Webster4Eva 11: They don't know it's not vitally important to teach a 5 year old how to choose a man

[SassyPants]

And you know what, I always mention that many of these people don’t love babies or kids, or it’s all about looking cute for the gram, and nothing more, but I understand this sentiment. Babies and children are a lot of work. I don’t think there’s many people who handle large numbers of children well; happily or healthily. I “get” that AW or Abbie H. (among many fundies) do not like the gaggle of kids that they have. Personally, I’d hate that responsibility and lifestyle too, but what I don’t understand is why they keep having more kids. WHY? WHY NOT END THE MISERY FOR EVERYONE CONCERNED?

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Man, if I had a dozen kids I would use the babywise method, too.  My child is a terrible sleeper at the moment (and has always been a terrible napper) and I sometimes wonder what dose of whiskey used to be used for "teething pain" to get the parents a little peace.  The difference is, I know that's not appropriate so I just try and lean on my husband for support when I'm gonna lose it (and vice versa) and am not aiming to have a gaggle of kids.

[SassyPants]

Finally watched the latest YouTube. Man, how sad about her total focus is on aesthetics. AW says she used to clean 24/7 (remember the Christmas she took down all the decorations on Christmas Day?) She also says that if you knocked on their door, 90% of the time her kids would be fully dressed with bows in their hair, and the house would be perfectly clean. Gosh how stressful and all consuming that would be. It’s not the clean house and perfect kids that’s the problem, it’s what she isn’t doing with the kids that makes her approach questionable. And FYI, Alyssa, people do not envy you for that, they feel sorry for your kids because they have a mother who is only focused on how things looks, which is so shallow and really quite valueless.

[Mrs Ms]

27 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Finally watched the latest YouTube. Man, how sad about her total focus is on aesthetics. AW says she used to clean 24/7 (remember the Christmas she took down all the decorations on Christmas Day?) She also says that if you knocked on their door, 90% of the time her kids would be fully dressed with bows in their hair, and the house would be perfectly clean. Gosh how stressful and all consuming that would be. It’s not the clean house and perfect kids that’s the problem, it’s what she isn’t doing with the kids that makes her approach questionable. And FYI, Alyssa, people do not envy you for that, they feel sorry for your kids because they have a mother who is only focused on how things looks, which is so shallow and really quite valueless.

I’m in two minds about this. 50% chance it is pure looks above all else. 50% it’s her not having dealt with what was apparently very upsetting to her growing up in utter chaos, mess and filth. I would suggest therapy, but it would fall on deaf ears….

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, Mrs Ms said:

I’m in two minds about this. 50% chance it is pure looks above all else. 50% it’s her not having dealt with what was apparently very upsetting to her growing up in utter chaos, mess and filth. I would suggest therapy, but it would fall on deaf ears….

I absolutely agree the root of the dysfunction was growing up in a dirty, fishbowl. However, wouldn’t the fact that as 1/19, AW received very little parental attention, and maybe the mess was the result of too many kids and too little parental time? And if so, wouldn’t AW then reason that maybe she also needs to stop having kids, so her kids don’t live in filth or suffer d/t too little parental time? Yes, 19 kids IS RIDICULOUS, but for most families, so is 6,7 and 10.

Edited March 21, 2022 by SassyPants

[JermajestyDuggar]

19 hours ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

Man, if I had a dozen kids I would use the babywise method, too.  My child is a terrible sleeper at the moment (and has always been a terrible napper) and I sometimes wonder what dose of whiskey used to be used for "teething pain" to get the parents a little peace.  The difference is, I know that's not appropriate so I just try and lean on my husband for support when I'm gonna lose it (and vice versa) and am not aiming to have a gaggle of kids.

Been there, done that, and completely understand what you’re saying. My youngest was the worst sleeper and napper. He cat napped throughout the day for so long. And at night, he had to nurse all the time. So he would only sleep for 90 minutes at a time. When I finally night weaned him, he slept so much better through the night. But I think he was almost 2 by then and I was constantly tired. I wished I had night weaned him so much sooner when I realized that’s what made him wake up so much. 

[Smash!]

