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Top 10 WTF Moments in Maxhell


SPHASH
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I’m very close to my mom and live nearby, I lived with her until 6 years ago. I ‘prodded’ with her and her partner during the pandemic, moved in to help out for a few weeks after a surgery, etc. And yeah, sometimes we do have to find time to do things, like my financial documents, or getting the patio furniture out. (I’ve been wanting to completely empty one of her downstairs closets for awhile now because I *know* there is a waffle maker in there somewhere.) But the reason that we have to find time to do stuff is because we are busy. Neither of us work (I’m disabled, she’s retired) but we have friends, volunteering, community events, family, doctors, therapists, cleaning, lying flat on my back for long periods (just me, for my chronic pain) and just an awful lot of stuff that keeps us constantly busy and connected to people other than each other.

And on my part, this is deliberate. About a dozen years ago I realized that the way things were going, I wasn’t going to have a partner or children, or probably even work, to fill my life and support me physically and emotionally. I just had my mom, and she won’t be around forever, as she reminds me, she could get hit by a bus tomorrow.* So I made the decision to start building up my support networks. I made friends, joined and became active in a UU church, forged connections, built myself a chosen family. And it worked. When I need a ride home from the ER I know I can call someone. When I’m in a Bad Place I know who is there to support me.
 

The Maxwells have only ever had each other, though. I guess they think that the parents support each other and the kids and when they’re gone the kidults will support one another, but that’s not a very strong web as I see it. As Pride month too sadly reminds me each year, family isn’t always forever, and families can and do desert and shun one another. I’m not saying that this will happen with the Maxwells but it’s always a possibility that you need to be prepared for. People need to know how to find kindred spirits on their own, it’s a basic life skill. Which Sarah, Anna and Mary completely lack. Even if someone was truly meant to be a great friend they might never know because their parents disapprove of that person.

They live in a house where the doors are all open but they were never taught go beyond them. As usual, it’s really sad.

*this is an idiom, which I learned this winter. My mother doesn’t make a habit of walking in front of busses and neither does anyone else. It just means that something Big and Bad could happen, you never know, so best to be prepared. There is no reason to be especially terrified of busses.

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And the maid of honour spoke Spanish. Spanish!

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On 6/12/2021 at 1:03 PM, GreenBeans said:

I think my favorite part was:

“Nathan carried his bride down the outside stairs to Grandad and his car that was taking them to the reception. They drove around just a bit while Melanie ate some yogurt, although my family is convinced there might have been a few more kisses as well.”

Why on earth would you out that info into a blog post about your son’s wedding? Or anyone’s wedding, really.

That information has occupied valuable real estate in my brain for over twenty years.

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On 6/12/2021 at 7:08 AM, SPHASH said:

My favorite part of the wedding report was the rehearsal dinner.  Steve and Teri went to "great pains" in setting up the seating chart and how everyone would be served only to have those plans deep sixed by the wait staff.

As a one-time banquet server and later chef, I loved that one, too.

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On 6/8/2021 at 11:53 PM, usmcmom said:

You guys! You can laugh all you want about the pizza cutter thing but that is an unfulfilled promise that haunts my dreams. IT’S NOT FUNNY! Every day, I wake up and check the Maxwell blog hoping that today will be the day…the day I finally learn just how to use a pizza cutter to cut lettuce. And every day, I am heartbroken. HEARTBROKEN, I tell you!  
 

Some of us just aren’t ready to laugh yet. *sigh*

I like this game. 

Just remember not to hold the cutter by the wheel end and you’ll figure it out faster than a Maxwell could ever explain it.

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My WTF was Sarah tattled on the boys so they were stuck in the car while the rest of the family ate at a restaurant.  Then years later Sarah confesses that what she tattled was a lie so she takes the boys put somewhere as an apology. 

Sorry if the facts are off but talk about F-Upped on so many levels. 

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On 6/2/2021 at 12:31 PM, SPHASH said:

Ok after much consideration I decided to have a top 10 WTF moments in Maxhell.  Here goes in no particular order.

