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Dillards 90: Degrees, Exams, Vacations and Vaccinations, Oh MY!


nelliebelle1197

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From the video they posted on instagram (no sound, just a song) it looks like they were trying. They show Jill taking at least three pregnancy tests with some of them negative. Jill is speaking to camera, so I presume they were filming it for youtube. They show them telling the boys and looking at a book on embryo/foetal development (I hope from Jill's midwifery rather than some pro life propaganda). If they were actively trying, i would expect them to announce another pregnancy sometime in the next few months.

 I do feel for her and I hope that she does have support from her sisters and friends.

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I really feel for the Dillards in a way I haven't felt for the others because it seems like their kids are wanted and treated as individuals. I think any additional kids will have a chance to grow up in a caring and supportive household.

They're not perfect at all, but unfortunately they share beliefs with a large percentage of Americans these days so I can't say that makes them stand out.  

Which is not to say that I didn't have sympathy, a miscarriage is terrible. It just seems different.

Edited by GuineaPigCourtship
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4 hours ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

I really feel for the Dillards in a way I haven't felt for the others because it seems like their kids are wanted and treated as individuals. I think any additional kids will have a chance to grow up in a caring and supportive household.

From the various blog entries and YouTube videos I've watched, I don't think the Dillards are into breeding for numbers. The boys are older so it's a bit easier to go back to the newborn phase. Izzy is definitely out of diapers and I would think that if Sam isn't totally trained yet, it's within reach (I don't know for sure if Sam is 100% potty trained, but it wouldn't surprise me either). 

I can see them having maybe 2 more, maybe 2 girls then stopping. I do not see them having more than 4. It seems they want a quiet, comfortable life and their plans do not include trying to homeschool a big passel of kids. Yes, they're still rather conservative but the distance from where Jill started to where she is now is HUGE. You never know what the next 10 years will bring!

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4 hours ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

I really feel for the Dillards in a way I haven't felt for the others because it seems like their kids are wanted and treated as individuals. I think any additional kids will have a chance to grow up in a caring and supportive household.

Man, so much this.

My heart goes out to them. I wonder how the boys are taking this :(

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9 minutes ago, Audrey2 said:

Just curious, because I don't have social media, has Jill said anything about Izzy and first grade?

She posted back at the end of August about him starting first grade with quite a few photos, including some with masks.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS7Q3UQrrGR/

Hopefully you can see the pictures in the link, even without social media sign up.

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8 hours ago, feministxtian said:

The boys are older so it's a bit easier to go back to the newborn phase. Izzy is definitely out of diapers and I would think that if Sam isn't totally trained yet, it's within reach (I don't know for sure if Sam is 100% potty trained, but it wouldn't surprise me either). 

Sam is 4 years, 3 months, so he is quite likely potty trained, at least during the day, and probably would be during night by the time a new baby comes around. 

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2 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

Sam is 4 years, 3 months, so he is quite likely potty trained, at least during the day, and probably would be during night by the time a new baby comes around. 

Yeah, he's probably fully housebroken*** by now. For some reason I thought he was 3-ish. 

**I used to make jokes about potty training my kids. My mom group thought they were pretty funny,

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I don't want to take away from the sadness of the miscarriage, but reading Sam's age all I can think is I can't believe Jill of all people will intentionally have at least 5 years between kids! In all total seriousness, while of course they remain problematic in some ways, I'm really proud of the Dillards and Jill in particular.  They have at least some capacity for critical thinking and I think that's fantastic for them and their kids.  I actually wish them well.

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I feel sorry for anyone that has a miscarriage but I also find it very weird to give the baby a name so early. 
 

I have had 2 miscarriages of my own but I never have thought to have given them a name especially in the first trimester.

 

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If Sam is already 4, then Jill will have her 3rd child mostly to herself with Sam starting school around the time or before the baby is born.  I can't see them not trying for at least another one, probably another 2 close in age.  The contrast between Jill's experience with her 3rd baby, managing a school run but just her and baby number 3 in the day and everyone else in her family's third babies will be huge.

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2 hours ago, Jrodseyeliner said:

I feel sorry for anyone that has a miscarriage but I also find it very weird to give the baby a name so early. 
 

I have had 2 miscarriages of my own but I never have thought to have given them a name especially in the first trimester.

 

My thought is that it's partially the view of a child being a child since conception, but also just a coping/grieving thing. My sister's first pregnancy was a miscarriage within the first 8 weeks, but it was clear to them from the start to refer to <insert name> instead of just miscarried child.

What I like is that they used a gender neutral name as they didn't know were it to be a girl or a boy. Not sure if the kid would've been River had the pregnancy gone full term, but, beautiful none the less.

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Those photos are so sweet and ordinary and wholesome. Jill is clearly excited for her kids to do things she probably barely knew existed when she was their age. Aside from the ongoing problem of them still believing in a great deal of nonsense about how people do, I hope some of the younger siblings can be influenced by their simple but relatively normal life. The follow-up generation could be more culturally and socially literate through broadened exposure in school. 

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7 hours ago, FrumperedCat said:

She posted back at the end of August about him starting first grade with quite a few photos, including some with masks.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS7Q3UQrrGR/

Hopefully you can see the pictures in the link, even without social media sign up.

Thank you for this link. 

I've seen several moms of elementary students who are pregnant. There's a five year gap between my sister and I and four years between my sister and (surprise) brother. Mom says she enjoyed the time when she just had one child at home and the other or others in school so she could really focus on the youngest 

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5 hours ago, Jrodseyeliner said:

I feel sorry for anyone that has a miscarriage but I also find it very weird to give the baby a name so early. 
 

