"M" Is for Mama 12: Birth Control Should Have Been Your BFF

[neuroticcat]

6 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

Braggie is better than you because she rises above "relatable" posts on the internet.  But she's not bragging.  Really, she's not.  But she's better than you, in case you forgot.  🙄

____“Most relatable thing I’ve seen on the internet today.”

“It me.”

“I feel so seen.”

“This made me feel so much better about myself.”

“I’m so glad I’m not the only one.”

I see comments like this all over social media, and while, on the one hand, I TOTALLY get it (little feels better than that moment of realization that we aren’t alone in the trenches of motherhood…or anything else), I also feel like relief at not “going it alone” can easily tip over into feeling irritated at ever being challenged—even in a good way.

We see another mama making an effort we know we’re not, and instead of either encouraging or thinking, “Is that something that I could/should consider incorporating or at least giving a second thought,” we mentally throw stones such as “bragger”, “unrelatable”, or—one of the most common I’m seeing lately—“shamer”.

Relatability—while genuinely helpful at times—should never replace Holy Spirit conviction.

Ultimately, as Christians, we must return again (as in daily) to the Truth found in Scripture and ask the Lord to soften our hearts to his leading.

And if that means setting off on a path that the world finds utterly unrelatable and downright weird (hello, 10 kids ), that’s okay—better than ok. Because it’s walking in excellence in what the Lord has convicted *us* to do._____

I mean, it’s a good argument for turning off social media and doing whatever you want to as a mom. Obtuse coming from someone who seeks to be exemplary and relatable and to tell other “mamas” what they should do.

[danvillebelle]

In her stories, Braggie posted a picture of this phrase and said "this is probably my favorite line I wrote for the entire book." 

(not exact quote but close): "Knowing our limits is good.  Being whipped around like a kite in an emotional thunderstorm is not, especially if our children are the ones holding the strings."

I'm not sure what the fuck that is supposed to mean in her world, but I can tell you what I see, which is what we've known for a long time - she views her children as troublesome burdens who are here for no other reason than to bug her and produce HER "sanctification."  And she sees it as her job to make damn sure her children never feel like they are in control, especially of their own lives.  

I hope they all leave her high and dry and leave Christianity.  Every. Single. One of them.

 

[Hane]

1 hour ago, danvillebelle said:

(not exact quote but close): "Knowing our limits is good.  Being whipped around like a kite in an emotional thunderstorm is not, especially if our children are the ones holding the strings."

But, Braggie—in this tortured metaphor, those kids holding the strings are the only thing keeping you from being unmoored. Better work on your wordsmithing.

[TuringMachine]

Yeah I'm definitely gonna take advice on knowing my limits from a women who's mothering limit was 1 or 0 kids yet has 10.

[danvillebelle]

1 hour ago, TuringMachine said:

Yeah I'm definitely gonna take advice on knowing my limits from a women who's mothering limit was 1 or 0 kids yet has 10.

Egg-zactly.  

I think she would have been very happy as a child-free interior decorator.  Still a narcissist probably, but happy.

[neuroticcat]

From today’s post:

“I recently got to fulfill a lifelong dream in writing M is for Mama: A Rebellion Against Mediocre Motherhood (available everywhere books are sold on Feb. 1!!), which is a rallying cry for every mama, mama-to-be, or woman who thinks she might want to be a mother some day to rebel against a cultural status quo that paints motherhood as a burden or a joke or something to be gotten through with a grimace (while STILL acknowledging  my “patient face” looks pretty “grimacy” some days, and God’s grace/goodness are sufficient for that). 

I’m also passionate about breakfast dates with my husband and getting dressed and out of the house for the first time after having a gnarly stomach flu. 😉“

1. How are they always having the stomach flu? I mean, I get it that ten kids pass things around, but, wow! 

2. The book just sounds so contradictory. No mediocrity allowed, but God’s Grace is sufficient if you tiptoe into mediocrity somehow, and you have to do hard things without grimacing, but those hard things can’t ever be a burden, but you sometimes can grimace because we are being “real,”  but also no perfectionism, and only certain kinds of snark approved. And let’s paint all other mothers with a broad brush of only seeing motherhood as a joke or burden. I wanted to feel sorry for Abbie at first, because I thought she must live under a heavy drivenness. But I don’t think she actually practices what she preaches and instead lays the heavy burden on other mothers (who are likely struggling to some degree if they follow her page). She needs a warning label for misinformation. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

20 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

From today’s post:

“I recently got to fulfill a lifelong dream in writing M is for Mama: A Rebellion Against Mediocre Motherhood (available everywhere books are sold on Feb. 1!!), which is a rallying cry for every mama, mama-to-be, or woman who thinks she might want to be a mother some day to rebel against a cultural status quo that paints motherhood as a burden or a joke or something to be gotten through with a grimace (while STILL acknowledging  my “patient face” looks pretty “grimacy” some days, and God’s grace/goodness are sufficient for that). 