Alyssa trained Allie to be her helper. I bet it‘s Allie who dresses her sister. I know it‘s very common in their world but to me this is one of the most disturbing aspects of their lives.

[raayx01]

1 hour ago, Smash! said:

Alyssa trained Allie to be her helper. I bet it‘s Allie who dresses her sister. I know it‘s very common in their world but to me this is one of the most disturbing aspects of their lives.

Alyssa said she does. She said that Allie wakes herself and the girls up, gets them dressed and starts school before Alyssa even wakes up. I can't stand a lot of these girls. They were raised to be a wife and mother only and when the get married they cant even cook and just raise their kids to take care of each other. 

[Johannah]

Maybe in addition to aesthetics, part of the constant cleaning and dressed kids might be some form of OCD tendencies? It makes sense Alyssa might look to control whatever she can in a world in which she has very little control as a young early-married fundamentalist woman. 

[CanadianMamam]

When i say that Alyssa likes babies, I mean that she likes the attention babies get and she likes dressing hthem up. I am not sure she likes children at all, but She seems most interested in the baby. But I think she also uses babywise and Allie so she doesn’t have to do the hard parts. I feel sorry for Alyssa, because I often think she is desperately unhappy, but I also find her so shallow and empty. I do think she Carries a lot of unresolved issues from her childhood. 

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

When i say that Alyssa likes babies, I mean that she likes the attention babies get and she likes dressing hthem up. I am not sure she likes children at all, but She seems most interested in the baby. But I think she also uses babywise and Allie so she doesn’t have to do the hard parts. I feel sorry for Alyssa, because I often think she is desperately unhappy, but I also find her so shallow and empty. I do think she Carries a lot of unresolved issues from her childhood. 

Agree about the Bates’ home being a nightmare for Alyssa. I also agree that she is an empty vessel, and that she doesn’t care(which is worse). She chooses to be dim… She is probably nice enough, and according to her latest YoutTube, she doesn’t swear (wish i could say the same), but she is a dullard. And I feel sorry for children born to a dullard because she will not care about curiosity or intellectualism or encouraging her kids to be creative and interesting people. It’s very sad and seems like such a waste of a life (or many lives). Can you imagine only being interested in hair, makeup ad cleaning the house. And thank God she cleaned that pigsty of a car. I also cleaned mine today. No kids here, but darn those Golden Retrievers shed-

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Agree about the Bates’ home being a nightmare for Alyssa. I also agree that she is an empty vessel, and that she doesn’t care(which is worse). She chooses to be dim… She is probably nice enough, and according to her latest YoutTube, she doesn’t swear (wish i could say the same), but she is a dullard. And I feel sorry for children born to a dullard because she will not care about curiosity or intellectualism or encouraging her kids to be creative and interesting people. It’s very sad and seems like such a waste of a life (or many lives). Can you imagine only being interested in hair, makeup ad cleaning the house. And thank God she cleaned that pigsty of a car. I also cleaned mine today. No kids here, but darn those Golden Retrievers shed-

Wow, Alyssa can't win. On the one hand, she has a pigsty of a car she hasn't cleaned. OTOH, she's an empty vessel who only thinks about cleaning.

I agree, though, that Alyssa is a vain nitwit. I feel sorry for her kids. But I can't blame her for having a messy car. She's got four little kids! I only had two and they could trash my car in an instant. 

So the house and kids are perfect 90% of the time, huh? That doesn't impress me. That means that 90% of the time, the kids aren't fingerpainting, splashing in mud puddles, chasing each other around the house laughing or building forts with sofa cushions.

They aren't doing the things little kids do, things that are creative, fun and make the adults laugh. My kids used to set up their mattress like ramps, put pull-ups on their heads for hats, and slide down their mattress ramps. You can't do things like this when the house has to be perfect.

[SassyPants]

1 minute ago, Jackie3 said:

Wow, Alyssa can't win. On the one hand, she has a pigsty of a car she hasn't cleaned. OTOH, she's an empty vessel who only thinks about cleaning.

I agree, though, that Alyssa is a vain nitwit. I feel sorry for her kids. But I can't blame her for having a messy car. She's got four little kids! I only had two and they could trash my car in an instant. 

