Webster4Eva 10: If Alyssa Doesn't Record It, Then Does It Really Exist?

[CanadianMamam]

51 minutes ago, AussieKrissy said:

I hate to give these dickhead parenting points but if Erin is true to that. That is a good parenting style. 

I think she probably is. Her kids are never in matching outfits, do seem to be dressed for comfort and spend a lot of time outside. At Nathan's wedding, Holland and Everly seemed dressed more for their comfort than the anaesthetic while Alyssa had Lexi in two different dresses so she could get photos of the girls matching. I think Erin is a control freak about a lot of things (and she admits it) but I don't think clothes are a big deal to her. 

[imokit]

Erin and Alyssa live completely different lives for all they both have lots of girls.

Alyssa lives in a Florida mansion with a pool and only girls.  She is the daughter in law of a conservative politican and needs to keep up the images.  She's also made comments about hating disorder and the chaos she had growing up.

Erin lives in a tiny little house in the countryside.  They have loads of animals, and I expect she needs the children do most of their playing outside because there's no space inside and Erin clearly loves to control its look and may struggle with messes in there.

Also with their gender roles, having Carson likely helped his little sisters.   Allie will have been socialised from day 0 to be a good compliant little girl and keep sweet.  Carson would have the boys will be boys mentality and encouraged to run around and do boy things.  Most fundies do let little girls run around and play with brothers when they are little and having Carson as an example probably helped enable Brooklyn and then her little sisters to be more boisterous than Allie who didn't have those influences.

But that said both have very carefully curated instagrams,  While we do know that Erin has lots of animals and thus her children and daughters are almost certainly getting dirty play everyday in order to care for them, we have no idea what happens at other times,  Nor do we know what Alyssa's kids are doing when the cameras aren't rolling.

[Jackie3]

5 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

I hate to give these dickhead parenting points but if Erin is true to that. That is a good parenting style. 

I know one thing. I'd much rather be Erin's kid than Alyssa's.

At Alyssa's, my pet would be a fish. I'd wake up and "do school" in my schoolroom, while mom puts on her makeup and tries on outfits. My mother would apply makeup to my four-year old face for my "daddy-daughter date" and she'd be frequently curling my hair for church. I can't pick out my own clothes, because I won't match with my sisters, or because my choices are wacky and won't look right in public. As a result, I won't develop my own sense of style or feel I have control over my personal appearance. 

My mom would be bored and disengaged. She'd also be busy, because we have a big house and tons of clothes/possessions that need to be cared for.  My mom is also a bit of a control freak. When we "cook together", I mostly just stand there looking cute in an apron. Mom does all the fun stuff.  Finally, at Alyssa's, I'd spend every weekend filming for the camera. 

At Erin's, I'd get to play outside, have animals, wear comfortable clothes and be a kid. I could jump in puddles and get muddy (we've seen lots of pictures of the kids getting filthy). These experiences teach me things. 

I could even have my animals indoors. Erin can't be THAT fussy about her indoor decor if she lets animals into her house. If you've ever had animals--particularly baby ones--you'll know they seem to poop constantly. The animals would teach me about responsibility, nurturing, animal behavior and empathy.  They're also fun! I'd much rather spend Saturday cuddling my baby pig, as opposed to filming a walk in the woods in a flowy dress.

As one of Erin's kids, I'd do "school" in the kitchen, near mom and my siblings, so it wouldn't be too tedious. I could also pick out my own clothes, which gives me autonomy and a sense of control. My mom would also have more time, because we have a smaller house and fewer possessions. 

Don't get me wrong. Erin's house isn't perfect. I think she and her sister use corporal punishment. There's all the boring Bible time. But Erin's house definitely seems much more fun. 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Jackie3

[JermajestyDuggar]

I would hate being Erin or Alyssa’s kids equally. 

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I would hate being Erin or Alyssa’s kids equally. 

LOL, it's certainly no picnic either way. 

But if I had to be a child of fundies,  I'd rather do it with a baby pig on my lap!

[SassyPants]

I would also hate either house. I think the reason Erin’s kids play outside is because there is so little inside space. As much as I hate Alyssa’s homeschool style, the kids do have co-op and I think spending any more time with Alyssa as a teacher would be a waste of time. Alyssa is neither academic nor curious about expanding her own knowledge base beyond clothing, makeup and coffee. OTOH, Erin looks like a more engaged teacher, but has a poor set up. All those kids crammed into the kitchen trying to read, write, color and compute, is NOT an ideal learning situation for many kids. Erin must spend half the school time picking up pencils, crayons, papers and books from the floor. Erin does not present as dim as Alyssa. Both John and Chad seem equally talented. Unfortunately, that will not help the Webster girls. I doubt the heating and air business will employ any of those girls. In Terms of transference of skills, the Paine kids are likely in a better position. There will be music for the girls and construction for the boy.

[Alysabeth]

Alyssa uploaded a video of the girls on Instagram and labelled it ‘sisters’, in her stories she encouraged everyone to go watch it to ‘brighten your day!’  
 

The video did anything but. Sure the girls look cute but in each shot they’re stood or sat, smiling nicely into the camera. In one clip they are dancing, twirling each other round but it’s clearly just for the camera. You get no sense of each girls personality or the relationship between sisters. It would have been much more relatable had she included natural clips of the girls playing together at the park, picking out their own (non matching) outfits or dancing to silly music at home. Do they even do these things? Seems everything they do is to suit her perfect Instagram image. 

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, Alysabeth said:

Alyssa uploaded a video of the girls on Instagram and labelled it ‘sisters’, in her stories she encouraged everyone to go watch it to ‘brighten your day!’  
 

The video did anything but. Sure the girls look cute but in each shot they’re stood or sat, smiling nicely into the camera. In one clip they are dancing, twirling each other round but it’s clearly just for the camera. You get no sense of each girls personality or the relationship between sisters. It would have been much more relatable had she included natural clips of the girls playing together at the park, picking out their own (non matching) outfits or dancing to silly music at home. Do they even do these things? Seems everything they do is to suit her perfect Instagram image. 

They have a swimming pool, play structure and lots of plastic toys. I don’t think Alyssa is interested in providing any additional experiences outside of the home. And we know none of these folks has altered their behaviors d/t COVID. She is disinterested -

[Fundielandobserver]

Her perfect instagram image is getting boring with no content to provide! How much coffee and baby Macy can people watch ? Maybe if she did outside experiences with her kids she would have better content and good for the kids intellect and health too! I mean at this point I dont know if her kids are worse off then her childhood as Bates mingled with lot of fundies and their ATI a family camps and what not while her kids are stuck at home doing online school/ watching tv except for one day at coop. I think its too much stress for her taking four kids out and even in DC they stayed in the hotel room and besides the wedding just visited Grandpa's office. PoorAllie , I dont know how her personality will turn out but she's definately missing out a lot and Alyssa should think before adding more kids !

[Jackie3]

9 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Both John and Chad seem equally talented. Unfortunately, that will not help the Webster girls. I doubt the heating and air business will employ any of those girls. In Terms of transference of skills, the Paine kids are likely in a better position. There will be music for the girls and construction for the boy.

Well, to be fair, not everyone is musical. Maybe one or two of the girls will inherit Erin's interest in music, but it's unlikely all three will be so musical that they can go on to teach.

I don't think John is talented at all. He is employed because his dad owns the company. Chad, at least, is getting by using innate skills and hard work, with no nepotism or outside help that I can see (the Bates family seems more like a liability). John seems like a decent fellow but I wouldn't call him talented in any regard. He has had everything handled to him, and, if he believes the crap his church promotes, is  unwilling to help who aren't as lucky as he was.

