Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 33

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[ADoyle90815]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Brute of Belarus"

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Alexander Lukashenko is Europe’s last dictator. He’s been president of Belarus (in case you’re a Republican, that’s in Europe) since 1994. Instead of having free elections, his nation has the the kind of strongman system favored by Donald Trump, Republicans, and MAGA terrorists. Belarus is a former Soviet satellite nation, yet maintains Soviet symbolism. Lukashenko may be hornier for Russia than Donald Trump and Republicans are.

Belarus also does not have a free press or the rights to oppose the president’s administration. Belarus is very much a wet dream for Donald Trump. Sorry if you were eating lunch when you read “Trump” with “wet dream.”

Over the weekend, Roman Protasevich, a high-profile opposition journalist to Lukashenko’s administration, was flying to Lithuania from Greece (which is also in Europe, Republicans). Unfortunately for the dissident who’s been living in exile since 2019, the flight went over Belarusian airspace. Even as the tray tables were being ordered back into the upright positions and the seat belt sign was on in preparation for the landing in Lithuania (in case you’re a Republican, that’s another country in Europe), the plane was forced to turn around.

A Belarusian fighter jet approached the jetliner and informed it there was a bomb threat on board. That was a lie. They ordered the plane to fly to Minsk (in case you’re a Republican, is in Belarus), even though its scheduled destination was actually closer. After the plane landed, five of the 126 passengers were detained. One of those was Protasevich. The other was his girlfriend (in case you’re a Republican, a girlfriend is a girl…you know, those things whose bodies you want to legislate but you yourselves can’t touch).

Passengers on the flight later told the media, not in Belarus, that Roman Protasevich was terrified throughout the entire ordeal, and thought the plane being ordered to turn around and land in Belarus was about all him. Sheesh, paranoid much? But as Kurt Cobain sang, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not after you.” They were after Protasevich.

Last year, Protasevich created a Telegram account that helped organize a protest against Lukashenko. Telegram is a social media app, like TikTok and Instragram, that’s popular in Europe and with Russian hookers who’ll pee on you in a Moscow hotel room for a fair price. After the mass protests, Protasevich was classified as a terrorist by the KBG. Those are the initials for Belarus’ secret intelligence agency. I told you they were horny for Soviets. Here’s a fun fact: In Belarus, only about 10 percent of the population speak Belarusian. The majority of Belarusians speak Russian.

After being captured and kidnapped, Protasevich appeared in a state-TV video explaining he had been a bad boy and is now cooperating with investigations into the protests he helped organize. He appears in the video with bruises on his face and perhaps even a broken nose. It’s reminiscent of those propaganda videos Saddam Hussein released of visibly-beaten captured UK and U.S. pilots where they confessed to committing crimes against Iraq and how their own governments were evil.

The European Union is protesting, working to prevent all air traffic in the continent from flying over Belarus, and preventing Belarusian aircraft from landing in other European nations. It sounds like Lukashenko is boxed in, but he’s not. He has one person on his side.

I’ll give you two guesses who that person is: Donald Trump took his side over U.S. intelligence and his name rhymes with “Schmootin.” In case you’re a Republican, it’s Putin.

We need to support the E.U. in this fight. Democracy is important everywhere. You can’t have a democracy without the right to protest. You don’t have the right to protest without a free press. It’s important to fight for this in other nations because there are too many people in this country who wants to kill our democracy.

There are people in this nation who want laws forbidding the press from criticizing their cult leader. Those people deny an election happened. Those people lie about democracy and accuse others of election fraud. Those people are changing election laws based on lies about election fraud. Those people attacked the Capitol Complex in Washington, D.C. trying to overturn an election. There are people in Congress who support those terrorists and don’t want their attack investigated. Before they attacked, their cult leader held a rally and encouraged them to go the Capitol and overturn the election.

The people who still support Trump, his terrorists, and his lies, want us to be more like Belarus. Belarus is a horrible place. It’s probably worse than Indiana. Don’t go to Belarus.

Democracy should be supported. We should have a free press, even when the press reports things you don’t want to hear. We should have the right to protest, even if protesters say thing you don’t want to hear. We should have legitimate elections where everyone eligible is allowed to vote, even if they don’t vote for whom you want to win. This is what’s so difficult for Republicans to understand. You don’t just support democracy until it doesn’t give you the results you wanted. You don’t just support democracy when it’s convenient for you. It’s not just about you.