So the house and kids are perfect 90% of the time, huh? That doesn't impress me. That means that 90% of the time, the kids aren't fingerpainting, splashing in mud puddles, chasing each other around the house laughing or building forts with sofa cushions.

They aren't doing the things little kids do, things that are creative, fun and make the adults laugh. My kids used to set up their mattress like ramps, put pull-ups on their heads for hats, and slide down their mattress ramps. You can't do things like this when the house has to be perfect.

Did you see the car? I’m not sure how a person who obsessively cleans her home can drive around in such filth. There was garbage, papers and stuff strewn  everywhere. We always just emptied the car on our way out. Of course, I only had 2 kids to shuttle around. And Alyssa is the person who said she cleans 24/7. I was quoting her words.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hate having a dirty car. I’m the type that tries to get all the trash out regularly. But I can imagine Alyssa keeping a gross car while keeping a perfect house. She may not spend much time in the car. So she doesn’t have to look at it and be reminded of it. But she’s in the house a lot and has to be reminded of how messy it is. I guess it’s sort of like my garage. It was a disaster all winter but I rarely saw it so it didn’t bother me too much. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I hate having a dirty car. I’m the type that tries to get all the trash out regularly. But I can imagine Alyssa keeping a gross car while keeping a perfect house. She may not spend much time in the car. So she doesn’t have to look at it and be reminded of it. But she’s in the house a lot and has to be reminded of how messy it is. I guess it’s sort of like my garage. It was a disaster all winter but I rarely saw it so it didn’t bother me too much. 

She could also see it as John’s job to keep it clean. Although she did a video of she and the girls cleaning the car. I was thinking she might care that others could look in the car windows and see the mess. But then again, maybe the car windows are tinted? 

[EmmieJ]

On 3/17/2022 at 9:31 AM, SunnySide said:

Pools can be so much fun, but they also have their obvious dangers. I know it’s a lot to insure them, and a huge risk to have one. When I do eventually own a home I have absolutely no desire to have a pool. Everything from the safety and insurance aspects, maintenance costs, not being able to use the pool year round where I am, just doesn’t make sense to me. Also, I am fortunate because a lot of the indoor pool facilities (pre-COVID at least) around us open to the general public in the winter. So for the cost of a day pass you can go swimming without all the fuss of maintaining your own pool. 

I remember my mom taking myself and my two next youngest siblings to swim classes when we were probably ages 6, 7 and 9.  At some point after that, my dad put in an above ground pool (allegedly in case of fire as we lived out in the country, and he was on a volunteer fire brigade - but it was never used for that, just for us kids to enjoy in the hot months).  It was not fenced in, but by the time it was put in, all of my siblings knew how to swim.  Also, initially one or other of my parents (usually my dad) would keep an eye on us when we were swimming, but as we got older, we were fine on our own.  I am grateful to my dad for maintaining that pool, year in and year out.  Pools can be expensive to maintain, and now in California with our ongoing drought, I imagine the water bill should you need to empty and refill your pool, would be very expensive.

[eljayem]

It wouldn't surprise me if AW uses cleaning to have "alone" time as much as she can in a house with 4 little ones and sometimes a husband. It's why at large family gatherings I can often be found in the kitchen doing dishes or tidying up because I can either be alone in my thoughts or at the least fewer people and stimulation and as an introvert I need the break.

[Lista]

34 minutes ago, eljayem said:

It wouldn't surprise me if AW uses cleaning to have "alone" time as much as she can in a house with 4 little ones and sometimes a husband. It's why at large family gatherings I can often be found in the kitchen doing dishes or tidying up because I can either be alone in my thoughts or at the least fewer people and stimulation and as an introvert I need the break.

I just wanna know how she can find time to keep it that clean.  3 kids here.  2, 4 & 6

i swear I do laundry at midnight. That’s my quiet time.  And forget about a clean kitchen.  It’s a constant busy spot.  Always a dirty dish or 10. 
 

sometimes I forget to vacuum.  Her kids don’t mark up anything? I’m pretty sure mine has pissed & puked on rugs lol.  Spilled juice, orange chip marks on walls.  
 

