Jana Duggar 12: Will She or Won't She?

[louisa05]

6 minutes ago, meep said:

I told my then-boyfriend, don't ever dare propose to me with a diamond ring. They are way overpriced and have no resale value. I asked for either a Morganite or Moissanite. I ended up with a lab grown moissanite as the center stone set in yellow gold with a diamond halo and diamonds going around the band from an independent jeweler. It's drop-dead gorgeous! It wasn't exactly cheap, but we wouldn't have afforded something like this if the center stone was a diamond. I hate people who are jewelry snobs. Especially with things like wedding rings/bands, that is such a personal thing. If people want Walmart or expensive diamonds or whatever, let them enjoy their things!!! I'd have no problem with a Walmart ring. Actually, while I am going to get a matching wedding band, I also really want a ~$100 gold Claddagh ring to use as a wedding band too when I don't feel like using the full set (I'm marrying an [American] Irishman!). 

You have to consider how much you intend to wear the rings. My nephew spent $35 on his wife's engagement ring. (And, yes, he could have afforded more since he had a decent job at the time he bought it and my brother was still paying over half of his expenses--he was a senior in college). It had three created gemstones and was silver but clearly not sterling. It's four years old and tarnishing and one of the three stones is gone. She is upset because she can't really wear it anymore and had worn it every day. If you don't intend to regularly wear a ring, then that can figure into the choice. Another relative got an opal. Opals are beautiful, but they're soft. It was damaged ten years in. Not a great choice as she wore it daily. 

I also think it is a decision a couple should make together. Nephew's wife likely would have been smart enough to at least make sure it was actually sterling silver. 

 

[meep]

7 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

You have to consider how much you intend to wear the rings. My nephew spent $35 on his wife's engagement ring. (And, yes, he could have afforded more since he had a decent job at the time he bought it and my brother was still paying over half of his expenses--he was a senior in college). It had three created gemstones and was silver but clearly not sterling. It's four years old and tarnishing and one of the three stones is gone. She is upset because she can't really wear it anymore and had worn it every day. If you don't intend to regularly wear a ring, then that can figure into the choice. Another relative got an opal. Opals are beautiful, but they're soft. It was damaged ten years in. Not a great choice as she wore it daily. 

I also think it is a decision a couple should make together. Nephew's wife likely would have been smart enough to at least make sure it was actually sterling silver. 

 

Yeah I agree. I definitely think there's a difference between "we made this decision together and it's right for what we want/what we're expecting" vs someone obviously just trying to cheap out on something. 

I originally thought about wanting a pearl but I've never owned one and knew nothing about them. It was news to me that they're incredibly soft and wouldn't last long at all as an engagement ring worn often. Glad I researched! 

[HereticHick]

I lost my Tiffany's 😪 engagement ring a while ago and I was able to find a "estate" (aka "used") certified replacement at an independent jeweler (via Ebay!) for a great price. Kinda wish we had gone that route the first time. Plus, I try to buy used clothing and jewelry when possible, so having an "estate" ring makes me happy.

[tankgirl]

The right ring for the right person is totally key! A person might be able to afford a large center stone ring and love the look, but if they keep hitting the high center it's not the ring for them, super cheap doesn't rarely work for someone who wants a daily wearer, but might find a second hand ring at a great price that is perfect. It is about balancing lifestyle, personality and budget. 

My engagement ring is more standard but a actual vintage ring, my wedding ring I found for $150 on Ebay it is vintage and is perfect, but not traditional in shape. But I knew what I wanted and was waiting to find the right price as I worked in jewellery so knew enough to get the right price. I love the ring still and when I had the ring checked, more to make sure I didn't get conned on Ebay, I was told retail was a bit more then I paid. Second hand is definitely not a bad way to go, but only if you are knowledgeable on exactly what you want and going rates. 

 

[Smash!]

On 9/19/2021 at 4:53 AM, Queen Of Hearts said:

I can tell you the mark-ups are insane and would probably make you sick.  The mall and chain jewelers are the worst. 

But wasn‘t the original use of an engagement ring that the woman had something of worth to sell if her husband died?

Even our simple silver rings costed around 100 USD per piece at a retail jeweler just because they were labeled as partner rings.

[Sullie06]

On 9/16/2021 at 5:47 PM, sixcatatty said:

I agree. My mother wore hers for the 3.5 years she lived after my father died. Some people raised eyebrows but we both agreed that she should be buried wearing them. I had my own ring and my brother couldn't handle seeing her ring on someone else, even his wife or daughter.

