Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro

[thoughtful]

On 9/7, Gary preached again at Bethel With the Piano in a Playpen.

As the video starts, Gary is in the pulpit saying: "  . . . all the kids got alohng. Ah used to drahve a school bus, an' ah drove 50 mahls - one way, an' ah was in South Dakota an' it was win'ertahm, an' the win'shield wahper ohn the bus - fell off. Quarter incha ahhhse, ah'm drivin', the had CBs ah don't know if you have CBs or not, they had CBs 'cause cellphones don't always work, so ah radieoed in or whatever ya call it ah said 'Mah win'shield wahper fell off' he said 'Well, can you stop? Git it!' Ah said 'Man, it's a quarter incha ahhhse, ah'm goin' 45 mahls an hour, no ah cain't stop an' git it!' 'Alraht, we'll see ya when ya git here, be careful, amen.'"

The congregation laughs.

"Ah know about buses amen. Jude! Look in Jude - that's the chapter right before Revelations."

"Ahhhse" is ice, in case you were wondering.

Here is another mystery of Gary's synapses. We hear months and months of the same references and stories, with his memories of his past being rigid and edited down to a few things - I only remember South Dakota, for many repetitions, being the setting for three things:

- one of his apprenticeships "under" a preacher (I think - he's always been vague about it, and I can't remember if he ever named the church or the pastor).
- the "drunk Indian" that came to them for food, then went off and got drunk again, and who AA (or possibly AAA) never helped.
- the "Wesleyan" teens who told him he could lose his salvation if he died in the middle of a "bad dream" (I tend to think he means a sexy dream, not a scary one).

I don't remember him ever mentioning his job as a school bus driver, and now he's intensely focused on it.

OK, back to what Gary is saying. He's just announced that the reading is to be from Jude, after spending at least a minute (who knows how much he'd said about the school bus before the video started) on his bus in the ice story , so one would think there must not be anything more important on his mind.

But one would be wrong. "Jude - ah  ah got went home last naht - bah the way, any of ya that ah told or whatever, ah am now ay-fishily a grandfather."

"Ay-fishily" is officially, in case you were wondering.

I need to take a break and recover.

Nothing on Becky's page yet.

Gary's priorities are so . . . interesting.

Edited September 10, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[Black Aliss]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Nick Logic. Is that anything like Nick Danger?

How nice on a rainy Friday morning to be reminded of Nick Danger, Third Eye!

[Xan]

32 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

On 9/7, Gary preached again at Bethel With the Piano in a Playpen.

As the video starts, Gary is in the pulpit saying: "  . . . all the kids got alohng. Ah used to drahve a school bus, an' ah drove 50 mahls - one way, an' ah was in South Dakota an' it was win'ertahm, an' the win'shield wahper ohn the bus - fell off. Quarter incha ahhhse, ah'm drivin', the had CBs ah don't know if you have CBs or not, they had CBs 'cause cellphones don't always work, so ah radieoed in or whatever ya call it ah said 'Mah win'shield wahper fell off' he said 'Well, can you stop? Git it!' Ah said 'Man, it's a quarter incha ahhhse, ah'm goin' 45 mahls an hour, no ah cain't stop an' git it!' 'Alraht, we'll see ya when ya git here, be careful, amen.'"

The congregation laughs.

"Ah know about buses amen. Jude! Look in Jude - that's the chapter right before Revelations."

"Ahhhse" is ice, in case you were wondering.

Here is another mystery of Gary's synapses. We hear months and months of the same references and stories, with his memories of his past being rigid and edited down to a few things - I only remember South Dakota, for many repetitions, being the setting for three things:

I think the South Dakota stuff is on his mind because of of the Bible school programs in which he was recently involved.  Gary's mind is pretty simple and if he is around kids who he might think are misbehaving, he'd probably flash back on that one time when he was employed as a school bus driver driving a bunch of rowdy kids.  

The late Mr. Xan had thought processes a bit like this.  If you mentioned something about a picnic, he'd dredge up a memory of being a kid at a picnic and relate that memory to all and sundry.  Every event had a corresponding memory of something in his life.  I loved the man but he did tend to think that we all were captivated with his stories about himself.

[thoughtful]

Continuing the 9/7 ramblings of Grandpa Gary (we need a shudder emoji):

"Now, how ah feel, ah haven't figgered that outchet, ah dunno if ah'm old, don't know if ah'm middle aged, but ah have got a grandbaby amen."

"Outchet" is out yet, in case you were wondering.

Yes, because it's all about whether or not you are old, Gary. The fact that there is a new human being on this earth, whether she's healthy, how cute she is, if your daughter is OK and how happy she is, if your son-in-law is happy and they are able to support this child - none of that matters.

Just Gary's vanity about age.

Wait - maybe I was wrong. Gary starts talking about how they ended up having to do a C-section. "The heart rate was goin' down" because the "bellical cord or whatever ya call that thang was wrapped around it's neck. But, uh, ended up bein' a good thing 'cause uh it wasn't as bad as they thought it was 'cause after ah talked t'mah daughter she was - she was in there takin' pictures, but uh . . . JUDE, if ya can ya willin' an' able stan' for the readin' a'th'worda God."

Hmmm . . . Gary caring about his daughter and granddaughter, or just enjoying gory medical stories as usual? A tough call.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=jude+20-23&version=KJV

Gary misreads verse 22, but not in his usual way (making the object into the subject), just substituting "having" for have.

I'm surprised that I've never heard him quote verse 23 before, that I can remember - it seems much more up his alley.

Quote

And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

More misreading - KJV: before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy
BGV: before the presence. Of his glory an' with ex - exilling joy

KJV:  To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.
BGV: To the only wahs God. An' our Saviour, be glory and ma- magnus - magnus - yeah, that word - dominion and power, now and ever. Amen.

"Look in verses 24 - er no, verses . . . 22 sorry 'bout that verses 22 an' it says some, havin' compassion, makin' a difference."

No. It doesn't, Gary. But at least you are now being consistent, since that is the way you usually fuck up this verse. It says:

Quote

And of some have compassion, making a difference:

Gary claims he couldn't sleep last night, after taking off his wet clothes (the AC in the church does not seem to be working, hence the fans) and taking a shower, and he doesn't know why.

Gary did not make the exact timing of his granddaughter's birth clear (of course), but he made some reference, before he got to the C-section, to his daughter going in to be induced. I have no idea if he knows what he's talking about, but, even if the baby wasn't born yet when he went to bed, it sounds like they knew it was due soon, or maybe even scheduled to be induced. And I assume Becky has been excited and worried and wishing she could be there.

And yet, his inability to sleep was a mystery to him. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit - maybe he wasn't even concerned or excited on a subconscious level.

Anyway, he got up, started looking in his Bible, and verse 22 "come ta ma mahnd." He launches into his list of what kind of days we're livin' in - difficult, dark, hard, wicked, ungodly.

Gary, what happened to "per'lous?" Oh, wait - that's "times," not "days."

Gary says that "not many people's makin' a difference," and "in the day an' hour we're livin' in, we need to make a difference."

Gary, this isn't a new thought you had while reading Jude last night. This is an old stale message, Grandpa liar.

He blathers, coos and yells stuff we've all heard many times from him - weak churches, lying news media making people "skeered" to go to church, he's not making light of the pandemic, he can't lose his salvation because it belongs to the Lord, saying we need to make a difference and misquoting the verse over and over, etc.

Here's what the captions do with four iterations of the word Baptist:

Spoiler

 

Back, baptist, badness and madness! Well, one out of four, anyway.

Finally, when Gary says "Ah'm talkin' 'bout the Baptists because ah am one," it just gives up and skips it:

Again, the captions seem to show Gary's hidden thoughts. He says that the Bible says that God is coming back on a day when we're not thinking. The caption says "a day when we're not faking."

Some of his fragmented babble seems to be saying that Jeff Carpenter is now hooked up to a ventilator and may not make it.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+24%3A15&version=KJV

More old stuff.

This was the day after the first post about a cell phone not being a Bible, so he talks about that, and how he was criticized, told he was wrong and that he had a bad attitude. "Mah mornin' did not start out good."

Gary, some people had clear, polite arguments and questions for you, including your usual fallback of asking for Biblical proof, and you just sulked.

But all you saw, and all you remember, is insults, most of them imagined.

More old shit, including "Ah'm not lookin' for persecution, but ah'm prob'ly gonna fahnd some - more than what ah git on Facebook."

If ________ (he mentions various people, sprinkled throughout the message) quits, Gary's still going on. This includes a claim that he told Becky "Hey, you pack your bags, you're leavin'. Go ahead. Ah'm goin' ohn f'r God."

When Gary rattles off the tortures, death and resurrection of Jesus, the captioning doesn't recognize "put in that borrowed tomb:"

Spoiler

It has some trouble with "John the revelator," also:

Spoiler

It is very difficult to get me to laugh out loud. But the captioning did it, when Gary said "Ah was talking to Brother LiGreci today:"

Spoiler

Again, the caption may know more than Gary. If I remember correctly, Brother LiGreci retired from this church due to ill health, so he may, indeed, be feeling a little crappy. Or maybe he's enjoying retirement, fishing for little crappies!

🐟  🎣

Brother LiGreci is thankful about what's going on at Bethel Baptist church. Hundreds of other churches are closing and unsaved people are watching. Bethel's neighbor, who mows their lawn and "scrapes the snow," could be their next member.

