a pretty standard fundie-lite funeral, lots of gospel preaching and tributes from loved ones. Some of the kids were not there in person so letters with their thoughts were read - that could be explained by travel distance, or by covid infection/quarantine (omicron still had a mighty grip on much of the country in February of this year.) I watched most of Kory's portion of the service and he's extremely, extremely well-spoken. I also noted that when the family came in at the start of the service, Kory seemed to be physically holding onto his mother. I guess that's logical - he's the oldest son, he's (at that point) unmarried, so he takes his mother's arm and helps her to her seat and comforts her in her hour of grief. I don't see Sarah anywhere. That probably makes sense - a wife would definitely belong with the family, a fiancee would belong as well, but Sarah wasn't either of those things in February. I just hope this indicates that she was farther back in the sanctuary somewhere that the camera doesn't reach, and not that this whole romance started sometime after February, leading up to a June engagement and an August wedding - that's awfully fast even for forty-year-old fundies.

[ClareDeLune]

This is interesting, from about 37.40. The preacher is talking about the increase in anxiety and depression in children and young people. He also mentions the increase in prescribed meds and says that that's not necessarily a bad thing.  And I've not listened to the whole sermon but that's very refreshing that Sarah is in a church that recognises mental health and medication as legitimate things, because I think her mother just used hormone treatments and the bible for her own long depression? https://www.facebook.com/trinityelreno/videos/5499251336830691

 

NB I was flicking through hoping to see the new couple in the audience but it's not that kind of video.  I didn't listen in full so sorry if there are toxic parts. I just think that if she is somewhere she can rethink mental health then she's in a better place to rethink other things too.

[Black Aliss]

On 9/3/2022 at 7:34 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think fundies pretend like they are happy to be “set apart” from the mainstream world but it’s not true. I think most don’t like standing out. I think that’s why the Maxwells eventually ditched the frumpers. Because the girls probably didn’t like sticking out. When other fundies ditched the frumpers, so did the Maxwells. I think the Maxwell daughters have probably always preferred to blend in instead of sticking out like a sore thumb.

Which, when you think about it means they are more modest now than in their frumper days. If you consider modesty as not calling attention to yourself.

On 9/3/2022 at 2:20 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

For a column that is aimed exclusively at dads, he rarely mentions how to interact with kids. That column is mostly about being a obsessively Christian and shutting out anything that could possibly be a negative influence. There is so much more to parenting.

For you and me, maybe. For most people. But not Steve. Their family history shows it.

[Bethy]

17 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Which, when you think about it means they are more modest now than in their frumper days. If you consider modesty as not calling attention to yourself.

That is a weird little mind game fundies play, knowing modesty is defined as not calling attention to yourself but dressing in a way that screams "look at me, I am not dressed properly for this activity" and calling that a "good testimony." Literal case in point: the Maxwells counting the number of cars that passed them during an early-morning walk in the frumper days, and saying how great it was that X-number of people had seen them being godly in long dresses.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Children and teens usually want to fit in. I remember in jr high, the worst thing you could do is stick out in a bad way. I am sure Mary, Anna, and especially Sarah noticed people staring when they were out in matching frumpers. 

[Coconut Flan]

5 hours ago, ClareDeLune said:

The preacher is talking about the increase in anxiety and depression in children and young people. He also mentions the increase in prescribed meds and says that that's not necessarily a bad thing.  And I've not listened to the whole sermon but that's very refreshing that Sarah is in a church that recognises mental health and medication as legitimate things

In general the SBC isn't against valid medical treatment whether physical or mental.  They may go astray over certain areas of women's health.  That varies by member and congregation.  What they say at church may not match what they do at the hospital.

[danvillebelle]

2 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

What they say at church may not match what they do at the hospital.

Totally anecdotal evidence from my 4 years playing in the orchestra of an SBC church several years ago...what SBC folks say and how they act at church and what they actually do in their private lives is VASTLY different.  There is lots of R-rated movie and TV watching, lots of drinking, lots of compulsive shopping, lots of premarital sex going on.  They just don't talk about it. 

[Black Aliss]

8 hours ago, Bethy said:

Literal case in point: the Maxwells counting the number of cars that passed them during an early-morning walk in the frumper days, and saying how great it was that X-number of people had seen them being godly in long dresses.

That's not only immodest, it's downright prideful. Like the obligatory photo Sarah used to post of them praying outside Uriah before setting off on another dog and pony show.

[louannems]

14 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

Totally anecdotal evidence from my 4 years playing in the orchestra of an SBC church several years ago...what SBC folks say and how they act at church and what they actually do in their private lives is VASTLY different.  There is lots of R-rated movie and TV watching, lots of drinking, lots of compulsive shopping, lots of premarital sex going on.  They just don't talk about it. 

This is exactly what I noticed during my stint in the Seventh Day Adventist church!

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

15 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

There is lots of R-rated movie and TV watching, lots of drinking, lots of compulsive shopping, lots of premarital sex going on. 

This is my experience from growing up around many SBCs.

I'll also add there a certain amount of adultery going on -- usually the upright, upstanding men of the church and the community with non-SBC partners;. Nearly always young, pretty, single women. Think Dr and nurse, lawyer and paralegal.

It was always interesting when the pretty young thing became the 2nd Mrs. Lawyer or Dr. after the 1st Mrs was discarded and no one in the church blinked an eye over the goings on, and especially when the new 2nd Mrs joined the church.

[Black Aliss]

I grew up in a county that was historically "dry", meaning no alcohol other than 3.2% beer could be sold. When I was a teenager we got our first liquor store. It had a drive-through window and the joke was that was so Baptists didn't have to worry about meeting each other in the store aisles.

[nelliebelle1197]

I am wondering if Steve is not addressing the wedding either on the blog or in his columns because Sarah does not want a public mention.  I have to say that I would not blame her. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Growing up our county was complete dry. No liquor store. No beer, not even 3.2, or wine in the grocery stores.  The State liquor store was literally just across the county line to a wet county. The town's taxi service existed to do liquor store runs and deliveries for the SBCs and others who did not want to be seen entering the State store.

Not like we didn't notice the taxi pulling up to a house and delivering brown paper bags or cardboard boxes, but everyone turned a blind. eye.  The SBCs and other denoms who "didn't drink" kept their liquor under the kitchen sink behind cleaning products. Every teenager knew where their parents hid the liquor.

Being one of 2 Catholic families in town, my parent kept theirs on the dining room sideboard.

[Loveday]

My high school was right next door to an SBC church. I mean, the buildings were share-their-parking-lots close. A lot of my classmates grew up in that church. This was back when 18 year olds could buy beer and then supply it to their slightly underage friends. Quite a bit of Saturday night beer-drinking while cruising the strip (and hoping not to get caught with open cans in your Ford Pinto or Plymouth Duster! 🤣), followed by prim and proper Sunday school and church service, complete with a hellfire sermon and a rousing chorus or two of 'Just As I Am' to rattle your slightly hungover brain. 

We Methodists never indulged in those kinds of shenanigans, of course.😇

[Coconut Flan]

Carry on here: