Jana Duggar 12: Will She or Won't She?

[Destiny]

On a variation of this topic: what have divorced FJers done with their old rings? I worked hard for mine (I paid for most of my own set) and I don't want to pawn for pennies, but I also don't want to have a ring set I love sitting in a drawer.

ETA: the set has 12ish smaller diamonds and one larger one on the engagement ring part of the set.

Edited September 16, 2021 by Destiny

[GreenBeans]

2 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

My original engagement ring was from Wal-Mart. We are nether lazy or white trash. My now husband and I however were young (he was 19 and I was 20). He worked his butt off, had two jobs at the time, and did the best with what he had. We had been together for 3 years at that point so not rushing into anything. Ironically, the ring he got me (at lot more than $5 I will add) at WalMart, we found the matching wedding band at Kay Jewelers a year later.

We've been married for 15 years now (together for 20) and he upgraded my rings a few years ago with my late Grandmother's wedding set that had been left to me in her will. He had them resized, repaired and cleaned and then bought me a matching anniversary band. Sometimes it's not about the money or the ring, a ring is just a ring at the end of the day. 

There is absolutely no need to justify your wedding choices.

Me and my husband had a courthouse wedding, wearing a basic suit (him) and dress (me) from our closets. We had no rings, and it my sister in law hadn’t thought of buying a bouquet, we wouldn’t have had any flowers, either. Things were crazy busy and neither of us had even thought about getting rings.

So what? We’d been together for 12 years and never bothered to get married. In the end we did, because it turned out it’s more practical, for legal and tax reasons, when buying an apartment and having a baby. But it just wasn’t a big deal for us. We had our family (parents and siblings) there, went for a nice meal (nothing fancy) afterwards, and that was that.

It was the right wedding for us, and that’s all that matters.

[HereticHick]

45 minutes ago, Destiny said:

On a variation of this topic: what have divorced FJers done with their old rings? I worked hard for mine (I paid for most of my own set) and I don't want to pawn for pennies, but I also don't want to have a ring set I love sitting in a drawer.

ETA: the set has 12ish smaller diamonds and one larger one on the engagement ring part of the set.

Girl, wear those rings. You earned them. If its too weird to wear them on another finger, have them made into another piece of jewelry.

[Alisamer]

47 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Girl, wear those rings. You earned them. If its too weird to wear them on another finger, have them made into another piece of jewelry.

I agree. If you don't want to wear them as-is, get the diamonds put in a different setting. Metal is reusable, diamonds can be re-set. One of my dad's cousins has had her engagement diamond re-set multiple times as trends and her tastes changed. Do what you want with them, but definitely enjoy them. 

[catlady]

i have a friend who had her diamond re-set in a pendant.  i don't recall if she used the metal from the ring, but it would have been possible.

resetting your dozen small diamonds might be labor-intensive and possibly costly, but they'd probably turn into a lovely necklace or bracelet.

[quiversR4hunting]

1 hour ago, Destiny said:

On a variation of this topic: what have divorced FJers done with their old rings? I worked hard for mine (I paid for most of my own set) and I don't want to pawn for pennies, but I also don't want to have a ring set I love sitting in a drawer.

ETA: the set has 12ish smaller diamonds and one larger one on the engagement ring part of the set.

I have the same question!

I am not going to wear it but have thought of having the gold melted down and make 3 pendants for each of my daughters. I only have 1 diamond, don't know what to do with that, I wonder if it can be divided and put into each pendant 

[Alisamer]

4 minutes ago, catlady said:

i have a friend who had her diamond re-set in a pendant.  i don't recall if she used the metal from the ring, but it would have been possible.

resetting your dozen small diamonds might be labor-intensive and possibly costly, but they'd probably turn into a lovely necklace or bracelet.

Or maybe the small diamonds could be left as-is, the big diamond re-set into something else, and the empty setting where the big diamond was filled with another stone like a birthstone. That way it's the same ring she loves, essentially, but without the baggage of it being an "engagement ring". 

[catlady]

3 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

I have the same question!

I am not going to wear it but have thought of having the gold melted down and make 3 pendants for each of my daughters. I only have 1 diamond, don't know what to do with that, I wonder if it can be divided and put into each pendant 

not a gemologist, but i like to read about them......you'd most likely have to get your individual stone evaluated to see if it could be cut without damaging it and in what shapes/portions.  if it can't be cut in three, they would probably be able to offer suggestions on how to share it and the metal between three items.

[Queen Of Hearts]

Long, ranty post ahead - sorry!

I love flashy jewelry, especially rings.  So much so that I worked for a well known chain jeweler for a couple decades.  But 90% of the jewelry that I own are pieces that had belonged to relatives (including my large and glitzy and some might say gaudy engagement/wedding band - each if the stones has a history and a story and I love it because of that).  I prefer these because of the sentimental value versus anything I could have bought at the store. Plus, I saw the markup in the mall chain stores and even with my discount felt I was overpaying if I purchased from my employer, and also saw the dark underbelly of the industry in later years in my career and didn't feel right contributing.  But like someone else up thread said, "you do you". The jewelry we sold was beautiful and made many people very happy and gave them memories that will hopefully be passed down generation to generation, just like the jewelry I have has been. No one should be put down for their choices in jewelry or how they got them.  That $20 Walmart ring may lead to the happiest 75 year marriage while the $10k diamond from the mall chain may be a painful reminder of a bad divorce in a decade.  The ring means nothing.  

That said, having worked in the jewelry industry for as long as I did I can tell you the mark-ups are insane and also most of the products are not made any more ethically than the stuff from Walmart. So insulting someone for getting rings at Walmart due to the 'ethics' is very misguided.  And bashing someone for how little they paid is just snobbish (also misguided as it is possible the Walmart pieces are simply not as highly marked-up).  When I say that some of the mall chain pieces are marked up 80-90% over cost I am not exaggerating!

Knowing what I know about the industry I would personally never buy another piece of fine jewelry from a national chain jeweler.  I am happy with my inherited pieces but if I was in the market for something new I would have something custom made from a local independent jeweler where I at least know they are getting a fair wage for their creation.  But....... I also get excited for my friends who buy a new piece (be it Walmart or Tiffany's or a mall chain) and as long as it is bringing them joy, that is what is important.  

Sorry for the long rant.  But the troll hit a nerve.  I worked too long in an industry where customers were pressured to go into debt to buy 'the best' and shamed into thinking that a cheap ring somehow was a reflection of the person or their feelings for each other and that is just SO WRONG.  

 

13 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

I have the same question!

I am not going to wear it but have thought of having the gold melted down and make 3 pendants for each of my daughters. I only have 1 diamond, don't know what to do with that, I wonder if it can be divided and put into each pendant 

Unless the stone is very huge this is likely not possible.  Nor would melting the gold down to make three pendant settings really be possible nor cost effective.  From a cost perspective, you could try selling the ring and then use the proceeds to buy/make three pendants with your daughter's birth stones (or do something cool with all their birthstones plus yours so you all have the same pendant).  While there would be no part of the original ring, the story would be that the ring made the gift of the pendants possible.  

Edited September 16, 2021 by Queen Of Hearts

[browngrl]

2 hours ago, Destiny said:

On a variation of this topic: what have divorced FJers done with their old rings?

One of my friends took her engagement ring +wedding ring and had them reworked by a local jewelry artist. The artist turned the set into two rings with some added stones and she was able to give each of her daughters (daughters were with her new husband, had no children with her ex) a lovely ring. Because there was only one diamond she worked out a deal with the jeweller to exchange the diamond (was a good size and good quality) for some other stones (not diamonds but lovely nonetheless). It cost her a fair bit but she chose the stones/style with each of her daughters so they both got a special memento.

 She said afterwards she could have just bought two new rings but the value was the time spent with her daughters.

Edited September 16, 2021 by browngrl
forgot to say something so added it

[SassyPants]

A friend of ours took the rings and had them melted down. She used the money for a dental implant. 

[sixcatatty]

5 hours ago, catlady said:

Here’s my ring story:  Mr CL bought a ring set at a mall for his first fiancée when he was 19.  They broke up a few weeks later, and he stashed the rings in his parents’ safe deposit box.  Fast forward about four years to when he and I got married, and I now have those same rings.  I’ve been wearing only the band for more than 15 years because the diamond fell out of the engagement ring and we never bothered to get it replaced.  We had our 25th anniversary during lockdown last year.  @Flossie is right:  at the end of the day, it’s just jewelry.

Our wedding, including rings, cost less than $400 nearly 38 years ago. We upgraded my ring for our 25th in 2008. I can't wear it now because my fingers are permanently swollen from psoriatic arthropathy. At the end of the day, rings are simply rings.

[Karma]

Wedding ring sets were fashionable when we were married 29 years ago. But I wanted a plain gold wedding band, one which looked like a wedding ring, rather than the fashionable curved band with diamonds. I did later get an eternity ring with diamonds. Before I had my cancer surgery earlier this year I had my wedding band resized (I’d put on a kilo or 20 and it was tight).  With post op swelling and then subclinical lymphoedema in my left arm post surgery (I had a bilateral mastectomy and lymph node clearance) it was too tight to wear anyway.  Now, after being  in a compression glove and sleeve for months, the ring fits again.  Even though no one can see it, I like to wear it.  And I’m glad now that I opted for the plain band since I wouldn’t risk stones and a setting with the glove. 

[Not that josh's mom]

Some one asked if I intend to continue wearing my engagement and wedding ring since my husband died earlier this year. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't.  I wear my MiL'S  upgraded engagement ring between her original wedding ring and my mother's wedding band in my right hand. Do you wear your wedding ring after a death or not?

[Karma]

What a very odd question for someone to ask@Not that josh's mom.  You didn’t choose to end the marriage, your spouse died. Why wouldn’t you wear your rings?

[sixcatatty]

25 minutes ago, Karma said:

What a very odd question for someone to ask@Not that josh's mom.  You didn’t choose to end the marriage, your spouse died. Why wouldn’t you wear your rings?

I agree. My mother wore hers for the 3.5 years she lived after my father died. Some people raised eyebrows but we both agreed that she should be buried wearing them. I had my own ring and my brother couldn't handle seeing her ring on someone else, even his wife or daughter.

[Lavenderdilly]

1 hour ago, Not that josh's mom said:

Some one asked if I intend to continue wearing my engagement and wedding ring since my husband died earlier this year. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't.  I wear my MiL'S  upgraded engagement ring between her original wedding ring and my mother's wedding band in my right hand. Do you wear your wedding ring after a death or not?

I was 54 when I was widowed my one thing I would tell anyone is , there are no set rules for what you should feel or what you should do,

When your spouse dies you are free to do whatever you want and tell everyone else to butt out . I wore my rings for a number of years on my fingers and then, when I wanted to ,had them set onto a chain I could wear around my neck as and when it felt right for me. I still wear them occasionally and my current partner knows what they are and the memories they embody .He and I are grown ups and embrace both of our pasts and present.

It’s early days , your thoughts now should be for you , not what others think.

 

 

Edited September 16, 2021 by Lavenderdilly

[SweetLaurel]

47 minutes ago, Karma said:

What a very odd question for someone to ask@Not that josh's mom.  You didn’t choose to end the marriage, your spouse died. Why wouldn’t you wear your rings?

