Bro Gary Hawkins 20: Setting Up a Tent at the Train Depot

[postscript]

No, Gary, that is not “downtown Chicago.” Downtown to any true Chicagoan is the Loop and possibly Streeterville (the area around North Michigan Avenue). I can’t read the street numbering, so I’m not sure how far west you are, but West Lawrence Avenue is not downtown by any stretch of the imagination. Quite frankly, it’s far too close to me. He would consider my location Sodom and Gomorrah, though - we regularly vote between 75%-85% Democratic. 

I’ve had the misfortune to spend the last 10 months mostly in a wheelchair, for entirely different reasons than Becky’s. It is frustrating being limited in how much you can move. If she still needs one most of the time, they should really rent one that allows her to wheel herself. If they have insurance (hahahaha), insurance would probably pick up the majority of the cost. And yes, if she needs to be in a wheelchair while passing out tracts, she probably should not be doing it at all. 

[thoughtful]

40 minutes ago, postscript said:

I can’t read the street numbering, so I’m not sure how far west you are, but West Lawrence Avenue is not downtown by any stretch of the imagination.

He was here (I looked up the Steven Papageorge Hair Academy!):

https://www.google.com/maps/place/Steven+Papageorge+Hair+Academy/@41.9679419,-87.7220785,15z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x0:0xf9e2526d945c7691!8m2!3d41.9682929!4d-87.7135383

40 minutes ago, postscript said:

If she still needs one most of the time, they should really rent one that allows her to wheel herself

I was guessing that she is using one due to general weakness (and her upper body may be worse off, since the surgery was for her thyroid), and may be fine walking around wherever they are grifting a room these days, but not on long treks to save souls. If someone is not strong enough to wheel themselves for any length of time, a transfer chair does make sense, especially if they're using it for for long distances only.

It's especially handy if their loved ones have to put it into the car and take it out.  😁 Ours is so much lighter than a normal wheelchair, and my Mom has never needed it at home, only for those long medical building hallways.

Edited July 3, 2022 by thoughtful
riffle, added something while I was there

[thoughtful]

Guess where Gary wants you to be today?

Spoiler

One of the Davids takes issue:

Spoiler

Hebrews 10:25 (I should have it memorized by now):

Quote

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

 

 

Gary managed to get more of the church's name right this time. Last year he called them "Mission Indepensent Baptiat Church"

This is the place that @Xan perfectly described last year as looking like a "back stock room at Dunder Mifflin."

Edited July 3, 2022 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Do you remember Chris Crawley? He was the pastor in the little church in Maine with the pointy windows, who slapped his knees and laughed uproariously at Gary's bon mots, was also an electrician and backyard breeder of golden retriever-poodle mixes, had a furniture store, and posted vile shit on Facebook.

Well, in March, he got a new job as an electrician at (are you ready? Are you sure?):

Spoiler

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004737466685

Answering comments when he first posted about it, he says he gave the church and food bank to the next pastor.

No free laughs and lobster for poor Gary this summer.

Edited July 4, 2022 by thoughtful
punctuation

[thoughtful]

This is your yearly reminder that July 11 is the anniversary of Gary's salvation, 23 years ago.

I have just put weens on my shopping list.

And no, I will not eat them in gravy - there is a limit to my devotion.

[thoughtful]

There are two videos from yesterday's services at Mission Independent Baptist Church in Chicago. As the first one starts, the congregation is singing, and Gary is going into the next room ( a bathroom break before preaching, perhaps?):

Spoiler

I am a person who doesn't mind clutter. I live in a cluttered environment of my own making (most of it is decorative stuff I want to look at, but there are some mundane objects and stacks of things waiting to be dealt with, as well). But even I am made very uncomfortable just looking at this place.

Gary re-emerges as the hymn ends, and the other guy goes into the back room:

Spoiler

I cannot figure out what is going on with the jacket (vest?) this man is wearing. It has strings hanging from it, all over. There are too many, in the wrong places, for it to be some approximation of tzitzit, and I don't think these folks are into appropriating Jewish customs anyway.

I think that may be the pastor's son. It occurred to me that he might be wearing something from his mother's tradition (she was born in Cambodia) and I am being a culturally insensitive shmo. Someone inform me if I am, but nothing like that has come up in every google search I could think to do.

It looks like something heavy, too. It's July - even in an air conditioned building, who would want to wear that? Another mystery of fundy life.

Gary gets his towel-wrapped bible, knocks something over, the man emerges again, and they meet briefly to mumble to one another at the lovely pulpit, while everyone continues to wait:

Spoiler

Finally, Gary greets everyone, and begins his message.

And that will be a separate post.

 

 

Edited July 4, 2022 by thoughtful
removing extra pics

[Joyster]

I think the man leading the singing is the pastor's son-in-law.  The pastor's son lives in Alaska, and it is really sad that I know this.  I cannot figure out his outfit, but to each his/her/'their own. That area of Chicago is extremely diverse, so it is common to see all sorts of outfits.  It's one of aspects of the neighborhood I love, and it probably made Gary feel very uncomfortable 🙂.

The David argument about Gary's go to church post continues from where @thoughtful reported.  PayDirtGary and Joe are now getting into the discussion.  

Spoiler

 

Edited July 4, 2022 by Joyster

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Joyster said:

I think the man leading the singing is the pastor's son-in-law.  The pastor's son lives in Alaska, and it is really sad that I know this.  I cannot figure out his outfit, but to each his/her/'their own. That area of Chicago is extremely diverse, so it is common to see all sorts of outfits.  It's one of aspects of the neighborhood I love, and it probably made Gary feel very uncomfortable 🙂.

Thanks for the correction re who it is.

And yes, I am also from the "that's why they make chocolate and vanilla" school of thought when it comes to clothes. This just caught my eye, because the hanging strings are so unusual, it looks so hot, and I couldn't find anything like it online, to tell me it was either a new fashion trend or traditional garb of any culture.

And, if it did make Gary uncomfortable, due to being warm, "ethnic," or (as I think is most likely) too casual, that makes me happy, too!

ETA - he may also dislike it because it is like a vestment!

ETA - as I went back to the video to listen to Gary's message, another man came up wearing a similar garment (and walking a dog). This one looks like it is made of more lightweight material. The woman sitting next to the song leader, who has now sat down, appears to be wearing a similar garment, but without the strings.

Spoiler

    

Maybe Gary will say something stupid and insensitive during the message that will clear it all up.

Or, as is his wont, make it even more of a mystery.

Edited July 4, 2022 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Gary began his reading at whatever service it was yesterday with Psalms 1.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+1&version=KJV

He does pretty well, but the captioning does not.

KJV: Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly

CC:

Spoiler

KJV: The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.

CC:

Spoiler

Gotta be tough, if your shaft is so flimsy that the wind can drive it away.

As Gary blabs on about how horrible people are these days, and the man on Facebook who thought that going to church was not a commandment from God, the man with the dog comes back in, and puts the dog on Jacob's lap.

Spoiler

So at least Jacob got to enjoy some canine sweetness while listening to his father spew crap. I really enjoyed watching him cuddle and kiss that pup.

Gary quotes Hebrews, but not the Facebook man's answer, about how the gathering can be anywhere, not just in church.

And he goes on with standard Garycrap we've all heard over and over. He says Enoch walked with Jesus (no, he walked with God), and compares his sudden trip to Heaven with the death of Mrs. McFadden. He does his bit about Christian meaning "christ-like," and living a certain way because the non-saved are watching them all the time.

He says "Ah don' wanna be a hindrance to people gittin' lost, an' goin' to Hell."

Oops, Gary. Jacob turns back to look at someone behind him (Becky, I would guess), and is grinning when he turns toward the front again.

The devil is trying to figure out how to get them to "quit servin' God, and quit passin' out tracts."

CC:
 

Spoiler

He keeps re-reading bits of verse one (and the captions mistake "council" for "castle" every time). When he re-misreads: "standin' in the way of sinners, nor sitting in the seat of the scornful," it says:

Spoiler

He tells them about his Facebook post warning against trying to get people out of their ditch.

CC:

Spoiler

He refers to Paul's "all things to all men" idea, and does his usual bit about that. "Paul went down to the bars and popped him open a canna beer, or a canna liquor or wahn or whatever - no, that's not what that's talkin' about."

The CC goes awry with one of Gary's "Amen!" yells.

Spoiler

I guess we can know him by his fruit.

Gary has never been outside of America, except to go to Canada.

Um, Gary . . .

He does his "burden for America" bit, talks about how he's glad he wasn't born in some country where they won't let Christians worship, how you can find every nationality right there in Chicago.

He says he doesn't want to go back to religion. "You say wha? That'll send ya to Hell."

CC:

Spoiler

That's about half, and this is getting long, so I shall continue in another post.

 

Edited July 4, 2022 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Gary thanks God that he has a bible "that has not one error."

CC:

Spoiler

He believes the bible, even though he doesn't understand it all. He re-reads verse 2: But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

CC:

Spoiler

Gary brings up prayer in school, and says, "An' mah understandin' ah think if I ah understood it right, they passed it to where that can happen."

Now, remember, Gary has been complaining about no prayer in school forever. I bet you all know what he's about to say, though, because nothing is ever good news unless it lines up exactly with life as Gary wants it.

"But here's the only issue ah have with that. If you have a Catholic teacher that's uh uh teachin' yer chil'ren an' she's gonna pray, you do know who she's gonna pray too, raht? It ain't the Godda the universe, it's the pope. An' it's Mary. Ah don' wan' mah child bein' pr - taught  that Mary was - uh - now she wa - he was Jesus - his uh mother ah unnerstand that but as ah said last naht she had t'git born agin. An' Peter was not the first pope an' listen hey if this pope that's in the place wherever he's at, an' he believes what the Catholic belief is, he's gon' burn in Hell one day."

