M Is for Mama 11: 10 Kids is 10 too Many for a Narcissistic, Disinterested Person

[JillyO]

On 11/12/2021 at 3:56 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Sick leave is such bullshit in this country with so many other things. People come to work sick because they could get fired otherwise. So they spread their germs to everyone. Or they bring their sick kids to work because no one can watch them. It’s too bad there aren’t more places kids can be watched last minute. Many times parents don’t need regular childcare. But sometimes they need childcare last minute for just a day or two. I remember times in my childhood when my parents were scrambling to find someone to watch me when I was home sick from school. Many kids during the pandemic just stayed home alone all day long because their parents had to work and they couldn’t get a sitter. 

It really is a sorry state of affairs. I grew up in Germany, where each parent gets 10 paid days of kids’ sick leave per year. That’s in addition to unlimited sick days for themselves (i.e. you’d only use those 10 days if you yourself are healthy, but your child is sick and needs you to take care of them). Single parents get 20 days. In the US, I have a job with supposedly great benefits, and I barely accrue a total of 10 sick days per year. If I need more (for myself OR my daughter), I’m SOL. And I realize I’m still far better off than the majority of workers in this country. It’s so shameful. Of course, instead of supporting policies and politicians that want to improve workers’ rights, people like Abbie see this as just another reason why mothers should stay out of the workforce and homeschool their eleventy children. 🙄

[MomKB]

Her latest post claims that the "current parenting narrative" 

Quote

 says that kids should never: obey, be told no, receive any consequences for their actions, or be respectful to authority. 
 

Pretty sure I haven't heard anyone saying that kids shouldn't do these things, let alone that they should never do them.🙄

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, MomKB said:

Her latest post claims that the "current parenting narrative" 

Pretty sure I haven't heard anyone saying that kids shouldn't do these things, let alone that they should never do them.🙄

I hate when people make posts like this on Instagram with nothing to back this up. Please show me parenting books that have been published stating this Braggie. Please quote child psychologists saying this. Please show me anyone with any sort of influence saying this. I bet she can’t. Only a few random moms on instagram might be saying this. No one else is saying it. 

[SassyPants]

23 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I hate when people make posts like this on Instagram with nothing to back this up. Please show me parenting books that have been published stating this Braggie. Please quote child psychologists saying this. Please show me anyone with any sort of influence saying this. I bet she can’t. Only a few random moms on instagram might be saying this. No one else is saying it. 

When I read that rant, I thought the same thing. No one large population of people is going to support unlimited, untoward behaviors , free range, overt child rudeness accepting, blah blah blah parenting. She is FOL and will post anything that attracts controversy and thus, attention. Again, she needs to start acting and speaking like the Christian woman and mother she continually claims to be. She needs to walk the talk. Does she even realize that most people who have no knowledge of AH’s antics, would never think she was a kind, loving, nurturing, traditional woman and mother based on the stuff she posts? What kind of example is SHE setting? Her site encourages far more disruption and hatred vs peace and harmony.

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I hate when people make posts like this on Instagram with nothing to back this up. Please show me parenting books that have been published stating this Braggie. Please quote child psychologists saying this. Please show me anyone with any sort of influence saying this. I bet she can’t. Only a few random moms on instagram might be saying this. No one else is saying it. 

In an admittedly small sample of kids (related to me), obedience is still required, respect is still required. One is more free range than the other due to location. I can say that the friends of the kids are just as obedient and respectful. What's wrong with free range kids? I can tell you that eye-rolling is something that is sure to get a response from the parents (and grandma). They know better. 

[Cults-r-us]

21 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

In an admittedly small sample of kids (related to me), obedience is still required, respect is still required. One is more free range than the other due to location. I can say that the friends of the kids are just as obedient and respectful. What's wrong with free range kids? I can tell you that eye-rolling is something that is sure to get a response from the parents (and grandma). They know better. 

There is nothing healthy about the blanket-training, beat -them-into-submission soul-crushing, spirit-snuffing bear the rod crowd whose gain is the momentary thrill when other people see their children instantly obey.