Right after that (no connection with what he just said, and  again, why is he hinting about Chris' past?) "Miss Michelle spilled every bit of Chris' guts today. She told me everything. She told me things ah didn't even need t'know amen!"

Then he says he was just joking.

But "if somethin' happens to Pastor Chris - ah hope it don't - but if something happens to Pastor Chris, ya just gotta bring another man in here an' move ohn."

Back to Brother Carpenter. He's got a congregation of about 60, "'bout half a dozen of 'em's got the Covid." Some of them are also in the hospital. And Gary starts talking about the "next one in line" for that church.

The church can go on "We just gotta make up our mahnd sometahms."

More later.

[thoughtful]

The captions inspired me.

In case you have forgotten, despite the many times he's said it, the reason Gary says he is like John the Revelator is that he wants the Rapture to come, even though it means the end of his life on earth.

John, that rebel, oh he wrote about some weird, scary bugs,
What a rebel! And it’s possible he took lots of drugs.
But life he didn’t care about, like everybody else does,
That’s the reason why talk of death is Gary’s buzz.
John said that life he’d spurn
If the Lord would just return!
Cause he was a rebel, oh oh oh,
He was a rebel, loved by our Gareeeee!

 

[postscript]

Checked Gary’s daughter’s Facebook. 2 days ago, she posted that the baby was here as of “yesterday.” That would make birth 3 days ago, September 7th. Not sure how that ties in with the timing of Gary’s sermon. 

His daughter’s posts are generally spelled correctly, but they are absolutely punctuation-free. And these people want to homeschool. 

The photo of Gary captioned “put the bar on him” again makes Gary look as if he’s taking the bar in the nuts. 

[clese]

44 minutes ago, postscript said:

Checked Gary’s daughter’s Facebook. 2 days ago, she posted that the baby was here as of “yesterday.” That would make birth 3 days ago, September 7th. Not sure how that ties in with the timing of Gary’s sermon. 

His daughter’s posts are generally spelled correctly, but they are absolutely punctuation-free. And these people want to homeschool. 

The photo of Gary captioned “put the bar on him” again makes Gary look as if he’s taking the bar in the nuts. 

I remember her dreadful wedding when her husband manhandled her to the spot. I e worried about her since. He comes across as a little shite and she comes across as vulnerable. Could be wrong.

[thoughtful]

Here's how Valerie (the pastor's daughter from the tent meeting in PA) announced her baptism:

Spoiler

It's near the end of this service. I actually felt a little weird even watching it - like I was intruding on something too personal. But hey, she's a grown woman, she put it on Facebook, and we're here to talk about fundies.

https://www.facebook.com/chbcbedford/videos/986117941965167

[clese]

1 minute ago, clese said:

1..friends of Gary's

2..ministers in a church 

3..believe this 9 11 nonsense even though it was they're guy in at the time

Question from this kiwi..do all biblethumpers think 9 11 was an inside job?????

I'm honestly astonished especially as Bush was the president at the time.

These guys truly have , as we say here, shit for brains

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, clese said:

Question from this kiwi..do all biblethumpers think 9 11 was an inside job?

Well, there's no way of knowing, of course. But some right wing  conspiracy nuts do, and there is certainly an overlap.

Continuing Gary's 9/7 babble -

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+samuel+17%3A29&version=KJV

He runs through his "there's a cawoose" (cause) riff, his burden for America, some nonsense about an empty "schoolhoussse" that someone could use for God, and how nobody wants to work.

"If yer tahred, what about me? Ah was in Bahble school, messin' with kids all las' week."

More familiar, rote Garyisms, then he says he's going to tell a story, and does his "ah may not finish this message tonaht, but it'll be alraht," which always cracks me up, because Gary sticking to his planned message and Gary going off on a tangent are pretty much the same thing; lots of disjointed fragments, and things he's said a million times, but claims are newly-inspired.

It's the story about the guy who saw his video about church planting in the US, but God told him to go to Mexico instead. Except he only tells half of it, and gets distracted again.

I think my theory about underslept Gary being even more idiotic and unable to speak than well-rested Gary may be right. He's really all over the place.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+25%3A23&version=KJV

He tells them again how tired he is, and how he has to preach all week, and goes on to list all of the preaching and driving he will be doing in the near future. But he won't complain and pout.

"You better use your talent for God. Ya know wha? God will take it away."

He says he's glad this is an evening service, because "Ah'm not sure ah woulda showed up if it was a morning service this morning."

I figure he is talking about being underslept, or excited about being a grandfather, but he goes on, 'Cause ah was mad. That was wrong of me, but ah was mad."

I have no clue what that is about. Someone there does - we hear a man's voice say "Yeah." Maybe it was just the Facebook is-a-phone-a-bible fight, and not something going on in the church.

