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Bontragers/Bowers/Helferich 9: Oh Nos! Chelsey Married a Maxwell!


nelliebelle1197

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24 minutes ago, MomJeans said:

God, I kind of want to create a fake instagram account as a newly married & pregnant fundie, tag Allison, and then show her what to write about. 

As for marriage advice:  Girl. Just tell you husband honestly what you need.  Whatever it is.  And then ask him the same and be open-minded with whatever it is.  If you are meeting one another's needs, you can skip all the "be his girlfriend" nonsense.  Wants are nice too, but needs are what makes a marriage stick. 

I agree very strongly with this. From experience. I had a hell of a lot of wants while I was married. From the outside, we had a great life. People were honestly surprised when we divorced - my sister in law wrote me an epic letter about how we were quitting such a great marriage - um, first, what business is it of yours and second, you don't know squat because you see & know only what I want you to and I have been lying for years! Ahem, anyway. 

On the inside, I had not one thing I needed. Not one. And it was clear I never would if I stayed in that life. 

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It’s important, in any relationship that you want to make last, to find out how they give and receive love. If I were here I’d start there. The problem with most fundies, lori Alexander I’m looking at you too, is they preach how to have a perfect whatever but no two people are the same. Instead of teaching blanket statements that don’t help they should teach things that will. Like how to budget for you income, date night ideas, how to manage your time at home, budget saving tips, and the things @fundiefan suggested. Lori could have taught how to be a good wife and mother while sick, how she homeschooled her kids, ways she shows her husband love, instead of the crap she spews. As for Alison, no one is perfect so there is no such thing as a perfect anything. Like others have said she has been married a minute. I wouldn’t go to her for advice. I’d go to my aunt and uncle that have been married for over 50 years. Or even a divorced person that was married longer than her. 

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I'm so tired of fundie advice for couples: pray together. Do they realise many happy, fulfilled couples don't pray? Do they realise there are happy, fulfilled people who don't believe in a god, or who are believers but their religions are not about daily prayers? 

And the "keeping sweet" advice (being a girlfriend, don't say anything bad about him etc), it's damaging. It only leads to resentment, frustration and passive-agressiveness. A good advice is learning HOW to say negative things in a positive way, how to say no without feeling guilty, how to comunicate not only the good but also the bad and how to look for a solution together.

 

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11 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Hey Allison if you read here, I’ll give you some advice on your blog. 
 

Stop writing marriage advice! It’s ridiculous. 
 

Good topics for a newly married and pregnant fundie:

Cooking and recipes for two

Maternity clothing

Decorating a home that’s new to you 

Date night ideas 

Books you’ve been reading lately

Nursery decorating

That is really good advice and Chelsy did posts of this sort when she was a newlywed.
Maybe she wants to stand out and not appear like a copy of her older sister, but her recent posts are so ridiculous.

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On 4/30/2021 at 1:35 AM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Allison is shilling Young Living oils.

You know for all the talk about men being providers fundi women sure work their butts off with side gigs and trying to be thrifty with a small budget. 

Now, I don't find anything wrong with having side gigs or being thrifty. However, they hold these men on a pedestal and talk so much about them being "providers" when they aren't really actually able to fully provide. The only reason some of these families are staying afloat is because the women are working hard to earn extra cash and stretching small budgets by being extremely creative with food, clothing, and other needs. 

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Carver deleted (or hid) his latest post linked above... Intrigue. Sort of? Maybe?

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On 5/9/2021 at 2:29 AM, Melissa1977 said:

I'm so tired of fundie advice for couples: pray together. Do they realise many happy, fulfilled couples don't pray? Do they realise there are happy, fulfilled people who don't believe in a god, or who are believers but their religions are not about daily prayers? 

And the "keeping sweet" advice (being a girlfriend, don't say anything bad about him etc), it's damaging. It only leads to resentment, frustration and passive-agressiveness. A good advice is learning HOW to say negative things in a positive way, how to say no without feeling guilty, how to comunicate not only the good but also the bad and how to look for a solution together.

 

THIS. Being able to vent about my husband to my closest friends (who know and love us both) has probably saved our mariage a few times. Sometimes pent-up feelings just need a release and an empathetic ear. After we had our first kid, I had postpartum anxiety and the man's relaxed attitude made me irrationally angry (he was just trying to stay calm - I took it as indifference). My best friend helped me see this pattern and get through those dark days. If anything, my advice to women would be "you can vent about your own spouse to a trusted friend, but don't criticize your friend's spouse". 

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1 hour ago, usedbicycle said:

THIS. Being able to vent about my husband to my closest friends (who know and love us both) has probably saved our mariage a few times. Sometimes pent-up feelings just need a release and an empathetic ear. After we had our first kid, I had postpartum anxiety and the man's relaxed attitude made me irrationally angry (he was just trying to stay calm - I took it as indifference). My best friend helped me see this pattern and get through those dark days. If anything, my advice to women would be "you can vent about your own spouse to a trusted friend, but don't criticize your friend's spouse". 

I have a friend who has a husband I don’t like. So when she’s complaining about him and I want to say, “what an insensitive jerk!” I bite my tongue and say, “it sounds like that really hurt. I’m sorry.” 

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On 5/8/2021 at 6:39 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I hope there are no more Bowers/Bontrager of Helferich/Bontrager weddings. Two is enough amongst families. 3 means the families are just so intertwined that it would be even more difficult for someone to get out of a marriage. Plus the families would be so intertwined that it would be easier to keep Liz in line after marriage. It’s just easier control of the females. 

