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Carlin & Evan 11: Scary Health Situation


samurai_sarah

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3 minutes ago, Keys said:

Also speaks volumes, I think, that Evan’s whole family made a trip into town to help them move, and you don’t see KJ/Gil anywhere…

Was just looking at the stories and not only are KJ/Gil not there, I don't see one sister, brother, no one! When any of my family moves, it's sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, it make the loading/unloading go so very fast. Everything gets put in the right room, which is half the battle, with bedframes put together so the mattresses can be off the floor. 

I get not everyone may be able to go, but, dang, not 1?

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Kelly and Gil will show up for the house warming party. Evan’s family did a lot of work today. I’m glad they have them.

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If they were still filming for the show I'm sure both Gil and Kelly and some of the siblings would have been there to help with the move. 😑

Edited by 0 kids n not countin
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Carlin crying with gratitude for the Stewarts' help in Nashville really made me sad today. To me she looked genuinely shocked that his family offered her emotional support.

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4 hours ago, Smoochie said:

Was just looking at the stories and not only are KJ/Gil not there, I don't see one sister, brother, no one! When any of my family moves, it's sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, it make the loading/unloading go so very fast. Everything gets put in the right room, which is half the battle, with bedframes put together so the mattresses can be off the floor. 

I get not everyone may be able to go, but, dang, not 1?

Exactly! I mean they all live in the same area, and not one of them was available to go over and help? 

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I’m glad Carlin has Evan’s family. Let’s hope she sees that benefits of having a family almost a quarter the size of her family of origin. 

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I’m always trying to find logical reasons why things don’t happen the way we think they should happen. For Carlin and Evan’s move, if all of the Bates family had also shown up to help, it would have been too many people and just massive chaos. There would have been too many people just standing around socializing and in the way. And it does seem like the Bates family has been helping somewhat with the pre-move in work at the new house. I don’t think I heard who put in the new flooring, but I’m guessing Evan and some Bates boys. However, it does seem like some of Carlin’s family could have come to help. Her three local young men brothers would have made better movers than Evan’s poor dad. A couple of teen sisters could have come exclusively to watch Layla and her cousins and Zade leaving to rest of the adults able to focus on the move. But maybe it would have been taken the wrong way if they asked for the help of five of her siblings, but didn’t want Gil and Kelly and two extra wild kids there.

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Kelly and Gil revealed their location for Carlin and Evan's move in date. They were with Nate and Esther for their gender reveal (which hasn’t been revealed yet.)

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Gil and Kelly have always chosen fun for themselves over caring for their children. Of course they would go to a gender reveal instead of having to do actual work helping a sick child.
 

I said it in one of these threads and I still believe it. The Bates will start drifting apart now that they are no longer being paid to be together. They do not seem like a particularly close family and I suspect that the family would have gone in different directions before now if there hadn’t been money and fame involved. 

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13 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Gil and Kelly have always chosen fun for themselves over caring for their children. Of course they would go to a gender reveal instead of having to do actual work helping a sick child.
 

I said it in one of these threads and I still believe it. The Bates will start drifting apart now that they are no longer being paid to be together. They do not seem like a particularly close family and I suspect that the family would have gone in different directions before now if there hadn’t been money and fame involved. 

It’s so easy to claim your enormous family is close when they are all young, homeschooled, cut off from the community, and forced to work together to get anything done in the home. Gil and Kelly had total control of them when they were young. Now most are adults and married. They can’t control much anymore. They will drift apart like all other families. They may think they raised their kids to be close but the didn’t. They forced it. And now that they can’t force it anymore, they will be like those heathen mainstream families. 

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I found Kelly and Gil's absence to be very telling. They even made a big deal out of Gil's abilities to fit things in the truck/packing when Tori and Bobby moved on the show. While it might not have been possible to be there due to the gender reveal, Kelly could have been there and made sure she was photographed doing more than sitting to help set up the kitchen, hang curtains, etc. My parents have been indispensable on my last few moves. They have met the movers while I was at the new place or vice versa. They have made runs to the store to get items last minute. They have hung pictures, picked up food orders, and waited on renovation or installation people. It baffles me that they just seem to absent. I agree with people above who noted if there was still a show, you'd see Gil and Kelly showing up a lot more. 