I did 4 loads of laundry today. All hanging out in the laundry basket for tomorrow.  I don’t have the time to make my home pic perfect.  I wouldn’t want too either. 
 

my grandma told me messes can gang around. Kids won’t. 

[CanadianMamam]

46 minutes ago, Lista said:

I just wanna know how she can find time to keep it that clean.  3 kids here.  2, 4 & 6

i swear I do laundry at midnight. That’s my quiet time.  And forget about a clean kitchen.  It’s a constant busy spot.  Always a dirty dish or 10. 
 

sometimes I forget to vacuum.  Her kids don’t mark up anything? I’m pretty sure mine has pissed & puked on rugs lol.  Spilled juice, orange chip marks on walls.  
 

I did 4 loads of laundry today. All hanging out in the laundry basket for tomorrow.  I don’t have the time to make my home pic perfect.  I wouldn’t want too either. 
 

my grandma told me messes can gang around. Kids won’t. 

I clean my kitchen at 10:30 p.m when the rest of the household is asleep. I actually enjoy it, beceuse it is blissfully silent and I can be alone with my thoughts.

Teaching my son's (8 and 10) to do their own laundry was life-changing for me. Now I only have to do one load a day or so. 

 

[Jackie3]

On 3/22/2022 at 8:50 PM, SassyPants said:

Did you see the car? I’m not sure how a person who obsessively cleans her home can drive around in such filth. There was garbage, papers and stuff strewn  everywhere. We always just emptied the car on our way out. Of course, I only had 2 kids to shuttle around. And Alyssa is the person who said she cleans 24/7. I was quoting her words.

I understand.  She's a slob for having a dirty car. She's obsessive for having a clean house.

On 3/23/2022 at 7:45 AM, SassyPants said:

She could also see it as John’s job to keep it clean.

Even in the fundie world, I can't imagine why it would be John's job to clean Alyssa's car.

Edited March 25, 2022 by Jackie3

[CanadianMamam]

6 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

I understand.  She's a slob for having a dirty car. She's obsessive for having a clean house.

Even in the fundie world, I can't imagine why it would be John's job to clean Alyssa's car.

I think she meant if it is a family vehicle. A lot of the Bates seem to have a work and family vehicle. Where the woman drives the family vehicle during the day and the husband the rest of the time. Carlin and Evan, Josie and Kelton, and Katie and Travis all seem to do this (not a work video for Travis but he drives a truck/jeep during the day and then Katie's cat when they are together). 

 

 

[SassyPants]

8 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

I understand.  She's a slob for having a dirty car. She's obsessive for having a clean house.

Even in the fundie world, I can't imagine why it would be John's job to clean Alyssa's car.

I think they only have 1 car. Doesn’t he drive a work truck with a Webster Heating and Air Logo?

8 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

I understand.  She's a slob for having a dirty car. She's obsessive for having a clean house.

Even in the fundie world, I can't imagine why it would be John's job to clean Alyssa's car.

Yes, I think it’s odd that a person who is obsessively neat and clean (self reported) would not have a problem driving around in a dirty and disorganized car. I remember Alyssa saying that disorganization made her anxious, or something to that regard. I understand that. I hate when papers pile up on the counter, or when people use the counter as their personal catch all. Seeing all those papers and items makes me anxious. So, I have a rule that people need to put their stuff away. Closets, bedrooms, desks, office…there is a place for stuff. I would think a car littered with school papers, French fries, backpacks, dirty cups, orange peels and toys would stress out a self reported  neat freak. But, fundies are often not known for their logic.

[AussieKrissy]

Alyssa is getting one of the girls ready for her daddy date again in her stories. I couldn’t finish watching because I was feeling icky she had Zoey (I think) picking clothes out for John and I nopped right out before I got to the makeup part I assume was coming for a four year old. 

[JMO]

14 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

Alyssa is getting one of the girls ready for her daddy date again in her stories. I couldn’t finish watching because I was feeling icky she had Zoey (I think) picking clothes out for John and I nopped right out before I got to the makeup part I assume was coming for a four year old. 

Yup, it's the 4 yr old's first daddy date! Sigh.  

[CanadianMamam]

What made me really sad is that Alyssa seemed far more engaged with her daughter than she usually does.