I’m also passionate about breakfast dates with my husband and getting dressed and out of the house for the first time after having a gnarly stomach flu. 😉“

1. How are they always having the stomach flu? I mean, I get it that ten kids pass things around, but, wow! 

2. The book just sounds so contradictory. No mediocrity allowed, but God’s Grace is sufficient if you tiptoe into mediocrity somehow, and you have to do hard things without grimacing, but those hard things can’t ever be a burden, but you sometimes can grimace because we are being “real,”  but also no perfectionism, and only certain kinds of snark approved. And let’s paint all other mothers with a broad brush of only seeing motherhood as a joke or burden. I wanted to feel sorry for Abbie at first, because I thought she must live under a heavy drivenness. But I don’t think she actually practices what she preaches and instead lays the heavy burden on other mothers (who are likely struggling to some degree if they follow her page). She needs a warning label for misinformation. 

If she’s anti-vax she might not get her kids the rotavirus vaccine. I remember when my kids were tiny and got it. I was glad because I hate the barfing/diarrhea illnesses. Luckily my kids rarely had that type of illness when they were little. They usually got a lot of colds. But hardly ever got a stomach bug. 

[danvillebelle]

24 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

1. How are they always having the stomach flu? I mean, I get it that ten kids pass things around, but, wow! 

Considering how lax she is with personal hygiene, I wonder if her laxity bleeds over into food preparation and storage.  Or lack thereof.  And the "stomach flu" is just garden-variety food poisoning.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

Considering how lax she is with personal hygiene, I wonder if her laxity bleeds over into food preparation and storage.  Or lack thereof.  And the "stomach flu" is just garden-variety food poisoning.

I think the kids probably cook a lot. Who knows if she makes them wash their hands. I imagine Braggie only cares about things that affect her. She may not make them wash their hands much. 

[danvillebelle]

Braggie wants you to know that she doesn't get on social media during the hours from 9-2 any longer.

Except when she does, "just real quick", to plug a giveaway.  (i.e. fish for more book purchasers) 🙄

ETA: I find her "giveaways" that she does with her friends where they just randomly toss out cash to someone incredibly patronizing for some reason.  "Oh hey, we're a bunch of upper middle class white mamas with cash to spare, here's $50 or $100 so you peons can go out on a date night like I do every week." 

 

Edited January 21, 2022 by danvillebelle

[JermajestyDuggar]

22 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

Braggie wants you to know that she doesn't get on social media during the hours from 9-2 any longer.

Except when she does, "just real quick", to plug a giveaway.  (i.e. fish for more book purchasers) 🙄

ETA: I find her "giveaways" that she does with her friends where they just randomly toss out cash to someone incredibly patronizing for some reason.  "Oh hey, we're a bunch of upper middle class white mamas with cash to spare, here's $50 or $100 so you peons can go out on a date night like I do every week." 

 

I agree. It’s patronizing and kind of tacky. I would feel weird doing something like that. 

[danvillebelle]

I just remembered her mentioning that they sometimes have their kids go up to people randomly in public and hand them a five or ten dollar bill, while saying "Jesus loves you!"  Only someone as narcissistic as her would see tossing cash at people as "ministry."  

Edited January 21, 2022 by danvillebelle

[neuroticcat]

I think she for sure reads here and other places. I notice she’s made it a point to mention that they pay her mom for “helping” homeschool, which is such a weird thing to publicize. Or she’s clarified odd things about the older kids watching or making dinner to make it sound less exploitative. 

I think this is likely a direct response to people criticizing her for being on her phone so much and then praising that restaurant mom for not being on her phone. I imagine whatever we discuss here, she’s also getting messages and comments from others on her posts

But it’s also another way for her to lay her own”convictions” about being off social media on all her followers and make them feel guilty. 

[SuperNova]

On 1/21/2022 at 6:36 AM, danvillebelle said:

I just remembered her mentioning that they sometimes have their kids go up to people randomly in public and hand them a five or ten dollar bill, while saying "Jesus loves you!"  Only someone as narcissistic as her would see tossing cash at people as "ministry."  

So gross. It reminds me of those stories about colonialists amusing themselves by throwing coins to starving street urchins and watching them fight and scramble. 

Abbie should change the name of her book to S is for Strawman. No one is revelling in being a mediocre parent. She sees people being realistic about parenting struggles and assumes that people are making no effort to improve. This isn't even about mediocre parenting, this is about secular parents. Abbie is a mediocre parent but thinks that all she has to do is tack Jesus on the end of the rant and voila! , superior mother. 