"Ah was just innerduced more depth this year to Mawmonism. Ah do not want a Mormon teacher prayin' with mah child. You say wha? Well, 'cause they gonna be prayin' t'Joseph, ah guess. 'Cause that Joseph is who they follered ah mean when he was on earth, now ah mah unnerstandin' they're in Salt Lake City they've got somebody else whoever he is an' they're th'leader listen hey ammanna tellya raht now ah am out of a local assembly a Baptist church in North Ca'olahna 'at's where ah preach most ah'll go wherever the gospel needs' t'be preached amen, but ah'm not follerin' the Baptist pope. Ah'm follerin' Jesus Chrise."

Back to insulting other Baptists - needing to get out of church by noon to beat the Methodists to the restaurants, needing a short evening service so they don't miss I Love Lucy - the usual.

He tells them he "put somethin' on Facebook - ah wish ah could get it in fronta me an' read it 'cause it's real good." Modest Gary is referring to the sin, sin, sin meme. He says that any preacher that won't get up and condemn sin is "probably in it."

Gary tries to talk about Job, and the captions have some trouble with his pronunciation of "eschewed" as "exchewed:"

Spoiler

Gary spends some time complaining about how much time people spend on their cellphones, not seeing the irony in his adding something he posted on Facebook about it.

He re-reads verse 3, and asks "How planted are you?" When he and Becky were hiking somewhere, he saw a tree that was planted on a rock, and Christians should be like that. He can't be planted in one place, but he is planted in Jesus.

He rattles on about various biblical figures that were faithful, almost saying Shadrach, Meshach and a Billy Goat, but catching himself at the last split second, confusing the poor genie of the captions:

Spoiler

While doing his usual riff about not missing one service during the "pandamic," Gary tells us that he had Covid, and treated it as you would expect.

"Jesus is more importan' than - hey, you say, 'Did you have this vahris?' Ah did. But ah didn't go to th'doctor for it, ah went to th', ah went to th'hardware store an' got the horse madison an' took it AMEN! Ah'm still alahve, ah ain't kickin' lahk a horse an' ah ain't even soundin' lahk one amen."

Well, not the front end, anyway.

He babbles some claims about "Mr. Bahden" telling us that a second pandemic is coming in a few months, and how sad he is that some people are gong to "bow down" to it. Then he runs through his idea that the pandemic was a test from God, to "see what His people would do."

He claims that they made it through the pandemic so well because "mah wahf just 'bout kills me with vitamins."

"Ah didn't run to the doctor - ah didn't even get tested. They ain't stickin' nothin' up mah stinkin' nose, amen? That's for me an' mah finger, amen!" He waits for a laugh, and gets a half-hearted "heh" from someone. "You say well - because - you know wha ah didn't git tested? Ah didn't wanna be a number."

He tells a story about a preacher he knows who tested positive on a Monday, then negative on Wednesday, I guess to try to make some sort of point about how the Covid numbers were some sort of government plot.

So, maybe Gary had Covid. Maybe not. Maybe God protected him because he was faithful, maybe it was Becky force-feeding him vitamins. Maybe the Ivermectin cured it, maybe not.

Clear as mud, Gary.

He re-reads verse 6, and does some of his usual crap about people (even "people of God") getting offended by every little thing, like his "Build the Wall and the Crime Will Fall" bumper sticker.

CC:

Spoiler

Gary gets onto the topic of "letting life live," and how some churches are even preaching for women's rights. He tells an old story, about a pastor's son who asked him why God hates women, and how Gary set him straight. He shrieks "God loves women!" followed by something I could not understand no matter how many times I listened to it. CC says it's:

 

Spoiler

It's at the 35 minute mark, if anyone else wants to give it a try.

Then, "Mah wahf was wonderin' about all that, amen."

I'm wondering too, Gary.

Gary says women and men have rights - the right to obey the bible.

The dog whines.

He says the devil is trying to destroy the family, and working on marriages. "Mah oldest boy just got married there an' he - he calls us, what? 'Bout every other day or somethin' lahk that ah said 'Mah goodness, don'tchu ever wanna be alone?'"

He goes on to tell them how glad he and Becky were to get some time alone with one another, to "reconnect," recently.

While he's yammering at them about going out godbothering, the video cuts off.

 

[Joyster]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

It's at the 35 minute mark, if anyone else wants to give it a try.

Hmm, that's a challenge!  I listened multiple times and have several possibilities.  It starts off with the God loves women, and then maybe Gary says:

• Choice one: He made some, so I could have some.  I’d like my amen.  Gary does need to have people convulsing with amens.
• Choice two: He made some, so I could have some.  I'd like my head.   Gary has been talking about his head being chopped off.
• Choice three: He made some, so I could have some like me, amen?  I think it's this one.  Of course God would make women to like Gary.  It's all about Gary.

There is A LOT going on visually in that church/Dunder Mifflin set reject , and it makes me feel claustrophobic just looking at the screenshots.  Thank you for summarizing, @thoughtful.  Just the 10 seconds I watched was a lot to take in, and you had to listen to Gary's hate.