If Donald Trump and his MAGA goons have their way, they’ll adopt a little Belarusian and tell us, “навошта закопваць галаву ў пясок, калі замест гэтага можна было« схавацца ў бульбу?”

In English, that’s “why ‘bury your head in the sand’ when you could ‘hide in potatoes’ instead?”

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"MTG Mandate"

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I have a great idea and unless you’re one of my trolls, I think you’ll like it too. Here it is: Congress should pass a law that any member of Congress, either in the House or Senate, that does not serve on a committee doesn’t get paid.

What is the point of paying someone when they’re not doing the job they’re elected to do? Sure, Marjorie Taylor Greene can still be an advocate for her district and sponsor legislation, but she’s not doing that, at least not in any manner that can be taken seriously. The bills she sponsors looks more like trolling than actual legislation.

for example, she sponsored a bill to award medals to cops who “protected” cities during Black Lives Matter “riots.” Has she sponsored any bills to award medals to cops who protected the Capitol during the MAGA terrorist attack? HAHAHAHA….no.

MTG sponsored a bill to protect gun owners’ privacy and another bill to “preserve” the Second Amendment. Amendments are already law. They don’t need additional Congressional protection. This is trolling. She also sponsored a bill to finish Trump’s racist border wall and expel all undocumented immigrants. This bill will also end “chain” migration which would deport Melania Trump’s parents. Did I mention Greene is an idiot?

She sponsored a bill to remove Democrat Maxine Waters from her committee assignments (which happened to MTG) and another to remove her entirely from Congress. She doesn’t just hate blacks and Latinos. She sponsored a bill to prohibit any funding that helps Gaza and the West Bank because Ms. “Jewish Space Lasers” loves Israel so much.

She sponsored a bill to impeach President Biden for “enabling bribery and other high crimes and misdemeanors.” Maybe she got confused from all the Trump bribery and high crimes and misdemeanors.

Playing the persecution victim conservatives love so much, she sponsored a bill to make it illegal to “discriminate” against people based upon their vaccination status. White conservatives are the whiniest people in the world. If you listen to them, they are the most violated segment of our society throughout world history. Yesterday, Senator Rand Paul felt threatened by 80s wimp rocker Richard Marx. Personally, I think white nationalist MAGA terrorists are a greater threat to this nation than music acts like Air Supply.

The Centers of Disease Control issued guidelines that vaccinated people can take off their masks outdoors and indoors. Naturally, unvaccinated mofos who did the least to help this nation combat the pandemic are violating this. They’re demanding nobody ever ask them their vaccination status or question their right to go without a mask…while also being offended by seeing people in masks (yeah, I know. Irony).

Republicans in Congress are upset there is a mask rule for the House floor. These Republicans are either unvaccinated or they won’t reveal their status. They want to enjoy the privileges they actively fought against securing. Marjorie Taylor Greene is the biggest advocate against having to wear a mask and in portraying unvaxxed goons as victims, she compared having to wear a face mask to the…wait for it…Holocaust.

Yes, she compared wearing a mask to people who were forced to wear stars to identify them by their religion, ripped from their homes, had all their possessions stolen, crammed into box cars, forced into slave labor, sterilized, medically experimented on, and murdered. Over six million Jews were murdered by Hitler. Many had the gold in their teeth ripped out, melted, and used to pay for the Nazi’s war effort. Others had their bodies used to make soap. Marjorie Taylor Greene, and many other Republicans, believe this is just like having to wear a mask into Costco.

Let me state this clearly: Wearing a face mask isn’t discrimination or persecution. Nobody is being forced to wear a face mask based upon their political beliefs. You have to continue wearing the mask because you’re a vile and hateful icky idiot. You’re gross and need to stay at least six feet away from me for the rest of time.

Speaking of Hitler, Marjorie Taylor Greene said she would oppose any removal of statues of Hitler. She said she would want the statues to remain intact “so that I could tell my children and teach others about who these people are, what they did and what they may be about.”