9 hours ago, Alysabeth said:

Sure the girls look cute but in each shot they’re stood or sat, smiling nicely into the camera. In one clip they are dancing, twirling each other round but it’s clearly just for the camera.

That's what happens when you force kids to perform. I'd rather see Erin's kids splashing in the mud with happy little faces, than the four Webster girls in their perfectly matched outfits. Kids are the most interesting when they're doing their kid stuff. 

[Melissa1977]

19 hours ago, Alysabeth said:

It would have been much more relatable had she included natural clips of the girls playing together at the park,

They rarely go to parks or to do outdoors/nature activities. Alyssa confessed it in a video, asking for outdoors ideas, which she doesn't seem to ne doing.

Alyssa is...Alyssa, but I don't get all that Erin's praise. Erin showed a very clear favouritism for Carson and only stopped to show it when she was critisized in IG. She is as perfectionist as Alyssa, and kids are outdoors because she wants her little house tidy. Is Paine's outdoors better than Webster's indoors? Maybe. But as a very quiet kid myself, who didn't enjoyed mud nor animals, I just want to point that outdoors does not always equal happiness... I would have been very uncomfortable sharing a mini bedroom with 3 siblings, I needed a lot of reading time and alone time.

[llucie]

Alyssa mentioned the co op in todays stories, i think having the girls do it was a great idea and i am glad she mentions how good it has been for their sozialisation, since most fundies claim being friends with their siblings is enough for their social skills. I also think it is promissing she is considering dancing and that she allows them to wear pants.

About Erin i do think growing outside and around animals sounds like a lot of fun, and they do have cousins and siblings around, but personally i find it scary how much she talks about God all the time and worried about how brainwashed those kids will be.

[Jackie3]

44 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

Erin showed a very clear favouritism for Carson and only stopped to show it when she was critisized in IG. 

She reads all her IG comments. She changes her behavior based on what people on IG say. Because IG commenters are so important to her.

I really can't get onboard with these giant assumptions.

As for her favourtism to Carson, who knows? That was long ago, when Brookie was very young. It's possible she found older kids more relatable than babies. It's possible she found boys easier than girls. It's possible Brookie was a challenging baby. Most parents find one child easier than another. 

It's also possible that those were 2-3 random comments or incidents and don't reflect the whole, complex relationship between her and the two kids. 

Erin's far from a perfect mom.  Life at her place, though, seems better than the sterility and narcissism of life at Alyssa's.

Erin seems far more in tune with her kids emotional needs. An introverted child, like you, would've have a better chance of getting her needs met at Erin's.  For example, she noticed that her kids loved choosing their own clothes. She noticed that Carson learned better when she was nearby. Alyssa hasn't picked up on those things yet.

I'm sure Erin would be delighted if an introverted child wanted to read a book on her sofa.  What mother would object to that? 

That introverted child would hate spending every Saturday filming, so that mom has more money for furniture and dresses. 

 

28 minutes ago, llucie said:

I also think it is promissing she is considering dancing and that she allows them to wear pants.

 

Being a dance mom is right up her alley.

Edited November 18, 2021 by Jackie3

[Jackie3]

48 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

Alyssa confessed it in a video, asking for outdoors ideas, which she doesn't seem to ne doing.

How would we even know? Maybe she does it every day, but doesn't film it. It must be hard to film in a park. Other kids are all over the place, and you'd have to get consent to post from other parents.

Her whole life isn't filmed, and she does many, many things we don't see. Outdoor activities may be one of them.

[JermajestyDuggar]

33 minutes ago, llucie said:

Alyssa mentioned the co op in todays stories, i think having the girls do it was a great idea and i am glad she mentions how good it has been for their sozialisation, since most fundies claim being friends with their siblings is enough for their social skills. I also think it is promissing she is considering dancing and that she allows them to wear pants.

About Erin i do think growing outside and around animals sounds like a lot of fun, and they do have cousins and siblings around, but personally i find it scary how much she talks about God all the time and worried about how brainwashed those kids will be.