My Grandmother wore her rings for the 15 years after my Grandfather's death. It never occurred to me that people wouldn't. I now wear her rings as my wedding set as she left them to me in her will. 

[Four is Enough]

My father insisted on burying my mother with her engagement and wedding rings, and a necklace with both their high school rings, and a heart pendant he designed with their initials, rubies, (her birthstone) and diamonds. It had been a 50th anniversary gift..

When he died, we buried him with his wedding and birthstone (emerald) ring, watch, and bracelet he always wore.. and the remote in his hand..😄

[GreenBeans]

Are engagement and wedding rings a big deal in the US?

I find it fascinating how everyone seems to have a story and an opinion about rings here.

Where I’m from, I think engagement rings aren’t that much of a thing. Most people who are married have wedding rings, but I’ve never heard friends or family talk about the type of ring they have, the price, the budget etc. of wedding rings. There isn’t a social expectation (at least in my circles) for the man to go all out on an engagement or wedding ring or spend a certain minimum amount. Couples tend to go out and choose them together. And will often pay for them together, too, because most couples already live together when they decide to get married, and feel that big purchases should be shared.

I didn’t even look into wedding rings when we got married. We both forgot about it. So I don’t really know what an “average” (not cheap, but nothing fancy, not crazy expensive) set of wedding rings would cost. I’ll go check and report back! 😁

[Nothing if not critical]

Just now, GreenBeans said:

Are engagement and wedding rings a big deal in the US?

I find it fascinating how everyone seems to have a story and an opinion about rings here.

Where I’m from, I think engagement rings aren’t that much of a thing. Most people who are married have wedding rings, but I’ve never heard friends or family talk about the type of ring they have, the price, the budget etc. of wedding rings. There isn’t a social expectation (at least in my circles) for the man to go all out on an engagement or wedding ring or spend a certain minimum amount. Couples tend to go out and choose them together. And will often pay for them together, too, because most couples already live together when they decide to get married, and feel that big purchases should be shared.

I didn’t even look into wedding rings when we got married. We both forgot about it. So I don’t really know what an “average” (not cheap, but nothing fancy, not crazy expensive) set of wedding rings would cost. I’ll go check and report back! 😁

Pretty much same here. We actually did go and look at rings before we got married, but the only set we liked was super expensive, and since neither of us really would have worn it regularly, we decided against rings and spent the money on our honeymoon instead. Never regretted it for a moment. We know we belong together, with or without rings *shrugs*.

[Alisamer]

23 minutes ago, GreenBeans said:

Are engagement and wedding rings a big deal in the US?

Yes, as a generalization. Individually, it's super variable, but overall, if you say "engagement" in the US most people are going to visualize someone down on one knee with a diamond ring being offered up. "Ring bearer" is a common job for young boys, in wedding ceremonies. Professional photographers are going to want to take photos of the rings, and also probably photos of the couple's hands with rings on after the ceremony. Engagement photos are going to be showing the engagement ring. I remember when my aunt got engaged when I was a kid, the first thing she did when we saw her was to show us her ring to ooh and ah over. 

I think it's largely very successful marketing from the diamond industry, really. I remember ages ago seeing commercials saying that "three months salary" was the most proper price to pay for an engagement ring. Diamonds, of course. 

My mom, in the early 70s, didn't get an engagement ring and they had simple gold bands as wedding rings. My sister has a custom platinum and diamond set, and her hubby has a titanium ring or similar. I know a couple who just got engaged, both women, who proposed to each other - each offering rings that suited the other person (one a simple band with a small diamond set in it, I think, the other with a traditional diamond engagement ring, offered up in a Harry Potter themed box). It's customary here to propose with a ring, even if it's just a placeholder ring. I've even seen diamond dealers who will sell their diamonds in a temporary setting to propose with, so the couple can later have the diamond re-set however they choose. 

These days people do whatever they want, but as a general expectation if someone announces an engagement chances are somebody is going to ask to see a photo of the ring to admire. 

But yeah if I was to ever get engaged and married, I'd have rings. They'd be important to me. They wouldn't necessarily need to be diamond (I like the idea of moissanite, or would LOVE to have a really nice pale aquamarine which is my birthstone) or even traditional, but I'd have rings on my left ring finger.

In the spoiler are photos I took of my friends' wedding rings, with the bride's necklaces (heirlooms) and her bouquet, and the box with their new last initial that her daughter carried as flower girl instead of a basket.

Spoiler

 

[catlady]

1 hour ago, Alisamer said:

I think it's largely very successful marketing from the diamond industry, really. I remember ages ago seeing commercials saying that "three months salary" was the most proper price to pay for an engagement ring. Diamonds, of course. 
 