The captioning has some trouble when Gary says he hopes they can get Brother Don's wife to sing one night before she leaves:

Spoiler

Gary says you have to have a servant's heart. He preaches, and knocks on doors, but he also mows yards, "an' do some the -" we never find out what other humble, physical chores Gary is willing to do; he goes off on a tangent about how he's glad they didn't ask him to paint, because he's so bad at it.

I bet Gary hasn't done any mowing in 20 years.

Everybody can pray - he goes on about that for a while, then gets off on a bit about calling the pastor "pasture," even if he is your daddy or husband. He mentions admiringly that Miss Jeannie calls her husband Pastor Stout when other people are around.

I completely forgot, all last week - Jeannine Stout was the one we thought Gary had rubbed the wrong way and vice versa (she works at Cornell and was tired coming to the evening revival, Gary made some comment about her grandchildren). I wonder how they got along last week.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+28%3A18-22&version=KJV

He blathers about soul winning. Also supporting missionaries, but you've got to check them out and make sure they're real first. He tells the story of Carl Lackey checking up on a missionary, finding him laying on a beach, and telling him he'd never get another dime from him. When another man said they should at least help him get home, Lackey said he could swim home.

While yelling about his "mission field," Gary says, "Ah go out to New Mexico, Arizona, ah'm goin' out t'uh uh uh U -" Suddenly quiet, he look at Becky, and points off to the side, as if the other state was right there, "Where'm ah goin'? Huh?"

Spoiler

Some women laugh - I think they assume he's kidding, and not actually stuck and demanding that Becky read his mind and bail him out.

Becky: "New Mexico."
Gary: "New Mexico, but where do we go t' the - huh?"
Becky is trying to help, but I can't hear details of what she says, because Gary talks over her.
Gary: "California - Nevada. You know what? Th'Indians has become mah people this year.  Amen. Amen? People that're a different collar are mah people in America."

He proudly tells them that, the previous week, a man in Groton asked him if he was going to the church as he walked by, saying he couldn't make it that night, and asking Gary to pray for him. And he was "a black gah!" And Gary prayed for him! And he says he'll go to his door when he goes back to Groton, and ask him to come to the revival!

He says all of this in a tone of voice as if he thinks they will find it unbelievable, like he's some sort of hero for it, and keeps making this  self-satisfied face:

Spoiler

Backpfeifengesicht, defined.

I'm surprised he doesn't challenge them, asking if they have the "guts" to talk to Indians and black guys, like he does. Of course, the "all lives matter" crap follows.

Again, when Gary says something about "a pocket full of tracts," the captions know better:

Spoiler

A smattering of government mess, gas prices (God told him "shut up" when he complained), God's got this, God's not broke, all money is God's money, even if you worked for it.

Gary usually saves the "it's God's money" stuff for the last night. There are people there from another town - maybe they're only there for one night, so he needs to remind them that their money belongs to him - er, God - before they leave.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+9%3A22&version=KJV

He reminds them that Paul did not go to the bars or become a dopehead, then lots of old crap spills out.

He makes reference to one of the comments on his Facebook post about having the Bible on a device. He claims the person commented, "'If ah'm lookin' on mah phone as a Bahble, an' that's wicked, then ah'm a wicked man.' Amahna tellya, here's what ah took out of it - he's boastin' because he's proud that he's wicked."

The word "wicked" is in high soprano range, and it comes with a little dance:

Spoiler

       ,

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Timothy+2%3A15&version=KJV

Study the Bible - it's OK that Pastor Chris writes books, but compare them to the Bible. While ranting about books being OK, but not as good as the Bible, he mentions Oliver B. Greene and "A. T. Tozier," by which I think he means A. W. Tozer. The captions see into Gary's heart, though:

Spoiler

What is a poser? You are, Gary - you are.

He also mentions the disgusting Bill Grady. I'd say that was pretty ironic, right after his talking about how he loves non-white people, but I don't think Gary is smart enough to even experience cognitive dissonance.

Anyway, books are OK, but Gary will go on God's word, because God doesn't need a proofreader.

Gary says people don't want to hear the truth. "They wanna hear Joel Osteen. Ah hope t'God you don't lahk Joel Osteen." Or maybe:

Spoiler

If Joel "don't get bornagainsavedbahth'graceofGod, he's gonna burn in Hell."

Joyce Myers claims she was saved from the day she was born. Gary uses the birth of his granddaughter as a comparison, but tells them he has no idea what time she was born, because "ah'm not wonna those grandpas that's got it all down pat an' all this kinda stuff, 'cause she's in North Ca'olina an' ah'm in New York."

No, it's because you're a selfish shit.

I am riding the ISB here, but I suspect that there may have been disagreement between Becky and Gary about whether they would cancel something to go meet this baby.

Oh, and Joyce Meyers is going to burn in Hell. Also Steve Anderson. Gary is angry about Steve's Israel video, which he says is "a mowk."