Just imagine how much better things would have been for the socialization of the Rods if they had always gone to a large co-op once a week. I feel bad for the Rod kids. They seem to have a lot of trouble with socialization because Jill allows very little socialization and she butts into all of their social interactions. They rarely get to socialize with same age peers without Jill inserting herself. Parents are actually supposed to stop doing that when the kids are in elementary school! At least Alyssa’s kids will know how to interact with peers. 

[Jackie3]

11 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

At least Alyssa’s kids will know how to interact with peers. 

Knowing how to interact with peers is great. It's good Alyssa is doing that. I imagine it's a big relief for her, too! 

No idea what the other Bates parents are doing for socialization. Erin seems to have people over to play music, which seems nice. They probably have like-minded friends (no green hair!) who have kids. There are lots of ways to socialize your kids besides a few hours of coop. I'm glad Alyssa's kids have that outlet though, and I hope it leads to two days next year!

The 19 Bates kids actually seem VERY socialized. They are an outgoing bunch, far more sociable than the Duggars. I wonder if it's genetics, if Gil and Kelly socialized more than the Duggars, or what? They both homeschooled without coops.

Edited November 18, 2021 by Jackie3

[SassyPants]

Latest IG. The time is 1039 PM, it’s pouring rain and 2 of the girls are asleep on lawn chairs. Adult up and take those sleeping kids home, Alyssa. It’s a school night. So sorry that you’ll have to miss the second softball game. She has zero sense-

Edited November 19, 2021 by SassyPants

[UnicornHunter]

On 11/18/2021 at 10:42 AM, Jackie3 said:

How would we even know? Maybe she does it every day, but doesn't film it. It must be hard to film in a park. Other kids are all over the place, and you'd have to get consent to post from other parents.

Her whole life isn't filmed, and she does many, many things we don't see. Outdoor activities may be one of them.

Have you not watched her stories regularly? She does share almost every part of her day. Any excuse to show off what a great parent she is or what she does with her girls would be 100% filmed.

 

I also felt very sad seeing her keeping the girls out to 11 pm in the rain to watch another boring softball game. She normally puts them to bed super early so she can have her “me time” so I’m sure this was hard for them.

[JuanitaBanana]

So in one of today's stories Alyssa said that Allie has been making lunch for the girls from Monday to Friday. A 6 year old shouldn't be responsible for feeding her sisters and the food they were eating didn't look healthy or even filling.

Allie probably loves doing this things now but I'm sure she will have more and more responsabilties as she gets older so Alyssa can do her hair and makeup, go on date nights and take photos for Instagram. 

[UnicornHunter]

I have a six year old and he loves making breakfast or lunch for everyone. When he wants to. Which is maybe once a week. He will do cereal, eggs, Pbj and snack plates. I would absolutely never expect him to do that daily. She’s doing 6 hours of dvd school and cooking for the family once a day already. Alyssa is pathetic.

[HideousGreenShirt]

I saw the Allie makes lunch stories and found them incredibly depressing. It looks like today she served her sisters a tortilla/wrap with cheese, a pickle and a spoonful of yogurt. 

Poor Allie is so excited to be praised by Alyssa. She shouldn't be doing this 5 days a week! Let alone so Alyssa can post stories about how her pristine house is a "total mess" and decorate for the holidays. Just put your kids in school, Alyssa. At least they will get to learn and interact with other children and honestly, probably eat better. 

She also mentioned that she will be hosting Thanksgiving. How? She doesn't cook. She's either going to have to order a full spread, get guests to bring dishes or hope that everyone likes mcdonalds. 

[UnicornHunter]

28 minutes ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

I saw the Allie makes lunch stories and found them incredibly depressing. It looks like today she served her sisters a tortilla/wrap with cheese, a pickle and a spoonful of yogurt. 