[feministxtian]

40 minutes ago, Cults-r-us said:

There is nothing healthy about the blanket-training, beat -them-into-submission soul-crushing, spirit-snuffing bear the rod crowd whose gain is the momentary thrill when other people see their children instantly obey.

Honestly, and as a mom of "spirited" kids...I'd rather have them spirited than dull and compliant. There was never a dull moment with my kids after they got to a certain age. Their sense of humor was honed to a fine edge, the spoke sarcasm fluently and they (and I) would laugh after some of the utterly insane threats I came up with when they were working my nerves. For example, telling a child "you're grating on my last nerve". Child would stomp the foot on the floor and say "there, I killed it". Cue laughter. They know how to crack me up and I know how to crack them up. #1 son still makes the same funny face he made as a kid to try to get out of trouble. Its impossible to stay mad when he makes that face. 

BUT...when they were small, I could take them anywhere and they knew how to behave. Didn't take beating, soul-crushing or any of that stuff. They knew what was expected when we were out and that was that. Besides, they did not want to be on the receiving end of "the look". They knew when they were the recipients of that look, they were on that thin line between staying out of trouble or some really distasteful chore. Yeah, I used child labor as a tactic. Piss me off enough and you'll be scrubbing toilets with toothbrushes, picking up dog poop or changing out kitty litter. It worked. It works now with the littles over a certain age too. 

[theotherelise]

I think Abbie probably doesn’t like the whole brain and emotionally responsive parenting ideas. She is always talking about how her children are sinful. A lot of advice I try to utilize in parenting is about hearing and acknowledging your childrens emotions. That doesn’t mean that you don’t set boundaries or say no or allow consequences. But say a toddler is angry because he can’t reach something and his mom is too busy writing a Instagram post or trying to take a photo of your younger twin brothers… the toddler might throw something at you or hit his brother. That behavior isn’t okay, but the emotion is valid. Acknowledging that a child has emotions and is not you’re little robot to pose for the front door pic is not going to work for Abbie.

[SassyPants]

1 minute ago, theotherelise said:

I think Abbie probably doesn’t like the whole brain and emotionally responsive parenting ideas. She is always talking about how her children are sinful. A lot of advice I try to utilize in parenting is about hearing and acknowledging your childrens emotions. That doesn’t mean that you don’t set boundaries or say no or allow consequences. But say a toddler is angry because he can’t reach something and his mom is too busy writing a Instagram post or trying to take a photo of your younger twin brothers… the toddler might throw something at you or hit his brother. That behavior isn’t okay, but the emotion is valid. Acknowledging that a child has emotions and is not you’re little robot to pose for the front door pic is not going to work for Abbie.

So many people with similar beliefs to Abbie have the inability to see their children as individuals set apart from both their parents and their siblings. In Abbie’s eyes, her sons are all Shauns and her daughters are all little Abbies. She wants little yes mama boys and girls and nothing more. She is the center of the universe.

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, theotherelise said:

But say a toddler is angry because he can’t reach something and his mom is too busy writing a Instagram post or trying to take a photo of your younger twin brothers… the toddler might throw something at you or hit his brother.

Itty bitty is in this phase now. Most of it is from a place of frustration, as in she is not able to convey what she wants. Yes, she can scream like somebody is killing her, cry like she's lost everything...their reactions tend to be over the top at that age. Everything is just the worst thing that ever happened in their little lives. Developmentally, they learn to regulate it when they get older. 

Fundies are all about sin and sinful natures. JFC, they're babies. They're incapable of sinning, they have no clue of right and wrong. At that age they are totally self-centered and that's a survival mechanism. Somebody is crying because they're frustrated or acting out because they're frustrated? Then put down what you're doing and pay attention to the child. Nobody ever said that parenting is convenient. I mean even now, I'll be in the middle of something and a kid will message me., If they've messaged me, they want some sort of attention from me. My job as mom is to engage them. Even now that they're adults they want/need attention from mom. 

Her kids are going to hate her fucking guts in a few years. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

So many people with similar beliefs to Abbie have the inability to see their children as individuals set apart from both their parents and their siblings. In Abbie’s eyes, her sons are all Shauns and her daughters are all little Abbies. She wants little yes mama boys and girls and nothing more. She is the center of the universe.

