"M" Is for Mama 12: Birth Control Should Have Been Your BFF

[SuperNova]

Abbie "wash, rinse, and repeat" Halberstadt has yet another post about her home build. I wish she washed her hair as often as she cycles through her favorite topics. 

The whole post is the usual mixture of smug and condescension. 

Spoiler

 

[danvillebelle]

Considering what a mess the architecture of that house is, it's not something I'd be bragging about.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, SuperNova said:

Abbie "wash, rinse, and repeat" Halberstadt has yet another post about her home build. I wish she washed her hair as often as she cycles through her favorite topics. 

The whole post is the usual mixture of smug and condescension. 

  Hide contents

 

Her Instagram topics: 

Shitting on Shiloh 

2 sets of identical twins on the same day

Monday list of things to do (kids do most)

family introduction post

Her enormous McMansion hellhouse

[neuroticcat]

I think it’s interesting to see the conservative Christian guilt over having an Instagrammer house pop up. I don’t believe her $50/square foot cost, because sweat equity always costs something - mental health, relationship, leisure time - but even so, the fact that she pops it in in a jokey way shows she believes it’s only “ok” to have nice things if you can explain why it’s not materialistic or how you got it on the cheap. Fundies do this all the time to justify the nice clothes they found at a thrift store.

I don’t love rampant consumerism, but this sort of economic abuse (is that a thing?) is all over the fundie culture, too. It’s sad but part of why I don’t fault the second Gen Bates kids when they kind of revel in “stuff” on their instagrams. I mean, good on you if, as someone raised fundie, you’ve figured out how to have a desire for something and just own it.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I sort of see it like prosperity gospel. “Look at everything I have because god blessed me for being just so godly!”

Edited January 13, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[TuringMachine]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Her Instagram topics: 

Shitting on Shiloh 

2 sets of identical twins on the same day

Monday list of things to do (kids do most)

family introduction post

Her enormous McMansion hellhouse

And of course, complaining about motherhood / children / pregnancy with #hardisnotthesamethingasbad

[neuroticcat]

19 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I sort of see it like prosperity gospel. “Look at everything I have because god blessed me for being just so godly!”

Definitely that too. None of it is actually truthful. I mean they probably had financial help or people pitching in to watch kids or do projects - so it likely wasn’t their own “two hands.” It’s bad all around but even worse as an influencer because it just makes followers feel crappy and believe lies. If they don’t have what Abbie has, they aren’t worthy of Gods blessing, are too materialistic if they actually want/live in a house that costs more than $50/square foot, or need to work harder to achieve fundie homemaking goals. So so toxic. 
 

I remember being in Christian college and hearing stories from my BFF at the time who was always miraculously receiving financial checks at just the right time to pay her bills, and she could also boast about living on not much money . I was working and taking out massive student loans and never understood why God didn’t drop a check into my mailbox too and felt guilty about spending any money. Was I not godly or praying enough? Why was God providing for me through loans while she could just study without a part time job? It’s like Abbie sideeyeing moms on their phones when her platform is made up of women scrolling on their phones. These are less obvious ways fundamentalism abused people. 
 

It would be interesting to hear from a fundie influencer who deconstructed. I mean, is there a sense of guilt for all the people they’ve led along their destructive path? Josh Harris is the closest thing I can think of. I think it would be devastating to have (presumably seriously) made it my life’s ambition to lead other women into godliness and then realized I was all wrong. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, neuroticcat said:

Definitely that too. None of it is actually truthful. I mean they probably had financial help or people pitching in to watch kids or do projects - so it likely wasn’t their own “two hands.” It’s bad all around but even worse as an influencer because it just makes followers feel crappy and believe lies. If they don’t have what Abbie has, they aren’t worthy of Gods blessing, are too materialistic if they actually want/live in a house that costs more than $50/square foot, or need to work harder to achieve fundie homemaking goals. So so toxic. 
 

I remember being in Christian college and hearing stories from my BFF at the time who was always miraculously receiving financial checks at just the right time to pay her bills, and she could also boast about living on not much money . I was working and taking out massive student loans and never understood why God didn’t drop a check into my mailbox too and felt guilty about spending any money. Was I not godly or praying enough? Why was God providing for me through loans while she could just study without a part time job? It’s like Abbie sideeyeing moms on their phones when her platform is made up of women scrolling on their phones. These are less obvious ways fundamentalism abused people. 
 