I teach in Illinois, and it is a requirement to have a moment of “silent prayer or for silent reflection on the anticipated activities of the day.”  I was very against this when we first started do it, but I've come to love that 10 seconds (seriously, Illinois didn't put a time frame on it and that's about what the school does.)  My school district will not allow teachers to say anything about prayer.  The principal just says,on the announcements, "Now, we will take a moment of silence."  It's 10 blissful seconds of quiet where I can gather my thoughts and surprisingly, the students are usually silent.  I have had students bow their heads, and I know of two teachers who bow their heads, but nobody tells anyone how to pray.  Gary is so aggravating.  How would he know what goes on in schools?  And of course he doesn't like prayer in schools unless it's the "right" kind.

Edited July 5, 2022 by Joyster
riffle

[thoughtful]

@Joyster, I think your third one is correct - maybe it was supposed to be a Garyjoke about how lucky women are that he is in the world.

The second video from yesterday was, I think, from an afternoon or evening service. When it starts, they are singing the last verses of America. After lots of meaningless sentence fragments, Gary reads 2nd Timothy, chapter 2, starting in verse 15. Prepare to lose an irony meter.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+2%3A15-20&version=KJV

KJV: But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness, And their word will eat as doth a canker: of whom is Hymenaeus and Philetus;
Bro Gary Version: But shun pro - fane - but shun profane an' vain babblin' for they will increase into - unto more ungodliness, And their words will eat as a - a canker of whom is Hear-me-us and Philip-pee-us;
CC:

Spoiler

KJV:  let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.
BGV:  let every one that nameth the name of Christ dispart from iniquity.

KJV: But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.
BGV: But in great honor there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth and of some to honour and of some to dishonour.

Gary says they sang about America, and "ah haven't really preached too much on it," then repeats the same long spiel about being thankful he was born where he was born that he reeled off only a few hours earlier.

Gary re-misreads some of the first verse: "Study to show thyself approved, a workman that needeth not be ashamed."

I think the captions were sick of his jingoistic shit:

Spoiler

Listeners to Gary, unite - you have nothing to lose but your mind!

"Here's the tahtle of mah message - Are You a YoYo? Are You a YoYo?" He launches into a series of half-sentences and other babbling.

"The Mawmins use the King James Bahble, an' they say most of it's lahs."

Someone says "Wow."

Gary says that, if he had to say that any part of the King James Bible (he reminds them why he never says "Version") was lies, he'd have to say it was all lies.

"Here's what's happened over th'years. Listen to me, ah'm not gonna be very long ah know y'all - ah  ah need a nap 'bout as bad as th'rest of ya do amen."

CC:

Spoiler

He finally gets to his point: "But we're livin' in tahms to where we got a buncha yo-yos an' here's wha. Ah made this statement ohn Facebook some tahm ago,  whenever you open up the worda God t'read it, here's whatchu need to do; you need to pray that God will give you an open heart, an open mahnd, an' open thinking."

Of course he mentions someone disagreeing with him, and of course Gary told him "you have the right to be wrong."

"If you don't think of whatchu're reading, an' your hearts not open-mahnded, an' you're mahnds not thinking about whatchu're reading, you're not gonna git it."

You've heard it, folks - make sure your heart has an open mind and your mind is thinking, just like Gary does.

He does a riff condemning TV and Internet preachers, who are of the devil. With much "not gonna say his name" crap he tells them that there's a man who started a "new IPF," who's going to fry in Hell. I'm assuming he means Steven Anderson, and "new IFB," not IPF.

He repeats his story about the morning's Facebook argument on whether or not going to church is a commandment. He claims he also told that man he had the right to be wrong. Nope, Gary, you didn't.

He's snippy about other Baptists for  a while, quoting Titus 2 and saying he's met some elderly women and men he'd never let teach his children, because they've never rightly divided the word of God. Lots of standard Garyshit follows.

The captions misunderstand Gary's attempt to say "Galatians," but gets it on the second try.

Spoiler

 

Gary has his usual issues with whether sowing or reaping comes first. CC seems to be picturing something involving bedtime stories - Goodnight, Flesh, perhaps?

Spoiler

 

He does his anti-education, hating know-it-alls spiel, more about the Mormons and how they don't know anything, and how Catholics are wrong, but "we got a buncha Baptists that have fallen down the Catholic - uhuhuh the Catholic trail, we got 'em goin' down the Mawmin trail, we got them goin' down the Jehovah's Witness trail."

Song cue alert!

Spoiler

 

He tells the story of his sister-in-law's JW co-worker, complains when they don't "amen" enough, and says "Ah'm jus' sayin' we better rahtly git it raht." He goes off on a tangent (he admits it, and and tells them they'll have to find a video of him preaching his original message later) about churches that take the word "Baptist" out of their name. But he returns to talking about yo-yos, and does his next reading.

Psalms 51:10: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Gary blabs about hearts for a while, and talks about preachers he knows (and pastors he preaches for) who he doesn't want to hear, because they don't preach "what thus sayeth the worda God" and are "hardly right with God" and never want to change. But it's OK for him to preach to their churches, because he "ain't worried about them indoctrinnin' me."

Gary lectures them about getting a clean heart "You say 'Wha?' Because it's dirty." And he whines at them about their sins for a while.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+40%3A28-29&version=KJV

He stumbles through it, then "How 'bout this? Whenever you're - you don't wanna be a yo-yo, ah'll tellya what, how are you studyin' yer bahble, how do ya study it?"