Nothing in this post feels encouraging or uplifting. Abbie's pissed off at the toddler because he "had" to throw a tantrum. She's pissed and frustrated because she can't carve out 20 minutes for a nap. Girl, you've got 10 kids. It's especially disturbing that her nerves are "raw, open wounds". This is not ok. Does she realize how powerful these words are? It reads exactly like the toxic garbage that new fundie wives share as encouragement. "OMG, the first year of marriage is sooo hard, he expects everything and gives nothing but the other day I was sick in bed and he brought me a glass of juice! I would trade him for the world, y'all! So grateful that Jesus brought him into my life."

Spoiler

 

Edited January 22, 2022 by SuperNova

[JermajestyDuggar]

28 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

So gross. It reminds me of those stories about colonialists amusing themselves by throwing coins to starving street urchins and watching them fight and scramble. 

Abbie should change the name of her book to S is for Strawman. No one is revelling in being a mediocre parent. She sees people being realistic about parenting struggles and assumes that people are making no effort to improve. This isn't even about mediocre parenting, this is about secular parents. Abbie is a mediocre parent but thinks that all she has to do is tack Jesus on the end of the rant and voila! , superior mother. 

Nothing in this post feels encouraging or uplifting. Abbie's pissed off at the toddler because he "had" to throw a tantrum. She's pissed and frustrated because she can't carve out 20 minutes for a nap. Girl, you've got 10 kids. It's especially disturbing that her nerves are "raw, open wounds". This is not ok. Does she realize how powerful these words are? It reads exactly like the toxic garbage that new fundie wives share as encouragement. "OMG, the first year of marriage is sooo hard, he expects everything and gives nothing but the other day I was sick in bed and he brought me a glass of juice! I would trade him for the world, y'all! So grateful that Jesus brought him into my life."

  Hide contents

 

She says she didn’t throw a pity party but that’s what that post is! A fucking pity party!  She has zero self awareness.

Edited January 22, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[feministxtian]

7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Nothing in this post feels encouraging or uplifting. Abbie's pissed off at the toddler because he "had" to throw a tantrum. She's pissed and frustrated because she can't carve out 20 minutes for a nap. Girl, you've got 10 kids. It's especially disturbing that her nerves are "raw, open wounds".

This concerns me. Toddlers that throw tantrums are overstimulated, overtired or just need a little one on one time with mama (or grandma). Its not like they do this on purpose. I joke that I sleep a lot now because I didn't get any real sleep from 1982 until 2019, because I was always taking care of someone. I get someone getting on your last nerve. I swear my kids held meetings to decide who was going to drive mom nuts on which day. However, I didn't have 10 kids. My 3 pains in the butt were more than enough. 

My advice? Relax! There is plenty of time for a clean house after the kids are grown and gone. For now its time to kick back and enjoy the little critters in all their craziness. This girl is wound and she's going to snap. When she does, it ain't gonna be pretty and I'm afraid for the kids, especially Shiloh and the little twins. 

[neuroticcat]

Yes. @SuperNova I think you have out your finger on it. It’s all contradictory advice unless you filter it through her godliness as opposed to secular moms. For her, stinking at motherhood is covered over by grace. For secular moms, it’s simply mediocre. For her, snarky humor is just humor. For secular moms, it’s complaining about her kids. For her, seeking excellence is God glorifying. For secular moms it’s competition or perfectionism. 
 

But that post, whew! A big problem with #hardisnotthesameasbad is that it prevents mothers from having a negative experience and doing something about it. Hard is also not necessarily good, and it’s a positive thing if people make choices to alleviate unnecessary hard. I mean, Abbie does this with extended family help, gym outings, house helpers, sibling parents. 

I remember listening to a panel of SAHDs at a fundie convention I went to for research. They all talked about fighting their emotions over what they wanted to do but God (parents) didn’t want for them like college, and one would go flop on her bed and cry until God gave her a right attitude. It was so heartbreaking on many levels. This is just another form of denying mothers’ agency. If it’s hard, get over it, because Grace and die to self and blah, blah, blah. It’s crushing.

Edited January 23, 2022 by neuroticcat

[SuperNova]

Abbie has made an entire post under the guise of what her kids want to be when they grow up but it's really just more bragging about herself and Shaun. It's nauseating when juxtaposed with the doubt she expresses about some of the kids being able to fulfill their own dreams. 

At least college seems to be a possibility for both boys and girls and that's more than most fundies are willing to do. I'll give them that. I don't like that she's poisoning the well ahead of time by calling traditional college "an expensive indoctrination tool". It also seems that the choice isn't entirely up to the child given the caveat of "depending on the college". 