I’ve heard this too.  @Queen Of Hearts would have better info since she worked in the industry, but I’m pretty sure it was DeBeers or a similar company that began marketing diamond rings as engagement rings in the early 20th century because they wanted to sell more of them.  Spending two/three months’ salary was also a marketing campaign.  And it became a thing.

 
I like sparkly jewelry as much as anyone else, but having been poor through my teens and twenties my personal priorities involve not spending money where I don’t need to.  Rhinestones are as shiny as a diamond, so I’m content to buy those instead.  This is also why I never got around to fixing my engagement ring even though I can afford to now; I’d rather direct my spending money elsewhere.

 

oopsie on the quote box below; my phone got wonky and I can’t delete it.

1 hour ago, Alisamer said:

  Hide contents

 

[Coconut Flan]

My great-grandmothers only had wedding bands, my grandmothers only had bands, and my mother's first marriage she only had a gold band.  The marketing campaigns seemed to really kick in around the 1960s or early 70s maybe.  

[meep]

19 hours ago, Smash! said:

But wasn‘t the original use of an engagement ring that the woman had something of worth to sell if her husband died?

Even our simple silver rings costed around 100 USD per piece at a retail jeweler just because they were labeled as partner rings.

 

That's interesting, I've actually never heard of that! 

[nvmbr02]

2 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

My great-grandmothers only had wedding bands, my grandmothers only had bands, and my mother's first marriage she only had a gold band.  The marketing campaigns seemed to really kick in around the 1960s or early 70s maybe.  

Both my grandmothers were married in the early to mid 50's and they both had a wedding ring set, but nothing like what is typical these days. My maternal grandmother's wedding set is platinum, the engagement ring is a thick band with a diamond cluster set in a flower shape with a skinny matching band. My paternal grandmother had a yellow gold solitaire and matching band. Her diamond was tiny by today's standards, maybe 1/4 carat? She actually lost the diamond when I was a young girl and my grandfather bought her a new one for their 50th anniversary. My grand grandparents all had simple bands. 

[Dominionatrix]

According to the Little House books, Almanzo Wilder proposed to Laura Ingalls with garnet-and pearl ring with a gold band, and her best friend, Ida, also wore an engagement ring. This would have been the 1880s . However, the books were written in the 20th century. 

[louisa05]

2 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

My great-grandmothers only had wedding bands, my grandmothers only had bands, and my mother's first marriage she only had a gold band.  The marketing campaigns seemed to really kick in around the 1960s or early 70s maybe.  

Both of my grandmothers had modest sized diamonds. Married in 1933 and 1941. I did a bit of reading about it awhile back. The notion that DeBeers invented the engagement ring is a bit exaggerated. Engagement rings were common long before. Diamond engagement rings were typical for wealthy people a century before that marketing and were beginning to catch on with middle class by the time of their initial campaign. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

On 9/20/2021 at 1:36 AM, Smash! said:

But wasn‘t the original use of an engagement ring that the woman had something of worth to sell if her husband died?

Even our simple silver rings costed around 100 USD per piece at a retail jeweler just because they were labeled as partner rings.

Engagement rings were started really as jewelry to mark commitment and then for DeBeers to make money off Apartheid. DeBeers made them common place starting in the 1940s with their slogan "A diamond is forever."

There is some speculation that a ring could resold, but that in case she was jilted and her reputation was tarnished.

[Smee]

I loved every minute of my wedding, and I had beautiful rings which cost a packet. But here I am, separated. When we first got engaged, Mr Smee had the ring made for me as a surprise and I didn’t like it (the style was too chunky for my taste) so we ended up getting it altered and having 2 diamonds taken out. I always intended to get those diamonds made into something for each of our daughters, and still haven’t got around to it, so maybe I’ll see what can be done with the rings too. The girls are 5 and 7, so I’m envisioning a gift for something like an 18th birthday or graduation.

[Grace]

9 hours ago, Dominionatrix said:

According to the Little House books, Almanzo Wilder proposed to Laura Ingalls with garnet-and pearl ring with a gold band, and her best friend, Ida, also wore an engagement ring. This would have been the 1880s . However, the books were written in the 20th century. 

Anne Shirley also got an engagement ring from Gilbert Blythe. Anne of Windy Poplars, where the ring is first mentioned, was published in 1936.

Now I really need a documentary on the history of engagement rings. 😁

Edited September 21, 2021 by Grace

[Bassett Lady]

One grandmother had a huge engagement solitaire that she wore for special occasions plus a coordinating band she wore every day.