Poor Allie is so excited to be praised by Alyssa. She shouldn't be doing this 5 days a week! Let alone so Alyssa can post stories about how her pristine house is a "total mess" and decorate for the holidays. Just put your kids in school, Alyssa. At least they will get to learn and interact with other children and honestly, probably eat better. 

She also mentioned that she will be hosting Thanksgiving. How? She doesn't cook. She's either going to have to order a full spread, get guests to bring dishes or hope that everyone likes mcdonalds. 

Just wait - if her house is a total mess I’m sure we’ll see her “friend” come over any day now to help catch up on laundry. I would be so embarrassed to have any of my friends help clean or do laundry but I wasn’t raised a grifter.

[Jackie3]

Alyssa's saying that she is exhausted from cleaning/laundry several hours a day. She doesn't see the point because things just get dirty again.

She really needs some advice from an older mom. I'm going to step up to the plate.

1. Put the white "dinning room" chairs and glass table into storage. Buy a nice, slightly worn table and chairs from a consignment shop. Make sure the table top is made of an easy-to-clean material. Keep this set for ten years till the kids are preteens/teens. That glass table you have now gets dirty-looking real fast.

2. Ditch about 50% of the kids' clothes. Allie does not need 9 pink dresses (she actually showed this in a video). There! Fewer clothes for the kids to leave lying around the house, fewer clothes to fold and put away. True, you might have to run a load of laundry a bit more often, but overall it's a giant win.

3. The hairbows. I'm sure the kids pull them off and toss them on the floor all the time. That's more work for you, mom! Ditch 90% of that massive collection. Save the remaining 10% for church, when you apparently need to appear dressed to the nines. Instead, buy a pack of black hair elastics, you can use them to make ponytails and braids. The kids will look just as cute.

4. The frilly socks. See Item #3.

5. Your own clothes. It's up to you how you dress, obviously. But if you have 30 pairs of stilettos, you have 60 items to care for and store (During a tour of her closet, I actually counted 30 pairs!). 

6. Holiday decorations. Saw your recent IG post. Just saying, there's no law that says you have to decorate for Thanksgiving. You can skip that, and no one will notice or care. You can also have very simple Xmas decorations and your kids will still be happy.

 

 

Edited November 20, 2021 by Jackie3

[JermajestyDuggar]

My easy recommendation for thanksgiving decorations is this. Put out “fall decorations” at the end of September with your Halloween decorations. Then when Halloween is over, put away the Halloween decorations but leave out the fall ones. They are good to use as thanksgiving decorations. Then just take those down the same day you go to put up the Christmas stuff. 

[CanadianMamam]

1 hour ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

I saw the Allie makes lunch stories and found them incredibly depressing. It looks like today she served her sisters a tortilla/wrap with cheese, a pickle and a spoonful of yogurt. 

Poor Allie is so excited to be praised by Alyssa. She shouldn't be doing this 5 days a week! Let alone so Alyssa can post stories about how her pristine house is a "total mess" and decorate for the holidays. Just put your kids in school, Alyssa. At least they will get to learn and interact with other children and honestly, probably eat better. 

She also mentioned that she will be hosting Thanksgiving. How? She doesn't cook. She's either going to have to order a full spread, get guests to bring dishes or hope that everyone likes mcdonalds. 

Isn't Alyssa the one who cooked as a child? And she has posted stories of meals. I agree with everything you said here except thr fact that she can't cook. 

1 hour ago, UnicornHunter said:

Just wait - if her house is a total mess I’m sure we’ll see her “friend” come over any day now to help catch up on laundry. I would be so embarrassed to have any of my friends help clean or do laundry but I wasn’t raised a grifter.

I mean, my bff has helped me but I have major anxiety/depression issues and sometimes I get overwhned and cannot get my house clean. My bff knows that and volunteers to help. I don't like Alyssa and I think she could do a million things differently but there is nothing wrong with accepting help when you are struggling and it is certainly not embarrassing.