Erin & Chad 9: The Paine of it All

[formergothardite]

 

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

I have no doubt that Lawson paid for his own hobbies. He may be lazy now, but he definitely worked very hard as a teen. Lawson had the lawn business, in addition of the free work he did for Gil. No way Gil and Kelly spent a dollar on their children hobbies... They were parents who barely feed the kids and had no health insurance for them.

 

You are right. I dug into the way back machine and at 14/15 he built the cabin, bought horses to use as props and purchased prop guns to use for his videos. The horses probably looked starved because he couldn’t afford their upkeep and his parents wouldn’t help out. He would direct his brothers in acting in the Christian western movies he made.

 I also found a post about how Alyssa loved hunting so much she requested to go camping and hunting for her birthday and that she was just as good of a shot as her brothers. Alyssa was interested in photography too. She got to take pictures of Lawson. 

 

Spoiler

 

[CanadianMamam]

1 hour ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

In terms of their terrible parenting, it might matter. But you are arguing that Gil and Kelly didn't likely actually favor Erin that much. I agree she still probably did a ton of work, but there was enough favoring (while ignoring the rest) to create lifelong resentment issues in her sisters. Even a little extra attention can seem huge when there isn't enough to go around.

Exactly. We do know Erin wasn't in charge of potty-training or sharing a bed with the little babies like Michal. She wasn't the one cooking for the whole family like Alyssa. She didn't seemed to have been assigned one of the younger babies like Michal (Callie), Tori (Judson), Alyssa (Jeb). So while she likely had lots of chores, she seems to have had it easier than the other older girls. 

I have always been bought the fact that she had it easier was why Erin was so gung-ho about fundie life because she didn't have as many negative memories. 

[Jackie3]

47 minutes ago, CanadianMamam said:

Exactly. We do know Erin wasn't in charge of potty-training or sharing a bed with the little babies like Michal. She wasn't the one cooking for the whole family like Alyssa. She didn't seemed to have been assigned one of the younger babies like Michal (Callie), Tori (Judson), Alyssa (Jeb). So while she likely had lots of chores, she seems to have had it easier than the other older girls. 

 

Erin may have been favored, we don't know. A sixty-second video clip won't give you the answer. 

There was another episode where Gil reads this beautiful letter he wrote to Carlin on a birthday. It is so loving. You could easily conclude that Carlin was favored, based on that letter!

In another episode, Gil speak admiring of young Jackson (who was a precocious and funny little kid). I didn't interpret that as favoritism. If you view things subjectively, you could find a "favorite" in many Bates kids. 

 

[rebeccawriter01]

5 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

Exactly. We do know Erin wasn't in charge of potty-training or sharing a bed with the little babies like Michal. She wasn't the one cooking for the whole family like Alyssa. She didn't seemed to have been assigned one of the younger babies like Michal (Callie), Tori (Judson), Alyssa (Jeb). So while she likely had lots of chores, she seems to have had it easier than the other older girls. 

I have always been bought the fact that she had it easier was why Erin was so gung-ho about fundie life because she didn't have as many negative memories. 

Agreed. And while I realize it is just television and producer manipulated, it was interesting that in the original TLC show and on the Primetime shows that they would have a scene where Kelly drew their weekly/monthly chore out of a hat and let them sign up for what they were going to do (clean a bathroom, clean out a vehicle, mop the floors, etc.). Erin was never shown signing up for a task.  When asked about it by one of the producers(?) she said she was in charge of teaching piano to the younger children. That's great, but seems to be a little less taxing than some of the other jobs.  

Edited June 20, 2022 by rebeccawriter01

[ven]

Tori and bobby are next door neighbourse to whitney and zach . I guess that makes them having a great connection.

Edit: before they moved recently

Edited June 20, 2022 by ven
Before the move

[CanadianMamam]

6 minutes ago, ven said:

Tori and bobby are next door neighbourse to whitney and zach . I guess that makes them having a great connection 

Zach and Whitney moved recently. And were living with Gil and Kelly for a few months before that. 

Edited June 20, 2022 by CanadianMamam

[JermajestyDuggar]

Zach and Whit’s new house seems like it might be in the middle of nowhere. Maybe it just seems that way from the pics. 