1. Crying when Nate moved across the street.
2. Taking Nate and Chris out of Little League
3. Steve freaking out over accidently seeing cleavage
4. Ruthie and Lydia wearing skirts over snowpants.
5. Bethy's bare belly being colored over at her baptism.
6. Row Row your boat lyrics being whited out.
7. Jesse (or was it John) being forced to give up guitar because he was good at it.
8. Steve pressuring Chris to give up his dream of being an EMT.
9. Remembering aborted babies instead of soldiers killed in action on Memorial Day.
10. Teri and Steve spazzing out over Nate and Melanie's rehearsal dinner.

11. Steve rationing out his animal crackers.

 12  That GD burrito recipe wherein we take 3 days of our lives of intensive labor and mess to make something that is as tasty as cardboard.

13. Writing all those stupid books.

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14. Their pretend church at the nursing home where they ruled and hid out from unworthier christians.

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51 minutes ago, Tatar-tot said:

My WTF was Sarah tattled on the boys so they were stuck in the car while the rest of the family ate at a restaurant.  Then years later Sarah confesses that what she tattled was a lie so she takes the boys put somewhere as an apology. 

Sorry if the facts are off but talk about F-Upped on so many levels. 

I think it was actually Anna, and they were discussing whether cats or dogs were better.

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I believe I previously shared I know someone who knew the Maxwells from a homeschool group back in the day when their kids played sports and they seemed normal. Apparently their madness did not descend upon them all at once.

On 6/2/2021 at 2:06 PM, SassyPants said:

#1 Has to be SM speaking about his nether regions during one of his kid’s actual wedding ceremony. This happened right? It’s not a fabricated event, right? 

No it was in the other fil's  (Pa Bontrager) sperch.

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On 6/3/2021 at 10:43 AM, fundiefan said:

If anyone tried to serve me a tablespoon of mashed potatoes, there would be overturned tables.

As far as I am concerned, the only reason for family filled holiday meals is copious amounts of mashed potatoes. 

The starvation portions are part of their mystique.

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On 6/4/2021 at 10:23 AM, EmainMacha said:

Bit off topic but what spices would you put in mashed potatoes? I use butter, salt and pepper and a wee bit of milk. When I was a kid it was just salt in mashed potatoes. Though we did make champ a lot, which is mashed potatoes with scallions in it. Weirdly we used butter for that but not normal mash.

Garlic.

On 6/3/2021 at 3:21 PM, VodouDoll said:

The April 1998 Dad's Corner is where Steve announced to all of his readers that for a while he secretly hated Teri for no reason. This is back when he belonged to an actual church, and not only that, but also a men's prayer group. He says if the Lord hadn't taken away the wrong thoughts he was having toward Teri it could've killed their marriage.

I think Steve hated Terry because she was an impediment to him expressing his Severe horniness, whatever that would have looked like. Instead he doubled down, isolated himself from the possibility of contact with other women, even quitting his job. Except when he watches his neighbor in her own backyard and gets mad at her for defrauding him.

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15 minutes ago, Cults-r-us said:

The April 1998 Dad's Corner is where Steve announced to all of his readers that for a while he secretly hated Teri for no reason.

What the actual fluckity fluck fluck mother flucking fluck.  What a horrid man.  

Of course, Teri could have left him but didn't -- no resources -- she could actually love him or possibly secretly hates him.  I don't think anyone in that family is  allowed to express, or even have, authentic emotions. 

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On 6/20/2021 at 9:39 PM, Howl said:

What the actual fluckity fluck fluck mother flucking fluck.  What a horrid man.  

Of course, Teri could have left him but didn't -- no resources -- she could actually love him or possibly secretly hates him.  I don't think anyone in that family is  allowed to express, or even have, authentic emotions. 

I'm betting that as he became an entity unto himself, he became increadingly resentful if  anyone's needs, thoughts, desires that distracted him from ruling ruling Maxwellistan.