I have had 2 miscarriages of my own but I never have thought to have given them a name especially in the first trimester.

 

me neither (actually I did for my first one, when I was very young) but it doesn't bother me when other people do it. People figure this stuff out in their own way, and particularly with Jill's background they'll be thinking of the pregnancy as an entity and not just the potential to be one. Whatever helps them through, in my opinion.

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5 hours ago, Audrey2 said:

Thank you for this link. 

I've seen several moms of elementary students who are pregnant. There's a five year gap between my sister and I and four years between my sister and (surprise) brother. Mom says she enjoyed the time when she just had one child at home and the other or others in school so she could really focus on the youngest 

This. There's more than one pregnant mom doing the pre-K run at Elder's school and I like having a couple of hours with just the youngest while the oldest is at school.

Poor Jill, especially if this was a planned and wanted pregnancy. I hope she and Derick are getting support and help with the boys while they're hurting.

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I have empathy for them, going through a miscarriage. I remember the events surrounding Sam's birth were concerning. If they do go on to have more kids, I really hope she has accepted that she isn't a good candidate for home birth and gets good prenatal care and delivers in a hospital. NOT that I think this pregnancy had anything to do with that- she was so early on she probably hadn't even had a doctor's appt yet. I just kind of thought they were stopping at two because of the previous complications. 

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18 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

I just kind of thought they were stopping at two because of the previous complications. 

I actually think they've been pretty clear that they did want at least one more kid. Derek said explicitly in the video where they shared they were intentionally preventing that they would stop preventing when (not if) they wanted to get pregnant again. He also made another statement in the past about 2 kids being for quitters which at the time I found unbelievably bad but having witnessed their subsequent evolution I'm willing to view as some kind of attempt at humor gone wrong.

 

I'm very sure she'll be pregnant again quickly and I hope it will go smoothly. At this time, despite the past, I'm very optimistic they will seek out appropriate medical care and don't see a real reason to be concerned they won't.  They have changed a lot since 4 years ago.

 

Now hopefully I won't have to eat my words 🙃

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On 10/13/2021 at 7:38 AM, AprilQuilt said:

me neither (actually I did for my first one, when I was very young) but it doesn't bother me when other people do it. People figure this stuff out in their own way, and particularly with Jill's background they'll be thinking of the pregnancy as an entity and not just the potential to be one. Whatever helps them through, in my opinion.

I did name my miscarried baby because to me, she was a person (yes, I did know the sex even though it was early) but I also know people who couldn’t give the baby a name because it would make it real and they were trying to pretend the loss hadn’t happened. My best friend is in this category. It’s been 13 years, two healthy, children and she still hasn’t begun to heal. It’s heartbreaking. That said, for others it’s not a baby yet, it’s just cells and that way of thinking is totally legitimate too. Everyone defines personhood as beginning at a different point and in my opinion, no view is wrong. 
I think that Jill will fare much better than Lauren because she’s able to seek therapy for loss  and isn’t defined by her ability to reproduce. I’m actually kinda happy that all of the young women have been so open about pregnancy loss because it helps to bring it out of the shadows. Miscarriage needs to be destigmatized and recognized as loss. 

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On 10/11/2021 at 2:13 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I was thinking Jill might want to get pregnant again once Derick graduated. It’s too bad she miscarried. I hope her parents don’t push that crap that birth control causes miscarriages. 

I worried about the same thing when I read about the miscarriage.  It would be very sad if on top of everything else, she started feeling the miscarriage was her fault.

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On 10/13/2021 at 3:30 AM, Jrodseyeliner said:

I feel sorry for anyone that has a miscarriage but I also find it very weird to give the baby a name so early. 
 

I have had 2 miscarriages of my own but I never have thought to have given them a name especially in the first trimester.

 

With my three miscarriages I had boy and girl names floating around but no assigned name.   

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I don’t find it strange that they named the baby they lost. What would they refer it to, “the baby”?  I’ve known many people that lost babies and most gave them names, something to hold on to, I guess.

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Almost every pregnant person I know over the last 12 months(so around 10 people, there’s been a baby boom where I work) have gotten the early blood tests that tells them gender.  So before they’re out of the first trimester they’re telling everyone the baby’s name and referring to the baby by name.  
So naming a miscarriage doesn’t seem weird to me.  It seems to be the norm to be finding the gender and publicly naming the baby very early. 

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On 10/16/2021 at 5:28 PM, sableduck said:

Almost every pregnant person I know over the last 12 months(so around 10 people, there’s been a baby boom where I work) have gotten the early blood tests that tells them gender.  So before they’re out of the first trimester they’re telling everyone the baby’s name and referring to the baby by name.  
So naming a miscarriage doesn’t seem weird to me.  It seems to be the norm to be finding the gender and publicly naming the baby very early. 

Interesting, in my friend group which has had a baby boom as well (12 babies over the last few years, two this month!), Each couple has had the NIPT to rule out chromosomal disorders and also to find out the sex. Nobody has announced a pregnancy until the second trimester and nobody has announced sex or name until birth.

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It’s funny how announcements can be so regional/cultural. As far as miscarriage goes, it’s much more individualized. I have had three and I see each one as different. One was really a chemical pregnancy but I call it an early miscarriage. If I had not tested a few days early I never would have known about it. The second was the hardest because there was a HB but at 7.5 weeks it was also early. The third stopped developing before 6 weeks but would not abort itself, so I had a D&C at when I would have been around 10 weeks. That one was actually the easiest.

It’s healthy to share about pregnancy loss, whatever your belief is, as long as you don’t force it on others.

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