[GracieLou Free Duggar]

3 hours ago, rebeccawriter01 said:

 Erin was never shown signing up for a task.  When asked about it by one of the producers(?) she said she was in charge of teaching piano to the younger children. That's great, but seems to be a little less taxing than some of the other jobs.  

YES! And there was something later, too, about how she didn't learn to cook before she was married but then did. And she didn't have a chance because of all the piano time... 

[Mrs Ms]

She put out CDs while she was still living at home too. I want to say at least 2. Which means either someone else in the family paid for her studio time, backing musicians and all work needed to produce a CD. Or she had a light enough chore load that she could earn enough money to cut a CD.

[Jackie3]

7 hours ago, GracieLou Free Duggar said:

YES! And there was something later, too, about how she didn't learn to cook before she was married but then did. And she didn't have a chance because of all the piano time... 

Katie didn't know how to cook either. 

I saw the episode where the Bates kids were discussing chores. Erin says that when Kelly starts listing chores, it's best to choose one of the first ones. She said the chores got progressively hard, so "us kids" learned that it's best to choose an early one. The other kids agreed.

In the next clip, Kelly asks who would like to clean the "stage" and the new kitchen. No one volunteers (apparently this is a big job). Kelly says, "All right, I'm going to volunteer Erin because she's not here." 

I think it's funny when people refer to her as "princess Erin who didn't do any chores." She grew up in a tiny, filthy house with a million screaming babies and toddlers. A princess would flee from such a place. And as one of the oldest kids, there was a period of time where she was one of a limited number of helpers, because most of the kids were little. I doubt that 9-year old Erin had too much free time on her hands back then. 

 

 

 

Edited June 21, 2022 by Jackie3

[neuroticcat]

I think they prioritized the things that fit in with their horrible beliefs. Music ministry was acceptable for a woman. So was the beauty salon track at Crown. I don’t think it necessarily shows favoritism that Erin had piano talent. In the early shows they did spotlight all the older girls: Michaels and sewing and her love of kids, Alyssa and her organization and running the house/meals, and Erin got her share of public shaming (haha horrible cook! - those scenes were awful) 

I imagine there are all kinds of sibling dynamics, plenty of which came from their own interactions.
 

I tend to think Lawson had non fundie approved ambition and the agency his won money can buy. By the time he was pursuing worldly fame the spotlight was on their family, and his career made a good show story. Gil and Kelly could offer public support or reveal their levels of control.

I am not sure other siblings would be jealous of Erin’s piano playing. I mean, if you don’t enjoy music, piano practice can be torturous. I imagine there was a lot of hard work for everyone but the Bates always seemed a little too chaotic for total control as more kids came. In the early episodes I always thought Tori be Carlin’s sass was surprising and a good sign for fundie girls but hearing about I imagine lots of kids escaped to the trampolines and outside when they could. 

[Jackie3]

12 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

I think they prioritized the things that fit in with their horrible beliefs. Music ministry was acceptable for a woman.

I agree. . . possible music ministry? Go for it Erin. Interest in science/nursing? Ummm, Katie, you can learn to do makeup!

Edited June 21, 2022 by Jackie3

[just_ordinary]

On 6/20/2022 at 11:00 AM, CarrotCake said:

But I do think that if one of the kids had a passion for drawing they would not be allowed to skip on chores for that.

Some talent and passion is more important to them than others. Which is also terrible parenting.

Equally as shitty in my opinion: making practice time for the talented child and not the not talented ones that maybe just enjoy it but never have great results.   
 

RE: cooking and stuff. For all the glorifying of being SAHM/W and the Proverb woman, it’s seems to be seen as cute when young wives brag about how they have no idea how to cook (or budget, or do simple clothes mending…). We saw that with a lot of Bates and Duggars. I mean, it might play out that way because you always did other stuff, but it’s certainly not cute (hihi I am so dumb is just never cute) nor is it something to brag about. And you would think with their idea of the perfect woman they would not mention it till they are able to do the basics.