"Oh mah goodness, if ah coulda got a holt to him what ah woulda done to him in the name of God, as Jack Patterson would say."

Or possibly,

Spoiler

If only Gary could get a clue.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Timothy+4%3A1-4&version=KJV

It's turned unto fables, Gary, not "turned into fables." That Garyism always makes me think we are all walking around like the characters in Farenheit 451, but all we've memorized is Aesop. 

Gary tells them they need disciplers.

"You know the only think ah hate about mah grandchil' being borned? The tahm we're livin' in. She's only a day old, an' the Lord may not let her live long enough t'come t'th'age of accountability."

I'm sure Becky and Jacob just loved hearing that.

His point is that the whole family will have to start discipling her. And he screams about the congregation members needing to come to church and teach children, and imitates babyish people who won't want to do it, because it might involve extra time in church.

Spoiler

His last reading is the beloved "reptobate" verse.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+13%3A5&version=KJV

You'll know if you're saved.

"Mah daughter that just had the baby, when she first got to expecting an' she done - you know how women are, they gotta check an' see - they use this little thing, and see, an' positive or nekative or whatever, an' it showed positive. An' ah'm not - ah'm pickin' ohn ah'm pickin' ohn  mah daughter, she's mah daughter. But do you know before she had the baby she was sendin' mah wahf  what mah wahf calls baby bump pictures. God, women get excited over stuff, don't they?"

Pause while he waits for a laugh - there's a small chuckle.

"Listen - you didn't  have to tell me mah daughter was expectin' - she was showin'."

This is Gary's usual bit about how it will show if you get something as big as Jesus inside you, like a pregnancy shows. Only now he's managed to make it personal and slip in some insulting crap against two women he supposedly loves. What fun.

Then he goes on to his routine about how nobody can tell if someone else is saved. He doesn't know if Pastor Chris is saved, he doesn't even know if Becky is saved.

But Gary, I thought it showed.

You better make sure you're saved, because Hell is an awful place. As he rattles off his "lost people need to hear about Hell, saved people need to hear about Hell" routine, the captioning has a hard time with the way he says "Hell." It's correct once, but also comes up as "hail," "him," "help," "people" and "television." Gary would like that last one.

Also, according to the captions, the Richmond still there. You know - the Richmond that wouldn't give a crumb to Lazarus.

Gary says something about when he got up that morning, and suddenly does a really nasty, prissy bit pretending to be Chris and saying "I get up at 3:30, everybody pat me on the back."

Spoiler

 

Why, Gary? Why? What does that add to your message?

And we get to the routine about people dying all the time - some of them went to Hell. Brother Don and his wife were almost in an accident. Miss Jeannie just came back from New York city."They went over an' watched the Yankees LOSE!" He praises the Lord for a while about that, and says he rubbed it in her face. He talks about how "they're crazy" in New York city and Syracuse. I assume he's still talking about drivers. If you get in a wreck and the car explodes, better make sure you're saved.

"You cain't have love and compassion an' make a difference, bein' lost." 

Gary is trying to be a shining light. The shining light mumbles some inaudible crap, then zooms through his post-message prayer, wraps his Bible in his towel, and scoots.

 

[AmazonGrace]

On 9/10/2021 at 6:17 AM, Black Aliss said:

Not the Towel of Babar?

https://fineartamerica.com/shop/bath+towels/babar

Oh I want the yoga babar...

The Towel of Bible is the story that explains how different languages were born. God had inspired the good ole KJV Bible, but then Gary wrapped it in his magic towel, and started reading, and nobody could understand a word of what came out, not even the captions.

 

It's one of the more touching Old Testament fables. Makes small children cry.

[Joyster]

I love  the word backpfeifengesicht so much that I've practiced saying with different Youtube videos about 10 times now.  Thank you @thoughtful. 

Bro. Gary's Wicked Dance GIF:

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

On 9/10/2021 at 10:14 PM, postscript said:

Checked Gary’s daughter’s Facebook. 2 days ago, she posted that the baby was here as of “yesterday.” That would make birth 3 days ago, September 7th. Not sure how that ties in with the timing of Gary’s sermon. 

The "making a difference" sermon and the second defensive post about Bibles on phones, were the same day as the baby's birth. The first "this is not a Bible" post was at almost midnight on the 6th - the night before the baby's birth, when he said he had trouble sleeping, and it looks like his answers to commenters started at about 8:30 the next morning.

As I said - weird priorities. I know that some people need to burn off energy in strange ways, rather than just talking about what's really exciting or upsetting them. Story under spoiler, in case it's tl;dr

Spoiler

When my father died, my brother's family flew in, and my sister-in-law left a bag at the airport. She happened to mention it, and that the shoes she'd wanted to wear at the funeral, were on it. Her attitude was clearly that it was no big deal - it just came up in conversation.