It would be interesting to hear from a fundie influencer who deconstructed. I mean, is there a sense of guilt for all the people they’ve led along their destructive path? Josh Harris is the closest thing I can think of. I think it would be devastating to have (presumably seriously) made it my life’s ambition to lead other women into godliness and then realized I was all wrong. 

Those 2 built a house like JB and M Duggar built the TTH. If you look back on her various SM accounts, AH even admits all the people who were involved in completing the house to its current form. AND it’s still not done. 

[Cults-r-us]

2 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

 

It would be interesting to hear from a fundie influencer who deconstructed. I mean, is there a sense of guilt for all the people they’ve led along their destructive path? Josh Harris is the closest thing I can think of. I think it would be devastating to have (presumably seriously) made it my life’s ambition to lead other women into godliness and then realized I was all wrong. 

That would involve the influencer having a conscience.

[noseybutt]

4 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

It’s like Abbie sideeyeing moms on their phones when her platform is made up of women scrolling on their phones. These are less obvious ways fundamentalism abused people. 
 

Personal pet peeve. The homeschooling/mommy blogs that brag about "our children don't do screen time" yet, clearly, someone in the family is online all. day. long.

[danvillebelle]

She recorded the audio version of her book.  Thoughts and prayers for the sound engineer/editor, who probably has to delete "um" eleventy thousand times.  

[SassyPants]

The home tour on IG is cringe worthy. Also, 10+ years ago when we did a kitchen remodel we considered concrete countertops, but the contractor warned of cracking, so we made another choice. Her countertops look terrible. How long before they are building another home? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

22 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

The home tour on IG is cringe worthy. Also, 10+ years ago when we did a kitchen remodel we considered concrete countertops, but the contractor warned of cracking, so we made another choice. Her countertops look terrible. How long before they are building another home? 

I’m sure they will eventually replace the countertops with something trendy and expensive. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the next project. 

[Wifey4Lifey]

1 hour ago, danvillebelle said:

She recorded the audio version of her book.  Thoughts and prayers for the sound engineer/editor, who probably has to delete "um" eleventy thousand times.  

I'm very curious how the audio book will turn out. The only authors I can think of who narrated their own books are people who already make a living out of performing, like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I can't imagine it would be very pleasant listening to someone narrate with zero professional experience.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I want to rant a little about Braggie and her counter tops for a minute. I have laminate countertops that are at least 40 years old. They are still looking great! They still work well. I can get out the stains pretty well and there’s no chipping or cracking. If Braggie was looking for a low cost option, why didn’t she go with laminate counter tops? Oh that’s right. Because they aren’t “hip” or “trendy.” And we know she can’t put anything in her house that is tragically uncool! It has to be rad! But if she had purchased laminate counter tops, they wouldn’t be cracked or chipping like the trendy ones she has. 

[danvillebelle]

46 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I want to rant a little about Braggie and her counter tops for a minute. I have laminate countertops that are at least 40 years old. They are still looking great! They still work well.

Preach it.  My 52yo laminate countertops look fantastic.  There is *one* ding that doesn't bother me in the least.  Otherwise, they look like the day they were installed.  They also go right up the wall to make the backsplash, which I think some codes don't allow any more, so that makes them doubly special.  My brick ranch built in 1970 will still be standing and looking good when Braggie's craptastic barn is falling down.

[SassyPants]

Today on IG, she is rocking Morticia Addams, big time!

[SuperNova]

21 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Today on IG, she is rocking Morticia Addams, big time!

Dang, I wish I could see that! Without an account, all I get is regular posts and sometimes not even that. Abbie isn't cool enough to be Morticia.

It's really sad that these Christian moms hold themselves up as the epitome of motherhood while continuously suffering for it. They go looking for validation that helps them make sense of having 4 kids under five in diapers. They are desperate for a lifeline and there's Abbie just waiting to reel them in, telling them that scrubbing pee off of sheets is so much better than actually enjoying your life. The pee scrubbers are the only good ones, the rest of us that stopped at manageable numbers of children (including zero) are the sinning heathens. Here's a few heathen tips: there's no need to scrub pee sheets if you throw the them in the laundry right away. You can eliminate the peepee problem all together by putting your toddler in a nighttime pull-up, Abbie, you fucking walnut. Quit making your yourself out to be a martyr when there's a simple solution.