I have a question: Where are all these Hitler statues she wants to protect? In her house? Also, there are other ways to teach people about history. They’re called books. Quite frankly, I don’t want the goons telling us a terrorist attack as recent as five months ago were only a bunch of tourists and that teaching black history is hateful to tell me how to study history.

It took five days, but House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, the rest of his leadership team of goons, and Mitch McConnell all issued statements saying they disagree with her comparing mask mandates to the Holocaust. How insane is it that Congress has to say the Holocaust was bad and you can’t compare stupid shit to it? How crazy is it that it took them five days to do so? But since they’re afraid of criticizing her because Donald Trump loves her, and they’re afraid of Donald Trump, what would they say if she compared the “stolen election” to the Holocaust?

House Republicans removed Liz Cheney from her leadership position because she wouldn’t support the Big Lie. What would they do if MTG compared their sacred lie to the Holocaust? Would they all be quiet like most of them are now? Would the leadership pretend she didn’t say it? Maybe they’d even endorse her statements. I haven’t heard any of them criticize her for wanting to protect Hitler statues. Are they afraid of offending Nazis? She also said she’d protect statues of Satan (where the fuck are these statues?), but Satan is a fictional character. Hey, I bet if she said that, they’d all lose their minds.

Marjorie Taylor Greene sponsored another bill to decrease the pay for Dr. Anthony Fauci. But Dr. Fauci is actually doing the job he’s paid for. MTG is not. So, back to my idea. Can we stop paying Marjorie Taylor Greene since she’s not doing the job she was elected to do? We are currently paying her $174,000 to be a racist, anti-Semitic, conspiracy theory-spreading troll.

She once yapped through the mail slot of the office for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, saying she paid her salary. Greene, I’m paying your salary and I don’t want to pay you to be a troll. Be a troll on your own dime.

I’m not going to compare her to the Holocaust, but Marjorie Taylor Greene is one of the worst things to ever happen to Washington.

And I just got another great idea: There is a Satan statue, sort of, in Massachusetts. It was created by the Church of Satan in response to a monument of the Ten Commandments being displayed at the Oklahoma legislature. The statue is of Baphomet, who is a goat-headed humanoid with wings. When the statue was unveiled, the only people allowed to attend were those who agreed to “sell their souls” to Satan.

The thing is, the Church of Satan doesn’t really believe in Satan. Satan is a symbol they basically use to troll religious people. You know, booga-booga-booga. The entire “sell your soul” to view the unveiling of Baphomet was to scare away superstitious religious fucknuts. It was brilliant. Maybe we should start a thing where unvaxxed fuckers can remove their masks and enter Costco only after they sell their soul to the devil. And let’s face it. If you bought a membership, you kinda already did.

But here’s my idea: Let’s place this statue in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s congressional district. It can be placed in downtown Dalton, Georgia and when the residents get upset at goat-headed Baphomet standing proudly for all to see, Ms. Greene can enlighten them about how it teaches history. She can defend Satan to her constituents.
Church of Satan, are you listening? I would very much like to see this happen, please.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

Another series from the wonderful Ann Telnaes:

 

Rest under spoiler:

Spoiler

 

 

 

[ADoyle90815]

[GreyhoundFan]

[47of74]

Getting closer to this being a realty

 

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[fraurosena]

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

[ADoyle90815]

[smittykins]

Good doggie!

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Weisselberg And Shitweasel"

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After two years of being investigated by the state of New York and the Manhattan District Attorney, who decided to combine their forces to become an anti-Trump version of Super Friends, we have gotten to the point of a grand jury.

I don’t think there’s much question if Donald Trump will be indicted or not. There’s an old saying a grand jury will indict a ham sandwich is that’s what the district attorney wants…and this DA is hungry. The real question here is: Why did it take two years? And we’re just now getting to a grand jury which has a six month lease on hearing testimony? Also, this is a “special” grand jury so it’s an even bigger deal than your run-of-the-mill everyday grand juries.

What’s so special about a special grand jury? A regular grand jury decides if charges should be brought against a suspect. A “special” grandy jury is when it involves organized crime. And trust me on this, Donald Trump may not be very well organized, but he is a criminal. The weird thing about it taking over two years in New York is that Donald Trump spent his entire presidency soliciting corruption without even trying to hide it.