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

53 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Abbie has made an entire post under the guise of what her kids want to be when they grow up but it's really just more bragging about herself and Shaun. It's nauseating when juxtaposed with the doubt she expresses about some of the kids being able to fulfill their own dreams. 

At least college seems to be a possibility for both boys and girls and that's more than most fundies are willing to do. I'll give them that. I don't like that she's poisoning the well ahead of time by calling traditional college "an expensive indoctrination tool". It also seems that the choice isn't entirely up to the child given the caveat of "depending on the college". 

  Hide contents

 

She’s absolutely full of shit when she’s talking about not sure about wanting her kids to go to college. I’m sure she wants them all to be doctors, lawyers, dentists, and CEOs. She idolizes Jenny Flanders and Jenny’s kids all go to college. She’s just slightly worried they might actually have a different political or religious belief than her and it scares her. I’m guessing she will want Ezra to not move away to college and just commute. She needs his help and he will be less likely to form his own thoughts and opinions if he comes home to Braggie every night. I think the only way she will let her kids go away to school is if it’s a Christian college. 

[AmazonGrace]

So, what on earth does a family of twelve cook so there's enough leftovers to feed a family of twelve?

[Ozlsn]

On 1/23/2022 at 5:12 PM, neuroticcat said:

But that post, whew! A big problem with #hardisnotthesameasbad is that it prevents mothers from having a negative experience and doing something about it. Hard is also not necessarily good, and it’s a positive thing if people make choices to alleviate unnecessary hard. I mean, Abbie does this with extended family help, gym outings, house helpers, sibling parents. 

What gets me the most is that she has options. She could lose the homeschooling and have just three kids at home during weekdays. That, plus her parental support, would most likely be manageable for her, certainly more than her current set up. If she wasn't so intent on her martyrdom and dragging her kids down with her they all could have more relaxed lives.

8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

. I think the only way she will let her kids go away to school is if it’s a Christian college.

Probably, but even that would give them access to a likely broader range of views than they currently encounter. I hope all her kids are readers, and able to explore virtual worlds away from their own.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I firmly believe Braggie will allow college, maybe, but only an online college. I also think college will only be an option for some of the boys. Definitely not Shiloh, probably not the newest twins/ Maybe not Ezra as she needs the SonDad to pick up the slack given Shaun's disengagement from parenting/family life. 

The girls will be relegated to being sister moms to the current and future kids while waiting for Mr. Patriarch to appear.

Personally I think Shiloh will bolt the minute he hits 18. My hope is he gets a full ride scholarship to some great school. Studies actual rocket science (or something else really challenging), graduates Phi Beta Kappa, becomes successful and well-known in his field, and ignores Braggie/Shaun for the rest of his life.

[danvillebelle]

Um...Braggie, Shaun did not "nail" becoming an architect for designing and executing your craptastic, wonky angles and ceiling lines everywhere, asymmetrical H.R. PufnStuf house.  LOL

17 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

So, what on earth does a family of twelve cook so there's enough leftovers to feed a family of twelve?

*Two* giant pans of gross turkey "meatloaf" covered in ketchup?  

I suspect she keeps everyone's portions very small.  

BEC random comment - the fact that she posts videos on her IG that include Shiloh running around in nothing but a diaper bugs the hell out of me.  I don't care if that's what he prefers - don't fucking film it for the world to see.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I firmly believe Braggie will allow college, maybe, but only an online college. I also think college will only be an option for some of the boys. Definitely not Shiloh, probably not the newest twins/ Maybe not Ezra as she needs the SonDad to pick up the slack given Shaun's disengagement from parenting/family life. 

The girls will be relegated to being sister moms to the current and future kids while waiting for Mr. Patriarch to appear.

Personally I think Shiloh will bolt the minute he hits 18. My hope is he gets a full ride scholarship to some great school. Studies actual rocket science (or something else really challenging), graduates Phi Beta Kappa, becomes successful and well-known in his field, and ignores Braggie/Shaun for the rest of his life.

We all have to remember that Braggie got her name because she can’t go a single minute without bragging. College is a great brag. How many times have we heard her say she graduated at sixteen and went off to college. And then graduated from college early as well. She HAS to brag about at least her boys attending college. And Ezra as the oldest, must do college. She has to show off how wonderfully she homeschools. His going to college shows how amazing she is at homeschooling. So he will go. But the rest might be a mix. No matter what though, she will take full credit for any of their success. 

[theotherelise]

Yeah, I love when my architect puts my nursery in a corner of the house that requires you go through a whole ass room or a room and a giant closet before you can get to the baby. And when your kids' bunk rooms also require you to go through a playroom before getting to the kids' room. Super safe second story with multiple little ones. 

If Ezra does anything that differs from Shaun and Abbie when he goes to college, she will double down and the approved options for the rest of the kids will get narrower.