Laura Ingalls Wilder had a paternal aunt and uncle each marry an uncle and aunt from her mother's side.  Peter Ingalls-Eliza Quiner and Polly Ingalls-Henry Quiner.  So there ended up being three Ingalls-Quiner marriages and lots of double cousins.

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2 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Laura Ingalls Wilder had a paternal aunt and uncle each marry an uncle and aunt from her mother's side.  Peter Ingalls-Eliza Quiner and Polly Ingalls-Henry Quiner.  So there ended up being three Ingalls-Quiner marriages and lots of double cousins.

I bet if Pa didn’t have so many crazy ideas and move his family all over the place, I imagine they would have been very close with those family members. 

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52 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I bet if Pa didn’t have so many crazy ideas and move his family all over the place, I imagine they would have been very close with those family members. 

Poor Caroline! I’m sure she had many lonely nights, hungry nights, when she wished Pa had been content in WI. 

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Chelsy released the comments on her blog. Announcement in 3, 2, 1....

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Funny that basically all comments on Chelsy's latest post are about this second mysterious baby on the way ?

Someone even asked if Allison is having twins, which is something none of us had considered, hadn't we? Anyway, Allison's baby/babies should be here within a few weeks, and from the last pictures of her, her bump doesn't look that big, so I am guessing there's only one baby... but again, each pregnancy and each woman are different, so I might be wrong!

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In terms of praying and those who offer that up as the first solution...that’s another concept that can led to people and often times children, feeling less than. I can remember wondering why prayer never seemed to be a viable go to. Now I can see the rosary as having a meditative effect, but as a youth, nope. If prayer is cathartic for you, great, but it’s not for everyone. 

What would possess someone to suggest that another pray? What would inspire someone to announce “I’ll pray for you”? Just do it, no need to announce it.

I have a childhood friend who turned fundie. We met in Catholic school and were friends for years. Recently she and her husband where in FL, so they took a trip to Margery Stone Douglas HS to pray outside the structure, and, of course, to document it on SM. WTH...

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16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I bet if Pa didn’t have so many crazy ideas and move his family all over the place, I imagine they would have been very close with those family members. 

If Laurapalooza ever included a presentation by a psychologist on Pa Ingall's mental disorders I would sign up for that conference in a heartbeat. It's something that has fascinated me for years, after re-reading the Little House books as an adult.

Just from the Little House books, I'd say ADHD co-morbid with NPD, but I haven't really studied any of the non-fiction accounts of the family's life.

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Allison posted she’s “getting closer to meeting this baby”. I honestly don’t think she’s having twins, fundies make such a big deal about having twins that I think she would’ve said it ASAP.

guesses on when baby helferich will come? I’m saying May 31st,  hopefully a boy. 

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I am totally getting an RV vibe from the visible background in her story pictures. Especially the one where it looks like she's in a kitchen. 

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12 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Chelsy released the comments on her blog. Announcement in 3, 2, 1....

aaaaaand, Baby #3, due late September. She's 20 weeks.

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6 hours ago, fundiefan said:

I am totally getting an RV vibe from the visible background in her story pictures. Especially the one where it looks like she's in a kitchen. 

Interesting... I see what you mean about the kitchen.  But in her bedroom mirror selfie, you can see that the ceiling is slanted -- it looks like an attic bedroom to me. Could you get that in a RV bedroom as well?

A RV is perfectly fine if that's what you want: I'm sure Nurie (Rodrigues Keller) is thrilled with hers because it's HERS and I am very happy for her! But I wonder if whatever Allison is living in is meeting her expectations, and I don't think she'd be so happy with a RV as Nurie is. I don't think it's a neat little house like Chelsy's, that she's free to decorate and proud to show off. I hope that Allison is happy with her housing arrangement, whatever it is, because there's something a little off with it.

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1 hour ago, Jigsaw3 said:

Interesting... I see what you mean about the kitchen.  But in her bedroom mirror selfie, you can see that the ceiling is slanted -- it looks like an attic bedroom to me. Could you get that in a RV bedroom as well?

 

Yes, when you are at the front end of a camper, the wall is often slanted.  And it definitely looks like a camper!

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8 hours ago, fundiefan said:

I am totally getting an RV vibe from the visible background in her story pictures. Especially the one where it looks like she's in a kitchen. 

How can I see these?  Help an old FJer out, please someone?

 

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Allison and Lina have been shilling oils for years, definitely before Allison even started dating. I viewed one of Lina’s Instagram stories where she was advertising, and she must message everyone who views them to ask if they’re interested! I felt called out. Lol. 
 

the Duggars have been low key close with Bontrager’s for forever. Usually at least 1 parent and a couple kids go to almost all of their events- the Labor Day family thing and weddings. 
 

would be super interesting if Hannie had something brewing with a Bontrager. 

23 minutes ago, petrushka said:

How can I see these?  Help an old FJer out, please someone?

 

On her Instagram stories. The kitchen photo looks very RV. Mirror photo looks like a house to me. 

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996B5108-30C6-4214-B206-0D9D63047DB7.png

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6 hours ago, Aithuia said:

aaaaaand, Baby #3, due late September. She's 20 weeks.

She’ll have a baby in 2019, 2020 and 2021 ... maybe she’ll squeeze into late 2022 with #4 as well. I’m exhausted just thinking about it!

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I really do hope none of the Bont girls marry into the Bowers family. I know these families are all patriarchal and horrible, but to me, Father Bowers has reached a special level of cray. He's not quite Anderson-level terrifying but he's getting there. It makes me nervous to think how that translates into the behaviour of his sons towards their women-folk. 

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