Gary stumbles through trying to say something like "You know what the pro - what people's problems is? They take one verse an' run with it."

CC:

Spoiler

Rock people?

I have no idea how that remotely connects to the verses he read.

People give Gary books, but he's too busy to read them, due to reading his bible, preaching, praying, writing and driving. He doesn't know whether to lie or tell the truth when they ask what he thought of them. He goes on about how it's OK to "read behind," but his Daddy told him not to "read behind" any one author, because you'll be just like him.

That's an expression I've never heard - don't know if it's a Southerism (nothing came up in various google searches) or a Hawkinsism, but he seems to be using it to mean "read and follow their advice." And he uses it over and over.

"Listen, you wanta read behind Oliver B. Greene, Oliver B. Greene's got some good books." CC:

Spoiler

 

But Gary doesn't just read behind Oliver B. Green, he reads behind different ones.

I thought you said you never read any books other than your Bible, Gary.

He wanders through various Garytropes for a while - people who read the bible wrong, Oliver B. Greene's tent, which was bigger than Gary's tent, he wants to do it God's way, not Gary's, he can fellowship with brethren who don't interpret everything exactly as he does, but most preachers can't these days.

But it's OK to read the Bible in whatever order you want. He tells us that Becky reads the entire bible straight through (when asked, he says it usually takes her two months), Gary reads from various parts daily.

Gary says he's not really the head of the household, and, if they were honest, all men would say the same. "Ah ain't henpecked, ah just know when to listen amen."

That's about the halfway point, so I will finish this later.

 

Edited July 5, 2022 by thoughtful
riffle

[clese]

I watched him on  YouTube today. Typical Gary being gary. When the camera goes live it's not even  pointing to Gary , you can hear him mumbling about this..when it rights itself Gary seems to be caught unawares and quickly scruffs his poor dog and throws him off the couch.! Then he goes to read something from his Bible but it's upside down, then he can't find the right verse, page or chapter until finally he slings that aside for his own half arsed rendition. Mercifully the camera cuts while he's still blathering.

Honestly Gary!!

[Xan]

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

That's an expression I've never heard - don't know if it's a Southerism (nothing came up in various google searches) or a Hawkinsism, but he seems to be using it to mean "read and follow their advice." And he uses it over and over.

That must be a Garyism.  I've never heard it.  The closest I can figure is that rural Southerners will sometimes say they're "following behind" someone.  If you have a good teacher or minister you might say you're following behind their teachings.  Reading behind is a new one.

His message on yo-yos is pure Gary.  I bet he came up with that "are you a yo-yo" and thought it was perfect.  Rolling along and preaching to himself in that truck, he felt that he struck a chord.  In reality, it makes no sense.  He doesn't have verses that support it and probably doesn't even understand how yo-yos work.  

I also wonder if he's slamming Mormonism now because Romney is saying bad things about his beloved Trump.

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, clese said:

I watched him on  YouTube today.

Oh, those off-the-cuff Gary videos are where the real craziness happens. I'll have to recap that one when I am done with the 7/3 second service. In the meantime, here's a screenshot, because hat:

Spoiler

2 hours ago, Xan said:

His message on yo-yos is pure Gary.  I bet he came up with that "are you a yo-yo" and thought it was perfect.  Rolling along and preaching to himself in that truck, he felt that he struck a chord.  In reality, it makes no sense.  He doesn't have verses that support it and probably doesn't even understand how yo-yos work. 

The yo-yo sermon is one he's done before (it's hard to forget that title!). And you're right - there is no way to tell how he means "yo-yo." Gary also uses it often, seems to take real pleasure in just saying it, and I've never been quite sure if he's referring to the movement of a yo-yo or just using the term to mean crazy or inconsistent.

2 hours ago, Xan said:

I also wonder if he's slamming Mormonism now because Romney is saying bad things about his beloved Trump.

From what he's been saying ( @Joyster posted about it when it first came up, and Gary just said it in the two messages I listened to), it comes from an actual encounter with some Mormons. He says he talked to them for 2 and a half hours.

I want to know how he met them. Were they competing for proselytizing space somewhere outdoors? Did Gary knock on a door and find Mormons? Did Mormon missionaries knock on a door wherever Gary was staying?

[Antipatriarch]

20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"But here's the only issue ah have with that. If you have a Catholic teacher that's uh uh teachin' yer chil'ren an' she's gonna pray, you do know who she's gonna pray too, raht? It ain't the Godda the universe, it's the pope. An' it's Mary. [...]

"Ah was just innerduced more depth this year to Mawmonism. Ah do not want a Mormon teacher prayin' with mah child.

Will wonders never cease! Gary actually said something I'm glad to hear him saying. I've long felt on this issue that Fundies and Evangelicals should be careful what they wish for.

[thoughtful]

Continuing the 7/3 second service, Gary reads John 1:1; In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

"When you toting the worda God the King James Bahble aroun', you know whatcher toting? Yer totin' God."

CC keeps trying to understand "toting," but:

Spoiler

 

Gary tells them that soon he will be re-reading Chronicles, then says "Ah don' unnerstand all them names."

Gary, names are not something to understand. He does his bit about being glad his momma was not born then, so he wouldn't have a name like "Pee-leg."

He says "a preacher frienda mahn" suggested a place to help him learn all of the difficult bible names - Gary says it's "Scofield," Becky says it's Scorpion.

For once, Gary was right.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scofield_Reference_Bible

Gary tells us that you don't need other books, though, because everything's in the bible. But he's not against reading other books - "his wahf's got one for th'ladies, an' he's got one for th'men. Ah'm gonna tellya - they're good."

Who, you ask? Gary skipped that part.

He make his bad joke about how his wife got him the book for men, and it didn't change her one bit, then resorts to "Some've y'all'll get that after a whahl" and mocks them for not wanting to laugh in church. No, Gary, you just weren't being funny.

Sissy modern preachers who won't preach on sin, and references to John the Baptist and Carl Lacky calling out sin, are next. Gary does it on Facebook. Gary wants to "study behind" Jesus, not any preacher.

So now we have "study behind" as well as "read behind."

He announces 2 Corinthians 13, never says what verse, but it's 5, the "reptobate" verse.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+13%3A5&version=KJV

"Now here's what Brother Clark tol' me last year, standin' in his parking lot, when ah was here. He said when yer going down the Interstate, ah guess it's sorta gittin' around Chicago, people are pulling guns out, just t'be shooty - not a problem, not an issue, they just wanna shoot a gun, an' they don't care who they shoot. Well ah'm gonna say somethin' to ya, ah hope ah'm not gonna be here long enough for that amen. Butchu live here in Chicago, ah'd make sure ah was saved. You say "Wha?" You maht be the next one."

Lots of his usual crap about being sure you're saved follows - the rich man in torment, etc. Gary tells them about tossing an old bottle of water into a fire (Jacob was being paid to burn leaves while they were house-sitting last winter). and how it just melted. He also tells the story of how he burned himself trying to put up sheetrock over his mother's stove. He said Mom had some sort of plant that soothed it. Becky must be too tired to tell him "aloe."

More of his usual Hell crap follows. He messes up trying to talk about people who don't read the bible correctly, saying "they rahtly dividing the bahble the wrong way, actually they wrongly dividin' it amen?"

That plunges him into his weird self-deprecating/racist mode. "Ah'm a hillbilly, ah don't have all them hah-dollar words, y'all don't have all of them amen. Ah been listenin' to them talkin' Thailand they talk lahk hillbillies ah maht be able to unnerstand what they're sayin' over there amen. An' they can start using that tongue an' it would prob'ly start botherin' me 'cause ah wouldn't know what they're sayin' amen."

CC has a bit of trouble with one of the "hillbillies:"

Spoiler

Gary goes back to examining yourself, then gets onto the subject of music. He's enjoyed their music, he says, because, like him, "y'all don't have no tune."

While exhorting them to keep their old-fashioned music, he says there were a few songs they sang that he didn't know, but they were "pretty good songs, ah call 'em Yankee songs, ah'm from down South amen."

He goes off on how K-Love is really K-hate. The captions first think he is talking about his son:

Spoiler

 

After more carping over music, he announces Phillipians chapter one, then corrects himself - Ephesians chapter one.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+1%3A17-222&version=KJV

Errors abound. Here are some:

KJV: And what is the exceeding greatness of his power
BGV: And what is the excellently greatness of his power

KJV: Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.
BGV: Which is his body, an' fulfillin' of his fillin' - in all things.

Gary rambles about clearing his mind before reading the bible or preaching. Now, it would be tempting to make a joke about how Gary's mind is so clear it's empty, but I really think he has the opposite problem - to me, his mind seems more like a house of a compulsive hoarder, who can't help saving every bit of trash that has ever entered it, than a big empty space.

He tells them about the incredibly dangerous shit he did to get to Caleb's wedding - took down his tent after a meeting in Iowa, showered, then drove all night and most of the next day to get to North Carolina.

Becky has to remind him that the "practice," as he calls it, was the wedding rehearsal, and of course he snips about not understanding why people have to practice to get married. "Jest git married." He babbles about how he thought he'd get his truck back but then his wife needed surgery and they "needed t'get some things done."

Anyway, during that time, Gary had trouble concentrating when he read his bible. Or, as he put it "Ah didn't get a whole lot out of it you say 'Wha?' Mah mahnd was gohn."

"Go to first - go to second Timothy, chapter two." He reads verse 7;  Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things.

He burbles a bit about that, then has them go to verse 15. Again. It's the "study to show thyself approved" verse.

He goes wandering into Moses and his stutter, and how good it is that kids in homeschool don't have to stand up and talk. Um, Gary - you've raised your boys with the expectation that they preach to a whole church.

More wandering follows - when telling them how people should talk about what God wants, not everyday topics like dogs or cats, he makes sure to insult cat lovers. He warns against overly idolizing old-time preachers (really!).

The pastor's wife where he preached in Iowa, while Becky wasn't with him, texted her to say "Man, your husband sure was a help an' a blessing this year."