Edited June 25, 2022 by just_ordinary

[Jackie3]

13 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

Equally as shitty in my opinion: making practice time for the talented child and not the not talented ones that maybe just enjoy it but never have great results.

I thought the Bates kids all had piano lessons. And could play other instruments as well. They certainly aren't all talented, but they all clearly had opportunities to practice and learn. So your comment doens't really make any sense.. When did they say the untalented ones couldn't practice? What exactly is "shitty"?

Edited June 25, 2022 by Jackie3

[just_ordinary]

12 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

I thought the Bates kids all had piano lessons. And could play other instruments as well. They certainly aren't all talented, but they all clearly had opportunities to practice and learn. So your comment doens't really make any sense.. When did they say the untalented ones couldn't practice? What exactly is "shitty"?

Never said that the Bates did or said so. It was a general argument. I have seen this a lot- the children start out doing the same hobbies but only the more talented one gets supported to keep going. As if being mediocre at something makes it not worth doing. As if just doing it for fun had no merit.

[Jackie3]

On 6/26/2022 at 1:51 AM, just_ordinary said:

Never said that the Bates did or said so. It was a general argument. I have seen this a lot- the children start out doing the same hobbies but only the more talented one gets supported to keep going. As if being mediocre at something makes it not worth doing. As if just doing it for fun had no merit.

Yes, that is a shame. And sometime "talented" is really just "quick learner." I have seen people plug away at a hobby and eventually get to be "good" at it. I agree, though, the most important thing is having fun with it.

 

[Tatar-tot]

I am shocked the amount of household stuff the girls were expected and did take on.  It is just sad.  They never got to be kids.  Carlin, Alyssa, Michael, and Erin live such different lives then how they lived as kids.  I don’t see any of them having 18 kids.

[Melissa1977]

16 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

I am shocked the amount of household stuff the girls were expected and did take on.  It is just sad.  They never got to be kids.  Carlin, Alyssa, Michael, and Erin live such different lives then how they lived as kids.  I don’t see any of them having 18 kids.

Michael and Erin won't have 18 kids because infertility or health issues. They are clearly quiverful, but "God has other plans".

Alyssa may have more kids in the future but she has been clear about not wanting a mega family since she was single. She had the common sense of using birth control during her heart illness, so I won't be surprised if she stops at 4 or if she has just 1 more.

Carlin and Josie, I think both of them will risk their health with a 3rd pregnancy, but I doubt they have big families.

 

[SorenaJ]

On 6/29/2022 at 5:55 PM, Melissa1977 said:

Alyssa may have more kids in the future but she has been clear about not wanting a mega family since she was single. She had the common sense of using birth control during her heart illness, so I won't be surprised if she stops at 4 or if she has just 1 more.

 

Alyssa is 27. She could even wait 5-10 years before having another, then she would have an easier time, as she wouldn’t have a bunch of little kids around. She would have trained4 sister moms who could take care of themselves, meaning an easier time for her with a baby. 

[HereticHick]

I thought Erin and Chad were moving to Florida this summer. When is this going to happen?

[BeccaGrim]

I think they've said Callie is talented like Erin. Sounds like she is playing the piano quite a bit too. 

[Jackie3]

On 7/7/2022 at 12:23 AM, SorenaJ said:

Alyssa is 27. She could even wait 5-10 years before having another, then she would have an easier time, as she wouldn’t have a bunch of little kids around. She would have trained4 sister moms who could take care of themselves, meaning an easier time for her with a baby. 

Alyssa has spoken about how they'll be "kid-free" in their 40's and will be able to enjoy time together alone. I think having a baby in her late 30's is the last thing she'd want.

I honestly think she is just enduring this little-kid stage, which keeps you trapped at home so much with so little time to yourself. I dont' think she enjoys interrupting her makeup routine to change a poopy diaper. I don't think she enjoys the chaos that four little kids bring to a home.

[Jackie3]

Are the Paines already in FLorida? 

[CanadianMamam]

7 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

Are the Paines already in FLorida? 

No. Alyssa is in Tennessee 

[BeccaGrim]

5 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

No. Alyssa is in Tennessee 

Right. No idea when the Paine's will go.  And Alyssa is visiting TN again.