That's because all the girls have to fit her model of femininity and the boys have to masculine like Dad. 

It also reminds of Disney movies. All the girl puppies look like Lady and all the boy puppies look like Tramp.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

47 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

the boys have to masculine like Dad. 

Since we see so little of Shaun it's hard to tell if he's a manly masculine man or not.  He supposedly built their 2 house by himself, but Braggie has let it slip that there were contractors also involved.

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

Her kids are going to hate her fucking guts in a few years. 

I suspect some of them already do.

[feministxtian]

Ask me how I know they'll hate her guts and probably won't think much of Shaun. While I may have been an only, the only reason I exist is the parents needed to show they could do the offspring thing. That got fucked up off the top too and only got worse. 

[Cults-r-us]

How about now?

[zee_four]

5 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Itty bitty is in this phase now. Most of it is from a place of frustration, as in she is not able to convey what she wants. Yes, she can scream like somebody is killing her, cry like she's lost everything...their reactions tend to be over the top at that age. Everything is just the worst thing that ever happened in their little lives. Developmentally, they learn to regulate it when they get older. 

Fundies are all about sin and sinful natures. JFC, they're babies. They're incapable of sinning, they have no clue of right and wrong. At that age they are totally self-centered and that's a survival mechanism. Somebody is crying because they're frustrated or acting out because they're frustrated? Then put down what you're doing and pay attention to the child. Nobody ever said that parenting is convenient. I mean even now, I'll be in the middle of something and a kid will message me., If they've messaged me, they want some sort of attention from me. My job as mom is to engage them. Even now that they're adults they want/need attention from mom. 

Her kids are going to hate her fucking guts in a few years. 

Its like fundies are incapable of seeing the world from anyone's perspective but their own. I know shock me shock me with that deviant behavior.

With my son, with my former preschool students both special needs and other Head Start qualifiers, with the special needs and non special needs 3-30 year olds I taught skiing and snowboarding too (almost all under 12, an occasional teen,  special needs adult or really heaitant beginner adult women snowboarders) and every other child I've ever interacted with I always try to see it through their eyes.

Yes the non verbal 7 yo with low functioning ASD is losing his shit 10 minutes into a full day private lesson. ASD often means there is no information filters and this skiing thing is already new for the poor kiddo. Mom and dad left him with a stranger, there's kids and people everywhere, its cold, bright, ski boots are torture devices, fingers are freezing etc. And you can't filter any of that out.

Then from there once you understand you can help as a sympathetic adult and teacher and or parent. Make a plan to take the boots off on every hot coco break which will be after every 6 runs down the tiny beginner magic carpet because the kiddo loves the number 6 and can't use words to tell me how cold he is and I'm an adult freezing my butt off let's err on the side of caution. Then I bring fuzzy pipe cleaners, play do and other tactile things to play with on break to give him an outlet and I have orange colored snacks because I know he only eats orange things so I planned ahead. Etc. Etc.

 

As a parent you're not a professional who gets training, paid and a break and to expect to be the same sets you up for failure. But when my son comes out with his grandparents from Texas every summer and I've planned the whole two weeks with stuff I have to understand he gets altitude sickness so a few days he might need to rest and get adjusted. He always wants to see his dad even though I know it's always a disaster, he gets stood up or treated like crap by his step mom and half sister and is devastated either way. But he's a little boy who lives with his dad freaking parents and his dad wants nothing to do with him. So instead of trying to keep him from it or say bad things about what a low life drunken moron who smoked away the limited few brain cells he was born with, I hold my tongue, say nice things when he's excited to see dad and when he comes home upset I focus on his perspective help him through it that way, not by forcing his behavior to match my perspective.

It's also a good idea when interacting with adults to try to see their perspectives but its when we work with Itty bitty humans that are learning and growing and discovering their world and their own fledgling autonomy its vital.

But fundies force their children to conform to their worldview just like they want to force the entire country and eventually the world to believe in and act like them. It what makes them horrific and what I pray will eventually be their downfall. God gave us free will for a reason didn't he?