The captions know better:

Spoiler

During the course of a long, strange rant about being ready to convert someone while handing out tracts, he says, "You've got God all over ya, God's gonna send somebody bah an' say 'Hey, brother! Over here in a little corner an' let's git this done! I'm ready!' Do you know how t'do it? You need t'know. The devil knows how t'do the tricks, amen? But we don't need t'let them treat nobody up, hey, we need to let them be tricked, you can use it however you wanna use it, in the part of knowing that Jesus will save them, into Heaven. Amen?"

He reads https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+3%3A16-17&version=KJV

KJV: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.
BGV: That all men may be perfect, through-ly furnished unto all good works.

Senseless babble follows, but he manages to get some of it to include the term yo-yo, including "The only way you'll never be a yo-yo is making sure yer listening to the nun yo-yos."

I think he meant "non," but he sure did say "nun." CC agrees:

Spoiler

After still more meaningless blather, Gary says "You know what ah think ought t'be taught raht now in our younger generation is? Is the Foxe's booka martyrs."

CC:

Spoiler

Gary's torture obsession follows, including his plan to read the book as a family (ew), and "It may come to the tahm that ah'm - ah may have mah head chopped off w'one them Muslims he was talkin' about. Ah almost thought ah was here back in February or March whenever it was when ah was in El Paso ah met one of 'em buddy an' ah wanna tellya raht now he was not playin'. But ah wasn't playin' either ah was just tellin' 'im about Jesus."

As Gary wraps up, he says "This little crowd, ah believe you - ah believe you know what you believe."

CC:

Spoiler

He blabs on, tells a few more stories, then "Ah just want ya to know that yo-yos are - not fun to deal with."

I beg to differ, Gary.

His message may be done, but his final prayer is also on the video. He prays for the pastor, Edward Fort, to have healing for his legs "whether it's bah natural uses, however it works out, Lord."

He prays for two other men (Brother Gary and Brother Derek) to "git out here an' do it when they can, 'cause we're soon gettin' outta here."

Edited July 5, 2022 by thoughtful
riffles

[postscript]

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Are You a YoYo?

Come on, don’t make it so easy. Yes, Gary. You are a yo-yo.

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

People give Gary books, but he's too busy to read them

Personally, I think he finds reading difficult. The one time he showed us he was reading something other than the Bible, it was a tract (though he called it a “book”). 

 

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

pulling guns out, just t'be shooty

I realize he preached this sermon before the July 4th shootings, but the whole thing reads very strangely given what happened yesterday. Gary, I’m sure, doesn’t see a difference between the suburbs and the city, or even between various city neighborhoods. He would see a senseless shooting in a very wealthy, peaceful suburb as Chicago just being “shooty.” (I actually love the word, which autocorrect wanted to turn to “snooty”). I don’t see Gary racing up to Highland Park to dispense comfort, nor would his hellfire and damnation message be welcome in a well-educated, heavily Jewish community. 
 

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I'm assuming he means Steven Anderson, and "new IFB

Enjoy getting to know Steven Anderson in the afterlife, Gary. If I believed in hell, I would agree on where he’s spending eternity. 
 

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

ah call 'em Yankee songs

I’m curious what he considers a Yankee song. Whatever they are, he obviously considers them inferior. Why this church keeps inviting him back is a mystery to me. 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Antipatriarch said:

Will wonders never cease! Gary actually said something I'm glad to hear him saying. I've long felt on this issue that Fundies and Evangelicals should be careful what they wish for.

Well, it's not like he doesn't want prayer in school - he's been mourning its having been taken out for years. He just wants to have all of us subjected to exactly the prayers he approves of.

The whole "how would you feel if  . . ." argument means nothing to these people, because they assume they have the only right answer. He's just pissed off that people with "the wrong doctrine" might get a chance to lead the prayers.

But, of course, he would somehow still find a way to consider the public schools evil, so it's all moot, except as yet another reason for Gary to complain and act superior.

As @clese said, Gary's July 4 video starts without Gary in the frame - just a kitchen doorway. He mumbles something about turning it around. Jacob says something, Gary gives one of his charming "HUH?" exclamations, then we see him.

As Gary speaks, we see a shadow go back and forth in front of him (Jacob?) a few times, and hear clattering sounds from the kitchen. So, as ever, I figure Becky and perhaps Jacob are busy making everyday life possible, while Gary bullshits on Facebook.

He pouts in his silly hat, and mumbles about waiting for people to sign on, "which ah won't know, 'cause ah go through mah Pivo."

Very seriously, he says "As you can see, ah have on mah American flag hat, because ah love America. As an evangelist, ah have a burden for America."

He's glad he was "borned" and "borned agin" in America. He's glad about the things that have happened in the last week or so. He takes a detour to snipe about brethren who, unlike him, keep up with the news, and talk more about it than about God, complete with pissy face:

Spoiler

If you want to know what's going to be in the news, just look in the King James Bible.

Some people think God will now bless America, because "some things have been turned over." But Gary insists that's not true, because "God don't bless sin."

He says that America is doing just what ancient Israel did. This is where he wastes time trying to find John 1:11 (He came unto his own, and his own received him not).

America's turned her back on God. And he gets into prayer in school again - "You want a _________ to pray with your chile?" Repeat, inserting Catholic, Muslim, Mormon.

"Because you go to those public schools, there's every kinda thing in there except fer - a  bahble believer."

"Ya see, ah don't think lahk a lotta people think."

Well, there's an understatement.

"Ah'm in Illinoiss, ah'm in Chicago, the wick - wonna th'wickedest governors there is - is a sodomite - got her a woman for a wahf, or husban', or however they do it - ah dunno how they do it. Now ah don' wanna know how they do it ya say 'Wha?' Ah'm not one of 'em."

The captions know where Gary's mind is:

Spoiler

Gary, the governor of Illinois is J. B. Pritzker - a man (who happens to be married to a woman, not that it matters). The mayor of Chicago is Lori Lightfoot, also married to a woman.

"An' you don' think she's gonna overturn the Roe an' whatever."

"Even though North Ca'olahna is a Republican state we got a stinkin' Democrat that stole his way in this past year."

No, he was duly elected, two years ago.

He pisses on, about governors who won't stop abortion, and so-called people of God who won't follow the bible. This pose looks like he's trying to be Jack Benny, showing us just how ridiculous such thoughts are.

Spoiler

"We're goin' down."

Spoiler

Some people think we'll have world-wide revival "But ah'm not even sure we'll have American-wide revahval."

CC:

Spoiler

This video was done after the shooting in Highland Park. "Somebody put ohn Facebook an' said, because of what - an' ah'm in Chicago, which - we didn't go t'the parade, ah didn't, ah didn't know they was havin' one, but that's OK, ah'm glad ah didn't. Heh - mah mah boy tol' me he said 'yes, but if ah'd known they's havin' one ah'd prob'ly ask t'go.' He said 'Man, ah'm glad ah didn't know.' Six killed, 20-some hurt - shot. But we're gonna - God's gonna look down and just bless America? Mm-mm."

So, as ever, Gary is totally fucked up - he seems to think this was at the Chicago parade, he and his son seem unaware that cities and towns (maybe just in Yankeeland) have July 4th parades, and the only reason it happened was people who don't follow Gary's exact type of Christianity.

"If ya don't lahk hah gas prices, ah'll tell ya what ya can do - git on yer knees insteada git on Facebook."

He rambles about how prayer can end all high prices, how shortages are fake, "you go ahead an' take yer little shot, you go ahead an' wear yer mask,"  pandemic #2 "fixin' t'show up," how sad it is that some people will fall for it, close churches, and run for more shots.

"Ah ain't. Ah ain't fer sale. Ah may dahhh! But it ain't gonna be becausa the shot an' it ain't gonna be becausa th'mask, an' it ain't gonna be becausa the mandates, it's gonna be because that ah disobeyed the lawwws of the land that are aginst th'bahble."

Gary, nobody came to persecute you or kill you through the pandemic so far - nobody will come for you in the future. Give it up. You know you'd run like a cockroach when the lights come on if anyone did.

He's being supercilious and snippy about how he obeys the bible and others don't and being "disfriended" on Facebook, when the video suddenly cuts off.

 

Edited July 5, 2022 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Becky posted:

Among the comments:

Spoiler

What an awful tradition, to be expected to believe that.

[thoughtful]

 

I forgot to include this in my recap of yesterday's video. Here are screenshots from the moment @clese mentioned, of Gary grabbing poor Rascal, who was lying there peacefully looking out the window. He keeps his eye on the camera - maybe he thinks viewers can't see what he's doing.

Spoiler

 

Rascal disappears from view after that, but we hear a jingle and scratch of toenails on the floor, and it's clear from Gary's movements that he's flung the dog to the floor.

What a piece of shit that man is.

Edited July 5, 2022 by thoughtful
removing extra word

[Xan]

I went over and watched a bit of Gary too.  So far, he's had two viewers, you and I, @thoughtful.  I amuses me that he probably thinks someone was really listening to him for inspiration instead of snark material.

Yeah, he threw Rascal down off the couch.  No matter where I skipped in the video, he was always wearing that pissy face and complaining about things.  I guess the collection plate at Our Lady of Dunder Mifflin didn't get filled up as much as he hoped.  He was rambling, disjointed, and generally ignorant.

I don't usually advocate violence but Gary really needs an ass kicking.

[Antipatriarch]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

"We're goin' down."

Where would people like Gary be, if they couldn't moan that everything is getting worse, America's getting less Christian and more sinful, and the faithful few are so persecuted?!

We could have a theocracy with all laws, executive orders, and court rulings going his way, and he'd still find a way to trot out his jeremiad.

[thoughtful]

19 minutes ago, Xan said:

I guess the collection plate at Our Lady of Dunder Mifflin didn't get filled up as much as he hoped. 

I'm with @Antipatriarch - Gary could take in a fortune, be healthy, own a fleet of trucks, and see all of his relatives - in fact, all of the world - worshiping just as he would like and following his rules.

And he'd still need to moan and complain and lecture, then claim that he was actually being positive and helpful.

 

[Hane]

Hey, Gary—in 50+ years of devout Catholicism, I was never once told to pray to the Pope.