Gil and Kelly seem quite savvy about their reputation and family brand. At the very least, they seem to have learned some lessons from the mistakes of the Duggars. However, this whole lack of reaction from them seems concerning. Carlin seems to thrive on her parents attention and approval. Taking that aside and saying that maybe she would rather not have them with her while sick, Kelly would typically be making posts about how she was dropping off food so they didn't have to worry about cooking. She's be posting about babysitting Layla and (if needed) Zade. Yes, most families wouldn't make that big of a deal of helping when posting on social media. However, these are the Bates. They have torn down any semblance of privacy and post about everything, including the most mundane things. 

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16 hours ago, formergothardite said:

 

I said it in one of these threads and I still believe it. The Bates will start drifting apart now that they are no longer being paid to be together. They do not seem like a particularly close family and I suspect that the family would have gone in different directions before now if there hadn’t been money and fame involved. 

I have said it before, but it seems impossible for 19 people of various ages to all be equally close. My elementary school class was smaller, 14 of us and we were (mostly) all together for the 10 years of elementary school and there were still little groups who were closer than other. And almost everyone I grew up with is still close to 1 or 2 people from that class, 25 years after graduation, but certainly not everyone. 

My mom is one of 8, big age gaps, and the siblings were not all close. And which siblings were close often changed, my mother and her oldest sister fought like crazy in their childhood and were not remotely close but became very close on adulthood, while my mom became more distant from the sister closest in age to her, who had been her best friend growing up. 

I feel like the Bates/Duggar families are the same way. There are too many children, too many different experiences for them all to be close and who is close will likely ebb and flow based on life circumstances. 

In this season of life, Carlin seems closest to Zach/Whitney and Katie and they were around to help with the packing and preparing for the move. 

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15 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

I have said it before, but it seems impossible for 19 people of various ages to all be equally close.

Does anyone think that all 19 are equally close with each other? That goes without saying!

I've read books by people raised in large families. There are usually groups of same-age siblings who know each other pretty well. But usually #13 hardly. knows #2. In fact, the oldest ones are often out of the house or busy with their own families, just as the little ones are starting school. They hardly know each other, both as children and adults.

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I’m going to hold out hope that Carlin and Evan are the ones setting limits on the Bates clan being there. With the show over, it could be a natural break, but that’s pretty marked to have no one local come help. Katie flew in by invitation and one of the brothers helped caulk the bathtub a week or so ago. But yikes! Even the laziest fundie would probably think it was a ministry opportunity to help their mysteriously sick sister move. 
 

Though besides the show, it could be that the expectation is for the kids to rally around the main house. If that’s the no Gil and Kelly may maintain a “leave and cleave” mindset and instead expect all grown kids to come to them.

Maybe the Stewarts just want distance from the Bates chaos or perhaps the Bates and in laws don’t get along and they have to stagger visits. I think with the show gone, the married kids are discovering alternative ways of family (and perhaps more emotional support) and beginning to distance. 

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My husband grew up in a large family (10 siblings).  Not one of them is really close.  The older ones did sort of raise their younger siblings, but there were no close relationships developed because of that. Instead there is a lot of hurt and resentment, so much so there hasn’t been a family get together in years.  They also were extremely religious, although very of the siblings want anything to do with religion now.  

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Watching the relationships between the siblings grow/evolve and change since BUB has started has been fascinating. You could see on the show interviews how they paired them off and how they ended up. They always had Carlin and Tori together but it doesn’t seem to be that way now. Or even the siblings talking about who they were closest to growing up. Hearing Zach talk about how Michael was his buddy growing up was sweet but it doesn’t look to have carried over. Which is fine but still interesting.

With the Bates not helping I find it interesting that no one has seemed to comment about their new home? No story sharing saying congrats on moving ect . Something else is there are plenty of ways to help outside of physically moving. They could have sent flowers, gift cards for food, door dash ect. And nothing or Atleast nothing mentioned

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Look at the men as well, how many construction companies are in the family now? Nearly all of them live in the same-ish area and none of them can work together? Maybe I'm ignorant to how the construction biz works, but aren't they all now in competition with each other for work?

 

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On 6/18/2022 at 8:04 PM, SassyPants said:

This seems odd to me. Wasn’t she having many episodes a day? How frustrating if she has something organically wrong yet they could not capture an occurrence to make a firm diagnosis. Is she back on medications? I think many of those anti-seizure meds have a longer half life, and I’m wondering if she still had a therapeutic level that controlled her seizures during the screening.

She was still having seizures on the meds just not as bad. I agree that it may have taken time to build up in her system (thus why she still had some seizures) and then had just reached a good place when they took her off them for the test which is why she didn't have seizures during the testing period. Yeah- that would frustrate me to death!

