M Is for Mama 14: Kids Don't Need Toys When They Have Chores!

[SuperNova]

Where do I even start? A girl that small should not be holding a baby with a blanket near an open flame. She also doesn't have a comfortable grip on the whisk and it would be all to easy for her to accidentally tip the pot and burn herself and the baby. Why is this happening?

Why isn't Abbie doing the cooking with a baby on her hip while the kid films? Because Abbie is teaching her girls to take over cooking duties. She acts snotty and condescending about it, too. I don't take any issue with teaching girls and boys usable life skills. That's admirable. I do take issue with Abbie allowing her children to cook an entire meal for the family by age 10. This is beyond the scope of what should be delegated to such a young child. She gives them so much praise that I'm sure the kids are very much encouraged and excited to do Abbie's work for her. 

 

Spoiler

 

Edited July 27, 2022 by SuperNova

[kmachete14]

These people just want to make a point that they are being counter-cultural by doing things "Biblically."

Gentle parenting is just a new name for authoritative parenting, which is factually the best way to parent children (agreed upon by most child psychologists and taught in psychology class). And you can do this "Biblically" if you wanted to. However, there are two things fundies/Christians really mean by Biblical: absolute authority of the parents + physical punishment. These two things are NOT part of authoritative parenting, but otherwise you could modify it to fit "Biblical" teachings soooo easily. 

Back to my original point: Christians pretend anti-toxic masculinity, feminism, socialism, etc. isn't Biblical because they just make up their own definition of what those things are and make the definition diametrically opposed to anything Biblical. If they went by the common definition of these things you could easily argue they were Biblical. Lori loves to do this: for example claiming feminism means hating men/becoming a man, toxic masculinity = all things masculine are toxic, socialism = atheism, sin of sloth or something, etc. 

Abbie is just making up that gentle parenting is things that it's not and probably equating it with permissive parenting, which it isn't. 

[Melissa1977]

Adults shouldn't cook while holding a baby (yeah, I know... many of us have done it sometimes... But it's not right). But a 10 year old kid???? A ten year old kid cooking with fire while holding a baby???!!!! A baby in a blanket no less... I teach my kids to make sure that kitchen rags or table clothes are far from the stove and that never ever cook wearing scarves or too long sleeves (a friend of me was burnt because she cooked while wearing a scarf that got on fire).

And frankly, the baby looks big and heavy for that sistermom. If she is holding him often (I'm sure she does), she's no doubt hurting her back.

[danvillebelle]

As always, courting disaster with her lack of basic safety common sense and supervision skills.  She's so busy taking the video to promote herself on IG it doesn't register that her baby's blanket is next to an open flame. 

One of her kids is going to get seriously injured one of these days, and she will chalk it up to "god's will" or her stupid catchphrase instead of the truth - it will be due to their own negligence.

[manda b]

The sad thing is in their community this will be looked at as a good thing. I have a ten year old at home now the last thing she would want to do is a hold a baby and cook everybody dinner.

[anachronistic]

A 10 year old is certainly capable of ‘getting’ everyone dinner, or at least themselves. The majority of 10 year olds I know / have known can microwave whatever, do many breakfast foods, boil a hot dog, make a grilled cheese, make a salad or a even bake and frost a birthday cake. (They usually can’t cook vegetables because what kid cares about vegetables? An apple and chips are plenty of sides.) The issue is that they shouldn’t ever, ever, be doing a full meal for a family of 13 and for the love of everything holy NOT while holding a *toddler*. That kid must weigh 1/3 of what his sister mom does. It’s not 1930 Abby. You don’t need your 10 year old to take over so you can go work in a mine because your husband has tragically died or something. (Anyone else recall the plots of various tween kid books like this?) if you truly don’t have time to cook and parent, it’s called a microwave and I’m sure you have one.

[noseybutt]

Somewhat off-topic question.

I am somewhat limited on social media. In my world, the voice over memes are almost always white women mimicking a black voice. Is this more varied for other people?  Just curious.

[purejuice]

17 hours ago, SuperNova said:

Where do I even start? A girl that small should not be holding a baby with a blanket near an open flame. She also doesn't have a comfortable grip on the whisk and it would be all to easy for her to accidentally tip the pot and burn herself and the baby. Why is this happening?

 

 

Yeah, I found the proximity of flame to blanket pretty distressing -- just like those pix of the twinbies in the dish sink, proximity to hot faucet and two squirmy slippery babies jammed in there together.
She really is out of her mind.
She blocked me for a comment on Shiloh I made -- she was nursing the twins, Shiloh came into the living room, took his diaper off (apparently his only outfit) and took a dump on the LR carpet. I commented that it seemed as if the boy could use some attention. He seems to have graduated to attacking the twins physically. I feel so bad for all of them.
Has anybody ever called CP after these people?
Also, who serves mac and cheese as a vegetable?

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

 

Edited July 27, 2022 by purejuice
added comment

[SassyPants]

People with many children often homeschool out of convenience. This is especially true for AH because her mother has always done the bulk of the schooling. People like AH, the Duggars and Bates HS because there is no way they are organized or motivated enough to meet all the educational needs for many children, that brick and mortar schools demand. Those folks would be out of their minds trying to meet all those requirements for children at all age levels. Also, since they live in the boondocks, time factors in.

These kids would be the ones who showed up disheveled, late, without food half of the time and who are left at school long after everyone else had departed. Not to mention, the lack of payment and permission slips for field trips or the cafeteria.

7 minutes ago, purejuice said:

 

AH is an asshole and she knows exactly what she is doing. 

She is one of those people who supports Trump because he says the quiet things that circle through her mind, LOUDLY AND PROUDLY! 

[neuroticcat]

5 hours ago, noseybutt said:

Somewhat off-topic question.

I am somewhat limited on social media. In my world, the voice over memes are almost always white women mimicking a black voice. Is this more varied for other people?  Just curious.

I have wondered this too. Not really active on TikTok but see reels come through the fundie instagrams and have thought: how isn’t this super offensive to have white homeschooling women take on a Black woman’s audio reel for laughs? I don’t get it.

And the way  exploiting her daughters is held up as an ideal for others to follow makes me absolutely angry. Because you know other fundie moms who follow will hop in the kitchen and get their kids baking by eight cooking by 10 because it’s the “godly way.” Just because a child is capable of doing something doesn’t mean that’s beneficial. Kids are capable of way more than we ask him to do, but we recognize that all the things they’re capable of may not be developmentally appropriate or welcome and may in fact displace Developmentally appropriate activities they could be doing. 
 

Influencers like Abby seem extra sinister to me because they know enough to frame this as “not something my daughters do all the time“ as opposed to when the Duggers and Bates first air they were kind of proud of this. Abby knows she’ll get criticism for the things she has to do (like rely on sister moms and brother-dads) to keep a family that large running, so she spotlights it in ways that can let her have her cake and eat it too. She does it the “right way”. So she isn’t exploiting her children she’s training them and they love it etc

 

- I am so sad for the religious trauma fallout awaiting these kids. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Wait a minute,

Abby said wanted her daughter

19 hours ago, SuperNova said:

 to cook an entire meal for the family by age 10.

I don't think she has a ten year old daughter.  I think her oldest daughter is older and she is the one looking over the other daughter's shoulder. I think the daughter who is cooking is one of AH's twins and she is about 7 or 8.  (I think the twin girls were 6 when the T boys were born so the babies are about 2 and they'll turn 8 on their birthday.)

@JermajestyDuggar or @Bethella would know the ages better than I do.

Regardless of age, I feel so bad for these girls. Let them enjoy their childhoods! Either cook yourself or hire someone! The Hs are rich enough they could employ several people as maids, housekeeper, cook, etc.

Edited July 27, 2022 by Bluebirdbluebell

[Mrs Ms]

Cute or helpful posts that would have resulted in no criticism?
 

The poor child holding the toddler on her lap, sitting on a couch and reading a story. Or sitting at a table and helping build/play something. Still taking care of a clingy child for her useless mother, but age appropriate and not dangerous.

Kitchen option. Have the poor girl chopping vegetables or stirring a pot, HELPING her useless mother cook, not doing the fucking job for her. 

You can still humble-brag about how your godly superiority caused your children to love helping with their siblings and chores! 
 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Braggie’s older twins are almost the exact age of my son who was born in the fall of 2012. Therefore the twin girls should be 9.5. I don’t think they’ve turned 10 yet. The sister just above them is maybe 11.5? I am not positive on her age. But she’s not 10. Therefore if the three girls made dinner, they are likely around the ages of 11.5, 9.5, and 9.5.

Edited July 27, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[Bethella]

29 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Braggie’s older twins are almost the exact age of my son who was born in the fall of 2012. Therefore the twin girls should be 9.5. I don’t think they’ve turned 10 yet. The sister just above them is maybe 11.5? I am not positive on her age. But she’s not 10. Therefore if the three girls made dinner, they are likely around the ages of 11.5, 9.5, and 9.5.

I don’t have ages on most of the kids but the older twins will turn 10 in late September. 

[danvillebelle]

Another choice review of Braggie's tome, this time from Amazon:

"I’m surprised this book was as well received as it was. A Christians mom group I am in decided to read this book and most of us did not enjoy it because of how judgmental the author comes across. Grace and mercy seems to be forgotten when it comes to parenting in this book; our parenting will fall short. There are other much better books that have a more Christ-like approach to parenting, like Sacred Parenting. I personally wasn’t interested in finishing a book that shames moms in every chapter. It belongs in a Facebook moms group."

ETA: if I had a dollar for every time she said "um" and played with her hair in her IG video today, my husband and I could go out on a date night (but we wouldn't, because we'd rather stay home). LOL

Edited July 28, 2022 by danvillebelle

[theotherelise]

Ezra - May 24, 2006

Simon - November 27, 2007

Adelaide - November 21, 2010

Evy & Magnolia - September 24, 2012

Theo - December 30, 2014

Honor - January 16, 2017

Shiloh - February 6, 2019

Titus & Tobias - September 24, 2020

Shaun's birthday is January 31, 1980 and Abbie's is October 6, 1982.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Braggie loves to brag about graduating homeschool at 16. Well what about Ezra? He’s 16. Why hasn’t he graduated yet? Is she not able to homeschool him so well that he can graduate at 16? Is she a sub par mom? Isn’t she supposed to be some sort of amaze balls mom better than other moms?

Edited July 28, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[bea]

Ezra - May 24, 2006
Simon - November 27, 2007
Adelaide - November 21, 2010
Evy & Magnolia - September 24, 2012
Theo - December 30, 2014
Honor - January 16, 2017
Shiloh - February 6, 2019
Titus & Tobias - September 24, 2020
Shaun's birthday is January 31, 1980 and Abbie's is October 6, 1982.

The idea that someone with 10 kids is a decade younger than me BLOWS MY MIND.

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, bea said:

The idea that someone with 10 kids is a decade younger than me BLOWS MY MIND.

I’m almost the same age as Braggie and two of my kids are very close in age to the twins and Theo. That’s plenty for me. I can’t imagine having ten at my age. Let alone 3! But she doesn’t parent them well. So it’s hard to compare.

[theotherelise]

13 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Braggie loves to brag about graduating homeschool at 16. Well what about Ezra? He’s 16. Why hasn’t he graduated yet? Is she not able to homeschool him so well that he can graduate at 16? Is she a sub par mom? Isn’t she supposed to be some sort of amaze balls mom better than other moms?

So she's mentioned this before but also put up a story just today about how Ezra has completed all the requirements for graduation and will graduate at 16. Not excited for what Abbie says is next for him:

Spoiler

Abbie's schedule seems to be:

• Monday - elementary and up kids at co-op for about 6 hours 
• Two days a week - Abbie's mom is there for six hours to help with homeschooling and housekeeping
• Two days a week - Abbie homeschools

So all her slides yesterday and today about how she homeschools with the babies underfoot and how it's beautiful and they are all a family in this together... that's a big exaggeration. She claims people can do this all and it's hard but good. In reality, they pay for coop (I don't think Abbie teaches this year? and her mom taught for her there last year), pay her mom, and then cobble together a couple more days. 

Obviously I don't imagine caring for "just" the four or five youngest boys would be a walk in the park. But she's creating a totally false narrative that she fully teaches all the children ages 1.5-16 together and you should too. 

ETA: Abbie does not teach this year. I just looked at the coop schedule and she's not listed as a teacher anywhere. I also don't know if she uses it, but she could have all the kids in care on Mondays, even the little boys.

Edited July 28, 2022 by theotherelise

[JermajestyDuggar]

Yes, if you compare her to other homeschooling moms of many, she has much more help and has it much easier. I doubt she could handle even a day of Courtney Rogers’ life. She has very little help and doesn’t have the extra money for an Anthro shopping addiction. 

[noseybutt]

23 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

I have wondered this too. Not really active on TikTok but see reels come through the fundie instagrams and have thought: how isn’t this super offensive to have white homeschooling women take on a Black woman’s audio reel for laughs? I don’t get it.

 

It seems like memes with So Cal surfer dudes or in a Scottish brogue could be amusing. IDK. Just weird to me that it's almost always a distinctive black voice and a white woman mimicking. 

With social media though it's hard to know how much of it is just my corner of the universe. Are these memes a thing in other parts of the world? What voices are used outside the US?

[SassyPants]

Wasn’t she just talking about “cancel culture”? Or was that some other fundie? IDK, but she knows exactly what she is doing from the use of a cultural voice, to the kid holding a toddler with a blanket next to an open fire. She posts controversial shite so she can come back and post righteous crap. Truly, I think AH likes the negative attention more than the accolades regarding her superiority.

Edited July 28, 2022 by SassyPants

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 minute ago, SassyPants said:

Wasn’t she just talking about “cancel culture”? Or was that some other fundie? IDK, but she knows exactly what she is doing from the use of a cultural voice to the kid holding a toddler with a blanket next to an open fire. She posts controversial shite so she can come back and post righteous crap. Truly, I think AH likes the negative attention more than the accolades regarding her superiority.

She also wants to be famous. She doesn't care how she becomes famous. Fame at any price. Of course that could backfire in many ways.

#fameisnotthesameasgood

[luv2laugh]

On 7/26/2022 at 11:17 PM, kmachete14 said:

These people just want to make a point that they are being counter-cultural by doing things "Biblically."

Gentle parenting is just a new name for authoritative parenting, which is factually the best way to parent children (agreed upon by most child psychologists and taught in psychology class). And you can do this "Biblically" if you wanted to. However, there are two things fundies/Christians really mean by Biblical: absolute authority of the parents + physical punishment. These two things are NOT part of authoritative parenting, but otherwise you could modify it to fit "Biblical" teachings soooo easily. 

Back to my original point: Christians pretend anti-toxic masculinity, feminism, socialism, etc. isn't Biblical because they just make up their own definition of what those things are and make the definition diametrically opposed to anything Biblical. If they went by the common definition of these things you could easily argue they were Biblical. Lori loves to do this: for example claiming feminism means hating men/becoming a man, toxic masculinity = all things masculine are toxic, socialism = atheism, sin of sloth or something, etc. 

Abbie is just making up that gentle parenting is things that it's not and probably equating it with permissive parenting, which it isn't. 

I disagree that “gentle parenting” = authoritative parenting. Many in gentle parenting circles will mom shame those who sleep train for their mental health and moms who work.