 

The other grandmother had a simple wedding band and she had a diamond engagement broach she wore to fancy things. She wanted diamonds, but didn’t want them on her hands. She also had a diamond festooned tiara she wore when she got married. She was born in 1903 and the tiara belonged to her grandmother. 
 

She later had the diamonds from the tiara reworked into a bracelet. 
 

One great-aunt had a Pearl engagement ring, but she only wore it for special occasions. She wore a ruby ring with her wedding band on a daily basis. 
 

Some sleuths found the 1884 Ward’s catalog carried a garnet and Pearl ring and theorize that it was probably the ring Almanzo ordered for Laura. The museum carries a replica of the probable ring.

 

 

Edited September 21, 2021 by Bassett Lady

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, Bassett Lady said:

One grandmother had a huge engagement solitaire that she wore for special occasions plus a coordinating band she wore every day.

 

The other grandmother had a simple wedding band and she had a diamond engagement broach she wore to fancy things. She wanted diamonds, but didn’t want them on her hands. She also had a diamond festooned tiara she wore when she got married. She was born in 1903 and the tiara belonged to her grandmother. 
 

She later had the diamonds from the tiara reworked into a bracelet. 
 

One great-aunt had a Pearl engagement ring, but she only wore it for special occasions. She wore a ruby ring with her wedding band on a daily basis. 
 

Some sleuths found the 1884 Ward’s catalog carried a garnet and Pearl ring and theorize that it was probably the ring Almanzo ordered for Laura. The museum carries a replica of the probable ring.

 

 

That’s actually pretty. I like it. But it would still be too bulky for me to wear everyday. 

[Four is Enough]

22 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

Are engagement and wedding rings a big deal in the US?

I find it fascinating how everyone seems to have a story and an opinion about rings here.

For me, the big deal with the engagement ring was that Mr. Four wanted me to look at them with him... I said no at first, "buy me something practical.. like a couch."

But he wouldn't. He wanted an engagement ring, so I insisted he speak to the jeweler about his monetary limit before hand. I didn't want to go ga-ga over something he couldn't afford.

For our wedding rings, I wanted something I could stand to look at every day for the rest of my life.. so yeah. I wanted input. Luckily we agreed. 35 years next month.

 

Oh, and I like the LIW ring! I love garnets!

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

For me, the big deal with the engagement ring was that Mr. Four wanted me to look at them with him... I said no at first, "buy me something practical.. like a couch."

But he wouldn't. He wanted an engagement ring, so I insisted he speak to the jeweler about his monetary limit before hand. I didn't want to go ga-ga over something he couldn't afford.

For our wedding rings, I wanted something I could stand to look at every day for the rest of my life.. so yeah. I wanted input. Luckily we agreed. 35 years next month.

 

Oh, and I like the LIW ring! I love garnets!

I love this story because my now husband said "Why a ring? Can't I get something practical? Like... a washer and dryer?" (that's the story he used to jokingly tell people.)

I love my ring - had zero input into it and I think by the time I started giving hints about color of band etc he already HAD it but he got it just right in my mind. I know people who said "Oh - I'm going to upgrade in a year" (from a really not badly sized ring) etc and - I have zero desire to change mine out at all. It's exactly perfect (19 years later) 

[CreationMuseumCurator]

7 hours ago, Smee said:

I loved every minute of my wedding, and I had beautiful rings which cost a packet. But here I am, separated. When we first got engaged, Mr Smee had the ring made for me as a surprise and I didn’t like it (the style was too chunky for my taste) so we ended up getting it altered and having 2 diamonds taken out. I always intended to get those diamonds made into something for each of our daughters, and still haven’t got around to it, so maybe I’ll see what can be done with the rings too. The girls are 5 and 7, so I’m envisioning a gift for something like an 18th birthday or graduation.

I loved my ring, too. It was a three stone ring with a lovely matching band, and one of the side stones was from my late mother's engagement ring. Unfortunately, a beautiful ring can't outshine a toxic marriage. My ex and I had no children, so when we divorced, I had my mom's diamond taken out and turned into a beautiful necklace for myself that I enjoy wearing to this day. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

20 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

My great-grandmothers only had wedding bands, my grandmothers only had bands, and my mother's first marriage she only had a gold band.  The marketing campaigns seemed to really kick in around the 1960s or early 70s maybe.  

My great great grandfather owned a jewelry store (this is just a big coincidence to my own future career path and not connected).  Anyway, he made my great great grandmother's engagement ring. It was an Amethyst with a diamond embedded in the middle and an engraved band.  This would have been around the late 1800s I would guess, so engagement rings were a thing back then.