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5 minutes ago, nolongerIFBx said:

She was still having seizures on the meds just not as bad. I agree that it may have taken time to build up in her system (thus why she still had some seizures) and then had just reached a good place when they took her off them for the test which is why she didn't have seizures during the testing period. Yeah- that would frustrate me to death!

Humans and canines are different but ....

We had a miniature schnauzer that had severe seizures starting at the age of 2.5 years. My vet initially put him on Phenobarbital which worked very well for a year or two. Then he had breakthrough seizures so we had to up the dose of Phenobarbital. That worked for a year or two but the Phenobarbital started to damage his liver. We switched him to another anti-seizure drug called Zonisamide. However, my vet was so concerned about another round of break-through seizures that we had a several week process of tapering off the Phenobarbital while waiting for the Zonisamide to ramp up. The switchover was successful, and Rion stayed seizure-free on Zonisamide until he died at the age of thirteen. 

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10 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

Does anyone think that all 19 are equally close with each other? That goes without saying!

I've read books by people raised in large families. There are usually groups of same-age siblings who know each other pretty well. But usually #13 hardly. knows #2. In fact, the oldest ones are often out of the house or busy with their own families, just as the little ones are starting school. They hardly know each other, both as children and adults.

I know I've used this example before on here, but I went to school and was friendly with a girl who like the Bates and Duggars was one of 19 kids.  She was #17 in the birth order.  I also went to school with #18, a younger brother, and also knew #19, a younger sister. Come to find out, my dad knew the same family as a kid and went to school with/knew #1, #2 and #3 in the birth order.   Think of your dad as a kid hanging out with Zach, Michael and Erin, and kid-aged you hanging out with Callie, Judson and Jeb.  For perspective, my dad and I are 24 years apart so it's definitely plausible.  But so strange.  And my #17 friend admitted she hardly knew her older siblings as they were pretty much out of the house and/or married with their own families while she was growing up.  

Edited by HeartsAFundie
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My paternal grandmother was number three of 14 surviving children, with two additional children who died under two years of age.  Fourteen of the 16 children were born before my grandmother married and left home at the age of 16...; my poor great-grandmother (died before I was born) was pregnant or raising kids and toddlers for 24 years!  She lived to be 66 years old.  I wondered why my grandmother would drop out of high school at 16 to get married. Now I understand that she had to have been a sister-mom to a lot of these kids.  My grandmother had a "honeymoon" baby who died when she was one month old.  She didn't have another child for five years, then had four children in the next nine years. She was 33 when the last child was born. I wonder what was going on during those five years she managed to not get pregnant and what she did for 20 years until her hysterectomy to not have more kids.  She lived a long, hard life and died at 91 years of age.

I don't think God intends for us to make life hard on ourselves.  He gave us a brain to use to make wise decisions. I have one child and was married 11 years before I had her.  I know that I could not afford more children (physically, mentally, financially).

Edited by whitney37354
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5 minutes ago, whitney37354 said:

I don't think God intends for us to make life hard on ourselves.  He gave us a brain to use to make wise decisions.

So much this.

My poor Catholic great-grandmother killed herself at the age of 42 after giving birth to 16 children (9 survived). She did suffer from severe depression, but I think her life would have been pretty much unbearable in any case.

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A friend of mine’s grandfather was one of 19. His description was that the family kind of naturally broke off into family units within the family. So he never felt attached to his parents but the siblings in his sibling group. With the buddy system this would have just been enforced too down too. 
 

I remember reading a study ages ago that found 7 kids to be the tipping point for  when children within the family system’s  familial happiness score began to decline. So maybe there are certain “wins” (that the fundies are always spotlighting) for kids in a large family - like always someone to play with or ability to share the load - but they decline pretty quickly. 

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17 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

I remember reading a study ages ago that found 7 kids to be the tipping point for  when children within the family system’s  familial happiness score began to decline. So maybe there are certain “wins” (that the fundies are always spotlighting) for kids in a large family - like always someone to play with or ability to share the load - but they decline pretty quickly. 

I'm one of six, and I don't feel like it was an unhealthy family size at all.  There were some pretty unhealthy dynamics, but they weren't driven by the size of the family.  It definitely sounds like a lot to most people, but I think it really was about the sweet spot where you always have a playmate and there are plenty of hands to divide chores, but not so much that anyone gets lost.  

I have heard from people that they are out there, but I don't personally know any families with ten or more kids that are actually healthy.  

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I was a housemate to a person who came from a family with 25 kids. Most were adopted. It was an extremely unhealthy family. That person ended up in prison. Which was no surprise. 

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