Donald Trump accepted foreign money into his hotels and resorts while he was president. Saudi Arabia and other nations would rent rooms at Trump hotels in Washington, New York, and Chicago while not actually staying in the hotels. They wanted to bribe Trump without the ickiness of actually staying in his nasty hotels. They would occasionally stick underlings in his hotels while the major diplomats would stay at better venues. It’s nice to sleep without things crawling on you.

Every Republican event over the past five years has been held at a Trump venue to curry favor with Donald Trump. Why? Because every Republican knows Donald Trump is corrupt. They don’t think it’s a big deal because, eh, they’re Republicans. Republicans don’t care about corruption. Today, “corrupt Republican” is redundant.

One of Donald Trump’s corrupt cabinet secretaries wanted to purchase a mattress from his hotel, like it was the only place in Washington to purchase a mattress. I seriously doubt the hotel specializes in selling mattresses, though I hear if you do buy a mattress from a Trump property, they come pre-bedbugged. Another corrupt Trump cabinet secretary (that’s redundant too), William Barr, threw a party at the Trump Hotel ballroom in D.C. Imagine having to be seen at a William Barr party so you can be considered one of the “cool kids.” At some point, every Republican in Washington had lunch or dinner at the Trump Hotel. It’s where Rudy, Lev, and Igor would plot their schemes while rubbing their hands together and saying, “Bwahahahahaha.” Republicans and foreign diplomats wanted to be seen giving business to Donald Trump, which in return, was giving us the businesses.

Donald Trump spent nearly every weekend at one of his golf resorts. This was to force the government to spend money at Trump properties. After he was placed into office by Russian goons, he raised the rates on his rooms which he rented to the Secret Service. On top of that, the Secret Service had to rent rooms while they weren’t even using them just in case “the president” (sic) might want to go to one of his resorts that weekend. Now that he’s made Mar-a-Lago his residence, he’s raised the rent on rooms for the Secret Service. He’s even forced the Secret Service to rent golf carts to follow him while he cheats at golf and steals balls from little boys. He literally charges the government to protect him. Before he left office, he extended protection for his corrupt kids. Not because he’s worried about their safety but because it’s more rooms to charge us at his resorts.

For the past five years, you have been paying for rooms at Trump resorts while never having the privelige of staying in one yourself and being covered head-to-toe in itchy bitey crawling bedbugs. Poor you.

He’s spending the summer at his New Jersey resort and his penthouse in Trump Tower. You know the Secret Service is spending a lot of money at both locations. When Trump became his party’s nominee in 2016, the Secret Service rented space at Trump Tower, where the campaign HQ was being run and hosting Russians to give dirt on Hillary Clinton. Eventually, the Secret Service moved out and camped in a van on the street. Why? Because Donald Trump kept jacking up the rent and the van didn’t have bedbugs. He did the same thing to his campaign and to the Republican National Committee. No, he didn’t pay the rent for his campaign. Donors did.

During his presidency, Mike Pence visited Dublin (in case you’re a Republican, that’s in Ireland). What was really Dublin was the corruption (see what I did there?). Instead of staying in a hotel in Dublin, where Donald Trump doesn’t own any property, Pence had to fly 180 miles out of his way, and back the next day, to stay at a shitty Trump resort. Fortunately for Pence, creepy icky things don’t crawl on him out of professional courtesy. They have more courtesy for ass-kissing Pence than MAGA terrorists who raided the Capitol with nooses while chanting, “Hang Mike Pence.”

Military flights were also moved around Europe so military personnel would be forced to stay at Trump resorts. The administration made excuses for it, but they didn’t hide it.

Trump’s corrupt ambassador to the United Kingdom and owner of the New York Jets, Woody Would-Not-Ever-Win-A-Super-Bowl Johnson, tried to get the British Open (that’s a golf tournament) to be held at a Trump golf resort in the UK.

Trump himself attempted to get the G7 Summit held at his shitty bed-bug-infested resort in Miami, which is like the Bates Motel, if it had the charm and fewer bedbugs. Though I do hear Boris Johnson is also pre-bedbugged.