I am on a lot of widow groups - it is not an odd question but one people angst over and worry about a lot.  Sometimes they want to take it off - and yet feel guilty and fear the judgement.  Other times they want to keep it on and people tell them to move on, already! Or they feel badly 'he's dead, what am I proving'.  Or 'if he's watching over me, what will he think?'    It is a very real conundrum for most widows.   I wore mine consistantly for about 8 or 9 months and then put it off and on for about 6 more before I retired it.   

[Lavenderdilly]

3 minutes ago, SweetLaurel said:

I am on a lot of widow groups - it is not an odd question but one people angst over and worry about a lot.  Sometimes they want to take it off - and yet feel guilty and fear the judgement.  Other times they want to keep it on and people tell them to move on, already! Or they feel badly 'he's dead, what am I proving'.  Or 'if he's watching over me, what will he think?'    It is a very real conundrum for most widows.   I wore mine consistantly for about 8 or 9 months and then put it off and on for about 6 more before I retired it.   

And that was so right for you . 

[Coconut Flan]

Thankfully no one ever had the nerve to ask me, but I wore mine for at least a year and then replaced them with a very ambiguous jeweled band for a few more years until I got tired of wearing rings.  

[Wolf in Sheeples’ Clothing]

10 hours ago, Destiny said:

On a variation of this topic: what have divorced FJers done with their old rings? I worked hard for mine (I paid for most of my own set) and I don't want to pawn for pennies, but I also don't want to have a ring set I love sitting in a drawer.

ETA: the set has 12ish smaller diamonds and one larger one on the engagement ring part of the set.

I had a relative turn her’s into a ‘cocktail ring.’ 

[nvmbr02]

3 hours ago, SweetLaurel said:

I am on a lot of widow groups - it is not an odd question but one people angst over and worry about a lot.  Sometimes they want to take it off - and yet feel guilty and fear the judgement.  Other times they want to keep it on and people tell them to move on, already! Or they feel badly 'he's dead, what am I proving'.  Or 'if he's watching over me, what will he think?'    It is a very real conundrum for most widows.   I wore mine consistantly for about 8 or 9 months and then put it off and on for about 6 more before I retired it.   

I think it is completely normal for a widow/widower to have mixed feelings about when to take off their rings or to continue to wear them. But is still odd for someone else to ask if they are planning to keep wearing them.

FWIW, one of my grandmother's took off her rings a few months after my grandfather died. My other grandmother wore hers until she died (and was buried with it) more than 20 years later. 

My step father wore his for a couple of months after my mother passed. And he remarried about 18 months after she died.  I suspect that his desire to start dating again factored into the ring removal (all of which was totally fine with my sisters and I).

[Jrodseyeliner]

I am newly separated and have a beautiful engagement and wedding ring. I am going to see a jeweller when we open up again and see if I can get it b my arevinyo BC a dress ring with 2 extra stones. 

[feministxtian]

I wear my rings and his wedding band. My rings were an "upgrade" after I had to sell my rings when we were homeless. He was so proud to be able to replace my rings and when I started flipping out on price he told me that he wanted to do this for me. So I wear them, proudly. They were the last gift he gave me. Under them I wear his ring. He was so proud of that ring and what it meant. 

So...yeah, mushy as hell and all that stuff but that's why I just can't fathom taking my rings off. 

[Tdoc72]

8 hours ago, Not that josh's mom said:

Some one asked if I intend to continue wearing my engagement and wedding ring since my husband died earlier this year. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't.  I wear my MiL'S  upgraded engagement ring between her original wedding ring and my mother's wedding band in my right hand. Do you wear your wedding ring after a death or not?

I say do what you want.  
     Hubs of 23 years passed in January and I have no plans for taking mine off.  I had a cheap engagement ring that I took off after we got married. I wanted a plain gold band but he wanted a little fancier so we compromised.  The wife’s band came free when we bought the men’s at Sears for $300. After 20 years, it cracked so I just held it together w/ doctors tape. The next year, right before Xmas, one of the stones fell out so I said a new one can be my gift. I found a really similar one at JcPenney’s for $175. I’m quite happy with it.