In other words, Terry, don't take it personally. He hates 'errbody.

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On 6/20/2021 at 7:39 PM, Howl said:

Of course, Teri could have left him but didn't -- no resources -- she could actually love him or possibly secretly hates him.  I don't think anyone in that family is  allowed to express, or even have, authentic emotions. 

I don't know what property laws are in KS, but if she'd left him when they still lived in WA she'd have been fine. Half of everything including his pension, 401K, and Boeing stock would have been hers, plus spousal maintenance for some number of years. .

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9 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

I don't know what property laws are in KS, but if she'd left him when they still lived in WA she'd have been fine. Half of everything including his pension, 401K, and Boeing stock would have been hers, plus spousal maintenance for some number of years. .

Unless alternate contractual obligations are signed ("prenup" though can also be " postnup"), the same is true in Kansas, for the most part.  Spousal support is not guaranteed, but is available in a settlement or at trial.  It's a good idea to have both spouses on legal ownership documents (property titles, vehicles, etc) for estate purposes in case of death, but in Kansas spouses are considered to have equal interest in all property at the time of marriage.  So, my husband bought a house before we were married, but once we signed the license, I had an equal interest in it.  (We did file an amendment, so that there wouldn't have to be any probate issues, but even if we had not, I had an equal share in the house).

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  • 1 month later...

Loved this topic! It brought back so many memories.

I keep thinking of Steve's heart issues and Teri apparently having to join Steve with his restricted diet even though she hasn't mentioned any health issues of her own. Aren't they vegetarian now?

How old are the three "girls" now? Yesterday was Mary's birthday and it reminded me that only the boys have been allowed to get married. 

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1 hour ago, Letgo said:

Loved this topic! It brought back so many memories.

I keep thinking of Steve's heart issues and Teri apparently having to join Steve with his restricted diet even though she hasn't mentioned any health issues of her own. Aren't they vegetarian now?

How old are the three "girls" now? Yesterday was Mary's birthday and it reminded me that only the boys have been allowed to get married. 

Sarah will be 40 next year. Anna will be turning 29 in October (on Hallowe’en), and Mary just turned 25. 

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15 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Sarah will be 40 next year. Anna will be turning 29 in October (on Hallowe’en), and Mary just turned 25. 

Thank you! I wonder if they think it's odd that their brothers were allowed to get married but none of them have been able to do the same. Sarah is very near the end of her fertility and I doubt their beliefs would allow much in the way of medical intervention.

Are they all really satisfied to stay home with Mom and Dad their entire lives? They might be, after seeing the lives of their SILs. Sarah, Anna, and Mary have more freedom, even factoring in living under Steve's roof. Their scheduling is free from constant childcare and homeschooling. They can be loving aunts and enjoy the perks of that while avoiding the endless responsibility of continual pregnancies and years of childrearing. 

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6 minutes ago, Letgo said:

Thank you! I wonder if they think it's odd that their brothers were allowed to get married but none of them have been able to do the same. Sarah is very near the end of her fertility and I doubt their beliefs would allow much in the way of medical intervention.

Are they all really satisfied to stay home with Mom and Dad their entire lives? They might be, after seeing the lives of their SILs. Sarah, Anna, and Mary have more freedom, even factoring in living under Steve's roof. Their scheduling is free from constant childcare and homeschooling. They can be loving aunts and enjoy the perks of that while avoiding the endless responsibility of continual pregnancies and years of childrearing. 

I think they probably feel both satisfaction & wanting. Only, they are not allowed to discuss the wanting in their world; I question whether they're even allowed to feel/think it. 

They've been trained like pets - respond exactly as directed when asked.

Do you want to get married? Yes, if it's the LORD'S will.

Do you want to have children. Yes, if it's the LORD'S will. 