A cousin's husband, who is one of those nervous types who has to burn off energy and can't always express his feelings sincerely, insisted on going to the airport to get the bag. After some protest, and my SIL making it clear that he really didn't need to do that, we all realized it was what he needed, as well as being kind, and he did his good deed.

He, BTW, is not that different from Gary in other ways - a strutting blustering bloviating mansplainer, who usually communicates in snide remarks and "teasing."

But, in this case, he did a good thing with that extra energy and inability to be still and be honest about being sad with the rest of us.

And, oddly, it was a fitting tribute, in a way. My father was very different from this man - much gentler, usually able to express his feelings, and never superior or sarcastic - but he also had that "I need to  be doing something useful" nervous energy in a crisis or at a sad time.

So, it occurred to me that Gary might just be burning off some nervous energy with his arguments on Facebook and inability to sleep, and that maybe, on some level, in his weird Gary way, he actually cares about his daughter and granddaughter

But Gary is so self-centered, and so focused on his end times fantasies and opinions about  salvation, that it's hard to know if even deep, deep down he was thinking about his daughter or the baby as people, or the birth as an important event in the lives of people he says he loves.

I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, just at the level of knowing he is a fellow human being, but damn, he makes it hard.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Joyster said:

Bro. Gary's Wicked Dance GIF:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

It was especially fun looking at that with your avatar over to the left of it. She's showing him how it's done!

Gary chose an incredibly unflattering picture of Becky to wish her a happy birthday. I think she's in a smock at at beauty parlor - maybe "permission" to get pampered was her birthday gift:

Spoiler

 

 

[Xan]

10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary is trying to be a shining light. The shining light mumbles some inaudible crap, then zooms through his post-message prayer, wraps his Bible in his towel, and scoots.

 

I'm constantly stunned with how Gary continues to be such a hateful little shit and that he's able to somehow get worse every week.  The mocking mawking voice in just pure nastiness.  And he hasn't yet said anything nice about his new granddaughter.  I think he just dislikes kids so much that he's pissed that his daughter gave birth.

Tighten your seatbelt, @thoughtful.  Gary's back at that awful church with the bloody Jesus on the wall and they've decorated the front of the piano.

Spoiler

 

[Joyster]

Has Gary ever left the United States?  I agree that Gary chose a really unflattering picture of Becky for her birthday post.  I originally thought she was wearing the blue rain poncho from the Niagara Falls boat tour, but the blue ponchos are from the Canadian side, so that can't be it.  We know they're not vaccinated.  I shudder when I imagine Gary crossing the border.  

[Black Aliss]

16 hours ago, clese said:

3..believe this 9 11 nonsense even though it was they're guy in at the time

Question from this kiwi..do all biblethumpers think 9 11 was an inside job?????

I'm honestly astonished especially as Bush was the president at the time.

 

Some of them believe that Obama was president on 9/11/2001. You think I'm making that up, right? I wish! That particular assertion starts at 3:30

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, Joyster said:

I originally thought she was wearing the blue rain poncho from the Niagara Falls boat tour, but the blue ponchos are from the Canadian side, so that can't be it. 

Actually, I think that might be it!

I just realized that I see open sky and distant trees behind Becky in that pic. She loves Niagara Falls and I vaguely remember that Gary promised to take her there again. They were not far away, had nothing scheduled on the 11th, and could go straight south from there to Altoona for today:

 

Edited September 13, 2021 by thoughtful
adding detail, correcting tense

[clese]

I'm just stumbling through the you tube release of gary in the overly painting jesus on the cross church. Barely made it through Becky's song..I dont know but I felt she wasnt even trying.

Got as far as Gary's.. sermon?..rambling about teens, segwaying into covid before rambling about something g else.

I had to stop it to take my daughter in for her second covid injection.

He really is a piece of work isn't he??

[thoughtful]

  

22 hours ago, Xan said:

Tighten your seatbelt, @thoughtful.  Gary's back at that awful church with the bloody Jesus on the wall and they've decorated the front of the piano.

Oh, yes - I saw that. I'll catch up to Gary in time, I hope.

OK, on to 9/8, still at Bethel, where the piano's in a corral, the path to eternity is yellow, and the new pastor may have a past.

As the video starts, Gary is saying "ah watched a little bit of it. And, uh, but Mike was preachin' an' it just went through mah mahnd 'cause he had his phone with him, with his notes and stuff, an' it just come to mahnd that ah should just call Mike, see what's goin' ohn. And uh, ah didn't do it but ah thought about it amen."

He goes on for a while in this vein, with comments and laughter from the congregation. All I can figure is that Mike (Stout, I assume, but he never says), was doing a livestream and Gary thought it would be funny to call him while he was preaching.

