Jinjer 58: Going for the DMIN

[neuroticcat]

Exactly this. Parenting triggers all sorts of things, and new parents need actual tools and resources not to be told "God requires you to spank." Doing the hard work of figuring out "what's going on inside of me and how do I need to change?" is such a growth opportunity. 

I hate that churches are often the last holdouts to legitimize spanking and sometimes even say you have to do it b/c God. I only spanked one of my children - there wasa period where this child would scream at/hit other siblings, and I was at my wit's end b/c all the other strategies didn't work and I began to wonder if all the "Christian parenting" books were right and I just had gotten lucky not having to spank before. I tried spanking for about two weeks and hated how it required me to pretend to detach from all my emotions so I wouldn't "spank angry" and also just felt so mean. I regret ever trying it and wish I had known more connected approaches at the time. I now know this child was likely overwhelmed with all sorts of sensory issues and escalated b/c they didn't feel understood. Probably the least effective thing to do is spank in that scenario. 

B/c that's the key thing. There are just so many better ways out there - but most of us were not parented in that way so we don't even know where to begin. What's so tragic to me is that a lot of parents I think are just looking for help. I know my mom was a new Christian in the 80s. She grew up in a chaotic abusive household so she wanted to do things "right." Dobson was it for that generation. It doesn't excuse her, but it explains a lot. Lots of parents are deceived by this garbage. The leaders in these movements, though, and the ones who make spanking their hill to die on? I absolutely hold them responsible. 

[Nashville92]

Jinger's announcement this morning was about her new book.  She also states it's not a tell all about her family but mostly about her faith journey 

[shesinsane]

1 hour ago, Nashville92 said:

Jinger's announcement this morning was about her new book.  She also states it's not a tell all about her family but mostly about her faith journey 

Props to her for being up front about her book. On the one hand, she lost a few sales (more people are interested in the secret lives of Duggars than care about Jinger's faith journey), but this announcement should reduce the volume of disappointed-one-star ratings when the book is released.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Nashville92 said:

Jinger's announcement this morning was about her new book.  She also states it's not a tell all about her family but mostly about her faith journey 

I figured. I think no matter how Jinger sees her childhood, she will always refuse to completely shit on her parents. She’s too much of a people pleaser. 

[OldFadedStar]

yeah, the most we will see is subtle insights/confirmations. 

Like, we knew JB was controlling who the girls married and such and that there was a big questionnaire but in JinJers book, we have confirmation that it was massive. Jeremy said he spent 3 hours on it and it ended up being 107 pages.Then we found out that one issue caused hours and hours of discussion between JB and Jeremy.. not Jinger and Jeremy, JB and Jeremy so JB could see if this was a dealbreaker when it wasn't for Jinger. I know there were other things like that in that book but that's one that stood out to me the most

[marmalade]

Actually, Jinger said it was nearly a deal breaker for her as well. I believe she said it took her something like four months to come around. 

She says in the video that she didn't really start to question things until they went to Big Sandy in 2017, after they were married. She realized that people she'd seen all her life no longer attended and many had fallen away from faith entirely. She doesn't go any further than that tease.

[justmy2cents]

1 hour ago, marmalade said:

Actually, Jinger said it was nearly a deal breaker for her as well. I believe she said it took her something like four months to come around. 

Doesn’t seem that she had a problem with Jeremy’s beliefs. She just didn’t want to cause a rift in her family. She was willing to give up someone she wanted to be with to avoid problems with her parents. Sad

[Idlewild]

I’m still take all this ‘faith struggle with JB’ stuff with a pinch of salt.

Jeremy was introduced to the family and I’m pretty sure JB knew weddings for the daughters were big ratings pulls and after getting the show back after the Josh scandal he wanted Counting On to succeed. Jeremy wasn’t as dorky as Derick and Ben, had a bit of past and had been a professional sportsman (briefly). I’m sure JB thought he and Jinger would pull in viewers, and he was right.

Im sure Jeremy did do a lengthy and verbose essay about his beliefs- I doubt JB read it all. It’s about money and the making of for these people. Jinger doesn’t want to diss her family publicly but her faith journey is rather like her cookery - only appealing to those who like anything she does.

[OldFadedStar]

I went and checked what the book said, and the reason Jinger told Jeremy no to a relationship was "I feel like our relationship would cause division. I dont want to do that". It was ultimately her people pleasing (if you take what they say in this book as fact) that halted their relationship for like a day.  She went onto say on that same page "The idea of starting a relationship with someone when I knew that perhaps some in my community wouldn't approve was too much"

Jeremys response to her turning him down is a little disturbing though. 

But like I said, this upcoming book isnt gonna have any real book, its gonna have more just confirmations of what we already know in very minimal ways

[SassyPants]

31 minutes ago, OldFadedStar said:

I went and checked what the book said, and the reason Jinger told Jeremy no to a relationship was "I feel like our relationship would cause division. I dont want to do that". It was ultimately her people pleasing (if you take what they say in this book as fact) that halted their relationship for like a day.  She went onto say on that same page "The idea of starting a relationship with someone when I knew that perhaps some in my community wouldn't approve was too much"

Jeremys response to her turning him down is a little disturbing though. 

But like I said, this upcoming book isnt gonna have any real book, its gonna have more just confirmations of what we already know in very minimal ways

So, she ultimately chose Jeremy over JB, which explains why the Vuolos, as a family, are rarely, if ever, seen in NWA. Has Vuolo girl #2 ever been to NWA?

Edited November 7, 2022 by SassyPants

[erunerune]

I have put a hold on this at my library for when it is released, so I will Be Reading This For Free Indeed.

[Guanabana]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

So, she ultimately chose Jeremy over JB, which explains why the Vuolos, as a family, are rarely, if ever, seen in NWA. Has Vuolo girl #2 ever been to NWA?

Yes, I think their last visit was for Jed’s wedding. Evangeline was part of an all girl photo. 

[Love2Cruise]

Can we now officially declare Jinger “freed”?

[JMO]

What was the one issue that caused JB concern? Who's going to take one for the team and give a full synopsis?

[justmy2cents]

18 minutes ago, JMO said:

What was the one issue that caused JB concern? Who's going to take one for the team and give a full synopsis?

It was a theological difference, but I don't know the details.

[marmalade]

1 hour ago, Love2Cruise said:

Can we now officially declare Jinger “freed”?

No. She just went from one misogynistic cult to another.

[Jrodseyeliner]

38 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

It was a theological difference, but I don't know the details.

Arrgghhh that is so boring..  I was hoping for something juicy. 

[sndral]

48 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

It was a theological difference, but I don't know the details.

Aren’t ‘theological differences’ between ‘religious’ males usually just a thinly veiled power struggle aka male pissing contest?

[AussieKrissy]

4 hours ago, OldFadedStar said:

I went and checked what the book said, and the reason Jinger told Jeremy no to a relationship was "I feel like our relationship would cause division. I dont want to do that". It was ultimately her people pleasing (if you take what they say in this book as fact) that halted their relationship for like a day.  She went onto say on that same page "The idea of starting a relationship with someone when I knew that perhaps some in my community wouldn't approve was too much"

Jeremys response to her turning him down is a little disturbing though. 

But like I said, this upcoming book isnt gonna have any real book, its gonna have more just confirmations of what we already know in very minimal ways

do tell please? 

Kelton Bad?

[Freejin]

She named the book after this site, right? Becoming Free? Free Jinger? She’s giving this site a nod, right?

[Father Son Holy Goat]

5 hours ago, OldFadedStar said:

I went and checked what the book said, and the reason Jinger told Jeremy no to a relationship was "I feel like our relationship would cause division. I dont want to do that". It was ultimately her people pleasing (if you take what they say in this book as fact) that halted their relationship for like a day.  She went onto say on that same page "The idea of starting a relationship with someone when I knew that perhaps some in my community wouldn't approve was too much"

Jeremys response to her turning him down is a little disturbing though. 

But like I said, this upcoming book isnt gonna have any real book, its gonna have more just confirmations of what we already know in very minimal ways

I know I’m going to regret asking, what did Jeremy do that was desturbing?
 

2 hours ago, Love2Cruise said:

Can we now officially declare Jinger “freed”?

No. She’s like me when I moved from the abusive home to the domestic violence, trapped in a different, identical trap. 

[neuroticcat]

6 hours ago, OldFadedStar said:

"The idea of starting a relationship with someone when I knew that perhaps some in my community wouldn't approve was too much"

 

I know for most of us this reads as "people pleasing" and it is - but the children in these communities, especially the girls are from infancy trained to question their desires/judgment, die to self, and look to everyone else to tell them the right thing to do. It would take an extraordinary amount of internal courage to out-of-the-gate rebel like that. Instead, most take legitimate offramps (marry, go into missions, etc) and then can babystep away.

Wasn't the disagreement over some theobro talking point like calvinist theology? Pretty sure Jeremy is heavily reformed/calvinist (as was - is maybe even? - Ben) whereas Gothard is not even remotely theologically reformed. 

[backyard sylph]

1 hour ago, Freejin said:

She named the book after this site, right? Becoming Free? Free Jinger? She’s giving this site a nod, right?

No, it’s from a Bible verse. I posted a screenshot of it a couple weeks ago or so.

[Cam]

9 hours ago, sndral said:

Aren’t ‘theological differences’ between ‘religious’ males usually just a thinly veiled power struggle aka male pissing contest?

^^ So much this.
 

7 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

I know for most of us this reads as "people pleasing" and it is - but the children in these communities, especially the girls are from infancy trained to question their desires/judgment, die to self, and look to everyone else to tell them the right thing to do. It would take an extraordinary amount of internal courage to out-of-the-gate rebel like that. Instead, most take legitimate offramps (marry, go into missions, etc) and then can babystep away.

Yes, female fundies are taught to die to self. Anna is poster girl for it. And there’s a video clip of the four older sisters talking about the type of man they hope to marry and I think Jill emphasizes something like, “oh, you can’t decide, you have to accept the man God gives you.”

Regardless of how you describe it, society in general conditions females from birth that people pleasing is a desirable trait. I was not raised in an overly religious family but as a younger child of many, I was surrounded by older siblings and parents always telling me what to do. Instilling confidence in my own decisions was never, ever encouraged. In fact, my choices were ridiculed and criticized. It’s taken me decades to repair that kind of damaged thinking. I’m only now learning to not feel guilty for showing up for myself first, before others. And I in no way had religion shoved down my throat. It was the patriarchy.

 

I think Jinger made the video to explain the book because so many speculated it was a Duggar tell-all. It may have riled up her parents and some siblings wanting her to set the public straight. So, a bit more people pleasing on her part. But yeah, not much tea gonna be spilt with its publication.

Edited November 8, 2022 by Cam

[Freejin]

8 hours ago, backyard sylph said:

No, it’s from a Bible verse. I posted a screenshot of it a couple weeks ago or so.

But she has to have been referencing this as well in a subtle way. No?

On 10/21/2022 at 4:46 PM, CarrotCake said:

To me it comes across as not only distancing themselves from IBLP for the upcoming documentary but also anticipating that the documentary will bring interest in the cult and therefore more sales for this book.

Sneaky.

Does anyone know when that documentary is coming out??