Trump’s entire administration was corrupt. Jared Kushner’s properties received bailouts from Persian Gulf nations. Kellyanne Conway hawked Ivanka’s products on TV. Government websites advertised for Trump properties. His family and the Kushners sold access to the presidency. Donald Trump even pardoned Steve Bannon after he was convicted for a corrupt fundraising scheme over building Trump’s racist border wall. Trump’s pardons, when not being used for political pandering, were bribes. Goons like Roger Stone don’t get pardons because they’re nice people who the system has been unfair to.

Trump is being investigated in New York for his hush payments to porn starts and nude models. He’s being investigated for shitty schemes like paying Ivanka as a consultant while she was also an employee. He’s being investigated for a lot of shady tax shit that’s has left him with teeny tiny tax bills…when he had tax bills. You thought I was going to refer to something else of his that’s “teeny” and “tiny,” didn’t you? Sorry, to disappoint you, but today we’re totally focused on his corrupt business dealings and won’t be mentioning his teeny tiny penis that a porn star says looks like teeny tiny Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart. Grow up.

One major thing Donald Trump did was declare different values for the same property in loan applications, insurance forms, and in taxes. The value was always a lot lower in his taxes. The guy has also promoted his towers as having more floors than they actually have…like people can’t count. Even Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis , can probably count floors.

He’s also being investigated for giving gifts, like tuition for kids and grandkids, which may have been in a replacement for salaries. Some of these payments went to the chief financial person at the Trump Organization, Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart who likes like Trump’s tiny dick.

No, that’s not right. The payments went to Allen Weisselberg (It’s not “Weaselberg.” I checked), who is his chief financial dude. Trump claimed his two idiot kids, Don Jr. and Toad…I mean, Eric, were going to run his business. But the real man in charge is Weisselberg. Don Jr. and Eric couldn’t find each other’s butts if they had butt magnets. Now, Weasel…I mean, Weisselberg is being investigated as is his son, who also worked for Trump. Hey, the family that engaged in corruption together stays corrupt together.

Now, will Weisselberg flip on Trump? Will his son? Will Rudy Giuliani, who is his second attorney to be investigated for doing shady shit for Trump? The answers for each of these is, yes, yes, and yes. Wouldn’t you flip on Trump? These guys are going to flip on Trump faster than Toad, the mushroom guy who looks like Trump’s tiny penis, in Mario’s Kart.

Since we’re not talking about Trump’s tiny penis and focused exclusively on criminal charges (it’s not against the law to have a tiny dick), don’t forget, Donald Trump is being investigated for threatening government officials in Georgia to “find the votes,” and for starting an insurrection in Washington. His attorneys are claiming he has presidential immunity from conviction for starting terrorist attacks. Seriously. And now, there’s a new story that before he was president, he attempted to bribe a United States senator to not investigate the New England Patriots in Spygate, which is ironic since he claimed President Obama spied on his political campaign. How does he know it wasn’t the New England Patriots spying on his campaign? Or, how does he know it wasn’t Toad, the mushroom guy from Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis?

Donald Trump will be indicted. With so many investigations, it’s bound to happen. But will he ever wear prison orange? God, I hope so. This nation deserves some justice, and every Trump supporter needs their balloons popped. I think everyone in this nation would rather think of Trump every time they see prison orange, than think of him every time they see mushrooms…you know because of Toad from Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Hunka Hunka Recount"

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I did something really stupid the other day, but it worked out.

I sent a few ideas earlier than usual to my CNN editor last Friday. We can work pretty late, so when he called me at 9:00 A.M. to tell me he wanted us to go with one of the three ideas I had just sent, I was thrilled. That meant I could finish up early, go outside, skip, frolic, and play. But I talked him out of using that cartoon and I had to go back to writing ideas. It worked out for the best.

I got the Elvis idea. In fact, I had three Elvis ideas and this was my favorite, and I still finished early. Plus, I liked this cartoon a lot better than the one I talked him out of using. It’s a lot of fun to draw Elvis, aliens, and spaceships. I also had fun with the bumper stickers and banana sandwiches. The “Memphis” bumper sticker isn’t as much for Elvis as it is for one of my colleagues at CNN who is from Memphis.

And in case you’ve never had one, banana sandwiches are delicious.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[fraurosena]

Speaking of flies: