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Duggars by the Dozen 44: Michelle wearing a stupid skirt over leggins which is not news at all


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On 6/21/2022 at 7:19 PM, VeryNikeSeamstress said:

It was a homemade smash cake that said 'Hey Hey Hey!' Across the top.

Lol. I was thinking of Fat Albert. 

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I see that parent to do list and look at it through the eyes of a parent who wants a great relationship with her future adult daughter.

I want to do those things for her and she do those things for me so that we enjoy being with each other and take care of each other and love and support and respect each other. That is a fantastic list ONLY  if it is a a two way street. 

I want my daughter to do stuff like that for me but dam well sure I am going to give her the exact same in return, even if she doesn't do it for me, because I made her she is my responsibility and I know that (yes I know that she will be an adult). But what I am generally saying is that why should we put the onus on the child when we made them. 

If we do a good job and are a good person we should hopefully have kids that respect us and are also good people so this kind of list should not be hard to do because it would be second nature.

Maybe a watered down less gung ho version, I mean I do not need to get the greatest seat of honour in the house but also don't sit my 90 year old arse on a rickety old stool. Basically a common sense version of that list 

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I will need to sit and think about what I should put in the honoring notes I'm going to write my parents now. I'll have to word them carefully so they don't accuse me of sarcasm.

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When I read the “honor your parents” list it immediately triggers abuse flags b/c my family was abusive (not fundie). Bur those kind of expectations were there and expected…for you as a kid to offer to your abuser.

It’s actually really helpful to hear that it reads as normalish or desirable to some of you, because I don’t know what that would be like. 

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The list contains good advice but it's so over the top. Of course if my parents visit me, I'm going to cook something they like. Of course my 74 years old diabetic father is going to sleep in the most comfy bed, etc. But how can an adult fundie woman, presumably married with eleventy children, follow the list, in addition to the "honour your husband" list, in addition to Bible time and church, in addition to home chores, in addition to homeschooling?

In the other side, none of the fundies we follow honors their parents like that. 1st gen fundies expect to be honored themselves, full stop. 

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4 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

The list contains good advice but it's so over the top. Of course if my parents visit me, I'm going to cook something they like. Of course my 74 years old diabetic father is going to sleep in the most comfy bed, etc. But how can an adult fundie woman, presumably married with eleventy children, follow the list, in addition to the "honour your husband" list, in addition to Bible time and church, in addition to home chores, in addition to homeschooling?

In the other side, none of the fundies we follow honors their parents like that. 1st gen fundies expect to be honored themselves, full stop. 

Right - I don't think any of it was that weird - I mean - it's what I'd do for any guest really. Except for the taking them on vacation. Hard pass there. But I have invited my parents to our cottage for the weekend etc.

But there is so much in a fundie woman's day already - 

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I’ve a great relationship with my son but I don’t want him to worship me. We watch tv and movies that we both like. I wouldn’t subject him to shows he has no interest in. He doesn’t have to go out of his way to visit me. Our relationship transcends his having to make sacrifices to accommodate me. We get together often enough. If something is urgent, he is there. He gives me  great birthday and Mother’s Day cards. I always tell him only buy $1 cards at Dollar General. But he buys what he wants and scratches out the price on the back and will write something like “nothing to see here!”  He’s introduced me to so many new things, ideas and experiences. Our relationship unfolds very naturally without any kind of list or instructions for him to follow.

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I think it’s a good list for middle age kids as their parents move into old age. I need to remind myself of a lot of this stuff for my mom, who is 80. I didn’t ask to be brought into this world, but she did raise me and provide for me so yea, I do in a way “owe” her. And my kids owe me. Although I wouldn’t think of it as transactional like that. Cycle of life everyone. 

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The Caldwell’s were escorted out of a nursing home because their unvaccinated asses refused to follow the rules. I posted a screen shot in Joken thread.

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17 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I do give them birthday gifts that they would like. I do ask about family history sometimes. But some of this is just a bit much. I just want to tell the writer of this list, “calm down dude. You’re doing too much.”

I feel like the author is a parent who wants a ton from their adult children and isn't getting it. So she is taking the Bible and using it to manipulate her kids. I don't see anything in the Bible about doing this stuff.

Plus, what about abusive parents, or those who abandoned their kids? Some parents want nothing from their kids. 

Some adult kids have parents who abandoned them when they were small and started another family. These parents checked out of the relationship long ago, and don't want to go on vacation with them, or even watch a movie with them.  Should adult kids barge into their parents' condo in Florida and turn on Forest Gump, because the Bible said so? 

It's really better to let relationships happen organically.

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12 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The Caldwell’s were escorted out of a nursing home because their unvaccinated asses refused to follow the rules. 

So glad they were escorted out!!  

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16 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

When I read the “honor your parents” list it immediately triggers abuse flags b/c my family was abusive (not fundie). Bur those kind of expectations were there and expected…for you as a kid to offer to your abuser.

It’s actually really helpful to hear that it reads as normalish or desirable to some of you, because I don’t know what that would be like. 

My attitude is I will honor my parents when they do something honorable. 37 years, still waiting. 

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2 hours ago, Sops2 said:

Looked at their instagram - it looks a classy wedding- and another Miz Renee dress!

The Collingsworths have plenty of money. And so do the Aichholzes (the groom’s family). They rubbed elbows with their beloved Mike Pence last weekend. 

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23 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The Collingsworths have plenty of money. And so do the Aichholzes (the groom’s family). They rubbed elbows with their beloved Mike Pence last weekend. 

BEC: I can't believe for all that money she couldn't find a better place to shop than Ms. Renee's. I'm also not impressed with the dress, but maybe it looks better when she stands up. The dress looks busy, and hot. 

I'm being petty. Usually I try not to snark too much on clothes, but these people have so much money and advantages to a lot of the fundies we normally follow. 

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13 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

BEC: I can't believe for all that money she couldn't find a better place to shop than Ms. Renee's. I'm also not impressed with the dress, but maybe it looks better when she stands up. The dress looks busy, and hot. 

I'm being petty. Usually I try not to snark too much on clothes, but these people have so much money and advantages to a lot of the fundies we normally follow. 

It’s too sparkly for my taste. But as always, her hair is beautiful. 

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It looks like James went with Jana to the wedding. Why couldn’t she just go alone? I doubt James is good friends with Olivia. 

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1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It looks like James went with Jana to the wedding. Why couldn’t she just go alone? I doubt James is good friends with Olivia. 

Maybe surfing for a courtship?

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2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It looks like James went with Jana to the wedding. Why couldn’t she just go alone? I doubt James is good friends with Olivia. 

They *always* send them out by twos because that’s what Jesus did when he sent out his followers. I imagine that hasn’t changed. Because obviously that’s the point of that passage. 

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Parent-child relationships are already difficult. I am fine spending time with my mom, unless she pries into my (boring) personal life or constantly acts like she knows what's best for me/what I did wrong/what I should do next. I still spend time with her because I love her. I had to set some boundaries though. My cousin sees my aunt maybe every few months. She hates getting advice/emotional enmeshment etc. and can't handle it.

 

Parents can expect all these things from their children, but as others have said, let it happen organically. And don't expect your child to worship you, that's creepy.

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14 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

They *always* send them out by twos because that’s what Jesus did when he sent out his followers. I imagine that hasn’t changed. Because obviously that’s the point of that passage. 

Several years ago I remember Zach Bates and Michaela Bates saying that about themselves and their family in general. I think it was when both went to EMT training. Something like 'when one of us does something another one goes along.'

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On 6/23/2022 at 10:29 AM, neuroticcat said:

Yeah I think “honor your parents” has probably been a top down decree. To them it probably includes publicly praising them. Saw this floating about onTwitter, and it reveals the kind of nightmarish emotional abuse that comes with fundamentalism: 💔🤮003936DB-1E5C-4B40-9D7D-98ACB3D9FF22.thumb.jpeg.491980e9f4921598f6e9e26854082fa1.jpeg

My MIL demands this list and more. In her mind she is owed the moon even though her kids raised themselves and she has no desire to invest in her grandkids. My husband began working at 14 and paid bills with his earnings. She has two grandchildren she has never met. I do make every effort to include her. We travel twice a year to visit. We call every few days and I encourage my kids to write to her. Actually writing to her and old neighbors is a summer activity I started when my daughter was young to keep her little creative writing skills blooming between summer fun.  My almost 6th grade put a letter in the mail Friday and noted she won’t write back or read his letter. But it’s about being kind. I learn from my MIL all the ways I will not treat my kids 

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My parents put more into me that I will probably ever give back, although we have a very close relationship.  I intend to put a lot into raising my daughter with no expectation of return.  I hope we're lucky enough to one day enjoy a similar relationship to the one I have with my parents and my husband has with his, but nothing material.

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