M Is for Mama 11: 10 Kids is 10 too Many for a Narcissistic, Disinterested Person

[SassyPants]

2 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She’s describing extremely normal behaviors for those age groups. It’s not like she has 10 kids with extreme medical needs. She seems to have 10 very typical kids that are possibly even easier than some kids their age. Yet she complains constantly. About something she chose. 

One of her main problems is she sees herself and her family as super extraordinary, special and superior. Yes, her family is special in that it’s really large, but other than that, Abbie, Shaun and the kids are all rather ordinary. Other than for their size, as a family and individuals they would not warrant a second glance. None of them are noted to have special skills or needs. Neither Shaun nor Abbie are “extra” in any regard. And in terms of their beliefs, they fit right in with rural, Eastern TX. I think being labeled as “ordinary or average” would slay Abbie.

[danvillebelle]

The kind of sleep deprivation she humble bragged about in that post is not cute, or funny.  It's fucking dangerous.  She was massively sleep deprived for weeks and months on end while *driving a huge van full of kids around daily*.  She's lucky she didn't fall asleep at the wheel on the way to one of her early morning fitness classes.  

[SassyPants]

9 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

The kind of sleep deprivation she humble bragged about in that post is not cute, or funny.  It's fucking dangerous.  She was massively sleep deprived for weeks and months on end while *driving a huge van full of kids around daily*.  She's lucky she didn't fall asleep at the wheel on the way to one of her early morning fitness classes.  

She did get in an accident with her new van in the early months, didn’t she?

[JermajestyDuggar]

19 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

She did get in an accident with her new van in the early months, didn’t she?

Yes, I believe she did. Sleep deprivation for Jesus I will get her killed one day. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

14 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Today on IG she gets in all her parental grievances ( twins are horrible sleepers, Shil is a handful, the 4 YO needs help wiping his butt, the teens are surly), but ends with Jesus talk and admonishments about how this is life. She needs to talk to herself before she attempts to school others.

Yeah, that's all... really fairly normal. Toddlers are handfuls, 4 YOs aren't always great at cleaning themselves up, even the most good-natured person is going to be surly occasionally but especially as a teen. I would think the twins would have settled into some kind of sleep routine by now, but it's hardly a guarantee that a kid will sleep well even at a year and change. It's frustrating, but it's what happens when you have kids, especially so many kids at so many different ages and stages, and you'd think with the younger kids at least she'd know that.

[danvillebelle]

I'd be surly sometimes too if I was 13-15 and expected to parent a bunch of siblings and make IG videos with my mother to boost her account.  

Edited October 15, 2021 by danvillebelle

[SuperNova]

I see it's already been covered but I'm going to post her bullshit anyway. How, HOW can she be so openly resentful to her children? This isn't normal or relatable to parents with a healthy life balance. She's posting this shit to other overwhelmed, drowning mothers and saying it's totally cool to feel personally attacked by your children. I have no idea what kind of fucked up mindset breeds these types of ideas.

I really dislike using the word hate but I hate the message here with every fiber of my being. Abbie is projecting herself and trying to normalize resentment towards helpless little people. But it's ok because Jesus. This is so far removed from healthy parenting and healthy coping skills that I don't even know which part of this is the worst. I'm tempted to say the worst part is the "toddler who freaks out over e v e r y t h i n g". We know this is Shiloh. She's had zero patience for him since the twins were born. The question here isn't why is Shiloh doing this to HER, but what needs does he have that aren't being met? And furthermore, where the hell is Shaun in this mess?! I feel so bad for the kids.

Spoiler

 

[feministxtian]

I'll buy that being a mom is hard. I mean, it's no vacation. BUT, that's what you sign up for when you get pregnant. Thing is, the shitty times are overshadowed by the joyful times. Yes babies don't sleep all night, but holding them in the dark and feeling their warm little bodies melt into yours is what you should be remembered. Toddlers can drive you to drink with their energy. But, seeing that little person grow, develop a personality, learn how to communicate is like watching a miracle! Every age, from newborn to adult, children are truly just incredible beings. Yeah, it can be hard, heartbreaking, frustrating, crazy-making...but honestly, now, after 39 years of motherhood, I remember those wonderful times more than I remember puking, diaper blowouts, sitting in the principal's office AGAIN! I would almost love to do it all over again. 

But Braggie Bitch thinks that she needs to be a martyr for motherhood. She should have stopped having kids a LONG time ago. What a nasty person. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My second made me sleep deprived and yes it was horrible. But he’s my last for a reason. If you are that fucking miserable being a parent to a baby, then stop having babies! It’s just that simple! 

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My second made me sleep deprived and yes it was horrible. But he’s my last for a reason. If you are that fucking miserable being a parent to a baby, then stop having babies! It’s just that simple! 

Love, 👏, 💯 % this. All.of.it-

But all the kids, especially multiple multiples are the only things that make her special and garner her attention - It’s gotta suck for EVERYONE involved.

[TuringMachine]

... I don't think Braggie has ever spoken to a feminist atheist in real life.

Edited October 15, 2021 by TuringMachine

[Baxter]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My second made me sleep deprived and yes it was horrible. But he’s my last for a reason. If you are that fucking miserable being a parent to a baby, then stop having babies! It’s just that simple! 

Yes! My first was not a great sleeper. But he was more or less sleeping through the night at 3 and a half when his sister arrived. She is a terrible sleeper and still wakes up multiple times a night sometimes at two and a half. She is also an early morning girl and my son is a night owl. But she is my last one so even though I am still quite tired. I know it will be okay eventually and that keeps me going on the bad days. I would go insane if I kept having baby after baby. 

[Ozlsn]

8 hours ago, SuperNova said:

And furthermore, where the hell is Shaun in this mess?!

So. Much. This. It could just be the Abbie-centric posting but he seems to show up for going-to-church photos and the occasional look at the boys playing photos and that's it. You would think he would be equally as exhausted from the disrupted sleep, but if he is it's not at all apparent. It feels like he's checked out on the parenting as well - possibly a combination of "gender roles" and just wasn't that interested in the first place.

7 hours ago, TuringMachine said:

. I don't think Braggie has ever spoken to a feminist atheist in real life.

I doubt she's spoken to anyone much outside her bubble, and when she has I doubt she's actually listened to them. She is pretty clueless.

7 hours ago, Baxter said:

Yes! My first was not a great sleeper. But he was more or less sleeping through the night at 3 and a half when his sister arrived.

I was looking at one of those "time children should spend sleeping by age" charts earlier... my child has apparently still not read the guidelines, sigh. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

17 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

So. Much. This. It could just be the Abbie-centric posting but he seems to show up for going-to-church photos and the occasional look at the boys playing photos and that's it. You would think he would be equally as exhausted from the disrupted sleep, but if he is it's not at all apparent. It feels like he's checked out on the parenting as well - possibly a combination of "gender roles" and just wasn't that interested in the first place.

Thirding on the where is Shawn in this mess?

[JermajestyDuggar]

I definitely hold Shaun just as accountable for the mess that is their family. But since he’s never around, I don’t mention him much. He likely neglects his children even more than Braggie. 

[freejugar]

It's crazy that she seems to think the children are doing this to her on purpose. Fussy behaviour is normal in toddlers but she takes it as a personal attack.

Also, what is her beef with Shiloh? Poor kids receives so much criticism on insta.

[bea]

I know that Abbie resents her kids but does she have to do it so PUBLICLY?
I realize they only exist for her ego and for display, I get that. But every time she criticizes one of these kids, thousands of people see it. Every embarrassing story, every picture of a tantrum - that kid is a PERSON, they are being slandered.
Makes me so mad.
(Also, my oldest didn’t sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch for the first two years of her life. I bought a Fitbit so that I could opt out of driving or doing complex tasks if my REM time fell below a certain threshold. I hired a sitter just to take naps, I lived my life on the kid’s schedule - she was a very, very early riser, so I went to bed at 7:30 for a while - I knew that I was going to be a frustrated, angry parent if I didn’t pay attention to my sleep, so I did. I didn’t try to be a hero and get up at 5 to teach a fitness class, I didn’t drive everywhere while so seriously sleep deprived that it would count as driving drunk, I was a responsible adult and responsible parent, but this is Abbie, so we can’t expect too much in the way of common sense.)

[NotQuiteMotY]

37 minutes ago, bea said:

I know that Abbie resents her kids but does she have to do it so PUBLICLY?
I realize they only exist for her ego and for display, I get that. But every time she criticizes one of these kids, thousands of people see it. Every embarrassing story, every picture of a tantrum - that kid is a PERSON, they are being slandered.
Makes me so mad.

Exactly. This is probably the worst of it: that she does it so publicly. I know I've had days of texting a friend wondering if my children are actually trying to kill me or just drive me insane. I know I've had bad days where I snapped at the kids over something that didn't merit it (and yes, I apologize once I've calmed down). There was one day where I actually called my mom and said, "You know that 'parent's curse' of 'may you have a child just like you'? I'm really, really sorry." But I'm not blasting it to the world every time it happens and linking their names and pictures to it forever because sooner or later they grow up and need to be their own adult people.

[feministxtian]

54 minutes ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

Exactly. This is probably the worst of it: that she does it so publicly. I know I've had days of texting a friend wondering if my children are actually trying to kill me or just drive me insane. I know I've had bad days where I snapped at the kids over something that didn't merit it (and yes, I apologize once I've calmed down). There was one day where I actually called my mom and said, "You know that 'parent's curse' of 'may you have a child just like you'? I'm really, really sorry." But I'm not blasting it to the world every time it happens and linking their names and pictures to it forever because sooner or later they grow up and need to be their own adult people.

I don't think I would have survived if it wasn't for a group of wonderful women on an old AOL message board. We would share our joys, frustrations, and sorrows there. We saw each other through births, deaths, divorces, all that stuff. Amazingly enough, we're still friends now, almost 30 years later! We have our own FB page now but none of what we said on the board or on our FB page is public. It was and is a private place for support. Maybe Braggie should look into that.

[shesinsane]

19 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I'll buy that being a mom is hard. I mean, it's no vacation. BUT, that's what you sign up for when you get pregnant. Thing is, the shitty times are overshadowed by the joyful times. Yes babies don't sleep all night, but holding them in the dark and feeling their warm little bodies melt into yours is what you should be remembered. Toddlers can drive you to drink with their energy. But, seeing that little person grow, develop a personality, learn how to communicate is like watching a miracle! Every age, from newborn to adult, children are truly just incredible beings. Yeah, it can be hard, heartbreaking, frustrating, crazy-making...but honestly, now, after 39 years of motherhood, I remember those wonderful times more than I remember puking, diaper blowouts, sitting in the principal's office AGAIN! I would almost love to do it all over again. 

 

Well said! Most of my peers' kids are surly teenagers, I plan to quote you when their parents need encouragement. The kids will outgrow this phrase of life and in hindsight, the parents will remember more good times than bad. 

I'm happily child-free but I have a similar perspective about my father, who passed away in 1995. Sure, I remember some bad fights and stuff, but I remember way more good moments (which make me sad, isn't that ironic). 

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, shesinsane said:

Well said! Most of my peers' kids are surly teenagers, I plan to quote you when their parents need encouragement. The kids will outgrow this phrase of life and in hindsight, the parents will remember more good times than bad. 

I'm happily child-free but I have a similar perspective about my father, who passed away in 1995. Sure, I remember some bad fights and stuff, but I remember way more good moments (which make me sad, isn't that ironic). 

I came to the conclusion that teenagers are God's punishment for having sex. They are, by turns, surly, grouchy, rude, sweet, loving, amazing, stinky, lazy and utterly crazy making. The good news is they grow out of it. Somewhere between 19 and 25 they turn back into wonderful beings.  There were great memories made during their teen years, and watching them try to figure out who they are is fascinating. The fun is seeing who they turn out to be...are they like you or are they completely different? What traits of yours did they inherit? Then come the grands...and they're wonderful! 

[danvillebelle]

Braggie wants you to know that Simon said she is his best friend.  At the gym, in front of someone else.  

I'm sure that's the case.  It couldn't be that Simon has figured out how to stay on his narcissist mother who has inner rage's best side. Nope.  Never.

She also said that Ezra, Simon and Della have been taking turns going to the gym in the early AM with her *and Shaun* to lift weights, and gosh it's so fun.

So that means either a 15yo or a 13yo is then in charge of 8 younger siblings for however long they're at the gym.  

 

[Ozlsn]

4 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

She also said that Ezra, Simon and Della have been taking turns going to the gym in the early AM with her *and Shaun* to lift weights, and gosh it's so fun.

I really hope she expressed that really badly and was trying to say that the teenagers take turns going with whichever parent is going while the other stays home.  Otherwise that kind of answers "what does Shaun do as a parent?" with "sweet FA apparently".

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I really hope she expressed that really badly and was trying to say that the teenagers take turns going with whichever parent is going while the other stays home.  Otherwise that kind of answers "what does Shaun do as a parent?" with "sweet FA apparently".

I am sure there are larger families who pull off successful parenting and healthy family dynamics, but I really think that they are verrrrrrry few and far between. Too many people and moving parts and too little time really work against them. I do cut Shaun a bit of slack as he does have a job that supports the whole circus. Abbie, OTOH, can’t see past the latest Anthropologie catalog.

One of my least favorite Republican phrases of all time does apply to AH. She needs to close her legs. They are too lazy to use BC and too lazy and disinterested to parent the kids they do have, in a healthy way.

[danvillebelle]

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I really hope she expressed that really badly and was trying to say that the teenagers take turns going with whichever parent is going while the other stays home.  Otherwise that kind of answers "what does Shaun do as a parent?" with "sweet FA apparently".

I read it 2 or 3 times hoping the same, but she made a point of saying "this time Shaun stayed home", so I think they both usually go. 

I too cut him a *tiny* bit of slack because he's supporting the whole shitshow.  But...parenting is more than feeding and clothing.  And he's seen his wife's issues for years on end, and keeps having kid after kid.