He announces Isaiah 53, says he's grateful for those who have come to the revival, makes his usual joke about people wishing it was over, how tired he is, his new bit about Chris Howe only needing 3 and half hours of sleep (I didn't put it in, but Gary's various comments about Chris getting up at 3:30 also included something about his being at the church until midnight - don't know if that's true or not).

Gary says he finally got to bed at about midnight last night. "We call that the Baptist hangover." "That," I think, is the feeling one gets after staying late at church and getting up early - he makes one of those leaps he does when assuming people can read his mind.

He goes on about the Baptist hangover, and the captioning, both times, can't quite figure out "Baptist:"

Spoiler

But, of course, the Baptist hangover is better than that other kind of hangover. When Gary goes to bed, he knows who he's "goin' to bed with, amen. And if she's thar when ah wake up, ah know who ah'll wake up with amen."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+53&version=KJV

Yes, he reads the whole chapter.

KJV: He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Bro Gary Version: He is despahzed and rejected of men a man of sorrow and acquaintenance with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him, he was despahzed, and he was exteemed - not - he was exteemed him not - he esteemed him not.

KJV: Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
BGV: Surely he hath borned our griefs and carried our sorrows yet. We did exteem him stricken, smitten to of God, and afflicted.

KJV: And he made his grave with the wicked,
BGV: And he was - and with his - and he was made with the his - the gr - and he was made (people in the congregation start helping) he made his grave with the wicked,

KJV: Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days
BGV: Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he  was put - it was - he wa - he had put him to grief: when thout shalt. Make his soul an offerin' for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall proclong - proclaim  his days

Of course he launches right into telling them that the chapter is all about Jesus. Which, of course, it wasn't originally - it just got interpreted that way. But that's not unique to Gary, or fundies.

Jesus had been "preparated for what we are now." In fact, for once Gary gets right to the title of the message, and it's He is Preparating for Us. He is Preparating for Us.

Oh, Becky - can't you stop him before he does these things?

Maybe she likes seeing him humiliated - it is that kind of a marriage, after all.

I assume Gary thinks it's a word because of the word preparation. I hope someone explains back formation to him, and that he doesn't think it has something to do with "the sodomites."

"An' ah think about the part here that, uh - Jesus Chrast probably, juh - God the Father and God the Son hadta set down an' talk about all these things because an' you even think about it in the New Testament Matthew, an' ah'm sure Mark 'n' Luke as is there as weyull, but there was a tahm when Jesus, when he was ohn earth an' He came down before He dahd, an' it was just before the part He was fixin' t'go t'judgment, He was fixin' t'go t'the cross, and there was a tahm that he went an' he prayed an' He said 'Lorrrd, Father if this ke-  cup kin be passed . . . help it t'pass, but if not, mah will - thah will be done.'"

Gary starts talking about what bad shape Jesus was in after all of that torture and crucifixion. I would swear he said "I thought about it in a bar," and the captions agree with me.

Spoiler

While Gary yells, relishing the gory description, he says something I only know from context is "as a plowed field," (describing what Jesus' back looked like). The captions can't handle the gore, and come up with something much nicer.

Spoiler

When Jesus was hanging on "that old rugged crawoossss," Gary tells us, you would not have wanted to have your picture taken with him. "That would be nothin' that would be classifed for that."

He goes on and on, in great detail, about the torture - beaten upon spitten upon, made mowk - the usual, plus some extra gore, like the cat-o-nine-tails flaying off skin.

He says he heard somebody say, "just the other day" that they even put a crown of thorns on His head.

Wait - Gary, you just heard this for the first time the other day? It's in Matthew, Mark and John (twice in John!), it's in art, including the banner in that church in Altoona, it's a common expression.

I hope he just stumbled over his words.

"There wasn't nothin' pleasant about that. But Jesus done all of that, to preparate to who we can be."

Gary starts his routine about not complaining with a weird insult fest: "Ah'm not lahk y'all people up here in North - in New York ah mean listen y'all  just got everything great, an' everything's goin' good, ya never have no problems, ya got yer halo on ya think yer somebody amen."

Then comes the usual, about how Brother Mike Stout (who Gary says is there) shamed him when he used to complain on Facebook and got "the pooch mouth," by saying "well, at least ya ain't in a wheelchair."

Gary says he does it (complain, I assume and hope!) behind Mike's back now, he just doesn't put it on Facebook.

I know it's meant as a joke, but way to defeat the whole idea of not complaining, Gary.

Gary screams about people dying, and says he'll be better off when he's dead, "prob'ly a lotta other people better off, too - Miss Jeannie would be sayin' amen to that, amen!"

After screaming about how Jesus did it all for you, knowing that someone would knock on your door someday and ask you to get saved, he's back to Jeannie.