Also, it's hella messed up that she says listening to her 4 year old tell stories is painful. Why does she have children if she doesn't like raising them? None of what she says and does makes sense which is probably why she's constantly trying to give it all some higher meaning. I remember listening to my daughter ramble on and on while I cooked dinner, telling some long ass story that didn't seem to have any point. I would make appropriate sounds at different points to show I was paying attention when I wasn't really fully engaged. When I was actually engaged, I listened and asked questions and encouraged storytelling because it was a good creative exercise. I didn't need a "patient face" because my patience wasn't an act. Perhaps I would feel different if I had ten children but common sense stopped me before I felt resentment toward children. 

Spoiler

 

[neuroticcat]

I listened to a talk of hers when I first heard about her sometime last year. What struck me was how often she talked about wiping up poo. I get that it’s a way to seem relatable, but I think moms of lots of kids forget that the poo/pee wiping deal is a pretty brief stage for most families. 

I don’t get why she doesn’t see this attempt at humor as the same kind if snarky mom humor she was criticizing a few days ago. It’s, like, identical except a little less funny because it comes with a moral lessons instead of mommy-needs-wine jokes (which also drive me bonkers).

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, SuperNova said:

there's no need to scrub pee sheets if you throw the them in the laundry right away.

Or put them in the laundry tub to soak if you already have a load going, geez. 

2 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

I think moms of lots of kids forget that the poo/pee wiping deal is a pretty brief stage for most families.

I get that it can feel infinite when you're in it, but yes. At most it's a couple of years for average families - obviously any developmental delays or similar changes this. I really hope Abbie 1. Has no more children and 2. Has no children with additional needs, because she can't cope with the needs of her existing children. 

[feministxtian]

6 hours ago, SuperNova said:

Also, it's hella messed up that she says listening to her 4 year old tell stories is painful.

I'll admit that there were times I'd be crossing my eyes as my preschooler was telling a story or relating the latest Ninja Turtles episode when their language skills were not the greatest, BUT...I knew that letting them talk would also improve their speaking skills. Would I have stated that publicly? No. I think that may have been discussed in my mom's group way back when, but public statements? Nope. But then again, I still have a kid who can tell these hideously long and convoluted stories and man, I want to either tell him to stop talking or hang up on him, but once again...I am mom. Whatever story he's telling is evidently very important to him and he wants to convey that to me. Same with the other 2. It may be "painful" to listen to, especially when I'm distracted with other things but since its important to them, its important to me. Fucking Braggie needs to chill the fuck out. This stuff is part of motherhood. I listened to them 30+ years ago and I still listen to them now...that's why they still want to talk to mama. Abbie's kids probably will tell her to step off as they get to adulthood. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I have a child with a mild stutter. So I let him stutter his way through very long stories without interrupting or showing that I’m impatient. Because that would only make it worse. 

[AmazonGrace]

I think it's great that some of these moms don't allow screentime. 

So the kids won't see what mom wrote about them.   

[danvillebelle]

Braggie is better than you because she rises above "relatable" posts on the internet.  But she's not bragging.  Really, she's not.  But she's better than you, in case you forgot.  🙄

____“Most relatable thing I’ve seen on the internet today.”

“It me.”

“I feel so seen.”

“This made me feel so much better about myself.”

“I’m so glad I’m not the only one.”

I see comments like this all over social media, and while, on the one hand, I TOTALLY get it (little feels better than that moment of realization that we aren’t alone in the trenches of motherhood…or anything else), I also feel like relief at not “going it alone” can easily tip over into feeling irritated at ever being challenged—even in a good way.

We see another mama making an effort we know we’re not, and instead of either encouraging or thinking, “Is that something that I could/should consider incorporating or at least giving a second thought,” we mentally throw stones such as “bragger”, “unrelatable”, or—one of the most common I’m seeing lately—“shamer”.

Relatability—while genuinely helpful at times—should never replace Holy Spirit conviction.

Ultimately, as Christians, we must return again (as in daily) to the Truth found in Scripture and ask the Lord to soften our hearts to his leading.

And if that means setting off on a path that the world finds utterly unrelatable and downright weird (hello, 10 kids ), that’s okay—better than ok. Because it’s walking in excellence in what the Lord has convicted *us* to do._____

[luv2laugh]

It’s ok to be annoyed with your kids and it’s misogynistic to claim that is “wrong”. People with PPD don’t seek help over that kind of  shaming. It’s not ok to keep having them if you’re as annoyed as Abbie. 

Edited January 19, 2022 by luv2laugh