Edited November 17, 2021 by zee_four
Typos shock me shock me... (sorry one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies)

[smittykins]

I’m not even a parent, but I’ve always believed that if you give positive attention to your kids, they won’t feel as much of a need to seek it in negative ways (the classic “they ‘act up’ to get attention because that’s the only kind they ever get”).

Edited November 17, 2021 by smittykins

[danvillebelle]

Today, Braggie's word vomit is all about how great it is to "NOT be loved by the world."

Whereas she has her IG account and has written a book so that she will be loved and get oodles of attention from HER particular "world."

Irony meter, exploded.  

And in her stories, Miss "my IG is a ministry" is shilling for an online eyewear site.  

Edited November 17, 2021 by danvillebelle

[Maggie Mae]

16 hours ago, zee_four said:

know shock me shock me with that deviant behavior.

Well Sinead O' Rebellion! 

 

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

Today, Braggie's word vomit is all about how great it is to "NOT be loved by the world."

Whereas she has her IG account and has written a book so that she will be loved and get oodles of attention from HER particular "world."

Irony meter, exploded.  

And in her stories, Miss "my IG is a ministry" is shilling for an online eyewear site.  

...and yet another dancing video with Simon. Abbie is unbelievably repetitive and boring. Does she ever have a day where her head isn't firmly up her ass? I can't even imagine having to be in the same room as a person who won't shut the hell up about Jesus and parenting, much less live with them. 

She's turning into a Lori Alexander level bitch that needs to mom-splain about literally every aspect of her life and why its so much better than yours. 

[zee_four]

3 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

Well Sinead O' Rebellion! 

 

Who knows where thoughts come from. They just appear..

 

Oh we must dwell oh not today, We can't! Its Rex Manning Day!! Cest no more, mon amour...  lips are for kissing baby je t'adore.

 

Damn the man!! Save the Empire!!!

 

Me and my best friend in high school freshman and sophomore year watched that movie down in her tiny unfinished basement until we wore the VHS tape out. Many a sleepover on summer nights and school weekends was spent watching that movie along with Better off Dead, Out Cold, Ski School and Hot Dog. Way better than what the girls our age were watching, minaly Dawson's Creek and One Tree Hill.

[SuperNova]

It's Della's birthday so Abbie makes a post talking about herself.

In her opening paragraph she mentions that on her last teen post someone asked what was probably an innocent question. Abbie immediately assumed it was a challenge to her parenting knowledge. I can't imagine what it must be like to be so concerned with other people's opinions and judgement that a simple question has so much "implication". This woman is wound tighter than anyone I've met in real life. 

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

20 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

It's Della's birthday so Abbie makes a post talking about herself.

In her opening paragraph she mentions that on her last teen post someone asked what was probably an innocent question. Abbie immediately assumed it was a challenge to her parenting knowledge. I can't imagine what it must be like to be so concerned with other people's opinions and judgement that a simple question has so much "implication". This woman is wound tighter than anyone I've met in real life. 

  Hide contents

 

She’s extremely defensive. Talking to her must be like walking on eggshells. I wouldn’t know what to say that would not set her off. 

[SassyPants]

Let’s just state the obvious: AH is an entitled narcissist with a persecution complex. She actually believes that the world revolves around  her, and does not accept any opinion that does not perfectly reflect her own. We all know she’s a raving bitch, both at home and In public. She can’t even fake kindness, empathy or love for anyone other than herself. She fools no one. I hope she reads here. Truth hurts-

Edited November 21, 2021 by SassyPants

[feministxtian]

Why did she have to mention that Della was "not perfect"? What good does that do for the child? What's the fucking point. I mean, I KNOW kids aren't "perfect", however, they should never be told this. My kids were stinkers...that doesn't change a damn thing about how I feel about them. In MY eyes, they ARE perfect. They are perfectly who they are meant to be. I never wanted 3 little carbon copies of me (I doubt the world could handle that anyway), never wanted "instant obedience" although it would have been nice for them not to argue so damn much, 

Abbie, most, if not all, moms I know think their children are absolutely perfect. Rationally we know they're not perfect, but through a mom's eyes, they're absolutely perfect. She shouldn't have ever had kids. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Braggie is either bragging about how amazing her kids are and how much better they are than mainstream kids. Or she’s verbally shitting all over them. There’s no in between.