"Miss Jeannie here's been doin' Bahble school for whatever many years it's been or whatever you know what, they they stopped last week, far as havin' kids come up hallelujah glory t'God amen. Brother Hagen said - heheh we was was invited over 'til Jacob went over an' we're no long invited over there he said there was some pop - there was some people from North Ca'olahna comin' an' ah have had t'cancel them." Pause while he waits for a laugh. No laugh. "Y'all'll git that after a whahl amen. But you know what? They're already preparatin' - and preparing - for next year."

So . . . preparating and preparing are two different things, in Gary's mind? I mean, they're two different things in my mind, because one of them is a word and the other is not, but that's not the same as what Gary seems to be thinking.

Gary says he hopes God will come, but in the meantime, he's scheduling for 2022, and, of course, opines that he probably won't get much after what he put on Facebook.

Gary needs to be preparatin' in case the Lord don't come, every morning we need to be preparatin' for that day, putting on the whole armor of God. We're on a battlefield, fightin' a war.

"But Jesus done this for you and ah."

I guess nobody ever taught Gary the "take the other person out" trick for whether to use me or I (or, more likely, he didn't bother to listen). I wouldn't expect him to understand subject and object, but that trick might work, if he used it - I've never heard him say "Jesus did that for I."

Gary announces the next reading. More later. I need to be preparatin' for tomorrow.

Edited September 13, 2021 by thoughtful
The devil never lets me see the riffles until after I post.

[thoughtful]

I opened the video from 9/9, saw that it was about an hour and a half, and started with Pastor Chris in the pulpit. I think it's because someone from the church was filming, not Gary. No option for captions on this one - sorry, folks.

But, until I noticed that, I remembered Gary's remark about the Pivo only giving him an hour, and thought that Gary had, indeed, thrown the Pivo (which someone gave him) in the garbage, as he said he might.

And that made me look up what the Pivo actually does, which I hadn't before. It's a device to move (pivo as in pivot, I guess - I should have figured that out) so the video follows a person who moves enough to go out of camera range.

That explains the camera swinging all over the place in recent videos. I guess we have the Pivo to thank for our brief views of the sparse congregations at various churches, until somebody (not Gary, of course - probably Jacob) figured out how to get it to mostly follow Gary.

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

But, of course, the Baptist hangover is better than that other kind of hangover. When Gary goes to bed, he knows who he's "goin' to bed with, amen. And if she's thar when ah wake up, ah know who ah'll wake up with amen."

The low bar again huh, It's never occurred to me to brag  about being able to facially recognize the people I sleep with because I didn't realize it was supposed to be hard.

 

Quote

So . . . preparating and preparing are two different things, in Gary's mind? I mean, they're two different things in my mind, because one of them is a word and the other is not, but that's not the same as what Gary seems to be thinking.

Well duh, it's the same difference as separating and separing.

Edited September 13, 2021 by AmazonGrace

[Jasmar]

15 hours ago, thoughtful said:

When Jesus was hanging on "that old rugged crawoossss," Gary tells us, you would not have wanted to have your picture taken with him.

Jill rod begs to differ

[Alisamer]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

preparating and preparing are two different things, in Gary's mind? I mean, they're two different things in my mind, because one of them is a word and the other is not, but that's not the same as what Gary seems to be thinking.

"Preparating" sounds like a word from Wicked.

Which is where I saw my pastor and his family, on Saturday night - seeing Wicked! The church had a guest speaker Monday morning, likely because he knew he would be at the show until 11 or so. He's a fan of Hamilton, too. 

Can you imagine Gary seeing either Wicked or Hamilton? His brain might explode. I wonder if he thinks live theater is just as bad as "I Love Lucy" on the television?

[postscript]

2 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

"Preparating" sounds like a word from Wicked.

Which is where I saw my pastor and his family, on Saturday night - seeing Wicked! The church had a guest speaker Monday morning, likely because he knew he would be at the show until 11 or so. He's a fan of Hamilton, too. 

Can you imagine Gary seeing either Wicked or Hamilton? His brain might explode. I wonder if he thinks live theater is just as bad as "I Love Lucy" on the television?

Fornicatin’! Too much fornicatin’! Not to mention music with the beat ‘n the boogie ‘n the bam! 

If I were sitting in church listening to Gary, “Preparating” as part of the title of his message would be enough to cause me to lose all respect for him. I have no problem with folksy idiom in a presentation. I’ve had professors who used their specific speech quirks to great advantage. However, if you’re presenting yourself as an expert and a trained speaker, I expect you to demonstrate an understanding of correct grammar.

”The pooch mouth” is a perfect description of Gary’s pissy face. It would also be charming if the rest of Gary’s message weren’t so nonsensical. 

He loves his gory descriptions, to the extent they should come with a trigger warning. Perhaps these are his substitute for contact sports or bloody action movies? In another lifetime, I could see him loving both.