Do you want to write children's books for your parents & work as cheap labor for your brothers? Yes, it's the LORD;S will. It's very fulfilling and keeps me so busy we have to schedule a trip to the store three months in advance. That is how perfectly perfect my very own personal choice is; I'm wonderfully fulfilled at all times. 

Do you enjoy living at home with your parents? Oh yes, of course. It's what the LORD wants me to do so I am protected from bad influences (who knows what pants wearing, short haired female might tell me I can read a book or watch a tv show and then I will lose my soul forever). I love sharing a room with my adult sisters; we're so close; we're best friend! Do you know how rare it is in this (evil) modern world for siblings to like each other? No other siblings outside of godly homes have ever liked each other!

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On 8/23/2021 at 12:21 PM, fundiefan said:

Yes, if it's the LORD'S will. 

You bring up good points. It pretty much boils down to the above quote. Only the way they were raised and live their lives is the Lord's will. Other options are obviously wrong and sinful. I really do wonder just how much freedom the adult daughters have living at home with their parents. Could Sarah read a novel? Would Anna be allowed to sleep until 9 am? Can Mary befriend a non-likeminded neighbor? Go shopping or out for coffee with her? Does it occur to any of them to do anything outside of their existing structure? What if Sarah did want her own room?

I'm just so curious about the Maxwells and the Arndts. Maxwell girls don't get married and neither do Arndt boys. Or girl! Could they really go outside the comfort zone of their parents? Or would the adult children be punished for doing so? I often wonder how much disapproval Jesse got for living an hour away from home, in an apartment, and attending a church.  Plus they haven't had a baby yet! Do Steve and Teri really allow married kids to make their own decisions without commenting on them?

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On 6/20/2021 at 5:21 PM, Cults-r-us said:

 12  That GD burrito recipe wherein we take 3 days of our lives of intensive labor and mess to make something that is as tasty as cardboard.

Okay, it's high time I shared my bean burrito recipe, which is my go-to lunch when there's nothing else in the house I feel like eating.

  1. open a can of refried beans
  2. spread beans on a large flour tortilla
  3. sprinkle grated cheese over the beans
  4. microwave until the cheese melts
  5. add salsa if you have it
  6. fold and eat.
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2 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Okay, it's high time I shared my bean burrito recipe, which is my go-to lunch when there's nothing else in the house I feel like eating.

  1. open a can of refried beans
  2. spread beans on a large flour tortilla
  3. sprinkle grated cheese over the beans
  4. microwave until the cheese melts
  5. add salsa if you have it
  6. fold and eat.

I take mine out of the freezer, remove it from the wrapper, then start at your step 4. I usually add sour cream or guac though. 

I don't like burritos much. I keep the frozen ones on hand for quick food when I need to eat but have no time or desire to make something. Ready in 90 seconds & filling enough to get me to...whatever it is I am trying to get through to. 

I do make enchiladas though. And tacos - non Americanized. 

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My taco recipe is usually: Flank or skirt steak, marinated, then grilled or broiled. I like to give it a nice sear but keep the inside at 145F. Sometimes we'll do the sous vide to get it to temp and then sear the outside. Slice the meat as thin as possible, then serve with tortillas, cilantro, chopped onion, and salsa (or hot sauce if someone didn't replace the salsa).  Sour cream/guac are optional and not necessary but are OK sometimes.  It's dead easy and super fast. Unfortunately, flank & skirt steak have been discovered and the prices just keep going up and up and up. So annoying. But I hate ground beef so it's either that or chicken and chicken is just not the same. 

I pretty much only eat breakfast burritos these days. Scrambled eggs, onions, salsa, cheese. wrap. 

 

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21 hours ago, fundiefan said:

And tacos - non Americanized. 

As in soft corn tortillas, topped with meat, diced onion and cilantro? I think my kids were in high school or college before they learned about American tacos and they were all "what are these things?"

I recently discovered a new taco wagon that makes The Best al pastor I've ever had. It's conveniently close to an access point to a non-motorized trailhead so I often start bike rides from that point, never mind that it's not a convenient starting point otherwise.

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